draft dodging - how to do it with style

[sypher]

I am going to be turning 18 on the 26 of this month. This only means I'll get taxed more, I can vote and I can fight for my beloved countr (sarcasism.)

Now, I don't like war and I hate the U.S. so I would despise going to war and fight FOR the U.S. I know that there are ways to dodge this draft but, all I know of is the old "I'm Gay!!" (I'm not but that doesn't stop me from saying I am. However, I'd rather not use this excuse because I have a feeling they won't believe me.

[nz revolution]

beat your feet with a bat so they go flat.

what are the ways of dodging it? saying you are slightly deaf so you wont be able to hear the call to charge to your death...

[Behind enemy lines]

Take George Bush's example.
Get your old man to get you into the national guard, thus avoiding the war. Next, don't show up to your office job at all. Step three, become president, declare war somewhere else.

Failing that, hit your foot with a hammer.

[Dhul Fiqar]

OK, I'd like to take the opportunity to ask American comrades something that has bugged me for years and years:

Why is draft dodging even an issue?! I mean, first of all, they don't take gays! Secondly, they don't take anyone mentally unbalanced. Neither can really been disproved if you claim it!

If the officer even looked like he was about to doubt that I was gay (which I'm not, but who gives a shit what some military asshole thinks?) I would simply whip out my cock and start masturbating in front of him. That should definitely do the trick ;)

Failing that, how about claiming you're a communist or a muslim extremist that hates everything the country stands for and will use the first opportunity to undermine any efforts of any US army unit you'd serve in? SURELY they wouldn't want someone like that??

Anyway, maybe I'm being naive, but it seems to me it's easy to be unwanted when it comes to the armed forces...

--- G.

[ChaosIsMe]

if you say that you are a communist the CIA will be after you! ;-)
here in germoney we´ve got a alternative instead of joining the army. it´s called "civil service".

[Non-Sectarian Bastard!]

We had that in Holland too. You could be a teacher instead of soldier. De-brainwashing some kids.:wink:

[Xvall]

Do what I plan on doing. Be honest. Tell them you are a radical communist, that would probably stab them in the back first chance you get. You think they're going to give communists guns? Hmm. Idea! Let's all JOIN the military, then, once we're stationed with out weapons, and tanks, and planes, and ships, we turn around on the US! Haha! Think about it. I mean. Just for the gun! Join the Infantry. Hmm. Maybe this might not be such a bad idea.

[SentinelofDestiny]

lol, that almost sounds like it could work... scary man.
Well, in the UK we don't have to join the army, so it's all good.
The trouble is, if they did do national service, being Gay or a communist wouldn't help in england.

[canikickit]

Watch the film "Greetings" with Robert DeNiro.

[nz revolution]

Im sure there whole paln is so if a massive war comes along, the only men left at home are mentally unstable or gay so fucks like GWB will have all the lovely ladies.

Maybe thats just my way of thinkng ;)

We have none of this conscription bollocks, whats the deal with the draft? does everyone go into the army for a couple of years, what happens, what is the idea behind it?

[Non-Sectarian Bastard!]

A lot of members of geurilla groups join first the Brittish or US army and then go to Africa, Sout-America or Asia.

[truthaddict11]

i have flat feet. i was "registered" in the Selective Service program when i went to get my drivers license. got a letter from them this weekend welcoming me into the selctive service. i burned it on my stove. conscience objector wont work Muhammond Ali tried to get it during Vietnam and was denied. i believe he went to jail
i am still wondering how Gillette got my personal info to send me a razor and shaving cream on my 18th birthday.

[man in the red suit]

Quote: from Dhul Fiqar on 12:51 pm on Dec. 19, 2002

Why is draft dodging even an issue?! I mean, first of all, they don't take gays! Secondly, they don't take anyone mentally unbalanced. Neither can really been disproved if you claim it!


Failing that, how about claiming you're a communist or a muslim extremist that hates everything the country stands for and will use the first opportunity to undermine any efforts of any US army unit you'd serve in? SURELY they wouldn't want someone like that??



they'll take just about anyone unless you have flat feet or if your mentally unbalanced as you said. You can also put down religious reasons like being a quaker(pacifists) and they won't make you join however you have to write a 1-2 page essay describing a legitimate reason as to why your religion prohibits you from joining the army. Then they will ask you if you can serve in the army by serving as a desk clerk or something. If your religion prohibits you from doing that as well *nudge nudge wink wink* then your free to go.

and I've never heard that you can get out of the draft by being gay. discrimination issue I suppose.

[man in the red suit]

In addition, there is really no fear of being drafted unless there were a world war or something. The military has sufficient manpower as it is not to mention all of their new technology that they've been using.

[Lefty]

whats with flat feet? Why does that prevent you from shooting a gun at people that look different than you?

[nz revolution]

You cant much with ten thousand men up to the top of a hill and march down again, you get sore feet so Im told, plus their boots probably arent made for flat feeters.

MITRS didnt they draft people into the Vietnam war and leave the regulars at home? Why did Forrest Gump have to go to Nam then?

[truthaddict11]

in Forrest Gump Forrest signed up.
I believe that the poorer families had thier kids go to war(through the draft) while the richer families were able to send thier kids to college(and avoid the draft). i may be wrong though. not to say that the college students werent upset about the war. What happened at Berkley and Kent State and the SDS and Weathermen was very noble

(Edited by truthaddict11 at 11:59 pm on Dec. 23, 2002)

[Non-Sectarian Bastard!]

Just say that you are dyslectic. Imagine how that would be on the battlefield. Suddenly under heavy fire someone starts to shake real hard and trill.

[Comrade Daniel]

Yeah, I think that's a good excuse for the army being dyslectic cccp.

[truthaddict11]

or breach their dont ask dont tell policy

[synthesis]

The problem with saying you're gay is that all Army freaks are total closet-cases - you'd probably have to do sexual favors for them to prove it.

No big deal if you're actually gay, but it probably wouldn't be too fun otherwise.

[Non-Sectarian Bastard!]

Start climbing on the back of the recruter, *loud breathing*, and say things like I can see you nude, I wanna see what's under your pants and that sort of shit. Bett he doesn't even come near you anymore:wink:.

[WalterBennet]

After reading DyerMaker's post,I wouldn't recommend pretending to be homosexual for evadomg your draft ;) Better say that you have monkeys in your pants >> Man sentenced for monkeys in pants (CNN) (http://www.cnn.com/2002/US/West/12/19/monkey.pants.reut/index.html)

(Edited by WalterBennet at 9:04 pm on Dec. 28, 2002)

[socialist ballistix]

hehheh thats pretty funny
monkeys

[Umoja]

I was at some Quaker site, and their was a link on how to dodge out of the army if you were an atheist. I'll try and find it.

[redstar2000]

The modern military machine is a bureaucracy. What does a bureaucracy hate? Troublemakers! Convince them that you are more trouble than you're worth...and they'll leave you alone.

By all means, tell them you're a communist...but SHOW IT TOO. Show up dressed in black pajamas & Vietnamese straw hat; or like a FARC guerilla; or like a militant Palestinian. Carry a water pistol with red ink & spray the floor. Or, be "Rambo": naked from the waste up, barefooted, a chain for a belt, paint "KILL" on your chest and back and shout it every 10 or 20 seconds. When they give you forms to fill out, make LOTS of mistakes and sign your name incorrectly; when the doctor asks you questions about your physical condition, tell him you always feel like shit. If they give you an intelligence test, show them what a dumb fuckup you really are. If they give you an interview with a shrink, tell him you think combat is the most noble form of suicide...and you're looking forward to it. Use an illegal drug prior to your urine test (heroin is best but doesn't last in the body very long...inject right before you leave for your pre-induction physical).

Above all, don't be intimidated if they threaten you with jail time...believe me, they really DON'T WANT YOU. Tell them you're ready to go...and ask when the guns get handed out.

Think this is all fantasy? Nope, all of these and similar mind-fucks were used against the draft during the Vietnam war and they ALL worked. I know...I was there.

:cool:

[Blackberry]

Redstar: What about 'softer' illegal drugs like marijuana? Would that help? I wouldn't want to use anything too heavy, and try and find something that is harder to get.

[synthesis]

I think the heroin part was a joke :)

Marijuana stays in your piss for about two weeks, give or take a couple days depending on the potency and the quantity you blazed.

Just to be safe, smoke about a half-ounce of primo Panama Red on the car ride there.

[Vladimir]

AH thank shag for neutrality( apart from Dirty Bertie allowing US warplanes land at Shannon Airport).....we're neutral and no draft and a very small pityful army that only take part in UN 'peacekeeping' etc...

IrishGuevara

[synthesis]

By the way, Redstar, ever heard a song called Alice's Restaurant?

[redstar2000]

Alice's Restaurant? Sure, though I don't much remember it now (Woody Guthrie's kid, right?)

Yes, the heroin part was a joke...it wasn't that widely available in the 1960s and it would be dangerous for a non-user to use--risk of overdose. But weed is fine, was used, and thus some folks had two reasons to feel really great. But cocaine is also a possiblity. I used speed, myself...the army doctor said I had a "heart murmur."

The main thing is to make them more scared of you then you are of them. What they dread, most of all, is the "soldier" who is intelligent and rebellious...the mind of every army officer is "haunted by the spectre of...MUTINY."

The reason we have a "professional" army in the United States is that the conscript army of the Vietnam era was on the point of collapse; the last American years in Vietnam saw the army nearly dissolve into a haze of heroin addiction, fragging of officers in the field, and general refusal to engage the enemy. At home, the system of conscription was also collapsing; at the huge Oakland Induction Center (San Francisco Bay Area), up to 50% (!) of young men ordered to report for induction into the army simply DIDN'T SHOW UP.

One other thing I forgot to mention; because conscription is a bureaucracy in its own right, you can often delay your confrontation with the system for years by simply changing your address every couple of months (always notifying them of your new address like a good boy...and always gone again before they can get around to telling you to report for a pre-induction physical).

It's unlikely that there will ever be a draft in the U.S. again...the ruling class here has found an army of mercenaries much more reliable. About other countries, I don't know enough to say.

But every 18-year-old male in the U.S. is legally required to register for the draft; unless you are planning to get a student loan, just ignore the bastards...they don't have the resources to prosecute all the people who never register. :cool:

[synthesis]

Is Arlo Guthrie Woody's kid? I never knew that.

Anyways, it's just a song about a guy who goes to the draft and starts shouting stuff about how he wants to "Kill, KILL, KILL!!!" to try to get out of the draft. The officer says, "Good job, son, you're just the kind of person we want."

I forget the rest of it, oh well. Here (http://www.arlo.net/lyrics/alices.shtml) are the lyrics.

[Eastside Revolt]

I hope in the case of a draft, that redstar doesn't tell anyone that war would be a noble form of suicide. I garantee you brotha, you're gonna get sent off to war in a minute. Have you ever seen catch 22?

[truthaddict11]

what i dont get is what is going through the minds of people on the left who want the draft. I mean they are against the war but want the draft. is it way to make people agaNST the war if they knew their children would fight it?

[redstar2000]

Actually, truthaddict11, it's a "left tradition" that goes all the way back to Marx...or actually, Engels.

The weapons technology of the 1840s was such that any civilian with some training in the use of a rifle could fight "on an equal basis" with professional soldiers.

Thus Engels was in favor of the draft...because he thought it would give workers the necessary military training to fight and defeat the military defenders of the old regime. (Engels was a bit of a military buff; one of his intimate nicknames was "the General".)

In the 1960s, the troyskyist Spartacist League had an official policy forcing its members to accept being drafted into service in Vietnam. We all thought then that was a pretty kooky position...but they were convinced they could organize soldiers in the field to shoot their officers. The only one I knew personally ended up as a clerk in a supply depot and, as far as I know, never organized anybody. :cheesy:

[truthaddict11]

do you think the tatic now is trying to make senators vote against the war? not one has a son or daughter in the armed services and many chickenhawks avoided wars in the past like Rush Limbuaghs "anal cysts"

http://www.nhgazette.com/chickenhawks.html