Coming out?

[Y Chwyldro Comiwnyddol Cymraeg]

I have noticed from a few threads and polls that many members are gay/bi or whatever. How many of you have "come out" in the non revleft world:L Because I am unsure as to when or how I should do this...

It will have huge effects on my life and the only person that knows is one boy, whom I got off with once! I am bi, and still in school (where homphobia is rampant). I want your advice please...

[apathy maybe]

Oh, I thought you were coming out that you were a leftist radical rat bag.

My bad.

I leave quietly now.

[Bright Banana Beard]

dont do it unless u in bi-tolerate society like USA and the Netherlands. ADDED: Didn't know your concern with local, but I would slowly start by talking to people.

[RedAnarchist]

dont do it unless u in bi-tolerate society like USA and the Netherlands.

If the US is bi-tolerant, then the UK certainly is. He's more concerned about his school and local area rather than the country.

[Module]

I have noticed from a few threads and polls that many members are gay/bi or whatever. How many of you have "come out" in the non revleft world
Not me, I'll be honest.
Irrational fears, hopefully I'll overcome them soon and feel comfortable with it.
Only two friends know, so far, but even telling them felt like a huge weight off my mind. Mostly because it was like finally admitting it to myself, also.

So, I'm not really in any position of experience, here, but if I was somebody else hehe I would tell you to just go for it - it will make you feel a lot better that you're not hiding a part of yourself.
Anybody that hates that part of you really isn't worth your time.
Cliché answer, I guess, but I'm sure it's true!
And hopefully I'll take my own advice one day hehe :D

[apathy maybe]

@Desrumeaux, do these two friends also visit this site? It would be strange if they were two different friends you were talking about ... :P.

@Y Chwyldro Comiwnyddol Cymraeg, Honestly, if you are bi (rather then just gay), then meh. It sucks a bit. If you were just interested in men, you could make the comment "with my dashing looks, I'm not going to take the women away from you ugly folks", or something equally silly. Basically say, what the fuck do you have a problem with gay folks for, they are not competing for the attentions of the local girls/women.

However, if you are bi, then that obviously isn't true. Actually, if you were to "date" a couple of girls, and then "come out", it might confuse a few ignorant fuckers, and they might leave you alone.

Actually, to be perfectly honest, I shouldn't have come back into the thread... I'll leave quietly again...

[Lector Malibu]

I can relate too this. Back years ago when I was an an inspiring student (oh the humanity) and I was starting to get very open about my homosexuality and curious, I told at the time my best friend at school and he actually turned out to be a complete homophobic jerk and wanted nothing to do with me anymore. Oh it killed me at the time. After that I did not want to tell anybody for awhile. Now here I am years later and view the situation much different. I don't think anyone should have to mask who they are. I think it's important to let people know who you are and be that person. Regardless of whether people are accepting or not.

I guess feel it out. If you're around a bunch of homophobic jerks that are going to harass you and whatnot I can understand not wanting to deal with that. Especially at a time when school should be a focus.

I've been "out" in the real world for along time now. I've had the good times and the worst of times regarding this.

Actually I had a pretty rough time on a website I used to post at. I actually was harassed and mocked endlessly because of my sexuality. I kept posting on the site as long as I could because I felt trapped , like why should I let a bunch of homophobic "internet bullies" run me off the board? It drove me up a wall.

Well they had a monopoly and sometimes you don't win I guess. So I left the board. I did notice after that that( as opposed to real life ) I was more reluctant to be open on the internet about my sexuality though.

When I first came here I did not talk about it much because I did not what a repeat performance of what I had went through on another forum.

I digress though. It is important to be who you are though and stand by that person you are. So like I said feel it out. It might really, really suck. It might not. :)

You can do it though. And know that you're not alone.

[Dimentio]

I really have a more female personality, although I am 100% hetero. I mean, I used to sit at the cafeteria and discuss fashion and irritating persons with my friends who were as weird as I'm (trenchcoat mafia style).

I am probably a lesbian. ^^

[Y Chwyldro Comiwnyddol Cymraeg]

I have started to drop unsubtle hints; like loads of gay jokes about myself (like "pretending" to desire a friend whos male). Iv also, when drunk asked people about their sexuality and made passes at boys when drunk. I think a few people suspect my curiosity now. But I know that if I openly admit my sexuality I will be pushed aside by aquaintances and never fully accepted as a friend. I h\ve considered telling a few close friends only, but it would be around my small school in a few days.

[Dr Mindbender]

manchester is very gay tolerant, you dont need to move to europe.

[Pogue]

Manchester is in Europe?

[Dr Mindbender]

Manchester is in Europe?
i meant continental europe. :rolleyes:

[Sentinel]

First tell your best friends, and see how that goes. Then widen the circle of trust gradually in your own pace, that's how I did. Also tell your parents as soon as possible, unless you think they'll be overtly hostile -- they can turn out to be a great support.

That's how I did, and soon I noticed that it wasn't such a big deal at all, even though I had been horrified of the thought about how the finnish community in northern Stockholm I mostly hang with would react, due to homophobic jargon as well as genuine homophobia amongst them.

It went well though. I did initially, and still sometimes do, face some prejudices (and a ton of stupid questions) -- but it was nothing I couldn't handle. At work it was easier as there are quite a few queer people here.

Coming out is something that has to be done, the earlier the better. Remember, that every year in the closet is a year stolen from your life by the bigots, and they aren't worth it.

However, if you're still in High school or a similar environment, it may be better to keep it between close friends until you get out of there. Remember what I said about stolen years though!

[The Feral Underclass]

I've been out for 11 years but in reality the whole notion of "coming out" is ridiculous and I would encourage people not to even bother if they don't feel comfortable. The idea that gay people have to go to the special effort to tell people about their sexualities reinforces the idea that we have some difference that needs to be overcome and accepted.

Gay people don't need to tell people who they have sex with. We shouldn't be put under pressure to discuss our perceived difference as if it were a problem. At the end of the day we don't need people to "accept" us. People just have to deal with the fact that we have sex with our own gender and if they don't like it they can fuck off!

[Decolonize The Left]

I've been out for 11 years but in reality the whole notion of "coming out" is ridiculous and I would encourage people not to even bother if they don't feel comfortable. The idea that gay people have to go to the special effort to tell people about their sexualities reinforces the idea that we have some difference that needs to be overcome and accepted.

Gay people don't need to tell people who they have sex with. We shouldn't be put under pressure to discuss our perceived difference as if it were a problem. At the end of the day we don't need people to "accept" us. People just have to deal with the fact that we have sex with our own gender and if they don't like it they can fuck off!

I agree completely, but it is difficult to adopt such a simple attitude when situated in the loaded position of being at school. I am not gay, or bi (as far as I know), but I have had many, many discussions about this issue when I was at school; have had folks come out to me; have had to support their rights against bigots, etc...

The best I can give to you Y Chwyldro Comiwnyddol Cymraeg, is to develop a support network. Best friends first, if they are really your friends, it shouldn't matter who you are attracted to, at all. Then family, unless you feel as though this will create a hostile environment at home. If not, having your family understanding your situation is a great way to have support outside of school. Once you have 'come out' to your best friends and family, and these people have your back, then it's much easier to adopt the philosophy which TAT has articulated so well. I agree with his stance, but would advise you to seek some support first.

- August

[trivas7]

I have noticed from a few threads and polls that many members are gay/bi or whatever. How many of you have "come out" in the non revleft world:L Because I am unsure as to when or how I should do this...

Because no one else knows your particular circumstances only you can decide as to the how and when.

But I would encourage you nonetheless. I guarantee that it will not happen exactly as you anticipate and that whatever short-term pain comes of it in the longer view you will feel that it was the correct and healthy thing to have done. That has been my experience and that of everyone else I know who has had the courage to come out. Good luck to you.

[trivas7]

dont do it unless u in bi-tolerate society like USA [...]
You're joking, correct?

[trivas7]

Not me, I'll be honest.
Irrational fears, hopefully I'll overcome them soon and feel comfortable with it.
Only two friends know, so far, but even telling them felt like a huge weight off my mind. Mostly because it was like finally admitting it to myself, also.

Physician, heal thyself.

[professorchaos]

I've been out for 11 years but in reality the whole notion of "coming out" is ridiculous and I would encourage people not to even bother if they don't feel comfortable. The idea that gay people have to go to the special effort to tell people about their sexualities reinforces the idea that we have some difference that needs to be overcome and accepted.This

If someone asks, don't lie. If they don't, why bring it up?

[The Feral Underclass]

It will have huge effects on my life and the only person that knows is one boy, whom I got off with once! I am bi, and still in school (where homphobia is rampant). I want your advice please...

Don't make a big deal of it. The fact that you have sex with men as well as women is not something that's important enough for you to feel so pressured. My advice would be to carry on the way you are and if you happen to meet a boy that you like and it turns out well then you can introduce him to your friends.

What gay and bisexual people have to realise and indeed those around them is that we are oppressed and we have to struggle to be who we are in society and no matter how much you attempt to soften the "blow", the reality is you're going to meet prejudice and bigotry no matter what you do. You just need to realise that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being attracted to your own gender and ultimately there's nothing anyone can do about it.

Obviously I can understand that it's not something you want to go through on your own, especially if you are feeling pressured. My suggestion would be to contact a LGBT group and visit them. There are often networks of groups that you can contact and perhaps visit. This will help you build confidence and meet other people where the assumption that you're gay and bisexual already exists and the need to "come out" is removed.

Swansea
West Glamorgan
Swansea Bay Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Switchboard
01792 645325
available Mon 7.00 - 9.00pm Tues 12.00 - 4.00 pm
Angela Davies co-ordinator.

Ask them about Mesmac North Wales youth group. I'm not sure if it still exists and I'm not sure how close the meetings would be to Swansea. I'd also be wary of the LGBT community in general, it can be unremorseful sometimes and our goal is integration not separation. Youth groups are good though because you can meet young people who are going through the same situation.

What is it that you want to achieve by telling people you're bisexual out of interest?

[Lector Malibu]

I've been out for 11 years but in reality the whole notion of "coming out" is ridiculous and I would encourage people not to even bother if they don't feel comfortable. The idea that gay people have to go to the special effort to tell people about their sexualities reinforces the idea that we have some difference that needs to be overcome and accepted.

Gay people don't need to tell people who they have sex with. We shouldn't be put under pressure to discuss our perceived difference as if it were a problem. At the end of the day we don't need people to "accept" us. People just have to deal with the fact that we have sex with our own gender and if they don't like it they can fuck off!


There is this element too. TAT brings up and excellent point. And this also carries over to alot of things in life in general I've learned. No one should have too explain,let alone, justify any aspect of their lives .

But be who you are regardless :lol:

[Y Chwyldro Comiwnyddol Cymraeg]

What is it that you want to achieve by telling people you're bisexual out of interest?[/quote]


Sex! And a chance of finding a partner easier!

Thanks for the advise everyone.

[Sasha]

There is this element too. TAT brings up and excellent point. And this also carries over to alot of things in life in general I've learned. No one should have too explain,let alone, justify any aspect of their lives .


true off course, but for most people coming out doesn't so much mean admitting you'r gay but stopping pretending you'r straight. Wich IS a big relief for a lot of ppl.

for the record; i consider myself as bent, heterosexual but very exploretive :cool:

[Lector Malibu]

true off course, but for most people coming out doesn't so much mean admitting you'r gay but stopping pretending you'r straight. Wich IS a big relief for a lot of ppl.

for the record; i consider myself as bent, heterosexual but very exploretive :cool:

Yeah it is. There was a time in my life when really it's like I was going back and fourth on the matter in my head. I think that is normal for anyone trying to find they're sexually identity be it straight or homosexual.

Like you said though you do get to point where you know though. It's just getting there :lol:

What was weird (and I think some others have touched on this as well) is that I knew pretty young I was gay. It did take me along time I guess to just put it all together though.

On a side note there is a great French movie about coming out. You're all gonna hate me but for the life of me I can't place the title now. However it is about a young man how documents his whole coming out with a video camera

The title will come to me eventually, fantastic film though I must say.

[Prisoner#69]

dont do it unless u in bi-tolerate society like USA and the Netherlands.

Correction: The USA is bi-tolerant if you're female. Because, you know, that's really hot.

If you're a bisexual male you are the worst of the worst. Neither the heterosexual world accepts you nor the homosexual. You're in the very bad middle here...

[Honggweilo]

i consider myself bisexual, but never found myself to have an emotional connection to men, and its purely physical. The majority of my sexual relationships are with women, and i prefer them, but i definitely never shun for bi/homosexual intercourse when the oppertuinity comes along (and the guy is my type ofcourse). Either way, i openly came out for my preference to the outside world since i confirmed it (bout 3 years ago) , and really don't give a shit what dissenters may think of it, most of the time they are hiding their own sexual preferences through projection. Ofcourse i dont feel the need to tell everybody about my sexual preferences/experiences, because, like with most people, i consider those things private :)

[KrazyRabidSheep]

Correction: The USA is bi-tolerant if you're female. Because, you know, that's really hot.

If you're a bisexual male you are the worst of the worst. Neither the heterosexual world accepts you nor the homosexual. You're in the very bad middle here...True that; if you're female in the U.S., making out with another girl is hot because, you know, you're just sex objects anyway, right?

[Sharon den Adel]

My family knows but none of my friends do. I have never told them but I think they have guessed, if my MySpace is anything to go by, lol. I made a mistake once in telling 'friends' and they backstabbed me, so naturally I am worried about the same thing happening again.

[Bad Grrrl Agro]

I have noticed from a few threads and polls that many members are gay/bi or whatever. How many of you have "come out" in the non revleft world:L Because I am unsure as to when or how I should do this...

It will have huge effects on my life and the only person that knows is one boy, whom I got off with once! I am bi, and still in school (where homphobia is rampant). I want your advice please...

Do you have one understanding friend that you can trust?

If someone finds out and fucks with you about it, just remember the Willie Nelson song...

"I believe to my soul that inside every man there's the feminine and inside every lady there's a deep manly voice loud and clear. While a cowboy may brag about the things he does with his women, the one who brags loudest is the one who's most likely queer."

I guess what I'm trying to say is that homophobes generally are insecure about their own sexuality and are compensating for it by projecting.

[Ken]

step 1: come out

step 2: kill everyone that doesnt like it

[Module]

I guess what I'm trying to say is that homophobes generally are insecure about their own sexuality and are compensating for it by projecting.
See, I've heard this a lot, but I've just never seen anything to suggest this is true.
Sort of like those well meaning teachers who tell bullied children "It's just because they're jealous!"
I don't see it.
If anything, I feel like those people who are so against homosexuality would generally be those who are just so sure of themselves that anything different to them they can't understand, and must be 'wrong'.

[chimx]

See, I've heard this a lot, but I've just never seen anything to suggest this is true.
Sort of like those well meaning teachers who tell bullied children "It's just because they're jealous!"
I don't see it.
If anything, I feel like those people who are so against homosexuality would generally be those who are just so sure of themselves that anything different to them they can't understand, and must be 'wrong'.

It is not that they are insecurity with their sexuality, but that they are insecure about homosexuality undermining patriarchal gender relations.

[progressive_lefty]

It's no one elses business. I am not gay, so I can't relate to your situation, but I guess you can just do what you think is right. If you want alot of people to know, then go for it, if they can't handle it, then you proably shouldn't have been friends with them anyway. Trust your judgement, what ever decision you make, stick with it, and respect it.

[Trystan]

See, I've heard this a lot, but I've just never seen anything to suggest this is true.
Sort of like those well meaning teachers who tell bullied children "It's just because they're jealous!"
I don't see it.
If anything, I feel like those people who are so against homosexuality would generally be those who are just so sure of themselves that anything different to them they can't understand, and must be 'wrong'.

Actually, according to one study, homophobes are more likely to have homosexual tendencies than those who are fine with homosexuality:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=cy-7AoxFEJA

I wonder . . .

[progressive_lefty]

Seems as though homophobia is the first step towards coming out.