Terms of Endearment

[Manic Impressive]

I'm thinking about expressions like darling, sweetheart, babe, love, treacle etc. terms like these are not insults but can be seen as patronising. But are these terms gender neutral? In my area I would say they are as they are names which both men and women say to each other.

Then you have terms which are gender specific like bird, chick, hen, broad (sorry the only American one I could think of). Still not insults like ***** or ho but are these words patronizing and sexist because they are gender specific? Is there a distinction between the two sets of words or do you find them all patronizing and if so why?

[tachosomoza]

Calling a person anything other than their given or chosen name is patronizing and insulting, unless you have their permission to do so.

[El Chuncho]

Claiming that the first much are patronizing is too much of an extremists stance if you ask me. I do not mind being called ''darling'', ''honey'' ''kun'', ''san'' or ''sama'' by my partner, and fail to see the insult in using these words. They are just expressions of love, and love is hardly just a bourgeois concept...

[PhoenixAsh]

Terms of endearment are usually used for people you know or know you. At leasts...thats how I use them.

In other situations context decides if they are patronizing, derogatory and/or sexist...they usually are though.

With people you know its depending on context, tone and consistency if its considered derogatory.



I never ever had any complaints. But then again...I get away with the most outlandish shit...simply because I am considered harmless and generally have a very open attitude which dispells any negative association and disproves any negative meaning.


The words I use for people who I know and know me:

For boys: "gast" or "kerel" roughly translates as "dude" or "man" presumeably with somewhat of the same connotations. Depending on my tone it can either be used in a negative or positive way. Mostly I call them "hey you" or "lul" (dick).

For girls:

"meisje" which roughly translates as "girl". I do this regardless of age.

In case I know somebody very, very well I use the word "chicky" or "kitten" as a term of endearment....this is independent of age. So yes...I call my aunt of 91 "chicky" which always makes her smile. I also use this (or "Calimero") with one particular girl who is much, much younger than me and all of the sudden decided to call me "sir"...we consistantly do this to each other.

[Dr Mindbender]

Calling a person anything other than their given or chosen name is patronizing and insulting, unless you have their permission to do so.

I think in the British isles, and working class England in paticular it is a cultural thing. It engrained on our dialect and people take it for granted. In the UK there is even coloquial gender neutral and gender-specific terms of endearment. In the west midlands and staffordshire, people refer to each other as 'duck'. In Scotland, both men and women refer to women as 'hen'.

I think its a lot to do with culturally, how people value their personal space. In the USA people value their personal space more so react negatively to unreprocated affection. Here we do not have the 'american mentality' and the boundaries between friendship and affection is more greyscale.

[Sword and Shield]

I'm thinking about expressions like darling, sweetheart, babe, love, treacle etc. terms like these are not insults but can be seen as patronising. But are these terms gender neutral? In my area I would say they are as they are names which both men and women say to each other.

Then you have terms which are gender specific like bird, chick, hen, broad (sorry the only American one I could think of). Still not insults like ***** or ho but are these words patronizing and sexist because they are gender specific? Is there a distinction between the two sets of words or do you find them all patronizing and if so why?

Babe in America is pretty sexist and patronizing (it's only used for women). So are broad (though it is very outdated) and chick.

But it isn't the lack of gender neutrality that makes them sexist. It's the fact that in sexist societies, relations between men and women are patriarchal and thus terms that only apply to women tend to carry patriarchal connotations with them.

[tachosomoza]

I think in the British isles, and working class England in paticular it is a cultural thing. It engrained on our dialect and people take it for granted. In the UK there is even coloquial gender neutral and gender-specific terms of endearment. In the west midlands and staffordshire, people refer to each other as 'duck'. In Scotland, both men and women refer to women as 'hen'.

I think its a lot to do with culturally, how people value their personal space. In the USA people value their personal space more so react negatively to unreprocated affection. Here we do not have the 'american mentality' and the boundaries between friendship and affection is more greyscale.

I agree, a lot of my British friends do this regularly and it pisses people off, sometimes to the point of blows. Americans don't "get" a lot of European cultural idiosyncrasies, especially when they're under the influence of drugs and drink. I've grown accustomed to it, though.

[gorillafuck]

Calling a person anything other than their given or chosen name is patronizing and insulting, unless you have their permission to do so.

I agree fully, dude. But you're definitely right about it being alright when there's permission, man!

Babe in America is pretty sexist and patronizing (it's only used for women). So are broad (though it is very outdated) and chick.

Chick is not considered degrading, it is considered the equivalent of "dude".

Anywho calling women that aren't your partner things like "babe" seems pretty demeaning.

[Sword and Shield]

Chick is not considered degrading, it is considered the equivalent of "dude".

I know girls who consider "chick" degrading. It's somewhat borderline, but it's better not to use the term.

http: //dictionary.reference. com/browse/chick

"Slang: Often Offensive . a girl or young woman."

[Il Medico]

Chick is not considered degrading, it is considered the equivalent of "dude".

Oh dude, you might not have been here, I don't remember when it was, but there was a huge argument about whether 'chick' was sexist a while back.

But anyways, on topic. Using terms of endearment can be widely considered sexist and degrading if you use them with somebody you don't know. (Think ugly old man saying 'come here baby' to a waitress or something.)

However, it really depends on where you are on the acceptability of using terms of endearment with people you don't know. From the little bit I experienced of New York, I wouldn't think it common to use them. However, if you're down here in the south, you'll hear them everywhere (especially terms like honey, hun, and sweetheart). Women and queers use them much more often than straight men though.

[psgchisolm]

Oh dude, you might not have been here, I don't remember when it was, but there was a huge argument about whether 'chick' was sexist a while back.

But anyways, on topic. Using terms of endearment can be widely considered sexist and degrading if you use them with somebody you don't know. (Think ugly old man saying 'come here baby' to a waitress or something.)

However, it really depends on where you are on the acceptability of using terms of endearment with people you don't know. From the little bit I experienced of New York, I wouldn't think it common to use them. However, if you're down here in the south, you'll hear them everywhere (especially terms like honey, hun, and sweetheart). Women and queers use them much more often than straight men though.

In the city where I live guys often call girls "****". Pisses the fuck off out me and the girls usually hit the guys for it. All of the people I'm around don't do it thankfully.

You can hear terms of endearment alot in the south. It's pretty common for people who like each other to give the other a name that has something to do with them or their personality. Of course unless you are trying to be a troll it's not advisable to walk up to anyone and call them honey or sweetheart unless you have that type of friendship with them. Especially not "****" in my book. PERIOD.

[Il Medico]

In the city where I live guys often call girls "****". Pisses the fuck off out me and the girls usually hit the guys for it. All of the people I'm around don't do it thankfully.

You can hear terms of endearment alot in the south. It's pretty common for people who like each other to give the other a name that has something to do with them or their personality. Of course unless you are trying to be a troll it's not advisable to walk up to anyone and call them honey or sweetheart unless you have that type of friendship with them. Especially not "****" in my book. PERIOD.

No one in Florida uses '****' unless their British. (which we actually have quite a few)
As for with strangers, it is usually in a service setting. Like a waitress saying, "What would you like honey." or a gas station clerk saying "Please swipe your card again hun."

[Manic Impressive]

Babe in America is pretty sexist and patronizing (it's only used for women). So are broad (though it is very outdated) and chick.

Women don't call men babe or baby in the US? I hear it in music, film and TV fairly regularly. Yeah sorry about broad I was really trying hard to think of a word that was almost only used in America but forgot that it was no longer 1924

I agree, a lot of my British friends do this regularly and it pisses people off, sometimes to the point of blows. Americans don't "get" a lot of European cultural idiosyncrasies, especially when they're under the influence of drugs and drink. I've grown accustomed to it, though.

I think it may be similar to Americans casually using racist terms which is far less acceptable in Europe. It's all down to context I guess.

Oh dude, you might not have been here, I don't remember when it was, but there was a huge argument about whether 'chick' was sexist a while back.

oh damn it I knew it was impossible to come up with an original thread on Revleft



so far not many women's opinions

[Sword and Shield]

Women don't call men babe or baby in the US? I hear it in music, film and TV fairly regularly.

Come to think of it I have seen it used in film and TV as a term of endearment for both genders, akin to honey. But in real life, I've only heard it used in a sexist context. I suppose some couples might call each other babe, but I haven't actually seen it in real life.

[PhoenixAsh]

In the city where I live guys often call girls "****". Pisses the fuck off out me and the girls usually hit the guys for it. All of the people I'm around don't do it thankfully.

You can hear terms of endearment alot in the south. It's pretty common for people who like each other to give the other a name that has something to do with them or their personality. Of course unless you are trying to be a troll it's not advisable to walk up to anyone and call them honey or sweetheart unless you have that type of friendship with them. Especially not "****" in my book. PERIOD.

I have never, ever, ever heard the term **** being used in any other way than being meant offensive or degrading...


In Holland there is, I guess, one exception....and one exception only...and its used by people who know each other...or somewhat...and its "kutje"; the term roughly translates as "cunny" and its used when somebody is doing something incredibly / childishly stupid. (For the same situation we also have "lulletje" or "lullo" roughly translating as little penis or penis.).

Again...in al things...context

[PhoenixAsh]

Come to think of it I have seen it used in film and TV as a term of endearment for both genders, akin to honey. But in real life, I've only heard it used in a sexist context. I suppose some couples might call each other babe, but I haven't actually seen it in real life.

My ex-girlfriend called me babe

Also: honey / pookey (which is indonesion for cunny...as it turned out) / schatje (dutch for "little treasure" I guess) / speeltje (which means "toy") / smurf (for my blue eyes...I am sure ) / ouwe (which means "gramps") / or teddy (as in teddy bear)....her favorite was pup follwed by a whistle and "here boy"

And a host of other names. She also had the ability to make these words sound as offensive as possible when the mood struck her. Her insults were painfully subtile and we could have vicious arguments when friends were pressent without them even knowing and generally thinking everybody had a very good time.


My terms of endearment for her mainly: chicky (or the dutch kuikentje)...kitten and sweety, schatje or lieverd (which is Dutch for sweety). Depending on the mood the first two could be used with various add ons.

[Manic Impressive]

I have never, ever, ever heard the term **** being used in any other way than being meant offensive or degrading.

Let's not get into derogatory words we've had that debate a million times and most acknowledge that it does not have the same meaning in the UK, Ireland and Australia as it does in other English speaking countries.

[eyedrop]

Remind me never to meet up with Hindsight and his ex-gf, I suspect I would puke if I heard someone use so many endearments all the time. I only use Kjærsten (Girlfriendishy).

Here endearments are mainly for private use and not used when there are others nearby, so as such I don't see any problems with it anyway. I would find it extremely weird to call someone honey or something out of the blue.

[Devrim]

As for with strangers, it is usually in a service setting. Like a waitress saying, "What would you like honey." or a gas station clerk saying "Please swipe your card again hun."

It is exactly the same in parts of the UK except the phrase is 'love', not 'honey'.

Devrim

[PhoenixAsh]

Let's not get into derogatory words we've had that debate a million times and most acknowledge that it does not have the same meaning in the UK, Ireland and Australia as it does in other English speaking countries.

True...fair enough...but I have a lot of brittish friends who call me that all the time. Its never meant in a nice way...though admittingly they use it a s a joke ( at least I chose to see it that way ;-) )