The CAT

[Capitalist Imperial]

THE COMMUNIST APTITUDE TEST

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE PROLETERIATE AND THE POSERS!


Welcome, comrade! Have you ever wondered if you are a real communist? Have you had sleepless
nights in expectation of our next purge?

We now have the solution for your troubles! With the Communist Aptitude Test you can now be sure of
your faith! Try it on your family and friends too! Earn extra points for turning in all the petty bourgeois
deviationists you can spot!


Part I - Marxist-Leninist Theory

1. Marx's predictions as laid down in "Das Kapital" were:
(a) wrong, as evidenced by the real world.
(B) wrong, due to a capitalist conspiracy.
© The real world is a capitalist conspiracy.

2. When a theory sponsored by the Party is proved wrong by the facts, the "scientific socialist" thing to
do is:
(a) junk the theory and search for a new explanation which fits the facts.
(B) junk the facts and search for a new explanation which fits the theory.
© blame antiparty elements for proving the theory wrong.
(d) jail or shoot anyone who does not believe in the theory, regardless.


Part II - Applied Marxism-Leninism

1. Communist governments have invariably turned into:
(a) brutal and corrupt dictatorships which impoverish the workers, as in North Korea.
(B) classless paradises of freedom and prosperity, as in North Korea.
© brutal and corrupt dictatorships which impoverish the workers, as a logical first step towards
establishing a classless paradise of freedom and prosperity.
(d) True freedom and prosperity consist in submission to a brutal and corrupt dictatorship which
impoverishes the workers.

2. A well-off communist (ie, Lenin, Trotsky) is:
(a) a class enemy nevertheless.
(B) an impossibility, all communists are working-class.
© a honorary proletarian regardless of wealth.
(d) a member of the Nomenklatura.

3. Where would you rather spend your vacations?
(a) Hawaii.
(B) Cuba.
© North Korea.


Scoring

If you answered mostly (a) - What are you doing here? You are a reactionary and an enemy of the
people. Go away!
If you answered mostly (B) - Not bad. You are not a communist yet, but you would make an acceptable
fellow traveller. Try having your brain removed and take the Test again next year.
If you answered only © or (d) - Congratulations comrade! You are a full red-blooded communist!


Please send us your Communist Aptitude Test score to the Party HQ along with a $100.00 application
fee. No roubles or Cuban pesos accepted. U.S. dollars preferred.

[Lardlad95]

your priceless, yo bad you a cappie pig.

but you still my guy. I mean if a groupd of communists started kickin your ass I'd help you out....then talk shit about your beliefs.

[Brian]

I own a pair of Nike sunglasses,but thats it.I own notting else American Sweetshop made.


I'm a fat Capitalist aren't I?

[Lardlad95]

Quote: from Brian on 12:21 am on Aug. 4, 2002
I own a pair of Nike sunglasses,but thats it.I own notting else American Sweetshop made.


I'm a fat Capitalist aren't I?



no you are just plain fat.

[Brian]

Kinda like your mother?

(Edited by Brian at 6:28 pm on Aug. 3, 2002)

[Lardlad95]

Quote: from Brian on 12:24 am on Aug. 4, 2002
Kinda like you mother?

Hey you talkin about my momma? Man your momma has her legs up in the air so much I woulda been your daddy but the line was to damn long.

[Brian]

Funny!, I seen your mother on the corner making money.

[Lardlad95]

Quote: from Brian on 12:33 am on Aug. 4, 2002
Funny!, I seen your mother on the corner making money.


yeah my mom was on the corner making money cuz she was pimpin your momma. Then my mom slapped your mom cuz she didn't give my mom all the money she made. Then your mom gave her the money.

Finally I went over to your mom, slapped the ho until she gave me head the right way.


Killed you

[Brian]

No! Your mother was walking off with a 75 year old man.

[Lardlad95]

Quote: from Brian on 12:40 am on Aug. 4, 2002
No! Your mother was walking off with a 75 year old man.

yeah I know she was helping him across the street.

and why are you calling your boyfriend a 75 year old man?

Unless you be lovin them wrinkled dicks or somethin?

Me I stick wit the pussy.

[Xvall]

(I will Bold my Answer)

Part I - Marxist-Leninist Theory

1. Marx's predictions as laid down in "Das Kapital" were:
(a) wrong, as evidenced by the real world.
(B) wrong, due to a capitalist conspiracy.
© The real world is a capitalist conspiracy.

2. When a theory sponsored by the Party is proved wrong by the facts, the "scientific socialist" thing to
do is:
(a) junk the theory and search for a new explanation which fits the facts.
(B) junk the facts and search for a new explanation which fits the theory.
© blame antiparty elements for proving the theory wrong.
(d) jail or shoot anyone who does not believe in the theory, regardless.


Part II - Applied Marxism-Leninism

1. Communist governments have invariably turned into:
(a) brutal and corrupt dictatorships which impoverish the workers, as in North Korea.
(B) classless paradises of freedom and prosperity, as in North Korea.
© brutal and corrupt dictatorships which impoverish the workers, as a logical first step towards
establishing a classless paradise of freedom and prosperity.
(d) True freedom and prosperity consist in submission to a brutal and corrupt dictatorship which
impoverishes the workers.

2. A well-off communist (ie, Lenin, Trotsky) is:
(a) a class enemy nevertheless.
(B) an impossibility, all communists are working-class.
© a honorary proletarian regardless of wealth.
(d) a member of the Nomenklatura.

3. Where would you rather spend your vacations?
(a) Hawaii.
(B) Cuba.
© North Korea.


Scoring

If you answered mostly (a) - What are you doing here? You are a reactionary and an enemy of the
people. Go away!
If you answered mostly (B) - Not bad. You are not a communist yet, but you would make an acceptable
fellow traveller. Try having your brain removed and take the Test again next year.
If you answered only © or (d) - Congratulations comrade! You are a full red-blooded communist!


Please send us your Communist Aptitude Test score to the Party HQ along with a $100.00 application
fee. No roubles or Cuban pesos accepted. U.S. dollars preferred.


Just a side note, all my answers were jokes, CI. Make up a REAL test next time.

[Lardlad95]

Drake you moron this was supposed to be about me and Brain ribbin not a test.

ok Brain heres another one.


Your momma is so fat when I swerved my car to avoid hitting her I ran out of gas

your momma is so fat she be masturbating to the pictures in a cookbook

[Capitalist Fighter]

LOL,

Lardlad that is gold. Now it's your turn to serve Brian.

[Brian]

Funny!, 'momma' isn't even a word.


Also those "your momma" jokes are old,very old.

[peaccenicked]

http://members.aol.com/dxgude/capital.htm

[Lardlad95]

Quote: from Brian on 2:27 am on Aug. 4, 2002
Funny!, 'momma' isn't even a word.


Also those "your momma" jokes are old,very old.



can't come up with any can you?

[Brian]

No! I'm asking myself why should I come back with a childish "your momma" joke and have this crap go and on.

[Lardlad95]

Quote: from Brian on 2:31 am on Aug. 4, 2002
No! I'm asking myself why should I come back with a childish "your momma" joke and have this crap go and on.

thats the point, its crap.

Besides this isn't true ribbin. Go to a Milwaukee public school they will rib the fuck out of you.

Ribbin isn't your momma jokes though.

but come on its so stupid its fun.

[Brian]

Go to a Milwaukee public school they will rib the fuck out of you.

Well the people in Milwaukee public schools will rib me the fuck up because they have an I.Q of 4 and have notting worth lisening to say.

[Lardlad95]

Quote: from Brian on 2:37 am on Aug. 4, 2002
Go to a Milwaukee public school they will rib the fuck out of you.

Well the people in Milwaukee public schools will rib me the fuck up because they have an I.Q of 4 and have notting worth lisening to say.


some of them yes, others no.

Its just something people do.

Don't insult everyone there man, Its just a pastime.

THere are very intellegent people in milwaukee

[Xvall]

Your mom is so fat, that when she got the menu at the reastaurant, she said, "Yes Please."

[Guest]

I think you must be really striking some nerves with this one CI, since everybody seems so determined to try to ignore it ans swamp it with B.S.

[Lardlad95]

well seeing as how I'm not a communist why should I take the test (seriously)?

[concerned]

Quote: from Lardlad95 on 7:38 pm on Aug. 4, 2002
well seeing as how I'm not a communist why should I take the test (seriously)?

Well don't do it then, but stop posting so much bullshit, this is not chit-chat.

[James]

But how do we diffine who a "communist" is? I mean like, how man, how!?!?!

If we can't do this, we don't know if we are meant to take the test or not...

Any way, Brian "When you asked your mom what's for dinner she opened her legs and said spaghetti!"

hahahaha, me and Brian are bestist buds now, arn't we mate

[concerned]

You don't know what a communist is??
lol!
You should probably take the test and find out.

[James]

Your obviously rather retarded, so i'll simplyfy it for you then.

I meant, who is it actually aimed at. As LardLad pointed out, not all of us fit neatly into the "communist" package. ie we don't all love lenin, and find stalinism a very attractive prospect. You see my point?

[concerned]

Sorry for the double post

(Edited by concerned at 4:13 pm on Aug. 5, 2002)

[concerned]

You people really love personal insults, don't you?

I would guess the test is aimed to all the people in this board who are stupid enough to consider themselves communists. So, if you haven't reached that level of stupidity then the test is probably not for you.

Now if you still believe in communism but don't like Lenin, and don't like Stalin and don't like any of the communists who have actually existed then you are just a helpless utopian who cannot discern between what works in reality and what doesn't. And you are worshiping a system that has never actually existed and could never exist, because it defies the basics of human nature, psychology and economics.



(Edited by concerned at 4:14 pm on Aug. 5, 2002)

[James]

In your opinion

[concerned]

Yes of course, in my opinion, that is why one comes to forums, to post opinions.
Although it is also the opinion of the majority. Face it, most people really aren't pro any form of communism. You are part of a minority.

[vox]

"And you are worshiping a system that has never actually existed and could never exist, because it defies the basics of human nature, psychology and economics."

The "human nature" argument has been dealt with too many times on this board to count. I refer any interested parties to the past threads.

The psychology argument, however, is different, though I'm giving the writer too much credit by calling an item in a list an "argument." Still, a little reflection shows it to be a questionable item to begin with.

Freud, of course, made a tremendous contribution to psychology. That's really nothing to be argued. However, we can now see Freud's victorian bias quite clearly. Would Freud's theories apply to, say, an African bushman, or was the psychological contribution of Freud relevant to the Victorian society he lived in and studied? And, of course, there are other theories of psychology besides Freud's. The behaviorists may take issue with the idea that anything really goes against human psychology. Then there's Jung's mytical reading of symbols. As we can see, there are many psychologies. One wonders if "psychology," as used in this list, is simply another way of saying "human nature." It appears to be so.

Then there's the economic reason, right? Wrong. We cannot assume economics, a strictly man-made endeavor, to follow any sort of natural law. Within any given circumstance of economic social relations there can be, of course, economic "laws" relating specifically to that particular system, but this does not mean, in any way, that those "laws" are universal in nature and not simply a reflection of one system.

vox