How to "properly" raise a child

[Labor Shall Rule]

I've been in a child development class for the last few months, and it's lead me to ponder the question: is it possible to raise a child that is free of any patriarchal, heterosexual, and white bigotry?

I've discovered that in my experience, though my parents consistently tried to keep me sheltered from nudity, my erotic and sexual desire was historically shaped from a younger age (that pre-dated my puberty) from watching the television set. TRL and later on, The Man Show, portrayed women as people that are better at shaking their asses than at using their brains. I tended to view women (after that) as sexual objects, and at first could not grab onto friends from the other sex.

Could I of been a "perfect" child if was treated with different care from my parents (i.e. not have a TV in my room)? What's the 'revolutionary' take on 'developing' children?

[Dystisis]

Let them grow up and make up their own mind... At first, when you still have some (any) kind of control over them, try not having them watch "Sexy Ladies Shake Their Tong Tong" on MTV all day, but don't be all dictator either... Then they will probably seek it.

I have seen bad things happen to children whose parents were entirely overprotective... Well, not overprotective but really tried to shape their children after their own ideology. It may sound weird but parents should try to be neutral (which doesn't necessarily mean letting them watch crappy MTV all the time) when possible.

[Prisoner#69]

How to properly take care of a child? Not having any in the first place. Anybody who has children in these economic and dangerous times is nothing short of a dick. Especially when there is already a huge world population; and plenty of possible children to adopt.

[Post-Something]

How to properly take care of a child? Not having any in the first place. Anybody who has children in these economic and dangerous times is nothing short of a dick. Especially when there is already a huge world population; and plenty of possible children to adopt.

What a fucking useless answer. You obviously know nothing about life at best. Calling the OP a dick for having a child because of your shitty ultra-determinism is so unbelievably rude.


But I think Dystisis is right. Let them make up their own minds. I think if you expose them to nature, art and science at a young age, you tend to get kids to have a strong creative side. If you couple that with exposing them to loads of different cultures and ways of life etc, then they should end up having a pretty open mind. Don't necessarily block your children from watching stuff like that though, look at yourself, you turned out alright. Obviously the influence can't be avoided, but if you can give them the tools to filter between good and bad ideas, they stand a much better chance?

[Prisoner#69]

What a fucking useless answer. You obviously know nothing about life at best. Calling the OP a dick for having a child because of your shitty ultra-determinism is so unbelievably rude.


Unless the OP had mentioned it in some other thread, the OP makes no mention of actually having his/her own child. Which means you did not fully read, which is pretty rude.

[ÑóẊîöʼn]

Beat the ever-loving shit out of them. :D

On a serious note, I would recommend an early exposure to science programs and nature documentaries - they may not understand all if any of it, but you will ensure they have a lifelong fascination with science, which in my opinion is the best damn gift any parent can give to a child.

One of my favourite videos when I was a child was David Attenborough's Life on Earth (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_on_Earth_(TV_series)). It captured my imagination in a way that's rarely been matched since.

[Prisoner#69]

Beat the ever-loving shit out of them. :D


Isn't that the truth?

I go into stores and listen to the interaction between the child and the mother. Guess who is in control? The whiney, greedy consumer 5 year old needs to get a smack across the face from time-to-time IMO. :closedeyes:

[ÑóẊîöʼn]

Isn't that the truth?

I go into stores and listen to the interaction between the child and the mother. Guess who is in control? The whiney, greedy consumer 5 year old needs to get a smack across the face from time-to-time IMO. :closedeyes:

Looks like I've unearthed a real beaut! :mad:

Tell me, do you like the idea of bigger, stronger people beating the crap out of smaller, weaker people? I was joking, but somehow I'm not getting those vibes from you.

You're a disgusting waste of flesh and I hope you get hit by a bus.

[Prisoner#69]

Do you feel better wanting a 5 ton object beating the crap out of a smaller, weaker human being? Sounds a little awful! :crying:

[ÑóẊîöʼn]

Do you feel better wanting a 5 ton object beating the crap out of a smaller, weaker human being? Sounds a little awful! :crying:

If the human being is the sort that thinks hitting kids is OK, then I have no problem.

[Prisoner#69]

If the human being is the sort that thinks hitting kids is OK, then I have no problem.

So there is never an appropriate moment to show a child some tuff-love?

[ÑóẊîöʼn]

So there is never an appropriate moment to show a child some tuff-love?

No matter how much you euphemise it, you're still hitting someone smaller and weaker than you are, and that is utterly contemptible.

[Mr. Path-e-fist]

I would teach them things rather than tell them what to do. It still gives them the element of freedom to do as they please but children are more inclined to do things they are taught rather than told.

[piet11111]

its extremely difficult especially because little kids do not see danger and do not learn the concept of gravity very fast either when climbing on everything.
its best to explain those things to them over and over again and let them take the fall every now and then.

if they show interests in things you should stimulate them but not too the point they are overwhelmed and lose interest.

and regarding baby's when they are able to sleep through the entire night put them in their own room right away because if you don't they will always try to crawl in your bed every damn night with all the drama and lack of sleep that goes with it when they are older

and yes kids will from time to time drive you nuts but you should never hit them.

[Prisoner#69]

A spanking here and there never did any kid wrong. :tt1:

[Plagueround]

Anyone who just started reading this thread would do themselves an extreme service by not reading anything prisoner 69 has to say...

In my experience and opinion, a parent should act as a guide and a mentor to their child, not an authority figure and a disciplinarian. Most of the behaviors children exhibit that we deem unacceptable are because we are expecting them to behave like adults, a request that they do not fully comprehend, nor one they should be expected to.
The question you need to ask when parenting is "Do I find this unacceptable because it could place my child or others in potential harm, teach them destructive or anti-social behaviors, etc.?" or "Do I find this unacceptable because it annoys, embarrasses, or frustrates me?" You would be surprised how often it's the latter, and it will also teach you a lot about behaviors and inhibitions you have that are perhaps unreasonable.

You would be doing a child a disservice to punish them, especially with physical violence, rather than speak to them as you would expect someone teaching you. Obviously there will be times where you will need to restrain a child (attempting to talk it out while they run off into traffic wouldn't be a good idea, but neither would talking it out while a novice in a trade is about to jam their hand in a saw) because they do lack the understanding of the world that you do, but I've never seen a situation where hitting them would do anything other than make them fearful and subservient.

I learned a lot from the infoshop FAQ on parenting, and since applying much of those methods my son's progress and our relationship has made amazing leaps and bounds. My son is well behaved, but he is not restrained from being a child or a person.

[Mujer Libre]

A spanking here and there never did any kid wrong. :tt1:
This has been discussed many times before, and I don't feel like going over old ground, but I suggest you read this webpage: The Effects of Corporal Punishment (http://www.cyc-net.org/cyc-online/cycol-0101-corporal.html)

And just think about this- what kind of an example is spanking setting for children? That we should dominate one another? Or solve disputes with violence?

[ev]

I would just like to thank Labor Shall Rule for raising this topic.
I myself am not a parent and have not really read material on raising children, however from my personal experience of being a raised as a child and from looking after other children I agree with Plagueround's points and suggest that you disregard Prisoner#69's statements, I view them counterproductive without elaboration.

[STI]

Not having kids myself, there's only so much I can say in terms of experiential knowledge... but I'll give it my best.

When kids are sheltered from all things sexual, they pick up the message that *sex is dirty*... which serves to undermine their ability to explore and enjoy sexuality later in life.

Also, outright "protection" from exposure to oppressive cultural norms, as Labour_Shall_Rule's example illustrates, sets kids up to be blind-sided. We live in a sexist, racist world and unprepared kids are at risk to internalize those ideas when (and not if) they encounter them.

Instead, kids should be allowed to see stuff like The Man Show, but they should be able to discuss it with their parents afterward. Kids should be able to express the thoughts and feelings associated with programming like that, and parents need to be prepared to contextualize it, use it as an opportunity to introduce their kids things like patriarchy, feminism, objectification, and so on. The sooner a person understands that the world isn't as good as it could be, the better prepared they'll be to deal with its shortcomings & shittiness, and the more eager they'll be to seek out alternatives.

... As for corporal punishment, the empirical evidence relating its administration to children and later vulnerability to depression, aggressive behaviour, and a myriad of other negative outcomes alone should be enough to deter any parent away from its use.

[ihcarij]

So far, the debate has focused on the extent of a parent's censorship. But what about natural, unintended influences a parent will have on their children?
For instance, my parents never explicitly told me to hold a certain set of views, and never sepcifically kept me from developing opposing opinions. But, since the environment I was raised in was the only resource I had for outside views, I naturally developed a viewpoint that mimicked theirs, as most children do. When I began to develop opinions of my own, I felt uncomfortable with them at first, and am still uncomfortable discussing them with my parents.

Is there a way to parent children without confining them to their immediate environment, without overwhelming them?

It seems a phrase like 'we'll love you no matter what' isn't strong enough to counteract subtler, more natural and frequent undertones.

[Ex~]

Children most often to grow up like their parents. If they are fundamentally different than their parents, it is because they reacted the same way to different circumstances.

The best way to raise a child is by being a good person yourself, and also modeling yourself with mind to the current conditions. In this way your child will see a good example in you, and also a relatively appropriate example in you for the times he or she will live in.

If you do not watch The Man Show or TRL or other such right-wing anti-feminist social backwash, your child would never have much opportunity to watch said programs, at least within your home. You are under no obligation to provide such unnecessary and harmful materials to your child, but forbidding them is not necessary to raise the child well, and would have a net negative effect if enacted.

[Drace]

How to properly take care of a child? Not having any in the first place. Anybody who has children in these economic and dangerous times is nothing short of a dick. Especially when there is already a huge world population; and plenty of possible children to adopt.

Seriously how fucking rude...

Btw, birth rates have dramatically fallen, especially European countries such as Russia where it gets to as low as a rate of 1.

In the US its barely 2, which is what is needed to keep the population at a steady position. A women must have two childs, one to replace herself, and one to replace the father.

[Plagueround]

When I began to develop opinions of my own, I felt uncomfortable with them at first, and am still uncomfortable discussing them with my parents.

Is there a way to parent children without confining them to their immediate environment, without overwhelming them?

It seems a phrase like 'we'll love you no matter what' isn't strong enough to counteract subtler, more natural and frequent undertones.

My dad and I solve this by getting drunk before discussing our opinions. :lol:

[STI]

If you do not watch The Man Show or TRL or other such right-wing anti-feminist social backwash, your child would never have much opportunity to watch said programs, at least within your home. You are under no obligation to provide such unnecessary and harmful materials to your child, but forbidding them is not necessary to raise the child well, and would have a net negative effect if enacted.

How did you hear about The Man Show? Was it from your parents? Peers? Channel-surfing?

Noble though our intentions may be, the fact of the matter is shows like that not only contribute to, but are a consequence of the sexist ideas which permeate society. Shit like that is out there, and your kids are certain to run into it. Much as we may want to sometimes, we just can't "protect" our kids from reactionary ideas forever.

So, given that your kids are bound to run into shit like that at some point, wouldn't they be better served having explicit sense made out of it? Kids generally have a lot of respect for how their parents view the world, and usually appreciate insight and illumination in that regard. Watching something like The Man Show with your kid is a wonderful catalyst for discussion of patriarchy, masculinity, and sexism.

There's a psychological phenomenon called "attitude inoculation". Essentially, if somebody has a position (including the logic that supports it) explained to them, then hears the 'debunking' of that position, s/he is less likely to accept the validity of that position later.

And, as the old saying goes, an ounce of prevention...

[bretty]

How to properly take care of a child? Not having any in the first place. Anybody who has children in these economic and dangerous times is nothing short of a dick. Especially when there is already a huge world population; and plenty of possible children to adopt.

When has it not been a dangerous time? People have been suggesting overpopulation is an issue for centuries. Adoption is a good idea, but people should have the right to have their own child.

[Oneironaut]

If I was a parent, I would try to be a mentor to my child. I would want him/ hopefully her to feel free to always discuss their feelings. I want to do my best to maintain open communication and never be condescending but patient. As a child I always lacked communication with my parents. I typically felt like there where things i couldn't talk about with them and this has led up to me being a 20 year old who still doesn't communicate well with his parents.

My worst nightmare is having a child who grows up to be a capitalist. I don't know what I would do then...

[cleef]

i would say sometimes a child choosing not to follow a parents views can have a positive effect

such as if the parents ARE the racist, sexist right wing bigots and the child rejects this view and seeks an alterate concept

let the child come to their own decision and do not restrict their curiosity

[cop an Attitude]

I would like to think that my parents raised me very well and i draw expenece from this. Some things i think are crucial in rasing a child

- don't focus on material items, rather take your children on trips and activites. wether it be 6 flags, Niagra Falls or the park, spend time with them.
- Attempt to make them aware of the arts. Music, Art, Movies, anything. They can play a sport but make sure you atleast have a focus on the arts around them. I feel that the more people are open to the arts the more open minded and intelligent they become.
- be open minded yourself
- don't be to uptight and enjoy parenting
- try to help foster friendships by having you child join various actvites or clubs
- try to raise them to be execpting of others
- praise them when they do something good, dont just focus on the bad
- don't use viloence
- Enforce a domaninate but loving relationship from 1-14 yrs of age. after that you will need to change you outlook on your child as he/she develops into an adult
- always love them and have a place for them, be execpting of their beleifs, after all they may grow up to be a commie ;).

[Oneironaut]

i would say sometimes a child choosing not to follow a parents views can have a positive effect

such as if the parents ARE the racist, sexist right wing bigots and the child rejects this view and seeks an alterate concept

let the child come to their own decision and do not restrict their curiosity

While this is exactly what happened to me, it would be horrible for my child to adopt racist, sexist, or homophobic attitudes. I don't think this will happen, I am just one of those worrier-types.