Your Major Struggle

  1. Dean
    Dean
    What do you find to be a great struggle in your daily social life due to your non-neurotypical personality? I find it particularly hard to pick up on hints in all settings, including sometimes movies and texts. I have struggled at work when my co-workers implied but did not directly state some aspects of the job which were tantamount, particualrly things which seem obvious to a professional but amateurs would need at least a minor hint to understand.

    I also have a sensory processing disorder, and I used to think people were always saying my name and looking at me. I have been able to dull that, but now I don't hear people often and ignore people who genuinely are looking at me. I never tell people about my disorder except in passing conversation because I am afraid people will look down on me or think that I'm just making excuses.

    What are your major struggles? Do you have any interesting anecdotes / epiphanies to share about your own disorder / atypicality?
  2. Kami
    Kami
    People. Bloody people. People I don't know who I encounter in everyday life, in particular (e.g. Receptionists). I start stuttering like an idiot, when I can remember what I'm saying. I recall one particular instance when me and a friend stopped off at a job agency that I needed to pick up forms at; I went in, got a few words into what I was planning to say before coming to the devil of a word "Statuatory". Took me about 10 minutes to actually say it, with the receptionist sitting there like an idiot, not helping out at all.

    Worse yet, when I finally managed to say and went out, I told my friend what had happened, and when I came to the word, I bloody well did it again -.-
  3. RHIZOMES
    RHIZOMES
    I have a problem with approaching people I don't know and asking for help on something (directions, etc) or buying something. I have problems with giving people eye contact.
  4. Jazzratt
    Jazzratt
    My main problems are with just getting myself understood and understanding subtle (and often not so subtle) hints from others. I also have the same kind of problems as Arizona Bay and I tend to get people I already trust to do me a favour and talk for me :P I also tend to fall over myself and inanimate objects all the fucking time, which made school a laugh.
  5. ÑóẊîöʼn
    For me, I have to concentrate if I want to maintain eye contact with someone when I am talking to them. If I remember correctly, lack of eye contact can be construed as a sign of dishonesty or dissembling among NTs.

    Picking up body language is another shitter for me, as sometimes I don't even look at the person I am talking to.

    Jokes - in a conversation, if someone takes the piss out of me, but in a joking manner, I have problems reacting in a way that indicates I understood the jibe as a joke - My instinctual reaction is to take it seriously.

    All of this makes face to face socialising kind of hard work, but I can do it - yesterday I managed to host a session with some of my fellow residents. Passing round a spliff definately helps matters.
  6. piet11111
    piet11111
    i have problems keeping eye contact and i get nervous around people and that gives me problems to keep talking in an audible way or not messing up the words.

    also i can get bored with people very fast and that makes me act grumpy.
  7. Kami
    Kami
    I also tend to fall over myself and inanimate objects all the fucking time
    oh, almost forgot that one.

    speaking of which, memory is quite a bugger too
  8. Dean
    Dean
    For me, I have to concentrate if I want to maintain eye contact with someone when I am talking to them. If I remember correctly, lack of eye contact can be construed as a sign of dishonesty or dissembling among NTs.

    ...

    Jokes - in a conversation, if someone takes the piss out of me, but in a joking manner, I have problems reacting in a way that indicates I understood the jibe as a joke - My instinctual reaction is to take it seriously.
    These are two things I have a lot of problems with myself. People often mention that I don't keep good eye contact, that my eyes dart around. My fiancee is always telling me that I can't take a joke. Sometimes when I blink, my eyes move. One of my doctors proposed that my headaches had to do with my eyes on account of this and other factors.
  9. RHIZOMES
    RHIZOMES
    I also have the same kind of problems as Arizona Bay and I tend to get people I already trust to do me a favour and talk for me :P
    Yeah that's what I do, I get someone else to ask for directions/etc.

    I'm lucky though, I can actually understand subtleties and hints (As far as I am aware lol). It puts my Asperger's Syndrome diagnosis at the age of 6 into serious consideration. I may have just adapted, I am not sure.
  10. Pirate turtle the 11th
    Pirate turtle the 11th
    Ahhhh dyspraxia --- if a magic fairy said go outside and kill an old lady and your dyspraxia will be over i would do it.


    I can not write this is not taking it to a extreme for effect i have the writting of a five year old.

    Eye contact - i have to make a mental note and decision to make eye contact

    Standing too close - see above

    Organization - i suck at it

    Clumsy - Here is a true story i once knocked over a christe market stool ( on mistake) they wanted me to pay about one hundred quid for there bible crap so i ran down the high street to get away.

    Peoples reaction - best advice is to be aggressive and patronizing to idiots and explain it to some more intelligent people.
  11. Luís Henrique
    Luís Henrique
    It is... it is... darnit, what is it?

    LuÃ*s Henrique
  12. which doctor
    People. Bloody people. People I don't know who I encounter in everyday life, in particular (e.g. Receptionists). I start stuttering like an idiot, when I can remember what I'm saying. I recall one particular instance when me and a friend stopped off at a job agency that I needed to pick up forms at; I went in, got a few words into what I was planning to say before coming to the devil of a word "Statuatory". Took me about 10 minutes to actually say it, with the receptionist sitting there like an idiot, not helping out at all.

    Worse yet, when I finally managed to say and went out, I told my friend what had happened, and when I came to the word, I bloody well did it again -.-
    I've thought that most stutterers, especially those with speech blocks like myself, didn't want people to help them out on a word. Would you prefer that people help you out as you speak?

    I, for one, really hate it when people tell me to "slow down and think about what I am saying." That advice doesn't do shit.
  13. Jazzratt
    Jazzratt
    I, for one, really hate it when people tell me to "slow down and think about what I am saying." That advice doesn't do shit.
    When you stutter is it that you can't say the word then?
  14. ÑóẊîöʼn
    ÑóẊîöʼn
    I don't know if anyone else gets this as well, but I also sometimes forget words. THere'll be a specific word that I want to use, but I've just plum forgot it. This happens regardless of whether I am speaking or writing.
  15. INDK
    INDK
    I was recently diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome based on these problems that I experience almost daily;

    I get annoyed very fast and it can lead to angry outbursts, even violent outbursts, though not towards other people, I usually have a tendency to break things when I'm very angry, and unfortunately it doesn't take much. This happens most commonly when I'm with my mother, and as a matter of fact rarely happens around friends.

    I'm not socially awkward towards everybody I talk to, only people I don't know (like I can't ask for directions, help, not even the time, and this would make me late coming home when I had a curfew which would lead to arguments with my mom and she didn't understand how I didn't just ask someone, as this was before a psychiatrist made it clear, and I just explained it as being shy, but she was still pissed and this would lead to high anger, as I said, very quickly) or have formal relations with. With these people I am almost completely unable to make eye contact, and people I try to talk to on the street don't really care and people I talk to formally know I have the syndrome allow my eyes to wander around the room, because I do take an active part in the conversation and listen intently, but I also multi-task mentally sometimes and survey the room and surroundings while I talk. This would sometimes make formal relationships seem like I was acting like I knew more than the person I was talking to and I had a lofty, arrogant attitude, which would lead to anger from me. I also tend to stammer and be unable to explain things I have very clear in my mind in words. Most symptoms generally are a 'struggle' for me because these interactions with other people in which I can't effectively communicate lead to some kind of annoyance which brings me back to the anger. I just always get angry at things in some way or another and this leads generally to me being an unfavorable personality to some people. I've been lucky, however, I have friends that understand me and I rarely even show my symptoms when I'm around some of my closer friends.
  16. Dean
    Dean
    With these people I am almost completely unable to make eye contact, and people I try to talk to on the street don't really care and people I talk to formally know I have the syndrome allow my eyes to wander around the room, because I do take an active part in the conversation and listen intently, but I also multi-task mentally sometimes and survey the room and surroundings while I talk.
    I have a similar problem. I find eye contact to be unsettling when it is direct in the form of a conversation. I have always had a fear of being annoying or coming off as irrational, so I try to ration eye contact and my eyes wander a lot, but not surveying - they just dart around, often from person to person or to and from a person. I guess it has to do with being nercous.
  17. shorelinetrance
    shorelinetrance
    my adhd is so atrocious i can't even formulate/articulate all my struggles, let alone my major ones into a paragraph without sitting here for 10/15 mins.
  18. Jazzratt
    Jazzratt
    I don't know if anyone else gets this as well, but I also sometimes forget words. THere'll be a specific word that I want to use, but I've just plum forgot it. This happens regardless of whether I am speaking or writing.
    I'm not sure if that's a non-NT thing, I've never really heard of it. But my memory for certain things is often atrocious (my memory in other areas is pretty amazing.) and I do get this a lot. Also forgetting what I was talking about.

    EA: I didn't realise that short temper was a part of aspergers, if it that explains a lot. Because I know a bit about what you're talking about (there's a crack in the wall behind me from where I punched it in a fit of rage after some trivial argument relating to my frustrating inabilty to deal with people for example).
  19. INDK
    INDK
    EA: I didn't realise that short temper was a part of aspergers, if it that explains a lot. Because I know a bit about what you're talking about (there's a crack in the wall behind me from where I punched it in a fit of rage after some trivial argument relating to my frustrating inabilty to deal with people for example)
    Yeah, that's what kind of ties it together for me.

    Also, something I didn't mention because I don't personally find it a struggle or a deterrence in my life, I have several obsessive compulsive symptoms such as very specific food orders and pickyness about food, I can't wear socks that go above my ankles, when I'm not wearing shoes I prefer to wear one of my socks only as two makes me feel constricted and none makes me feel naked. My psychiatrist said, when I brought this up as once the diagnosis was given to me and I knew I had a mental instability or disorder or deterrence or whatever, that it was a symptom of the Aspergers Syndrome as well.

    I also constantly bite my fingernails and used to actually pick at the skin on my fingers, leaving circles of tissue missing the skin and surrounded by dead skin, and it was pretty fucking nasty, all due to my social awkwardness and inability to be comfortable in a social situation. I would become very nervous and be fidgety and do the things previously mentioned. This was also included my psychological evaluation as a symptom that led my psychiatrist to the diagnosis.
  20. Sprocket Hole
    Sprocket Hole
    I have a hard time in social situations, (expressing anger, finding what I want to say, being outgoing, talking in general), I have a hard time finding people I can connect with. I get misjudged a lot, because of my lack to show much emotion or socialize with people.

    But I'd say the two biggest are my inability to do much in social situations and having hard times establishing relationships with people.
  21. ev
    I've been able to conquer most things like maintaining eye contact & communicating better and being understood by exposing myself to very uncomfortable situations. For me now, talking with someone is relatively easy (if i can find some type of common ground) as well as maintaining eye contact, but I generally cant hold a good conversation with anyone due to lack of interest on my behalf I'm improving on this, for me its just ask, listen, comment, repeat. I'm sure there are some good books on communication/interaction, building relationships in new environment type books about, anyone?
  22. Cynical Observer
    Cynical Observer
    bipolar disorder (rapid cycling so i get episodes at least once every 3 months) just ruined my relationship, has gotten me expelled from school, put on halodol and serequil (i'm off them now thankfully...they liquefy your mind) alienated me from my mother and aunt and uncle, ruined friendships, and made me try to kill myself three times. But ah such is life
  23. Dyslexia! Well I Never!
    Dyslexia! Well I Never!
    Due to my cunningly hidden secret learning difficulty I have a right bastard of a time handling the patterns of numbers and letters that other seem to take for granted this generally manifests as a great difficulty keeping track of money and writing legibly by hand.
  24. respectful87
    What do you find to be a great struggle in your daily social life due to your non-neurotypical personality? I find it particularly hard to pick up on hints in all settings, including sometimes movies and texts. I have struggled at work when my co-workers implied but did not directly state some aspects of the job which were tantamount, particualrly things which seem obvious to a professional but amateurs would need at least a minor hint to understand.

    I also have a sensory processing disorder, and I used to think people were always saying my name and looking at me. I have been able to dull that, but now I don't hear people often and ignore people who genuinely are looking at me. I never tell people about my disorder except in passing conversation because I am afraid people will look down on me or think that I'm just making excuses.

    What are your major struggles? Do you have any interesting anecdotes / epiphanies to share about your own disorder / atypicality?

    In large groups, unless I am giving a speech, I get a fight or flight feeling. I also get panic attacks pretty often (usually in public which sucks).

    The worst tho is how bad I suck at making small talk. This also dosen't help with the ladies. Oh and then I have a really bad habit of being obssesed with a topic then switching to another topic (but its the same group of topics).
  25. respectful87
    I was recently diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome based on these problems that I experience almost daily;

    I get annoyed very fast and it can lead to angry outbursts, even violent outbursts, though not towards other people, I usually have a tendency to break things when I'm very angry, and unfortunately it doesn't take much. This happens most commonly when I'm with my mother, and as a matter of fact rarely happens around friends.

    I'm not socially awkward towards everybody I talk to, only people I don't know (like I can't ask for directions, help, not even the time, and this would make me late coming home when I had a curfew which would lead to arguments with my mom and she didn't understand how I didn't just ask someone, as this was before a psychiatrist made it clear, and I just explained it as being shy, but she was still pissed and this would lead to high anger, as I said, very quickly) or have formal relations with. With these people I am almost completely unable to make eye contact, and people I try to talk to on the street don't really care and people I talk to formally know I have the syndrome allow my eyes to wander around the room, because I do take an active part in the conversation and listen intently, but I also multi-task mentally sometimes and survey the room and surroundings while I talk. This would sometimes make formal relationships seem like I was acting like I knew more than the person I was talking to and I had a lofty, arrogant attitude, which would lead to anger from me. I also tend to stammer and be unable to explain things I have very clear in my mind in words. Most symptoms generally are a 'struggle' for me because these interactions with other people in which I can't effectively communicate lead to some kind of annoyance which brings me back to the anger. I just always get angry at things in some way or another and this leads generally to me being an unfavorable personality to some people. I've been lucky, however, I have friends that understand me and I rarely even show my symptoms when I'm around some of my closer friends.
    Thats odd. I have never had that happen to me. When I get pissed it usually involves me saying some dickish things and then not talking for awhile. In fact it takes abit for me to get angry. Not overwelmed though, that happens pretty easy.

    Wow thats just like me. I got diagnosed with AS awhile ago but most of the others I have met were awkward around even their family.
  26. Honggweilo
    Honggweilo
    Well dyslexia causes me to read the same page about 3 times when i have trouble concentrating (also linked to my ADD), although sometimes when i get hyperfocus i read a book in a few hours. Also i tend to mix up non-visual words like "an, the, from, hence, ect, ect" causing me to not make spelling errors, but warp my sentences to total different meanings, which causes misinterpretation.

    Also my ADD causes me to get bored with stuff easilly, failing to plan, always causes me to be a deadline pusher (although hyperfocus compensates for that). Like now, i have a week of to finish a load of artcollege assignments, and i just started yesterday.. i suck
  27. blank
    blank
    eye contact. i don't see that is problematic though. am sort of clumsy, but different at thymes. i have taken to acting like a child. am not can remember names most of the thyme and i am bad at math (dyscalculia) despite stereotypes and am not can keep a conversation. and i dress funny. i am eccentric. i like enjoy making animal noises as well. and right now am have difficult with writing, but is different at other thymes. and dyslexia, even though could read at college level in the second grade. i can not fit in with any group very well and just recently have alienated myself from eryone i known for the last two years... ery two years it seems i wind up 'wearing out my welcome' as the song goes. and getting any work is impossible, i am lucky to be in a shit go nowhere job, as if anyone is really going anywhere in this sewer that is called a society, seriously... that is all i can think of for now, the moment

    oh yes, and the rage, but that has kept under somewhat control pretty well for the last few months, but when i do it is fucking scary