Log in

View Full Version : On the humanoid, "American Kid"



American Kid
22nd August 2002, 00:36
Recently, many inquiries have been brought forth regarding "American Kid"'s political leanings. In response, this primer has been designed for those wishing to know more. "American Kid" is aware the disclosure of these beliefs and/or ideaologies may result in the loss of prior friends, those who have come to know him as a "confidant", and herein shall feel "betrayed" by what they read.

He is hopeful, however, that it will also result in the same, if not greater, number of those who will come to understand that they have, in the past, perhaps misunderstood the "Kid" all along, and will hitherto go on to become long-lasting friends and/or allies.

Either way, the "Kid" has also come to the resolution that "whatever happens, happens brah."

PART I.
being in regard to the physical makings/sociological background of carbon-based organism, "American Kid"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"American Kid" is an organic bipedal mammal.

He is 23 years of age. His defining physical characteristics being skinny, wiry stature, brown, wavy curly hair, black, thin-framed corrective lenses, and charmingly, slightly crooked teeth.

His place of origin is the Eastern Coast of the United States of America, where he has resided all his natural life. "American Kid" was born into lower-middle class standards, though for the most part was well-provided for during his youth.

As a bright, though underachieving, student during high school, "American Kid" discovered an ability and passion for filmmaking. This skill was recognized by his peers and teachers alike, and said organism realized at this time that it was to be "his lot in life."

However, the "Kid" (as he has come to be known on several occasions) shunned film school following graduation, and has since stayed close to his hometown, writing and working on short films. Said organism is well aware he chosen not the easiest of roads to go down, but is quick to reply hastily he's only 23, is talented, and to "fuckin' relax."

PART II.
being a scrutinizing examination of organism "American Kid"'s cultural tastes and values
------------------------------------------------------------------------

The mammal, "American Kid", fosters a deep, hate and/or disdain for the majority of "American" pop culture in all it's insipid, petty forms (and not just "America"'s, but the rest of the globes', as well).

However, he retains a fondness for:

emo music
films by Kubrick, Allen, the Coens, Wes Anderson, Paul Thomas Anderson, Lumet, Spike Lee, etc.....
the History channel
c-span (occasionally)
Biographies of famous people
rock magazines
Internet BB's

PART III.
being a fantastic, rare peek into the mysterious, and oft-debated "realm" of "American Kid"'s "political beliefs"....
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject, "American Kid", was born into a capitlastic, free-market-driven society, and so therefore knows nothing else. As a result, he respects it, and recognizes it as the least-fucked up method of government on a planet of "fucked up" governments.

He is fantatically free speech, and as a result is extremely wary of many forms of socialism, as their methods of equalizing class-discrepancies in the past have proven to be more than threatening. Communism is not even an option, in any form, as it is spirit-crushing in it's attempts to control the population, refusing to allow political or artistic dissent. The "Kid" cannot think of one single "regime" where this has not been the case (and the "Kid" also refrains from using the word "expirement", as some left-wing apologists do, as he finds it wholly disrespectful to the millions who died as a result).

The "Kid" however, is a quandary. He would support a system of socialized healthcare, as he believes the present system is "all fucked up, dude. Seriously, it's fucked." He is also for a socialized eductation system, based on stories he's heard from friends abroad, where it is already put in place.

The "Kid" is also for private-land-ownership. He thinks the alternative is "stupid."

PART IV.
being the dilemma on what the fuck to do with the "American Kid"
---------------------------------------------------------------

"American Kid" is not sure who he's alligned with. Maybe his seemingly "centrist" views are the only sensible ones to take, in level-headed reaction to the vitriol-spewing, partisan-fueled, personal-insult-laden arguments which seem to make up the majority of statements made by those so sharply-divided on either side.

Maybe said bipedal organism is just a big pussy unwilling to take a stance, simply willing to settle on sitting on the sidelines and observing with a gigantic foam #1 glove on one hand a box of crackerjacks in the other.

In conclusion, the only reasonably accurate assumption is that this "American Kid" will probably not go on to become a politician someday. But he would love to make a movie about one.

-The Carl Everett Center for the Study of Unusually Intense Individuals




(Edited by American Kid at 1:25 am on Aug. 22, 2002)

IzmSchism
22nd August 2002, 01:18
Amen my brother. Amen.

"Little by little, we learn."
-Koba

American Kid
22nd August 2002, 01:24
Thank you.

For the record, the Kid just did the political compass thing:

Eco: -2.5

A/L: -4.72

I know. I'm scratching my head too.

-AK

I Will Deny You
23rd August 2002, 00:05
RESULTS OF AN EXPERIMENT PERFORMED ON "AMERICAN KID" BY DOCTOR LINDSAY NEIL AT THE UNIVERSITY OF THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA

Day 1: Subject "American Kid" had no recognizable response to Capitalist Imperial, but, interestingly, threw the peel from his banana at Stormin Norman. Dessert bananas were withheld as punishment.

Day 2: Subject "American Kid" smiled when told about socialized medicine, but frowned when told about socialized anything-else.

Day 3: Subject "American Kid" flung his poo at vox, but made a gesture indicating he was willing to help vox clean the poo off of his face when vox sort of agreed with him in the Zimbabwe thread.

Day 4: Subject "American Kid" started to shake his skinny body akwardly (in an obvious attempt to dance) when a Journey album was put on the stereo. When his glasses fell off, the anarchist laughed. "American Kid" proceeded to throw his De La Tango fan-ish glasses at the anarchist. It was a good throw, and the anarchist is currently a patient at the Howard University Hospital where he was given three stitches.

Day 5: Subject "American Kid" broke out of his cage in the middle of the night and is nowhere to be found at the moment. One UDC student, Natisha ------, a roommate of the lovely and talented You-Know-Who, hinted that "American Kid" might be hiding out at the Inner Circle Cineplex Odeon watching movies and eating Cracker Jack. But, because of "American Kid"'s accent, it would be impossible to get any understandable answers out of him even if we caught him and questioned him.

American Kid
23rd August 2002, 00:32
This is a farce. Cite your sources.

-The Hard-line Kid

deadpool 52
24th August 2002, 04:41
Man. . . topic autobiography?

American Kid
24th August 2002, 05:13
.................?

deadpool 52
24th August 2002, 06:11
As in, talking about yourself.