Moskitto
28th October 2002, 15:24
Here are some silly jokes that slam Republicans and Conservatives. They aren't meant to be offensive, and if you are a Conservative or a Republican please don't get angry! This is all just for fun...
Q: What do you get when you offer a Conservative a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: How do you confuse a Conservative?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why is it good to have a Republican passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Conservative?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
A Republican died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Republican? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
Q: How do you keep a Republican busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: How do you keep a Conservative busy all day?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to wait in the corner.
Q: What do you call a Republican with an IQ of 130?
A: A foursome
Q: How do you get a one-armed Conservative out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.
Q: What do you call a basement full of Conservatives?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 Republicans.
Q: What is foreplay for a Republican?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Q: What is the Republican doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the Conservative have blisters on his lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
Q: Why do Conservatives work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
A Republican found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter". So the genie made him a Democrat.
Q: What the difference between a Republican and the rear end of a horse?
A: I don't know either.
Q: How is a Conservative different from a sewer rat?
A: Some people actually like sewer rats.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to walk in the dark.
Q: Why do so many Conservatives live in L.A.?
A: It’s the only city that is easy enough for them to spell.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A Republican parade.
Q: What is it called when a Conservative blows in another Conservative’s ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: Why don't they let Conservatives swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a Republican.
Q: What's the difference between a Conservative and a sack of manure?
A: The sack.
Q: What's the definition of a Republican running for Congress for the first time?
A: A mouse trying to become a rat.
Q: What's the difference between God and a Republican?
A: God knows He's not a Republican.
Q: What do you get when you offer a Conservative a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: How do you confuse a Conservative?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why is it good to have a Republican passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Conservative?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
A Republican died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Republican? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
Q: How do you keep a Republican busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: How do you keep a Conservative busy all day?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to wait in the corner.
Q: What do you call a Republican with an IQ of 130?
A: A foursome
Q: How do you get a one-armed Conservative out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.
Q: What do you call a basement full of Conservatives?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 Republicans.
Q: What is foreplay for a Republican?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Q: What is the Republican doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the Conservative have blisters on his lips?
A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.
Q: Why do Conservatives work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
A Republican found a magic genie's lamp and rubbed it. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." He said, "I wish I were smarter". So the genie made him a Democrat.
Q: What the difference between a Republican and the rear end of a horse?
A: I don't know either.
Q: How is a Conservative different from a sewer rat?
A: Some people actually like sewer rats.
Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to walk in the dark.
Q: Why do so many Conservatives live in L.A.?
A: It’s the only city that is easy enough for them to spell.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A Republican parade.
Q: What is it called when a Conservative blows in another Conservative’s ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: Why don't they let Conservatives swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a Republican.
Q: What's the difference between a Conservative and a sack of manure?
A: The sack.
Q: What's the definition of a Republican running for Congress for the first time?
A: A mouse trying to become a rat.
Q: What's the difference between God and a Republican?
A: God knows He's not a Republican.