The Young Revolutionary

(Here is an attempt at me writing, I have already gotten part of it done, tell me how it is)

Thomas threw a wood chip into the fire as he listened to another person around a campfire. He didn't listen to his comrades as they talked, he just thought about the revolution, and how did he get to living in a tent in the middle of the Pennsylvanian woods. He heard his name.


“So, Tom, you going to your 8th grade reunion?”


He woke up from his thinking and replied, “Its just not my 8th grade, its one year older and younger, basically everyone who will be shipped out soon to the war.” Soon enough, after some conversation he knew that he would have to go back to his town where he grew up nearby. He looked at a clock in the camp grounds, it showed 6:00 PM, he had 2 hours till it started. So he went to the only shower on the premises and freshened up, got dressed for the occasion and went to see the Comandante in the main tent.


He pushed aside the “Camo” flaps and entered, the Comandante, a splitting image of Che Guevara was busy writing something, Thomas cleared his throat loudly. The Commandante looked up and smiled, “Ah Thomas, what can I do for you?”
“I request a short leave, its my class's reunion and I don't want to miss it.”
The Comandante smiled, “Very well.”
As Thomas was beginning to walk out of the tent the Comandante yelled, “Did you bring a hidden knife?”
Thomas puzzled looked back, “No, why?”
“There will certainly be a conflict there, always good to be prepared.”
The Comandante took a strap on box out of his desk and brought it to Thomas, “Put this on your wrist, if you flick your wrist a blade will come out.”


So Thomas after strapping on the blade began to head down out of the forested area and eventually, after walking for a while, came upon the home town he loved. He slipped into town and went to a convenience store, and after exchanging what little money he had, bought a newspaper. He took the newspaper and stepped outside, being sure not to hit the intimidating government guards at the door or to look suspicious to the many patrols going up and down the street and sidewalk.


He opened up the newspaper, it was “The Spartan Newspaper”, on the front it had a picture of George W. Bush and “Dick Cheney sending off more troops to Europe. He checked the date, it said December 1, 2012, so it was very recent. He looked at a map of the world, it showed the Russian push into Germany, the new Chinese Empire controlling almost all of Asia, and soon Australia, and the Iranians going through Turkey and meeting with Russian forces in Bulgaria.


He recalled what happened, on October 22, 2008 George W. Bush declared Iran a threat to the free world and got us into another war. That made the Russians very unhappy, so the Chinese, Russians, Iranians, and North Koreans all banded together to wipe out the United States once and for all. According to a Presidential Order, in case of a big emergency such as a major war, elections could be postponed. This year was the 4th term of Bush/Cheney. Not too long after the war started, there was drafts and many authoritarian laws place into action for the “good of the country”. Ever since then people had joined guerrilla groups and have been supplied by the Russians to try to overthrow America. The Russians do not care which guerrilla groups win, they only want internal problems in America so that America is less of a threat.


He was done reading, he had enough, he began on his way, with his polo shirt and jeans on to the reunion.

((Be free to comment, criticize, rip it apart))

He saw the clear glass doors at the front, just like as he remembered. It was a bit dark, but there was music and noise. As soon as he slipped inside an old friend, “Joe” came up, the two shared a friendly greeting and went inside to the party. He saw his entire 8th grade class. Most of them were dressed similarly to him, but one stood out, Kaelan. He remembered Kaelan as thin, and small, but Kaelan now had muscle, still was short, but seemed a bit different. Thomas always knew Kaelan looked great in a suit but he wondered why he would be wearing such a big one.


Kaelen spotted Thomas and came over, and for the next 10 minutes chatted. The conversation went very odd, taking a turn from “How are things?” to “So, what party did you vote for?”. Thomas did not act strangely and said, “Well, I didn't vote, I was a bit busy, and it would be a bit rude to replace the President in the middle of World War 3.” Kaelen laughed, “Even at a young age you were an intellectual, I remember in 8th grade you knew what crude oil was and the teacher didn't.” Thomas, obviously was very suspicious but decided to be courteous to another old friend, “So what have you been doing with yourself?”


Kaelen smiled and pushed his silver rimmed glasses up, “Not much, been doing some Teen Police Academy, they say its useful for when you're thrown out on the European Theater.” Thomas smiled back, “I remember in 7th grade you were called the copper clown or something. Jesus, there are quite a few memories from back then right?” Kaelen shrugged, “Well we'll all be put into the 213th Division so we'll have many more.” Thomas, getting bored of the conversation slapped Kaelen's arm in a friendly way and said, “I'll see you later.”


Thomas walked away to get some punch, and as he poured the pinkish liquid into a plastic cup he thought about Kaelen and what may happen. After drinking his punch he went down to the bathroom, and after making sure it was clear went into a stall and took out a small device out of his pocket. After playing with some switches he could hear the local police's transmissions, they were filled with static but what jumped out was that his Comrades was raiding the Police HQ! Thomas smiled at the genius of his Comandante, and knew that Kaelen will make a move. Thomas turned off the device and went back into the party.


He was looking around when he heard a female voice behind him, “Hey Tom.” Thomas didn't even need to turn around to know who it was, “Hey brat.” Thomas didn't even need to look behind him to know who it was. It was Belle, a smart, athletic person, rich, but is it her fault for the riches? Thomas turned around and smiled, “Hey Belle, hows everything?” Belle replied, “Good, miss you guys a bit though, I am scared about getting a front line job.” Thomas laughed, “ Don't worry, you're probably tougher then half of those Ruskies.” Belle laughed, as that was what she did a lot, “I think this is why I still keep in touch with you guys to this day. I just can't stop laughing. Although, where have you been the last month or two? Haven't seen you Iming.”


Thomas smiled, “Been very busy, you know high school life, especially since we're what, seniors now?” Belle smiled back, “Yeah I guess we are, never thought I'd make it to this day, thought I'd get ran over by a car.” Thomas grinned, “Well keep trying I'm sure you'll get ran over eventually.”


Thomas noticed Kaelen out of the corner of his eye, he saw something the shape of a hand gun in his suit jacket. Thomas knew he must act and that hopefully Kaelen did not suspect him yet. Kaelen went up to the old, wooden stage, paused the DJ and got everyone attention. Kaelen took a microphone and spoke, “Well I lost a bet, so now I have to come up here and give this rah rah speech.” Thomas smiled with everyone else and stayed prepared and was not shocked by Kaelen's next statement. “But Thomas would always give these speeches on equality and other childish things in History, so I think he would be better.”


Thomas faked a smile as he walked up and took a microphone, Kaelen right at Thomas's side. Thomas looked out his brown eyes scanning the over 40 people and said, “Well its a pleasure to be up here. I am excited for my tour of duty.” Thomas tried to sound more charismatic, “I know we will beat them, be home by next Christmas and we will all party and remember the good times during the war and in the past. We will fight for our fallen friend Ryan, who died to the hands of cancer.” At this point the crowd was tearing up.”


Thomas in a flash of movement dropped the microphone and sent his concealed dagger right into Kaelen. Thomas smiled, “Goodbye friend.” The entire crowd froze, almost like someone pressed the pause button on a video. Thomas took Kaelen's M9 Pistol and the microphone.


“My friends, we do not have to live in war. I know you are all scared, and if you come with me I have many friends who will make the world a great place to live but also end the war where we have lost friends, neighbors, uncles, aunts, brothers, and sisters in.” Thomas took a minuscule radio out of his pocket, and spoke into it, “This is Comrade Dust Bunnies radioing in, we need extraction for me and a load of other people, sending out my RFID signal now.” Thomas pressed a small button on his radio and soon gunfire between the guerrillas and police were heard outside.


“My friends come with me, have faith for a better future.”


With those words he got Kaelen's M9 ready and lead ½ of the crowd out of a back entrance onto the “playground”, a huge amount of blacktop. Kaelen had no surprises on who stayed back, many people of the 8th grade class of 2008 stayed back as many of them were Fanatic Catholics and Right Wingers. At least three guerrilla troops transports drove up with Russian armored APCs as escorts. Out of an APC came men to usher Thomas's old friends into the transports while the Comandante came out shaking his head. Thomas approached the Comandante.


“Tom, Tom, Tom”


Thomas was worried and began to apologize when the Comandante smiled, “You did pretty well without being informed. You killed a CIAYT (CIA Young Trainee), brought about 20 people to us, made a perfect distraction to raid the Police Armory and other local armories, and we'll be able to set up traps in these narrow streets.”


Thomas laughed, “Well if I had known I was suppose to cause a bloodbath you should of just given me an AK and sent me into the Police HQ.”


The Comandante and Thomas went aboard an APC. There were reports from the Police of skilled guerrillas and reports from the guerrillas of many Police. Both sides were matched, and the only way to solve this stalemate was to give the Communists an upper hand.

2) Just watch for redundancy EX:



Ahhh I had some other comments, but I can't remember them now. I'll just be adding to my list of criticisms as I remember them, then.

I must of had a mental rewind, I think I was part way through that paragraph before I took a break to watch TNG.

((Sorry for the delay, I have 4-5 pages of more material. I have noticed that my grammar is horrible for a native English speaker. Thats what I will have an editor for though, right? ))

The Comandante turned to Thomas, “Well, you have gotten this far, any suggestions?” Thomas thought then replied, “Total destruction, we hit their side, I'll take three other people with some Aks, go through the school and out the front door to the street.” The Comandante nodded, “Make it quick, who do you want on your team” Thomas began to leave the APC, “Leave that to me, just make sure there are enough ammunition and improvised explosives to supply us.”


Thomas went to the troop transport where two of his classmates was, “Bella, Joe, come on, we're going to shoot some of those party crashers.” As soon as Bella and Joe left the transport they were given weapons and a quick run through on how to use. Thomas headed to the 8th grade graduates of 2010 and smiled, “Looks like a bit of you guys came with me, Megan, we'll need you to come fight these bastards.” Megan left the transport and Thomas got her acquainted with the weapons. Thomas motioned his team to come forward, and went up the back stairs to the gym, next to the stage. He peaked through the small window on the door. The gym was empty, so Thomas slowly opened the door and motioned for Joe to get the door onto the stage. The stage was clear and so was the gym. He had his team slowly creep behind the six gym doors, two of which were opened. He peaked his head up to see that the Police had set up a temporary base within the lobby of the school. Thomas gave the signal to get ready as he pulled out a Molotov cocktail and lit it. He threw into the clearing and after some terrified screams heard the explosion. Thomas and Megan kicked through the right double doors and began to fire their guns while Joe and Bella kicked through the left and fired at anything in sight. Many old memories such as a statue of Mary and the glass doors were shattered.


It didn't matter to the team as he signaled for all of them to use a Molotov cocktail. Amid a barrage of gunfire from the Police they lit and threw it into the middle of the Police cars in front of the school and found whatever cover they could to reload and take a breath. The Comandante's voice crackled over Thomas's radio, “Hold your position and continue to do whatever you're doing right. We are getting a break through, we should be able to make a run for it without fear of being hitting on our rear.”


Thomas smiled and after a reload rolled over back into an open part of the lobby and fired at anything that moved. His Comrades followed his lead. Their luck began to run out as the Police defense turned into a suicidal defense. The Comandante yelled, “They are going to bomb the place to the ground, get the hell out of there, we'll open up the front.” With that TOW missiles shot from the guerrilla's APCs. Thomas and his team made a desperate rush to an APC in the back. They prayed that they were not hit from Police gunfire, explosions, or both. Thomas desperately lit his last cocktail and threw it at the Police's direction only to light a tree on fire. A dash that felt like hours was over in under a minute, they were safely with the Comandante and heading up a nearby street at top speed. They did not get saved a minute too soon, as a team of bombers just came in and annihilated the entire school area, the Police, the Guerrillas fighting near by the school.


Thomas counted his lucky stars as he heard the explosions come and go. He “knuckle-touched” Joe as they sat in the APC, exhausted. “Thomas, that was worse than a couple of suicide exercises we would do at basketball.” Thomas just sat back, “You may have been my mentor when I was on the basketball team in 8th grade, but now I am your mentor in the art of warfare and Communism.”


Joe gave a slight grin, “If I am anything like you, I am sure I will become a pretty decent revolutionary.” Thomas turned to the Comandante, “So what will happen to us next?” The Comandante shrugged, “They'll be housed as refugees, and anyone who wants to fight will happily be accepted. If they don't they will be offered relatively safe passage to Russia with safety from any Russian drafts or conscription.” Thomas asked, his exhausted comrades, “Do you want to fight for your right to party?” They all didn't care, they wanted rest. They were in for a surprise, since Bella and Megan had always been from “well-off” families, while Joe was not poor he would have an initial adjustment period to eating canned food and thinking about the next food and supply shipment from the Russians or the next raid to get those supplies. Thomas said to the Comandante, “Well I just love how I can talk so casually, its almost I'm like the Comandante here. On a serious note, when will we get to the camp, I want to do roll call, see who came with us, who was annihilated in that carpet bombing.” The Comandante nodded, and before Thomas knew it they were driving past the sand bags and en placed weapons and were parking on the dirt in the camp. He walked out of the APCs with his team mates. His former classmates were escorted out of the transports and Thomas took a look at all of them. It seemed that of the 43 people at the reunion that:
1 of them were himself
1 was estimated to be dead (Kaelen)
21 were not there (12 of the class of 2008, 3 from his class, 3 teachers (of the 3 teachers there) and 3 from the class of 2010.)
20 were accounted for


Thomas made sure that each of them were brought to a tent, but he wanted his squad to come with him. They entered the Comandante's tent and after some persuasion the Comandante agreed, Thomas would have his own team, and those three will be Thomas's default teammates. The Comandante assigned a big tent, which used to be packed with ten or more men, but now those ten were dead from the most recent battle. That fate was shared with many guerrillas as their casualties was estimated to be near 100, not only from the Police HQ Raid, firefight outside the school, but also from a duel raid that night on an Army Supply Depot. The tent was decent, it had the ten hammocks taken out and on one side, a duel hammock, like a bunk bed, and on the other side another duel hammock. In the center was a decently sized table, with a candle and match nearby. In the back was four small boxes with keyholes, they were standard issue, given to every revolutionary so they can hold valuable things.


Thomas gathered up his stuff from his old tent and moved to the new one as the other three got their new items and the girls went to change in the privacy of the girls outhouse. Joe and Thomas was simple, Joe wore some pants, boxers, and a shirt, while Thomas would just wear boxers and a shirt, Joe slept on the top on the left duel hammock, Thomas on the bottom. Thomas looked up at Joe's messy dirty blonde hair, “So did you ever believe I would be so successful in such an athletic role?”
“No, I never did, I was honestly thinking you would be a computer genius or something, this all doesn't feel real.”
“Well you better pay attention because it is real.”
“You always knew I was bad at that.”
“Honestly, I like you guys, trust me, this is a better sentence then the Europe theater.”
“You sure? At least I'll get shot and this will be all over.”
“Just think of it like Call of Service except that if you get shot you're screwed.”
“I wonder if I could get my stuff from home.”
“I'm sure someday in the near future the local area shall be liberated.”
Before they could continue Bella came back in, her hair was dirty blonde as well, but had some blonde locks. She was wearing a pink night gown, her hair in one of her cute little styles, she laid down on the top hammock on the right side and laughed, “So what made you have Megan on the team.”
Thomas shrugged, “She's smart, arrogant, almost like a female version of me.”
Bella began to swing her hammock and after a minute fell off onto her butt.
“So do we choose when we sleep, because those camp fires could keep up us, not to mention the talking.”
Thomas swung without falling, “I've been here for long enough to get the hang of it, we have to zip up the tent door, they will probably last until day comes. How about we sit around the candle and well talk?”
After they got off and sat around, chatted a bit Megan came in, her black ponytail being stroked by her, “Sorry I'm late, just wanted to visit my classmates.”
Thomas replied without a change of emotion, “Oh... Well its no problem we have freedom here. Um, we're just going to talk or something around the candle, care to join?”
Megan smiled, “Sure.” She walked over and Thomas got up to zip the tent door closed.


Megan's t-shirt didn't show much, always being modest. She wore some shorts, nothing indecent, just regular shorts.
After a bit of talking they decided to retire. They all went to their hammocks while Thomas put out the candle and went to his. Eventually they fell asleep.


Thomas woke up in the middle of the night, he took out his radio, lowered the volume and whispered into it, “What time is it?” Some random revolutionary replied, “3:00 A.M.” Thomas normally just go back to sleep, but he had some gas and wanted to relieve him. So he went to a male outhouse and relieved himself, walking past the campfires without even noticing them. Thomas reentered and zipped up the tent, none of his Comrades had noticed. He unlocked his box and took out an artifact from 2008 called an iDod Touch. He took the ear buds and put them in his ear. He listened to bands such as Linkin Logs, a rock band and Left Over Meatloaf, an Anarcho-Punk band.


After an hour or so he returned it to the box and locked it in. He knew that energy was running low on his iDod, and if they were lucky, the Russians might throw in another generator next supply day. After taking care of a few things, Thomas then went back to sleep. Thomas woke up hours later, Joe's hammock was already empty and Bella just walked out. He saw Megan sleeping so peacefully as he just sat on his hammock and sighed. He got dressed into some combat clothes, a shirt, combat long pants, and boots. He went to get some food. Bella and Joe were already there and Bella motioned for Thomas to join them. Thomas got some breakfast, it was nothing fancy, just some tea and a large can of Prague Sausages.


He sat down and talked with his friends, joked, laughed. After eating Thomas went to the Comandante's tent, and found the Comandante cleaning an M9 pistol, “Ah Tom, I guess you need a mission?”
“Isn't that the point of having my own team?”
The Comandante smiled, “I thought the point was so that you can make a name, we all know how fun it is to name things.”
“Well the more missions I do the more stuff I can name, like operations, missions, or maneuvers.”
“Well you might want to call this Operation Sub or something. A Russian submarine is stranded in the Western Atlantic, behind the American sea defense wall. The sub has critical engine damage, it is very risky to use the engine. Your team will go aboard a modified civilian ship and deliver parts to the Russian submarine so that it can go to Cuba for repairs.”
“What happens if we get stopped by a patrol?”
“We have I.D. Cards made up, registration, a hidden compartment to store the engine parts and your weapons.”
“What other modifications have you made?”
“Well, the ship can ping the sub, I don't think there are any other modifications. This mission should take you under 72 hours, there is a bathroom, sleeping bags, and food and drinks. We will take you by car to a civilian port in New Jersey, the cargo is already loaded and you'll take backpacks aboard, which would be weapons.”
“Understood, I'll brief the team.”


About twenty minutes later he had his team assembled in regular street clothes in their tent, “We have a mission, we need to transport critical parts to a Russian sub over in the West Atlantic. ID's and everything have been made up, we will be taken to a New Jersey port to get aboard our civilian ship. We will carry aboard backpacks with our weapons, which will be stowed in a secret compartment. We have enough resources to last us for under 72 hours. Any questions?”


Thomas looked at his team and said, “Alright then, move out.”


They all went on a regular Ford Windstar to the port. It took them about five hours to get there. They boarded the ship uneventfully and Thomas started the engine and left port. It was a relatively simple ship, it consisted of a main deck, not too big, but the four of them could sit and eat on it. The ship itself was big, a lockable door led to the bridge, and after a ladder going down was the cargo room filled with dummy boxes, and under the boxes was the compartment, and a lodging room, now with four sleeping bags, canned food, and canned soft drinks such as soda. One got onto the vessel via a ramp from the main deck, and had to go up stairs to get to the bridge.


After taking off Thomas turned to Joe, “I have this on autopilot, should take no more than about one day to get to the sub.” Joe nodded and they went down under deck to find Bella and Megan talking in the lodging room. Thomas smiled, “Good to see you two getting along instead of fighting.”
Bella ignored the statement and asked excitedly, “Could I control the boat?”
Thomas shook his head, “I don't know if sailing like a drunk man is a crime, but I don't want to take any chances.”
Joe and Megan smiled while Bella laughed.
“Of course I think this could go faster if we had an American Destroyer,” Thomas smirked.
Bella, full of enthusiasm got up off of her sleeping bag, “I'll go watch out on the deck, we don't need another Titanic.”
After Bella left Joe commented, “I think she is too excited about this. What idiot thinks there are icebergs in the New Jersey sea area, and since we are going south...”
Megan shrugged, “Well there is no entertainment here, its not like the Comandante packed us anything to play with.”
Thomas smiled, “Knowing him he probably put something entertaining in one of our weapon backpacks, either that or something of an immature nature.”
Joe raised an eyebrow, “You've known him longer, but I doubt someone in such a high position would put something immature, what would he put anyway?”
Thomas was already way ahead of Joe, after opening a compartment after putting in a code on the bridge he pulled out a backpack and began searching. “Joe, sometimes I wonder if he has the maturity to have over twenty guns in his tent, but he's a good man, he just likes to joke, he has come to be a father figure since I joined the revolution.”
“So what are you searching for?”
“Weapons.”
“Why, there aren't even patrols near here probably.”
“Always good to keep an M9 or two ready, just in case.”
“But where will you store it?”
“Great question, but just to have it handy I'll store it in a wall compartment.”
“We have those too?”
“Just one, and its small.”
Thomas flipped open a tiny metal door, behind a decorative table and stowed his M9 in there.
“I didn't even know we had that.”
“Me neither, but when I unlocked one of the few cargo compartments we had I saw the wall one and unlocked that one too.”
Megan sat there quietly laying down, eyes closed, Thomas sneaked over to her and poked her, “You still alive?”
Megan grinned still with her eyes closed, “Yeah.”
Thomas looked around, “I'll go back up to the bridge, close the compartment for me Joe.”


Thomas climbed up the iron ladder up to the bridge and checked the map, “ETA 18 hours, lets just hope we have no storms come our way.” He looked at the time, it was 5:00 PM already, he figured that 'We'll have shifts, at 7 PM we'll have dinner where Bella will keep watch till 11, Joe till 1, Megan till 4, and me till 8.'

I only read the first page, I didn't have time to read the others, but I have a few comments.

The language seemed a bit unnatural. Try to find substitutes for words such as comrade, and especially commandante.

Also, 8th grade reunions, who has those?

My language skills are not the best, even though I am a natural English speaker.

Also apparently, Thomas has 8th grade reunions (when your out in western Pennsylvania you don't have many other things to do I would imagine).