Ashslye
21st August 2007, 05:10
Damn you Itunes. Damn you for making 3 copies of Butterflies and Hurricanes, and prolonging my anticipation of Take A Bow.
(Note: I'm kind of a disenchanted socialist. I'm waffling around anarcho primitivism, and tribalism, and I crunch like corn flakes. I dropped out of high school as a sophomore, moved to Italy, lived half on the street for a few years, and am not very well self educated. I hope by my own self argument to support good things...not including neo-cons even though I care just enough about them to try and not play their game. Gotta move on before the hate brews any longer.)
Hypothetical, semi-literalary bullshit:
What if karma really did exist, along with some other basic principles of wild wonderful shit. Like prana, and mana, what Tesla came to believe in. What if you had to be really nice, and in touch with nature (apologize and thank animals when you kill them, appreciate fleas for eating fire ants, etc)..., realize that everything you do actually does matter most of the time in order to have any real personal power. Apparently it's not quite true. Bush got re-elected. Tesla wanted free energy for all, patented over 700 inventions, and is barely recognized. Truly progressive people have always been assassinated. Is it because what you do really does matter? Apparently it's important to some. People need an enemy, and they need to believe themselves to be good in some way, and I suppose the greatest of all people is the greatest target of the real enemy. "What luck for rulers that men do not think." "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself." Why wasn't Hitler assassinated? If you can define the real enemy in a given situation I think it is a good thing. People want one, they crave one, at least with the way things are now. I wish I had an enemy, but in truth I don't. If there is a system to work then it will work for everyone, and how do you remove an addiction to food, drugs, money, sex, or anger? I know very well how to enable them. How to keep things under the rug. How to act like a brave cough amongst prisoners of vanity too embarrassed to express their own evidence of being human. What is the silence, how is it made? Is it only for you to hear when you can? Puritans, fascists, republicans, fundamentalists, they all want nothing to matter, yet they all want to change you. There is no permanent solution to life. You don't tell someone you love them only once. There are no stupid questions, everything you do matters.
(There are rare times when what you do doesn't matter all that much. Your karma kind of goes into this sewer system, where people easily expel what they don't want to deal with. Not to say you or anyone else is shit, but sometimes I know I doth sucketh most verily. Even then, there are people who feed on the backwash, they are disturbed and tortured by it, they trample the ground in a mass stupor on certain days of the week. They wake up for brief moments in their homes with their families only to be whipped back into submission. They become violent. They want to believe that some causes of mental illness and chemical imbalances are environmental instead of hereditary. "If I step on your foot, it causes a chemical reaction does it not?" They hate each other through and through. They want to believe in the things they can do, but it's as fleeting as an orgasm interrupted by a knock at the door.
They stop living really. They can't even look outside all of the crap they have to deal with, and when they do it's so pathetically ideological and so removed from their reality that they beat it out of themselves, and others. Their kids don't mind the lack of money most of the time if their parents aren't violent shit filled monsters donning their imaginary sugary crusts. They like the smallest of treats. A movie once a month, or ice cream, a jelly donut, or maybe just a good story. But the kids grow up to hate how lifeless their parents are. They look for acceptance, and some sort of vibrancy everywhere. The fight to honor thy mother and father is sometimes a misunderstood one.)
Fuck, it sounds like the simmering hell just above real poverty. (That moment just before you lose all of your faith in your present definition of "man." The deafening sound of silence, loneliness, exhaustion, and the whispers of everything you've been missing... It could just be blood pressure.) I had something else I wanted to say. Oh yeah, I think what you do matters. All of it. It's been a long time since I've had really good friends, it's been a long time since I've had a family even though they live in the same town as me, but that was the feeling.
On the other hand, I think that everything can be completely unreal. Otherwise you'd never be able to forget, forgive, or move forward. You'd never be able to break free. You would never be able to say that your family isn't really there for each other because of the overwhelming amount of problems they/you have. Does one state of being call to the other? What is the antecedent of change? If you figure that out, will you be able to craft some form or formlessness that will balance the two? Do you love anyone? Do you miss anyone? Do you have the freedom of thought? You can think anything, at any time you wish, but you don't.
You really do have all the power, but it's nothing alone. You can't be a happy asshole alone. It is literally impossible. This is why it's said misery loves company. This is why all corporate pukes are covered in the product of their rump ranging, and yip like wounded dogs at the sight of their masters. They call themselves post-modernists yet read existentialist's books. They believe we are free, but have learned nothing about willing ourselves to power. Even under the guise of socialism there is still an elite. It is meant to be all, but as long as as it's individual components horde knowledge, refuse to share actual understanding, misunderstanding, and questions...as long as I use convoluted language for no purpose other than to "parade my muscles, try to make my dick grow, war with my body for the dimensions over sold"...I serve nothing and no one.
Belief is required, in exactly what I will not venture to say, other than the moment. Other than who you are with right now. I long for confrontation, for that transitional period when the sound of your own existence roars in your ears. When everything you do in life has a direct impact on you. When you know where your food and clothing actually comes from. And then you can actually hear. Wild wonderful shit is possible.
Feel free to answer any questions you think I may have. If you think there's a question in there you're very right.
(Note: I'm kind of a disenchanted socialist. I'm waffling around anarcho primitivism, and tribalism, and I crunch like corn flakes. I dropped out of high school as a sophomore, moved to Italy, lived half on the street for a few years, and am not very well self educated. I hope by my own self argument to support good things...not including neo-cons even though I care just enough about them to try and not play their game. Gotta move on before the hate brews any longer.)
Hypothetical, semi-literalary bullshit:
What if karma really did exist, along with some other basic principles of wild wonderful shit. Like prana, and mana, what Tesla came to believe in. What if you had to be really nice, and in touch with nature (apologize and thank animals when you kill them, appreciate fleas for eating fire ants, etc)..., realize that everything you do actually does matter most of the time in order to have any real personal power. Apparently it's not quite true. Bush got re-elected. Tesla wanted free energy for all, patented over 700 inventions, and is barely recognized. Truly progressive people have always been assassinated. Is it because what you do really does matter? Apparently it's important to some. People need an enemy, and they need to believe themselves to be good in some way, and I suppose the greatest of all people is the greatest target of the real enemy. "What luck for rulers that men do not think." "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself." Why wasn't Hitler assassinated? If you can define the real enemy in a given situation I think it is a good thing. People want one, they crave one, at least with the way things are now. I wish I had an enemy, but in truth I don't. If there is a system to work then it will work for everyone, and how do you remove an addiction to food, drugs, money, sex, or anger? I know very well how to enable them. How to keep things under the rug. How to act like a brave cough amongst prisoners of vanity too embarrassed to express their own evidence of being human. What is the silence, how is it made? Is it only for you to hear when you can? Puritans, fascists, republicans, fundamentalists, they all want nothing to matter, yet they all want to change you. There is no permanent solution to life. You don't tell someone you love them only once. There are no stupid questions, everything you do matters.
(There are rare times when what you do doesn't matter all that much. Your karma kind of goes into this sewer system, where people easily expel what they don't want to deal with. Not to say you or anyone else is shit, but sometimes I know I doth sucketh most verily. Even then, there are people who feed on the backwash, they are disturbed and tortured by it, they trample the ground in a mass stupor on certain days of the week. They wake up for brief moments in their homes with their families only to be whipped back into submission. They become violent. They want to believe that some causes of mental illness and chemical imbalances are environmental instead of hereditary. "If I step on your foot, it causes a chemical reaction does it not?" They hate each other through and through. They want to believe in the things they can do, but it's as fleeting as an orgasm interrupted by a knock at the door.
They stop living really. They can't even look outside all of the crap they have to deal with, and when they do it's so pathetically ideological and so removed from their reality that they beat it out of themselves, and others. Their kids don't mind the lack of money most of the time if their parents aren't violent shit filled monsters donning their imaginary sugary crusts. They like the smallest of treats. A movie once a month, or ice cream, a jelly donut, or maybe just a good story. But the kids grow up to hate how lifeless their parents are. They look for acceptance, and some sort of vibrancy everywhere. The fight to honor thy mother and father is sometimes a misunderstood one.)
Fuck, it sounds like the simmering hell just above real poverty. (That moment just before you lose all of your faith in your present definition of "man." The deafening sound of silence, loneliness, exhaustion, and the whispers of everything you've been missing... It could just be blood pressure.) I had something else I wanted to say. Oh yeah, I think what you do matters. All of it. It's been a long time since I've had really good friends, it's been a long time since I've had a family even though they live in the same town as me, but that was the feeling.
On the other hand, I think that everything can be completely unreal. Otherwise you'd never be able to forget, forgive, or move forward. You'd never be able to break free. You would never be able to say that your family isn't really there for each other because of the overwhelming amount of problems they/you have. Does one state of being call to the other? What is the antecedent of change? If you figure that out, will you be able to craft some form or formlessness that will balance the two? Do you love anyone? Do you miss anyone? Do you have the freedom of thought? You can think anything, at any time you wish, but you don't.
You really do have all the power, but it's nothing alone. You can't be a happy asshole alone. It is literally impossible. This is why it's said misery loves company. This is why all corporate pukes are covered in the product of their rump ranging, and yip like wounded dogs at the sight of their masters. They call themselves post-modernists yet read existentialist's books. They believe we are free, but have learned nothing about willing ourselves to power. Even under the guise of socialism there is still an elite. It is meant to be all, but as long as as it's individual components horde knowledge, refuse to share actual understanding, misunderstanding, and questions...as long as I use convoluted language for no purpose other than to "parade my muscles, try to make my dick grow, war with my body for the dimensions over sold"...I serve nothing and no one.
Belief is required, in exactly what I will not venture to say, other than the moment. Other than who you are with right now. I long for confrontation, for that transitional period when the sound of your own existence roars in your ears. When everything you do in life has a direct impact on you. When you know where your food and clothing actually comes from. And then you can actually hear. Wild wonderful shit is possible.
Feel free to answer any questions you think I may have. If you think there's a question in there you're very right.