Trans?

  1. Slippers
    Slippers
    I'm trans... I think. MTF. I've dealt with feelings that I've wanted to be a woman for as long as I can remember, and it's been only in the past few years that I've actually considered getting HRT and actually transitioning physically.

    I have doubts, a lack of health insurance, and unsupportive (about the gender thing) family (I'm 21 and living away from them, but I'm not yet totally self-sufficient while I'm at school) so that's a bit complicated at the moment. I'm just wondering if anybody else here has dealt with gender incongruity?
  2. TheGodlessUtopian
    TheGodlessUtopian
    A common myth about transitioning into a new gender is the belief/expectation that you must have a sex reassignment surgery to be considered a woman. This is false. I have met Transgender women who have done everything but the surgery. So if you want to transition a good lace to start is dressing as a woman (I.E what society expects of females) and begin hormone treatment. If you get to the hormone part and have no regrets than it would be time, I think, to get your important documents changed so your gender line reflects who you feel you are.

    If you are concerned about your tuition being cut off or parental support dwindling than you may wish to get a feel for what your parents believe in regards to Transgender people: are they Transphobic, neutral, or supportive? If you do not already know than ask them some questions, disguised as any format you wish, to get an idea. Once you know you will be able to formulate the next step in your transition.

    Many people have dealt with the kind of issues you are facing. For proof simply search through some of the other threads here in the Queers group and you will find similar stories. The key is to keep your head up and not let the reactionary dumbfucks, fuck up who you are
  3. Slippers
    Slippers
    I am just trying to get the funds to see a therapist at the moment. It's a complicated situation though; I mentioned I have doubts (I don't want to get into all of them now; but basically, I feel there's a good chance I'm not "really" trans). If it turns out transitioning isn't right for me, then I will have "came out of the closet" (as I will have to do if I go full-time or dress - I live with four college-aged guys) and potentially done a lot of damage to my personal life all for no reason.

    My mom knows, and she's against me getting "a sex change", and she's about the most open-minded person in my family.

    I'm in a shoddy situation, really. I'm just hoping that a therapist will be able to help me get it all sorted. Thank you for replying, and I'll do my best not to let ignorant idiots get to me. There certainly are a lot of them.
  4. TheGodlessUtopian
    TheGodlessUtopian
    Therapists can only help you sort out and solve problems, they will not be able to wipe away unwanted gender identities or sexual orientations so just do not place all of your hopes on a therapist. That being said they can certainly help you a great deal.

    I am not Transgender so I cannot comment on how you would go about finding out if you are "truly" transgender but if I had to guess I would say start with small experimentation and gradually move up to larger ones if you find that you enjoyed the smaller ones. Use plenty of introspection and try not to be too hasty. After all, if you limit yourself to clothes than there is no great medical mess in terms of returning to your original identity.

    In any case I hope you come to a situation where you are comfortable in your skin and situation. If you ever need some help with discrimination at school be sure to see if the university officials can't help you out any or if your local progressive Queer groups and civil rights groups can't give you some advice. There are usually allies closer than you think; the problem is, as usual, finding them.
  5. Landsharks eat metal
    Landsharks eat metal
    I'm FTM and I agree with TheGodlessUtopian. Talking to a therapist once you get the money should hopefully help you work through your doubts (although there are perhaps a few that try to push everyone into transitioning.) I have an unsupportive family as well, and no money of my own, and limited transportation. I haven't been able to see a gender therapist because my father thinks I'm making up being trans for attention and the therapist would maybe believe me, and my regular therapist thinks my gender identity is just a manifestation of my Asperger's syndrome.

    I don't really have too much advice, but you're totally not alone, and you can talk to me about anything. I'm better at supporting people than giving actual advice, but I can try.
  6. slum
    slum
    a therapist would be a good idea- make sure before you go (either by checking up online, or by calling ahead, or just book a single session) that they're trans-friendly, and remember you can always find a different person to work with.

    the "am i really trans" question is a difficult one- on the one hand i know trans folks who say you should not undergo sexual reassignment surgery unless you have to make a decision between 'transition or suicide' i.e. your dysphoria is so intense you actually cannot live with it; on the other hand a cis-normative society is always going to tell you that you aren't "really" trans, and i don't know of anyone who transitioned without going through at least some periods of self-doubt. then there's tons of trans people who don't undergo surgery, or only get one type of surgery, or only take hormones, or don't do any of those things.

    if your mother refers to "sex changes" she might not know very much about trans issues- obviously it's not as simple as that. if she's open to it some reading may be in order.

    see if you can't get in touch with some other trans (or not-jerk queer) kids in your area- if they have places to sleep or hang out you can crash there and dress however you want for a few days. you don't have to come out to your roommates, or to anyone for that matter, if you're not comfortable doing so. there's also a ton of online resources and communities if you're not in a friendly area.
  7. Slippers
    Slippers
    I probably won't have SRS, but I do want to have HRT and to transition socially.

    I've been in online trans communities; my experience with those isn't great, I have to say. Lots of people who only reinforce traditional gender roles and question other peoples "transness". I mean, this wasn't most people, but it was enough to upset me a lot.

    There is an LGBT club at the local school, but at the moment I'm not technically enrolled. It's complicated. I do know of a transgender resource centre in a neighbouring city like an hour away or so. I might have to look into that.
  8. anarcholilithism
    anarcholilithism
    Other people can't decide if you're trans, only you can. don't listen to anyone who tries to tell you you're not trans enough. It's completely normal in our cis-normative society to question whether you're really trans, but if you feel you want to go ahead and transition socially and take hormones I say go for it. You'll know pretty soon afterwards if it isn't right for you, and begining the process can definitely make it clearer.