Pour Your Heart Out 16 (or XVI if you prefer)

[RedAnarchist]

Last one went way over 500 posts, so I've started a new one.

[Landsharks eat metal]

so fucking much dysphoria right now
my chest is gigantic and i wish i could just fix it myself
fucking ugly

[Vladimir Innit Lenin]

I'm so down.

Fuck it, getting food. Starting a 28 day muscle, judo and food programme tomorrow. At least I can marry my unhappiness with last night of pigging out tonight.

[Quail]

Hangovers make me so anxious, ugh. OCD thoughts are really unpleasant today too. I hate how I can't do simple things like walk down the stairs without getting graphic images in my head of harming myself or other people.

[thriller]

so fucking much dysphoria right now
my chest is gigantic and i wish i could just fix it myself
fucking ugly

I can't begin to understand how that feels.

[Art Vandelay]

So I've been seriously considering hanging myself this morning. I still have to get the rope, but I may try and get an advance on my paycheck just to buy it, cause I'm broke. I've been sitting here crying and I don't know why. I just want it to end. I plan on calling the paramedics right before I do it, so my mom or step dad (let alone my little brother) have to find me. I've thought for so long on which way I want to go out and I've finally picked hanging. I've spent more energy picking the way I want to kill myself then I've ever spent on most shit in my life. Not sure if anyone in particular cares, but I feel like I've made some friends on here, so if I do go through with it tmro or sometime this week, I'll leave a goodbye message on revleft.

Given how nice people are on here, I know someone will try to talk me out of it, but there is no need, nothing anyone says on here could effect my decision.

[hetz]

Don't fucking do it man. If communists started hanging themselves then everything is lost. Storms are brewing and every single one of us will have a role, the struggle is drawing near. If you don't have anything else to life for then don't betray the revolution, and don't step back. Socialism or death, and if you get hanged by the enemy then you have died like a communist, but don't hang yourself.

[Landsharks eat metal]

So I've been seriously considering hanging myself this morning. I still have to get the rope, but I may try and get an advance on my paycheck just to buy it, cause I'm broke. I've been sitting here crying and I don't know why. I just want it to end. I plan on calling the paramedics right before I do it, so my mom or step dad (let alone my little brother) have to find me. I've thought for so long on which way I want to go out and I've finally picked hanging. I've spent more energy picking the way I want to kill myself then I've ever spent on most shit in my life. Not sure if anyone in particular cares, but I feel like I've made some friends on here, so if I do go through with it tmro or sometime this week, I'll leave a goodbye message on revleft.

Given how nice people are on here, I know someone will try to talk me out of it, but there is no need, nothing anyone says on here could effect my decision.

Fuck I wish I could do something.
I feel so helpless

[Hermes]

So I've been seriously considering hanging myself this morning. I still have to get the rope, but I may try and get an advance on my paycheck just to buy it, cause I'm broke. I've been sitting here crying and I don't know why. I just want it to end. I plan on calling the paramedics right before I do it, so my mom or step dad (let alone my little brother) have to find me. I've thought for so long on which way I want to go out and I've finally picked hanging. I've spent more energy picking the way I want to kill myself then I've ever spent on most shit in my life. Not sure if anyone in particular cares, but I feel like I've made some friends on here, so if I do go through with it tmro or sometime this week, I'll leave a goodbye message on revleft.

Given how nice people are on here, I know someone will try to talk me out of it, but there is no need, nothing anyone says on here could effect my decision.

Best of luck, whether you decide to do it or not.

I hope that, whatever decision you make, it's well thought out.

[ed miliband]

i can't say anything helpful but please, please don't do it. i don't know you, i don't know what you are going through, but please.

[Lobotomy]

So I've been seriously considering hanging myself this morning. I still have to get the rope, but I may try and get an advance on my paycheck just to buy it, cause I'm broke. I've been sitting here crying and I don't know why. I just want it to end. I plan on calling the paramedics right before I do it, so my mom or step dad (let alone my little brother) have to find me. I've thought for so long on which way I want to go out and I've finally picked hanging. I've spent more energy picking the way I want to kill myself then I've ever spent on most shit in my life. Not sure if anyone in particular cares, but I feel like I've made some friends on here, so if I do go through with it tmro or sometime this week, I'll leave a goodbye message on revleft.

Given how nice people are on here, I know someone will try to talk me out of it, but there is no need, nothing anyone says on here could effect my decision.

please don't kill yourself

[Lobotomy]

I've been thinking a lot lately about how society tends to have a very simplistic, black-and-white view of morality. I don't think most people really accept the fact that good people are capable of sometimes doing terrible things if they are in a bad situation, or temporarily have a fucked up mindset for one reason or another. it's like there's this certain group of actions that a person can commit, and if you do one of these things, even just once, you are obviously a person of bad moral character, and you'll only ever be a terrible person, and even if you try to remedy the situation and feel a great deal of remorse you're still a terrible person forever.

the reason I've been thinking this is because a little while ago, I did something pretty fucked up to a person that I actually care about a lot. It wasn't with malicious intent; it was just out of selfishness, and because I was going through a turbulent time and doing a lot of different reckless things that were out of character for me. But I'm not just coming up with excuses for what I did. in retrospect I think I've always thought that society was too judgmental of people's moral character; it just didn't hit so close to home until now. for example, in the last few years of their marriage, my mom cheated on my dad, and while she was cheating on him, she was telling me bad things about him to me behind his back. That is obviously a really fucking shitty thing to do, and it makes me angry when I think about it. But nevertheless, I eventually came to forgive her, because I know that she is overall a good person and a good mother. She only did that because she felt hopeless and trapped. she didn't want to divorce him because she didn't want to hurt me (I was still living with them at the time), and she couldn't improve the marriage because my dad had given up on it a long time ago. that doesn't justify her actions. But it would certainly be inaccurate to base her entire character on this one thing that she did, when that is not something that she normally would have done.

anyway, I didn't cheat on a partner or anything, but I did something that is more or less on the same moral level as what my mom did to my dad. and it's just been hard for me to come to terms with it, because before this I thought of myself as a generally good person, but now I feel all fucked up about it. and I'm trying to move past it, and I think I have objectively good reasons for trying to do so. But any time I try to console myself, there's this voice inside my head that says, "You don't deserve any amount of comfort. You are a selfish ***** for even trying to move past this. you deserve to feel like shit all the time and to wallow in your own guilt forever."

[Art Vandelay]

I've been thinking a lot lately about how society tends to have a very simplistic, black-and-white view of morality. I don't think most people really accept the fact that good people are capable of sometimes doing terrible things if they are in a bad situation, or temporarily have a fucked up mindset for one reason or another. it's like there's this certain group of actions that a person can commit, and if you do one of these things, even just once, you are obviously a person of bad moral character, and you'll only ever be a terrible person, and even if you try to remedy the situation and feel a great deal of remorse you're still a terrible person forever.

the reason I've been thinking this is because a little while ago, I did something pretty fucked up to a person that I actually care about a lot. It wasn't with malicious intent; it was just out of selfishness, and because I was going through a turbulent time and doing a lot of different reckless things that were out of character for me. But I'm not just coming up with excuses for what I did. in retrospect I think I've always thought that society was too judgmental of people's moral character; it just didn't hit so close to home until now. for example, in the last few years of their marriage, my mom cheated on my dad, and while she was cheating on him, she was telling me bad things about him to me behind his back. That is obviously a really fucking shitty thing to do, and it makes me angry when I think about it. But nevertheless, I eventually came to forgive her, because I know that she is overall a good person and a good mother. She only did that because she felt hopeless and trapped. she didn't want to divorce him because she didn't want to hurt me (I was still living with them at the time), and she couldn't improve the marriage because my dad had given up on it a long time ago. that doesn't justify her actions. But it would certainly be inaccurate to base her entire character on this one thing that she did, when that is not something that she normally would have done.

anyway, I didn't cheat on a partner or anything, but I did something that is more or less on the same moral level as what my mom did to my dad. and it's just been hard for me to come to terms with it, because before this I thought of myself as a generally good person, but now I feel all fucked up about it. and I'm trying to move past it, and I think I have objectively good reasons for trying to do so. But any time I try to console myself, there's this voice inside my head that says, "You don't deserve any amount of comfort. You are a selfish ***** for even trying to move past this. you deserve to feel like shit all the time and to wallow in your own guilt forever."

I know exactly how you feel, you kinda articulated something I've been feeling for a while now.

[Landsharks eat metal]

9mm- I don't want to make you feel guilty or anything, but I feel 100% culpable for you feeling the way you do. [FONT=Arial]I feel like you wouldn’t have had those ideas except I articulated them in this thread. I have been thinking about you and worrying about you all day; I feel so awful about it I’m sick.[/FONT]

[Landsharks eat metal]

i'M A DUMBFUCK
there's absolutely no way for me to say that without it sounding like I'm trying to guilt trip you
but I have to say it somehow
because i'm scared if you do it I have to punish myself for letting it happen by drinking bleach or something

[Decolonize The Left]

I've been thinking a lot lately about how society tends to have a very simplistic, black-and-white view of morality. I don't think most people really accept the fact that good people are capable of sometimes doing terrible things if they are in a bad situation, or temporarily have a fucked up mindset for one reason or another. it's like there's this certain group of actions that a person can commit, and if you do one of these things, even just once, you are obviously a person of bad moral character, and you'll only ever be a terrible person, and even if you try to remedy the situation and feel a great deal of remorse you're still a terrible person forever.

the reason I've been thinking this is because a little while ago, I did something pretty fucked up to a person that I actually care about a lot. It wasn't with malicious intent; it was just out of selfishness, and because I was going through a turbulent time and doing a lot of different reckless things that were out of character for me. But I'm not just coming up with excuses for what I did. in retrospect I think I've always thought that society was too judgmental of people's moral character; it just didn't hit so close to home until now. for example, in the last few years of their marriage, my mom cheated on my dad, and while she was cheating on him, she was telling me bad things about him to me behind his back. That is obviously a really fucking shitty thing to do, and it makes me angry when I think about it. But nevertheless, I eventually came to forgive her, because I know that she is overall a good person and a good mother. She only did that because she felt hopeless and trapped. she didn't want to divorce him because she didn't want to hurt me (I was still living with them at the time), and she couldn't improve the marriage because my dad had given up on it a long time ago. that doesn't justify her actions. But it would certainly be inaccurate to base her entire character on this one thing that she did, when that is not something that she normally would have done.

anyway, I didn't cheat on a partner or anything, but I did something that is more or less on the same moral level as what my mom did to my dad. and it's just been hard for me to come to terms with it, because before this I thought of myself as a generally good person, but now I feel all fucked up about it. and I'm trying to move past it, and I think I have objectively good reasons for trying to do so. But any time I try to console myself, there's this voice inside my head that says, "You don't deserve any amount of comfort. You are a selfish ***** for even trying to move past this. you deserve to feel like shit all the time and to wallow in your own guilt forever."

On The Genealogy of Morals by Nietzsche addresses the relativity and historical development of morals, including the pivotal move from "Good and Bad" to "Good and Evil."

I'm sorry you fucked up, we all do, what matters is not really what you did but how you learned from it and became a better person. Remember that wallowing in your own guilt is a form of selfishness, it is, in effect, a continuation of what you did before in selfishness. So the best thing to do is accept what you've done, take complete responsibility for it, understand why you did it and what brought it about, and move forward with it behind you. This way, when it comes time to do it again, you will understand it and will be able to take the better path.

Good luck to you and don't get yourself down. We are all human and in our humanity is the beauty of imperfection.

[Trap Queen Voxxy]

@Nine

Wtf, no, don't do anything silly now.

I can't marry a corpse, that's illegal.

[Quail]

I'm a stupid whore who deserved to get sexually assaulted. I don#t care what anyone wanted to say. I'm disgusting. Fuck it. Being queer and hating men deserves contempt.

[A Revolutionary Tool]

I'm a stupid whore who deserved to get sexually assaulted. I don#t care what anyone wanted to say. I'm disgusting. Fuck it. Being queer and hating men deserves contempt.

That's just stupid to say, nobody deserves to get sexually assaulted.

[Quail]

Sorry, I just felt pretty bad yesterday. When people make rape jokes I get all weird and I have to drink. Apparently though rape jokes are so normal and so funny that I'm probably a weirdo for wanting to hurt myself every time someone makes one. Ugh. Sorry, I'm an ass.