Bisexuals

[bloody_capitalist_sham]

Okay, I was wondering if any bisexuals feel kind of disconnected and alienated from gay and straight worlds.

Would anyone else agree that bisexuals are resented by the gay community because they do not ‘pick’ a ‘side’?

Do bisexuals feel they have to hide the other side of their lives when in a relationship? Or find that friends of both sexes are slightly more wary because they don’t know where you ‘stand’ than if you were just gay or straight.

I’m male. I have never had a boyfriend but have had girlfriends. I find though that its impossible to feel comfortable in either circles.

Anyone else think bi’s are seen as less gay or less straight cos of how they are?

[rioters bloc]

Originally posted by bloody_capitalist_sham@Jan 28 2006, 09:58 PM
Okay, I was wondering if any bisexuals feel kind of disconnected and alienated from gay and straight worlds.

Would anyone else agree that bisexuals are resented by the gay community because they do not ‘pick’ a ‘side’?

Do bisexuals feel they have to hide the other side of their lives when in a relationship? Or find that friends of both sexes are slightly more wary because they don’t know where you ‘stand’ than if you were just gay or straight.

I’m male. I have never had a boyfriend but have had girlfriends. I find though that its impossible to feel comfortable in either circles.

Anyone else think bi’s are seen as less gay or less straight cos of how they are?

i'm bi, and i often face more discrimination from queer circles than i do from straight. i won't go into it to indepth right now cos im writing a short article on it and i hope to post it up soon, but basically bi's are seen as being cop-outs, or 'sluts' who want it all, or just pretending to like the same sex so they can appear to be cool. im not saying that they're arent so called 'bi' people who make out with a member of the same sex at parties to look cool and subversive [unfortunately many of these tend to be women trying to impress heterosexual men], but its not fair to tar all bi people with the same brush. i also find that some queer people are resentful towards me because i don't have it as hard as them in a hetronormative world - i can 'pretend' to be hetero, while they cant.

[Abood]

i dunno if im bi or not, but well, my male frends tend to notice tht im too "secure" about my sexuality. and i dont kare what people say about me, as ive been called "gay" all my life, since im never the typical sporty, athletic, muscular guy!

[Vladislav]

I'm straight and I've never had a girlfriend(too much time,trouble,money).
But I don't really give a fuck if someone is gay,bi,straight whatever you can all be my friends.

Yeah bisexual's are discriminated. And I'm guessing more by homosexuals than straights.

[Chicken of Bristol]

As a homosexual, I find it unfortuante and counterproductive that many gays view bisexuals so harshly. Many bisexuals who enter homosexual relationships feel compelled to hide their hetero feelings. We, as a society, tend to divide sexuality into only precise categories - gay and straight. This tends to leave bisexuals feeling alienated from either commuity. The homosexual commuity has been fighting for acceptance for years, and now we are the ones scorning people for their sexuality, even if they are ready allies in the fight for acceptance.

[Sentinel]

I agree completely with the topic starter and Chicken of Bristol, and am looking forward to reading rioters blocs article. This issue needs to be highlighted!

I've also noticed this tendence among some within the gay community to look down on us bisexuals. It's a terrible shame, and really ridiculous of the oppressed to oppress each other.

Don't the individuals guilty of this understand how offending them saying "it's just a phase" and calling us fencesitters really is for us? Commenting in a sceptic or negative tone on anyone's sexuality is, and they should know it.

[Le Libérer]

I'm bi as well. I presently live with my ex GF tho we are just friends now. I love this woman more than anyone I know. But I find myself (at this point in my life) more attracted to men. There was a time when asked what my preference was I would just say confused. And thats how Bi's are betrayed. Gays say just get off the pot and make a decision, while straights think its just a phase. And I know, shame on me for perpetuating that stigma, but it was easier to deal with and I was much younger then. Am I confused? No way. I know what I want when I see it. Gender doesnt matter. I;ve always said being bi is great and it is. There are 50% more choices this way.

[Tormented by Treachery]

Originally posted by Eoin Dubh@Jan 28 2006, 04:50 PM
I found that to be a rather profound insight as I had not been exposed to such a perspective before.

I am heterosexual, but this is basically how I view women -- the fact that they are female is more of a sidenote than anything. I think this is a troubling issue, and I oppose discrimination on any front. I have only met one bisexual person, and they had talked about identifying with this discrimination from both sides.

[themaskedavenger]

I am a bisexual, but i do notice that my attraction to guys and girls are both very different. I dont like the same personality trates in girls that i do in guys and vice versa. As for discrimnation i just dont like it when people gay bash in general. My friends use termonalogy like gay and fag in a negative tone and i try to get them off of it.

[cccpcommie]

yea im straight and proud of it...i cant get intimate with a dude with hairy legs and shit..ew

[Sentinel]

yea im straight and proud of it...i cant get intimate with a dude with hairy legs and shit..

And why exactly are you proud of that? Care to explain?

..ew

..ew?

[rioters bloc]

Originally posted by cccpcommie@Feb 3 2006, 05:48 PM
yea im straight and proud of it...i cant get intimate with a dude with hairy legs and shit..ew

what about a woman with &#39;hairy legs and shit&#39;...? <_<

[Black Dagger]

Or find that friends of both sexes are slightly more wary because they don’t know where you ‘stand’ than if you were just gay or straight.

I think that some people can be intimidated/put-off by bi-sexuality because they don&#39;t how they&#39;re &#39;supposed to act&#39; around you, socially. Like if a woman knew that i was gay she might act in this way, whereas if she knew i was hetero she would act differently, like for example with physical affection. A hetero woman would probably feel more comfortable with physical contact with a gay man than a hetero one in a social context, although this clearly a generalisation - i think it does have a basis. Primarily because there is no fear of rape or sexual violence in gay male - hetero female physical relations- as there is in purely hetero relations. Bi-sexuality does not escape this tension unfortunately.
In hetero relations there is always an underlying possibility of rape/sexual violence, and the abscence of this under current in gay man-hetero-woman relations can make the latter more &#39;comfortable&#39;.

I think bi-sexuality is more of a problem for bi-male-hetero-male relations than between bi-men (i&#39;m speaking from a male perspective here because it is most relevant/apparent to me :P) and hetero women. This is because of the same basic tension that exists between hetero men and women, the fear of sexual violence/rape, and also just literal homophobia (though there is obviously a connection between fear of rape and a literal fear of gay/queer guys).

The basic homophobic construction of a queer man (this is a construction that lumps bi and gay men together - because in homophobic constructions any man who has sexual relationships with a man is made to be in practice the same) is two-fold, the first is of the &#39;feminine gay&#39;- the &#39;flamboyant homosexual&#39;- this stereotype is not one to be feared as much as resented. A homophobic hetero man would say that &#39;such people&#39; make him &#39;uncomfortable&#39;, because &#39;they flaunt their sexuality&#39;- that is, they are intimitated by the very idea and physical prescence of a gay man and they resent having to witness such a &#39;grotesque&#39; image.

The second part of the construction, is similar in that it is fear-based, but for a homophobe this is the real crux. Many hetero men fear that ALL gay and by the homogenisation of queer sexuality- bi-men too- are a sexual threat. That is, queer men are sexually &#39;aggressive&#39; and care not if their &#39;victim&#39; is hetero, queer, whatever, they will &#39;come onto&#39; any man - although this idea is patently absurd, it fuels a very common fear of heterosexual men, being &#39;hit-on&#39; by a queer man, or &#39;worse&#39; from a homphobes perspective, actually engaging in a sexual act with another man. The ultimate fear of course being forced into this sexual act, a myriad of prison movies does not help quell such absurdities. These fears are replicated when in the prescence of bi or gay men, even with people who are considered friends.

Coming out to your friends can be a very difficult process (to your family even more so)- many men will simply abandon their &#39;friend&#39;- others just shift away slowly. The same tension/awkwardness that can affect bi-hetero woman social relations plays out with bi/gay-hetero men, how should i act? What can i do? What if i do this? Will he interpret this as a come on? An advance? Will he think i&#39;m gay now too? Etc. etc. And many (most?) hetero men are not comfortable enough with their sexuality to navigate this tension effectively.

Anyone else think bi’s are seen as less gay or less straight cos of how they are?

Yes. A lot of people find it &#39;hard to believe&#39; - because it is &#39;natural&#39; to be attracted to one sex, the idea of being attracted to both seems &#39;absurd&#39;. To me it makes perfect sense, men and women are different, thus i can be attracted to a man for completely different reasons as i would be attracted to a woman, but sometimes the two overlap.

A bi friend once explained to me that he was attractred to the person rather than the person&#39;s genitals.

Very well said, i think for the most part a persons genitals are the probably the least attractive part of their whole body. I mean, can anyone not look at a penis and just laugh? Testiscles even more so&#33; Labia... weird....

I am a bisexual, but i do notice that my attraction to guys and girls are both very different. I dont like the same personality trates in girls that i do in guys and vice versa.

Agreed. It&#39;s weird, i&#39;m starting to find myself attracted to the kind of guys who physically represent hetero men who i wouldn&#39;t normally like.... that was a horribly worded sentence, i hope it made some sense. I&#39;m talking about young Japanese pro-wrestlers specifically I dunno, in my experience, muscle-head types are rarely the nicest guys, go hang-out at a gym for instance, lots of really huffy, narcissists - ok that was harsh, but yeah >_>

Hiroshi Tanahashi



Yum Yum

My friends use termonalogy like gay and fag in a negative tone and i try to get them off of it.

You need some better friends bro. I&#39;ve managed to settle this issue with all the people i consider to be real friends. Saying things like &#39;that&#39;s gay&#39; is still a lot different from using words like &#39;fag&#39;- whoever uses that really needs to go.

yea im straight and proud of it...i cant get intimate with a dude with hairy legs and shit..ew

Why are you proud of it?

Not all men have hair legs, most pro-wrestlers sure don&#39;t, but i&#39;m guessing your post whilst merely trolling? Yes?

[Sentinel]

Black Dagger: I agree with your very good post, although I have one comment:

Primarily because there is no fear of rape or sexual violence in gay male - hetero female physical relations- as there is in purely hetero relations. Bi-sexuality does not escape this tension unfortunately.
In hetero relations there is always an underlying possibility of rape/sexual violence, and the abscence of this under current in gay man-hetero-woman relations can make the latter more &#39;comfortable&#39;.

I don&#39;t think it must be that dramatic. I would have said: there is an underlying possibility of mutual attraction. The straight woman might be afraid of that
because she fears that it might ruin a good friendship. And the guy might feel the same. And because of this there is more tension between them. They can&#39;t "relax".

i&#39;m guessing your post whilst merely trolling? Yes?

His post certainly didn&#39;t contribute very much to the subject "Problems bi&#39;s face", no.

[Black Dagger]

I don&#39;t think it must be that dramatic.

I agree that that may appear to be somewhat &#39;dramatic&#39;, but the fear of male-to-female sexual violence is a very pressing one. It can be very subtle or very overt, but it is definately present. I can think of a good example, i work at a call-centre, i have to walk from the local train station to get to work, until recently there was a path you could take from the station that wound down behind a bunch of commercial estates and an army reserve base. There was little to no lighting there, and the majority of shifts finish in the evening, the latest being 12pm.

Not one woman i know from work who walks to the station ever walked down that way at night, when i asked a friend of mine, why she didn&#39;t- rape was the first possibility she mentioned. The chance of being robbed in the area is really not that high, because unless you work at the call-centre or maybe the army base, you wouldn&#39;t know that people walk down that way, because it&#39;s sheltered from the roads. Conversely, a lot of guys used that route, myself included- why aren&#39;t they afraid? And it&#39;s not because they&#39;re all macho-head kickers.

The straight woman might be afraid of that
because she fears that it might ruin a good friendship.

That is another way of looking at it as well, i don&#39;t think it has to be one or the other though - both of these dynamics can be and are in operation simultaneously, and would obviously vary in intensity between individuals and contexts. Some men might seem/appear more sexually threatening then others etc. The level of male-to-female sexual violence in society really is disturbing, and much greater than most men imagine- or sometimes are willing to admit - and they don&#39;t feel this fear themselves, so they can tend to belittle or de-emphasise it. As a dynamic between hetero women and gay men, i really think has play a significant role in the creation of the stereotype of &#39;the gay man as a womans best friend&#39;- the non-threatening male friend, who you can open up and get close to, with no fears.

And the guy might feel the same. And because of this there is more tension between them. They can&#39;t "relax".

Good point, which is why it can be a hard decision to make, should you tell a woman you&#39;re gay or bi? Should you be honest, or socially expedient? It&#39;s not always an easy decision to make.


BTW, what do you think of Hiroshi Tanahashi?

[Sentinel]

I see your point. It can be hard us for men to realise the always present fear and the risks women have to consider every day. We should try.

Good point, which is why it can be a hard decision to make, should you tell a woman you&#39;re gay or bi? Should you be honest, or socially expedient? It&#39;s not always an easy decision to make.

It&#39;s a tough one, agreed. I tend to tell them that my attraction towards females is more
of a "romantic" character, not so much sexual as the one I feel towards males.

It&#39;s not 100% true however, since I, like many bi&#39;s I guess, feel my attractions chance in periods. So it might be true at the moment I say it, but..

BTW, what do you think of Hiroshi Tanahashi?

Wouldn&#39;t reject a chance to get to know him more personally, no.

[Scars]

I think bisexuality suffers alot from the fact that loads of people (generally teenagers) claim to be bisexual when they&#39;re not. Being attacted to someone of the same sex does not make you bisexual, nor does fucking one. You can be attracted to anything, hell, somepeople find themselves attracted to fictional characters&#33; As for fucking, close your eyes and it feels much the same.

People put way too much emphasis on sexuality, in my opinion. It&#39;s a pre-programmed biological preference related to brain function- not bloody way of life.

[Ol' Dirty]

I recently accepted that I am most likely bi, and I feel much better after accepting that. In fact, when I feel an attraction to another of the same sex, I can discriminate between the people I like and those I don&#39;t; if I like them, I accept it, if not, cool, that just makes getting along with them easier. On the Kinsey scale, I&#39;m a 1, meaning I&#39;m mostly straight. Although I still have a hard time admiting it, I do sometimes like people of the same gender. I really don&#39;t have that much of a real attraction, but more of a compulsion. And I don&#39;t have to force myself tobe anything; I like who I like. I&#39;ve only admited to liking women, but I&#39;m sure there&#39;s someone I&#39;d like who&#39;s a guy. No big deal, let it pass.

Still, women are hotter than guys. I don&#39;t mean to be offensive, I just like the female body more. I just like curves . Mmm... curvy.

I think it sucks that bi&#39;s are discriminated against. We sould all help out the bi community (I don&#39;t mean sex).

Peace brothers and sisters .


P.S.

I have only met one bisexual person, and they had talked about identifying with this discrimination from both sides.

You&#39;ve probably met many more, they just haven&#39;t told you.

[Ol' Dirty]

Originally posted by Scars@Feb 4 2006, 09:41 PM
I think bisexuality suffers alot from the fact that loads of people (generally teenagers) claim to be bisexual when they&#39;re not. Being attacted to someone of the same sex does not make you bisexual, nor does fucking one. You can be attracted to anything, hell, somepeople find themselves attracted to fictional characters&#33; As for fucking, close your eyes and it feels much the same.

People put way too much emphasis on sexuality, in my opinion. It&#39;s a pre-programmed biological preference related to brain function- not bloody way of life.

Dude, we are who we are, nothing&#39;s pre-destined&#33; Don&#39;t we choose who we have sex with? Straights don&#39;t screw all people of the other sex, only those they want to. Same with gays and bi&#39;s. We all have outr own preferences, and we all discriminate. All studies that have been done to chek if it&#39;s biological have failed.