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I'll admit right now that I didn't read the essay, or most of the comments. I skimmed the essay and here are my initial reactions:
1. Change the name which you're posting this essay under. "Comrade Banana Head" makes you look foolish from the get-go, and makes me (as an unbiased reader) want to disregard everything you say.
2. You're writing an essay on human nature and you don't reference Hobbes, Locke, or Rousseau? Seems like you're missing the basics of all human nature arguments.
3. Break up your writing into more paragraphs and use italics to emphasize things which deserve emphasis (or perhaps for quotes?).
4. Take constructive criticism seriously, and not personally. I didn't read what was said, but if it was given honestly it's probably worthwhile.
- August
If we have no business with the construction of the future or with organizing it for all time, there can still be no doubt about the task confronting us at present: the ruthless criticism of the existing order, ruthless in that it will shrink neither from its own discoveries, nor from conflict with the powers that be.
- Karl Marx
Okay, so I'm not going to win any awards from you people for my writing. I made the mistake of calling it an essay, and then...presto, I'm back in English 101, with the English professors at RevLeft conveying to me more or less that my writing style sucks, and that my ideas are ineptly expressed. Who knows? Maybe my writing does suck. Maybe I ought to just give in to my relatively low self-confidence, and just keep the outputs of my creative projects to myself, or better yet, not even bother writing anything since I apparently suck so much at it. Or, I can take the opinions of my work offered from the anonymous members of an internet forum with a grain of salt, and just keep writing. The way I see it, there's a war of ideas going on, and we should all do our part to raise class consciousness, and promote socialist ideas. I feel it's my duty to do my part -- however small and insignificant it may be, and however imperfectly I execute my role.
Yes, I know I'm not 'perfectamente.' No one is. I realize that had I submitted this work as an assignment in an English class, it would be scrutinized and docked for its informality and whatever else. I wrote this as a script for a video on YouTube, and I realize I didn't make this all that clear in the OP.
I also failed to specify how I define constructive criticism: 1) identifying strengths, 2) indicating specific areas in need of improvement, 3) suggesting ways to improve the work. Just dismissing the work as "inept" or "poorly written" without giving specifics, and offering suggestions for improvement isn't really all that constructive -- it's just trash talk. Few useful ideas came out of the abundance of supposedly constructive criticism that was offerered.
Yes, I write/make videos under the pseudonym, "Comrade Banana Head." Strangely enough, I was bearing in mind an obscure phenomenon known as 'humor' when I decided to use it. Perhaps this was in error, but who knows? All I'm certain of is that I'm not about to use my real name for the work of promoting socialist ideas, for reasons that I assume are known to everyone here.
http://comradebananahead.tumblr.com
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"We’re taught at such an early age to be against the communists, yet most of us don’t have the faintest idea what communism is. Only a fool lets somebody else tell him who his enemy is."[/FONT][FONT=Century Gothic]
[/FONT][FONT=Century Gothic] --Assata Shakur (1987)[/FONT]
You presented what appeared to be an academic piece to us and asked for constructive criticism, that is what you received. Do not try and make this topic into one of moping over your apparent lack of confidence in your writing for this is not a place for blind encouragement and esteem building. Along with many others in this topic, I presented a valid point of critique in regards to the tone of your piece. That is most certainly not anything which bears any resemblance to 'trash talk' nor is it classifiable as vague critique as it deals with an aspect of writing which is of a great deal of significance when handled in such a haphazard manner. Constructive criticism does not necessarily have to include positive encouragement, it just needs to provide useful observations in regards to the text. Though if you recall I did actually identify a few strengths of your work, making that whole point rather mute.
As a mostly unrelated side note, if you consider your username to be humorous then I believe you may be misinterpreting the concept and its potential uses.
I'm not particularly interested in what you think. From my end, what you offered was insulting and unhelpful. That's about as nicely as I can put it. I'm thinking a great deal of other thoughts about you, which I won't put into writing.
http://comradebananahead.tumblr.com
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"We’re taught at such an early age to be against the communists, yet most of us don’t have the faintest idea what communism is. Only a fool lets somebody else tell him who his enemy is."[/FONT][FONT=Century Gothic]
[/FONT][FONT=Century Gothic] --Assata Shakur (1987)
Oh, I was not aware that my opinion was invalidated due to the personal insult that you seem to of taken from it. Perhaps I should cease with this conversation though, so as to not hurt your fragile feelings anymore.
Perhaps I should also cease in my attempts to show you the errors of your position here. I can only imagine the horrible degree of emotional suffering and academic humiliation you would cause for myself if you were to put those terrible thoughts into writing.
What, are you the schoolyard bully of this forum or something? I made it pretty clear you weren't helping, and you keep on giving me your unwelcome opinion. In the future, when it comes to my work, written or otherwise, you might as well keep your opinions to yourself. You are of course entitled to your opinion, but don't make the mistake of thinking that I'll give it any real consideration.
http://comradebananahead.tumblr.com
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"We’re taught at such an early age to be against the communists, yet most of us don’t have the faintest idea what communism is. Only a fool lets somebody else tell him who his enemy is."[/FONT][FONT=Century Gothic]
[/FONT][FONT=Century Gothic] --Assata Shakur (1987)
SummarisedOriginally Posted by UnclebananaheadIf you don't like my stuff, STFU
Last edited by hatzel; 19th February 2011 at 00:47.
That doesn't invalidate anything I said though, you are essentially descending into a tantrum for no reason beyond your overly emotional response to by objective critique of your 'work'.
And yes, I actually am the forum bully. While we are on the subject, I am going to need you to surrender your lunch money. I may even proceed with pulling your pants down too if you persist in your idiocy, and that would certainly be embarrassing as I would make a note of doing it in front of the entire playground. Then they will all know that you are a mediocre writer.
That goes for you too.Summarised
http://comradebananahead.tumblr.com
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"We’re taught at such an early age to be against the communists, yet most of us don’t have the faintest idea what communism is. Only a fool lets somebody else tell him who his enemy is."[/FONT][FONT=Century Gothic]
[/FONT][FONT=Century Gothic] --Assata Shakur (1987)
Go fuck yourself
http://comradebananahead.tumblr.com
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"We’re taught at such an early age to be against the communists, yet most of us don’t have the faintest idea what communism is. Only a fool lets somebody else tell him who his enemy is."[/FONT][FONT=Century Gothic]
[/FONT][FONT=Century Gothic] --Assata Shakur (1987)
Not until I receive that lunch money.
I feel this thread has run its course and almost want to ask for it to be shut now...
However, is there some thread where we could discuss this stuff? Techniques when it comes to writing essays, flyers, making posters, and how to make them most appealing?What would be the best subforum to put something like that in, do you think? I feel it would be better to do that there than here, clogging up the philosophy subforum with all this drivel...
I think "Inherently" is better than "basically" in this context...
"I am the revolutionary! I am the proletariat! I am the people!"
"You can kill a revolutionary, but you can never kill the revolution!"
"Better to die standing, than to live on your knees."
Let the ruling classes tremble at a Communistic revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win.
Working Men of All Countries, Unite!
Hmmm. Not bad. Not bad at all. That sounds better. Thanks. I thought about the title, and I initially went with 'basically' in an attempt to try to make it simple for the average YouTube viewer, but honestly, "inherently" sounds a lot better.
http://comradebananahead.tumblr.com
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"We’re taught at such an early age to be against the communists, yet most of us don’t have the faintest idea what communism is. Only a fool lets somebody else tell him who his enemy is."[/FONT][FONT=Century Gothic]
[/FONT][FONT=Century Gothic] --Assata Shakur (1987)
continue writing you'll get better. best way to clarify your own thoughts is to write them down homey
Formerly dada
[URL="https://gemeinwesen.wordpress.com/"species being[/URL] - A magazine of communist polemic
Human's are basically selfish, and that's where evil comes from. There is a social composnent of the human psyche, and that's where good comes from.
I believe that human beings are basically good.
You should first outline what you are referring to by "good" and "evil.
The definition of 'evil' I'm going by=willingness to harm/cause pain/destroy others in the pursuit of what's perceived to be in the agent's interests.
http://comradebananahead.tumblr.com
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"We’re taught at such an early age to be against the communists, yet most of us don’t have the faintest idea what communism is. Only a fool lets somebody else tell him who his enemy is."[/FONT][FONT=Century Gothic]
[/FONT][FONT=Century Gothic] --Assata Shakur (1987)
I strongly suggest NOT responding to that argument with the usual challenge to the assumption of that some people are selfishness. The only correct and the only effective response is that it doesn't matter whether some people are selfish; what matters is whether society hands those selfish people venues where they can act on such tendencies. Capitalism says: Just in case you're selfish, here's a competitive marketplace that you may use. Socialism would say: You may be selfish, but there doesn't exist any competitive marketplace for you to use -- however, if you wish you may act it out in a game or simulation or fantasy.
