Ever since I came out of the closet, I've begun to feel an unbelievable amount of guilt because of how many people I hurt during my past especially during the point of my life when I was the conservative poster child that my parents and those around me desired. During this time, I was such an asshole to so many people that now I want to vomit because of how cruel and evil I was then... I want to apologize to these people and make amends for my actions and I don't know how to do this or where to start... I am lost and I am full of guilt... In other words, I want to be forgiven more than anything else for the pain that I caused...
Don't beat yourself up over it. Pick up the pieces of your life and move on. We've all made mistakes in our lives. I for one know that I've made way too many to count. There is always tomorrow. You can start the rest of your life today. If you want to make amends with your loved ones, you certainly can do that. Being open and honest with the people you love can be extremely rewarding. Tell them that you feel sorry for your mistakes and I'm sure you can be forgiven. When people see your sincerity, they will understand.
I second patbuck. It's cliché but true: we are often our own harshest critics. Reconciling with others is a daunting but courageous thing to do (I know I have plenty of fences to mend that I've just pushed out of my mind). Just remember, once you've apologized, it doesn't really matter whether they forgive you or not--you've done your part, and if they want to hold on to a grudge, that's their problem! The harder and equally important task (IMHO) is to forgive yourself.
For the people you can't make direct amends to, you could always balance your Karmic debt with good acts towards others. Do some volunteering, PFLAG could always use some help. But ultimately all emotions are just figments in your mind. Through meditation and study you can learn to suppress the unpleasant ones, and only experience the good. So if you can't alleviate your guilt you can always suppress it (this is not the same a repressing an unconscious, and potentially harmful defence mechanism. Suppressing is an act of conscious will, an art that puts you in full control of your own mind)
