bigbill
11th June 2003, 09:10
I would like to take the time to educate the world about a little known tribe of filthy, unwashed, smelly barbarians referred to as...the Scottish! Now we are currently at war with the Islamo facist terrorists. But after we have blown the rags off their heads, we must turn our attention to these Scotch drinking, sheep-fornicating, out of control soccer hooligans. Yes, my fellow Americans, we must put our collective foot down before innocent people are forced to sip Bell's whiskey and eat haggis. The Scots must be taught a lesson.
Did you know that the two major soccer teams are still divided on religious grounds? Yes. Ghe Glasgow Rangers are protestent, and the Glasgow Celtic are Roman Catholic. Ibrox stadium, home of the evil Ranges, has had to think about putting netting around the fans because these rowdy drunkards were throwing golfballs with nails driven through them at the opposing fans. Although if anyone deserves a nail in the head, it's a Glasgow Celtic supporter.
Did you know that the sun rarely shines in Scotland? It's true. What's the big deal, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. Gather round, children.
At these games, a few of the crazier fans come with their kilts on like they are Mel Gibson in Braveheart. Do they do it for cultural pride? NO! They do it because it makes it easier to moon the opposing side. That's where lack of sunlight comes in. Upon lifting their kilts and shaking their bums, one is blinded by their fishy white Glaswegian backsides. Yes, the moon is a frequent visitor at Scottish football games.
Here's a typical dialogue between Celtic and Rangers supporters:
Rangers supporter lifting his kilt from the front: "Bullocks! You dirty wee timmy-boy Catholic bastard. Go to I taly and kiss the Pope's arse, you greeting ****! (Takes a big drink of whiskey.)
Celtics supporter lifting his kilt from the back: "My arse! You protestent hun ignorant Henry the Eighth loving heretic. I wish we could still burn ye at the stake. (Takes a big drink of whiskey after the tirade.)
Yes, my fellow Americans, these people need to be taught a lesson in manners. God knows the Canadians aren't up to it. Do our friendly (gag) neighbors to the North even have an army? I don't think so. So it's up to us as usual.
Did you know that the two major soccer teams are still divided on religious grounds? Yes. Ghe Glasgow Rangers are protestent, and the Glasgow Celtic are Roman Catholic. Ibrox stadium, home of the evil Ranges, has had to think about putting netting around the fans because these rowdy drunkards were throwing golfballs with nails driven through them at the opposing fans. Although if anyone deserves a nail in the head, it's a Glasgow Celtic supporter.
Did you know that the sun rarely shines in Scotland? It's true. What's the big deal, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. Gather round, children.
At these games, a few of the crazier fans come with their kilts on like they are Mel Gibson in Braveheart. Do they do it for cultural pride? NO! They do it because it makes it easier to moon the opposing side. That's where lack of sunlight comes in. Upon lifting their kilts and shaking their bums, one is blinded by their fishy white Glaswegian backsides. Yes, the moon is a frequent visitor at Scottish football games.
Here's a typical dialogue between Celtic and Rangers supporters:
Rangers supporter lifting his kilt from the front: "Bullocks! You dirty wee timmy-boy Catholic bastard. Go to I taly and kiss the Pope's arse, you greeting ****! (Takes a big drink of whiskey.)
Celtics supporter lifting his kilt from the back: "My arse! You protestent hun ignorant Henry the Eighth loving heretic. I wish we could still burn ye at the stake. (Takes a big drink of whiskey after the tirade.)
Yes, my fellow Americans, these people need to be taught a lesson in manners. God knows the Canadians aren't up to it. Do our friendly (gag) neighbors to the North even have an army? I don't think so. So it's up to us as usual.