Catcalling: creepy or a compliment?

[ManyAntsDefeatSpiders]

Article.

Thoughts?

[Module]

The vast majority of the time it's creepy. Obviously to different degrees depending on the situation, but I very rarely find it flattering when some stranger feels the need to make a comment about my body

The worst is people who make kissing noises. It's just fucking gross.
Or when a car will drive past and somebody will yell 'Slut!' out the window (no matter what you're wearing.)
I hate the fact that some men feel compelled to make comments about the way any woman looks.
I don't doubt that those men see women as things that are there simply to improve their lives - that their worth is decided on the way they make them feel.
And if they like the look of a woman, they have a right to let her know, and she should be flattered that a man thinks of her that way.
After all, that's what they're there for.
........

Not a compliment, just disrespectful.

[ManyAntsDefeatSpiders]

Or when a car will drive past and somebody will yell 'Slut!' out the window (no matter what you're wearing.)

Wow, that happened to you? That's disgusting!

I've had things yelled out at me, but no one calling me a slut!

---

I mean, what I was trying to 'get at' was at what point does a compliment become plain disrespectful?

And I agree with Desrumeaux: it's a matter of context.

People dress/make themselves look a certain way to appear attractive to people they want they attention from. And of course, it's a confidence booster and, somewhat, representative of your 'status' amongst females, whether that is a 'good' thing or not is really not relevant here because we're discussing how males react to females. That has more to do with beauty standards.

Anyhow, as I said, everyone is happy to receive attention from someone whom they actually have a *chance* with, and of course, there are all sorts of criteria which determine whether someone has a 'chance' with someone else - age difference, looks, level of intoxication, how you treat that person etc.

I think its a matter of reciprocation.

For instance, being hit on by a drunk 50 year old man, with leers like 'Hey sexy!' or whatever, is a 'one way' street sort of compliment. Like Des said, its a matter of that man 'getting off' on his sexual feelings to you. Now, that is treating you like an object.

As for cat-calling - I think that is the same scenario - it's not a matter of a man genuinely wanting sex from you (because, frankly, if he did want to get into your pants its socially understood that cat calling is not a means to do so). And indeed, in the article I linked, a woman who did a documentary on cat-calling, actually chased men whom had cat-called at her! The men were so embarrassed about cat-calling, to women they apparently thought were good looking, that they ran away - they were embarrassed at how they had objectivised that woman and how having to come face to face with that person was just shameful.

It's simply denying the person their sexual agency - and that is something which we should be struggling against.

On the other hand, if there was a man matched in looks, not huge age difference, even if he wanted to get into your pants (which is perfectly fine), he would approach it in a completley different manner, which doesn't involve you being on the receiving end of his sexual comments, but rather is a two-way street which allows for sexual agency on behalf of the female.

[Lector Malibu]

It's creepy. I get hit on all the time , sometimes in an aggressive manor and it weirds me out.

It's also pretty insulting I think.

[TC]

Excellent post ManyAntsDefeatSpiders I agree with literally everything you wrote...in fact its almost creepily similar to what I was about to post to the point that i really have nothing to add to it.

[ManyAntsDefeatSpiders]

It's creepy. I get hit on all the time , sometimes in an aggressive manor and it weirds me out.

It's also pretty insulting I think.

Well, I think its hard to put blanket statements/opinions on these matters.

By the same token, being 'hit on' can be quite flattering (maybe a cute emo-guy? )

Excellent post ManyAntsDefeatSpiders I agree with literally everything you wrote...in fact its almost creepily similar to what I was about to post to the point that i really have nothing to add to it.

Thanks TragicClown.

Great minds must think alike, huh?

(I did actually look at a few threads involving 'sexual objectivisation' prior to posting, and agreed a lot of what you said.)

For anyone interested, this thread, particularly TC and LSD's posts, had me nodding my head in agreement.

Indeed, that's probably the best definition of a healthy sexual relationship: mutual objectification.

[Lector Malibu]

Well, I think its hard to put blanket statements/opinions on these matters.

By the same token, being 'hit on' can be quite flattering (maybe a cute emo-guy? )

I hardly put out a blanket statement.

[ManyAntsDefeatSpiders]

I hardly put out a blanket statement.

Didn't say you did.

[Lector Malibu]

Didn't say you did.

I think I must have misunderstood that.

Carry on

[YeOldeCommuniste]

I generally find it annoying and creepy... and quite unnecessary. Oh, and rude as well.

[eyedrop]

On the other hand, if there was a man matched in looks, not huge age difference, even if he wanted to get into your pants (which is perfectly fine), he would approach it in a completley different manner, which doesn't involve you being on the receiving end of his sexual comments, but rather is a two-way street which allows for sexual agency on behalf of the female.

A lot of men is clueless of how to approach a woman and show interest. Just look at how many try to show how interested they are by buying drinks

[Wanted Man]

"Being in a public space with a strange man who is being sexually aggressive is potentially dangerous," Hadleigh-West added.

"When a man catcalls you, you don't know if it will end at that point or if it could escalate to assault," she added.

If you are a woman out on the street alone, YOU WILL GET RAPED.

Anyway, what's much worse is when a woman can't go out on the street without passers-by yelling "whore" at her. For wearing a skirt, tight jeans, or, well... anything besides a burqa, apparently.

[Plagueround]

I never saw the point in it. If I'm attracted to a person I wait for the right situation to talk to them and distinguish myself in someway as being worthy of their attention (and not always in a sexual way, just in general).

Other than the rare exceptions where it may be situationally appropriate (I can't think of any at the moment), all catcalling does is make you look like some sort of sexually enraged knuckledragger...certainly not the first impression I would want to make on anyone.

But then, I've always been a bit shy when first approaching people of any gender, so it's not really like me to shout at someone I've never met.

[Plagueround]

A lot of men is clueless of how to approach a woman and show interest. Just look at how many try to show how interested they are by buying drinks

I think this is an often overlooked side effect of a patriarchal society. Even with the progress women have made, most of society expects that a man must be the one to "make the first move". I would be willing to bet a lot of the stupid behavior you see come from men has a lot to do with the pressure they feel to live up to this role.

[Bright Banana Beard]

I think this is an often overlooked side effect of a patriarchal society. Even with the progress women have made, most of society expects that a man must be the one to "make the first move". I would be willing to bet a lot of the stupid behavior you see come from men has a lot to do with the pressure they feel to live up to this role.

True, many female I knew kept telling me to tell their "partner" to make a first move. I would not do that and I am waiting for female to make the first move on me. Is this consider sexist? Cuz then wow, I am surprised.

[Destroy capitalism]

my best one ever was a builder who said : I am taken aback by your beauty. and his mate yelled :and he means it too.
it went on up to age about 46, i mean they'd be teenagers going 'hey baby' so i'd just yell back 'you mean hey granny'
my best comeback to : giviz a ride -'I didn't bring my magnifying glass to find your dick'
i used to find the simplest way to have a day free of van men, telephone engineers, road diggers was to wear my glasses! worked every time.

[AGITprop]

Cat-calling is definitely pointless, and I've never seen it go anywhere.
A couple years back, when I was at the metro station, there was this pretty girl who was on the platform in front of me, and as my train left, a made a kissing motion to her. She gave me the finger I deserved it I guess. The thing is though, sometimes girls will just smile at you and keep walking if you whistle at them or something.

But yeah, approaching women or 'hitting' on them, is difficult most of the time for me. I'm also shy at times.

I don't find women try to hit on guys enough.


Heres another anecdote;

I was at work one day, and me, the boss and a few other workers get into an elevator to go up to our workplace. As we get in, a VERY attractive woman walks in as well. I don't quite remember what she was wearing but it was revealing.We are all looking at her, it was hard not to. She was really pissed off....


But geez, on one hand, she should be allowed to dress however she likes, on the other, she should be ready to attract looks by men. I don't think she has the right to complain, I mean, its not like we were abusing her, just looking (lol, and its not like we were staring her down)

What do you think?

[Mujer Libre]

Cat-calling is definitely pointless, and I've never seen it go anywhere.

As MADS stated in her excellent post, the point of cat-calling, especially say, out of a moving car, is not for it to "go anywhere"- it's to belittle the woman, treat her like an object and reinforce the man's own ego.

Also, regarding the woman in the lift, there's a difference between subtly looking and ogling. The former is fine, the latter is disgusting when it comes from a random stranger in public.

[RHIZOMES]

I'm a guy but I get people in moving cars commenting on my appearance too. Not as frequently as women obviously by it gets rather annoying and it usually gives me a fright since when I'm walking on a sidewalk I'm kinda immersed in my own world.

[Dean]

Article.

Thoughts?

Catcalling, along with all the sexist shit a lot of construction workers say, is aggravating bullshit that makes me uncomfortable to be around someone. Especially when you consider how many women are entering construction type jobs now, making offhand sexist remarks, jokes and catcalling is extremely uncalled for.