Jealousy becomes a problem in relationships for one of two reasons: (a) because there is a foundation for the jealousy or (b) because the jealous partner is dealing with insecurities about themselves or the relationship. There is a big difference between the two, as eliminating the foundation for the jealousy can fix the problem, but dealing with deeper insecurities can be much more difficult.
If you are dealing with jealousy or with a jealous partner, then ruling out the first reason is key. Ask yourself, as objectively as possible, is there any solid foundation for the jealousy? Is one partner spending too much attention on someone outside of the relationship? Are they spending time on the phone with someone they know is interested in them, even if that person is just a "friend"? If one partner is acting in a way that disrespects the relationship, even if they're not cheating, then that needs to be addressed. The two of you have to come to an agreement on what is and is not appropriate within the relationship. With mutual trust, a couple should be able to find a comfortable medium.
If there is no foundation, and the jealousy is irrational, then it is usually caused by insecurity. This can mean that the jealous individual is suffering from low self-esteem and is feeling insecure about their worth as a person and, subsequently, about their worth in the relationship. Since they do not feel good about themselves, they are afraid that the person they love must see them the same way. Most of the time, irrational jealousy has nothing to do with the other partner-it is a self-contained storm brewing inside the jealous mate. Reassurance by the other partner can often make a jealous partner suffering from insecurities feel better.
Although some jealousy can be normal, it is important not to ignore excessive or irrational jealousy in a relationship. Some causes of jealousy, such as past infidelity or insecurity, can be worked through as a couple. But if the jealousy cannot be cured and it is damaging to you, then it's best to end the relationship.
Everyone has a different personality and some are easily hurt while others are stronger and more self-assured. Striving to be more independent while at the same time showing compassion and love to your partner will make both parties stronger and more secure. Insecurity is often brought on by past hurts. Striving to overcome these setbacks and learning to let them go will accomplish a much more secure relationship in the future.
The best love and relationship advice is to communicate with your partner, and this is especially important if they have trust issues. You want to know exactly what is going on with your partner. Thus, ask about the reasons for their trust issues. Ask about past relationships, family and school experiences. Be sure to find out exactly what they fear both in your relationship and with relationships in general.
Once you know the full extent of the issues, you can combat against them. Secondly, it helps to check in and to show your partner that you are thinking about them. Do small things like send them a text message or call just to say hello. Bring home small little gifts and bring up past conversations so that they know you have been listening. If you show that you remember them throughout the day, they will feel more secure. Remember important dates, both happy and sad, to show your partner that you care about them and remember important moments in their life.
Lastly, try your best to address issues right away so that your partner never has to wonder if something is brewing beneath the surface. You want your actions and thoughts to be transparent. A lot of trust issues come because a person has had experience with a partner who lied or kept things from them. If you are an open book, your partner can more easily overcome his or her trust issues.
Also, people sink into jealousy when they believe that they aren't worthy of their loved one's affection.
Jealousy is a human emotion that has the ability to make people feel uneasy, insecure and even resentful, jealousy can happen to anyone at any time. More often than not, jealousy appears in relationships in which one person feels that either he or she is not worthy of their partner or believes that their partner does not return their affection. The difficult task comes not when you realize that you are jealous in your relationship but how to stop being jealous.
Jealousy can often appear when there is a perceived threat to the relationship. This type of jealousy can cause someone to feel out of control. The source of their jealousy can come from something that is either real or imagined.
For example, if you feel that you are not attractive enough to warrant receiving your partner's affections, jealousy can appear. You worry that they will find someone else more physically appealing to them. Though they have never been unfaithful to you, there is still a sense of panic and fear that they will either leave you for another or that they will cheat with someone prettier or more handsome. The feelings can leave you feeling insecure, and in some cases, feeling irrational in your actions and reactions to situations.
It's not an easy task to stop being jealous. You must first distinguish whether or not your feelings of jealousy are related to feelings you may not realize about the relationship. Likely jealousy stems from fears we have inside ourselves. Fear of abandonment, loss, or rejection can all trigger jealousy. In order to begin the process of ending jealousy, you have to discover your fear and face it. Once you have come to understand the causes for your fears, you can work to change the behavior. Changing your behavior may not be successful on the first try but by being able to recognize where your fears lie can help you to understand the emotions behind the jealousy and how to change the way you react.
Suspicion and sometimes an attempt to reach certainty about whether the other person is betraying your trust - it may not be possible to reach absolute certainty about this in a relationship, in which case the desire to know may simply lead to greater anxiety and frustration.
[FONT=Arial]It's an absolute scientifically-proven fact that your brain cannot tell the difference between seeing something that's real and seeing something that you only imagine in your mind's eye. When you imagine your partner wanting to be with someone else (or whatever keeps you up at night), you are running and re-running that movie until it becomes very real to you.[/FONT]
Attachment issues: As children: When caregivers are inconsistent or overly protective, however, infants form an anxious or preoccupied attachment to the person primarily responsible for their care. Anxious or preoccupied children monitor their caregivers more closely, attempt to stay by their caregiver’s side and respond more dramatically when in trouble. Anxious children are simply more fearful and less confident than infants who are securely attached. As adults: People who formed an anxious or preoccupied attachment as an infant, by comparison, are more likely to be preoccupied with their relationships as an adult. Anxious or preoccupied adults are constantly worried and anxious about their love life - they crave and desperately need intimacy - but, they never stop questioning their partner’s love (“do you really love me?”). Anxious individuals are concerned that their partners will leave them. These adults are obsessed with their relationships and everything that happens in them. They rarely feel completely loved and they experience extreme emotional highs and lows. One minute their romantic partner can make their day by showing them the smallest level of interest and the next minute they are worried that their partner doesn’t care about them. Overall, anxiously attached individuals are hard to satisfy; you can’t love them enough, or be close enough to them, and they constantly monitor their relationships for problems.
Response to attachment test: People who are high in attachment-related anxiety tend to worry about whether their partners really love them and often fear rejection. According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 6.56, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 2.73, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance). Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the preoccupied quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that preoccupied people tend to have highly conflictual relationships. Although they are comfortable expressing their emotions, preoccupied individuals often experience a lot of negative emotions, which can often interfere with their relationships.
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