Would you tap that?

[Bala Perdida]

As a person attracted to women, I hear this one a lot. I'm sure people attracted to men get this one too, so feel free to give your perspective and feelings towards the phrase/question.

First off, how do you see the question. Do you see it as a simple question such as 'do you think she's beautiful?', or do you see it as an expression of undermining a female in a sexually objectifying fashion?

Secondly, how do you respond to the question when asked?

This also goes for any question related to 'who's the hottest...'?
Personally, I just joke my way out of it or stay casually quite until they answer for me. I was asked this about a manager today and I just said,'I don't know all management looks the same to me?' I guess verbally lashing out at someone about viewing someone like that is an option, but that's just not me.

[Brandon's Impotent Rage]

The question itself doesn't bother me so much as the phrasing...specifically the meaning behind it. "Would you tap that?", with 'that' basically being an object of some sort. At that point, you should just say "Would you bang that cock-sleeve?"

Unpleasant sounding? It should. Because that's the underlying context of the way the question is phrased.

As for how I'd respond to it? Mostly with a simple "Dude, c'mon....". It's a good way to voice your displeasure without being unbearably preachy.

[BIXX]

I respond in a lot of ways, mainly "what do you mean, 'that'?" But also sometimes I just tell people why its fucked.

[BIXX]

I used to just quiet my way out of it though and I find that perfectly acceptable if you wanna avoid confrontation.

[The Disillusionist]

Yeah, those phrases always make me uncomfortable. Referring to a human being as "that" is inherently objectifying, because the person, or a part of that person, is being linguistically referred to as an object. "Who's the hottest" is a slightly blurrier phrase, and it probably depends on the context whether that is objectifying or not, but usually I would say that it's not a good phrase to be using.

Another term that really makes me uncomfortable is the word "fuck" used in a sexual context. As in, "Would you fuck that person?" It's just... I have trouble even describing how much I hate it. It's vulgar, and it's used in a really disrespectful manner, and it's so common, it just makes me want to kill someone.

As for your second question, I usually just shrug and don't say anything. Or I say, "I don't know." Overall, I avoid giving any kind of answer that would encourage the discussion. I also avoid spending time with the kind of people who ask those questions.

I'm hetero, but I avoid expressing my sexuality much in a public setting, because I just don't see any reason for it. So I get asked a lot if I'm gay, because apparently not basing your life around the constant objectification and exploitation of women is the same as not being attracted to them.

[RedWorker]

I'm hetero, but I avoid expressing my sexuality much in a public setting, because I just don't see any reason for it. So I get asked a lot if I'm gay, because apparently not basing your life around the constant objectification and exploitation of women is the same as not being attracted to them.

These people who behave in such a way are a living caricature. I mean, acting like such people makes yourself a clown not to leftists but to everyone in general.

[consuming negativity]

depends.

if i think they're intelligent i'll try to tell them that they're being sort of disrespectful

if not, i'll just shrug my shoulders and move on

no point in giving a shit about it. they're either too stupid or too ignorant to know what they're doing.

[willwinall]

I see nothing wrong with the phrase. That's how people talk, what's the big deal. Sometimes I say yes other times no.

[Atsumari]

I see nothing wrong with the phrase. That's how people talk, what's the big deal. Sometimes I say yes other times no.

High level discourse ladies and gentlemen.

The ethics of saying "Would you tap that" is up for debate which I am too exhausted to engage right now, but one thing that is rather consistent with people who say such comments is that their views on women is not flattering most of the time.

[The Disillusionist]

These people who behave in such a way are a living caricature. I mean, acting like such people makes yourself a clown not to leftists but to everyone in general.

Well, I'm a college student, so I run into a lot of those "living caricature" frat-boy types, all over the place.

[Bala Perdida]

I see nothing wrong with the phrase. That's how people talk, what's the big deal. Sometimes I say yes other times no.

Reducing someone to a sexual object is what's wrong. That's a position seemingly most of us take and see. Why I asked the question of 'how do you see it' I'm honestly not sure now. I guess I was mostly wondering if anyone drastically separated it from it's sexually aggressive roots.

As for the people who say it, they don't seem open to discourse anytime soon so I'll just side step anything like that until someone brings up respecting women.

[Palmares]

I think it's a pretty simple equation that if someone uses such a sentence, that they are very much lacking in (pro-)feminist discourse. With the kind of communities that I encounter, I generally don't really experience this phrase much at all. And the few times I have heard it, I've certainly been surprised it hear it. However, I think it's more in American vernacular, possibly of the more jock-type culture I'm guessing. So where I am, people either word it differently, or may infact say something much worse... if that's even possible. Well, actually, it definitely is.

Thinking back to when I last heard it, it came, funnily enough, from an American friend. Some other American friends of mine who were also friends with him had better gender politics than him, so they didn't say it. And to add to that, it was quite clear he wasn't used to being around more... radical communities. So I ended up having to have some big conversations with him and explain to him my certain women thought he was sleazy, etc. He listened, but I'd hardly say he's a feminist now...

In my circle of friends, and possibly extended out from there, it's quite common for us to say we think someone is a "babe" if we think they are attractive. Infact, it's the main word I use when I feel like it's appropriate to communicate my attraction to someone. And from there, it usually be like, I leave them alone and tell them to come find me and talk to me more if they find that information useful. Something like that.

[Quail]

I find that as soon as hetero guys find out I'm queer they think it's acceptable to say gross and objectifying things about women to me. I don't thinkthat the phrase "would you tap that" is used very often around here, but generally asking a question which reduces another person to a sex object is disrespectful at the very least, and probably sexist because reducing people to sex objects is a gendered thing which affects women much more than men.

[motion denied]

Sometimes I wonder if people here can actually hold a conversation with other people without calling them out on something.

[Philosophos]

I hear lots of things like that: "look at that piece of ass", "would you fuck that pussy" and all sorts of things that imply women are some kind of a thing or just pieces that need to be fucked.

Generally I used to to engage in a dialogue on why such things are degrading for women and make them see why it's wrong, but most of the times I've been called an idiot and also they pointed out that they don't really mean that even though they say such things even in front of women...

Now I just don't give a damn, especially for these men that can't seem to understand even the most basic concepts of respect and what means to be human. I either don't say anything or I use sarcasm in a level that these douchebags won't get.

[Quail]

Sometimes I wonder if people here can actually hold a conversation with other people without calling them out on something.

Why would I want to hold a conversation with someone who was expressing their disgustingly sexist view of women?

[Sabot Cat]

I don't have a good bead on this topic, as I've only heard this phrase from my girlfriend in reference to me. Nonetheless, I think others have provided good analyses of it.

[RA89]

Depends who asks the question, if it's between friends I see no problem. I wouldn't ask someone I just met that sort of question or expect it from someone I just met- mainly because I'd find it weird why they would care.

People around here become unreasonable with this sort of stuff, how do you even express what you find attractive physically without being accused of objectifying? Are we supposed to talk like eunuchs?

E.g. if a thread was made asking for top 5 hottest celebs people would lose their shit over nothing.

[Counterculturalist]

Sometimes I wonder if people here can actually hold a conversation with other people without calling them out on something.

It's a fine line at times, to be sure.

In a university setting, where I've spent the past five years, it's rare to hear blatantly sexist or other bigoted language, at least if you spend your time around humanities students. I suppose things might be different among business majors. The one prejudice that everybody has is blatant classism. When people start complaining about uneducated blue collar people, I delight in telling them that that's my background and watching them squirm in discomfort.

When I worked in a factory, unfortunately, everybody I knew was extremely bigoted. It was impossible to go for a smoke or lunch break without some asshole regaling me about how much they hated (insert group here.)

I tried my damndest to argue and struggle with people who expressed that kind of bigotry around me. "Calling out" is maybe not the right term. I preferred to get a discussion going. Constantly telling people off isn't really helpful, especially since, for the most part, these aren't bad people. They just lack exposure to other views and other ways of life. Many of them were close friends for whom I cared genuinely, which made it hurt all the more to hear them talking like klansmen.

I got a reputation for arguing with people about their prejudices. People generally respected me for it, but I don't think I ever changed anybody's mind. It got to be fucking exhausting. But I still think it was time well spent.

[Comrade #138672]

Sometimes I wonder if people here can actually hold a conversation with other people without calling them out on something.

It is not so bad as it seems, but that is social life. If you do not want to be called out on something ever, you need to become a hermit. If we did not call each other out on our errors, it would hinder our social development significantly.