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View Full Version : World Idealogies With Reference to Cows



Maaja
27th August 2002, 17:26
Feudalism:
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Pure Socialism:
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn
with
everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The
government
gives you a glass of milk.

Bureaucratic Socialism:
Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of
the
chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government
gives
you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.

Fascism:
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of
them, and sells you the milk.

Pure Communism:
You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker
about
who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need." Meanwhile, no
one
works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

Russian Communism:
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government
takes
all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the
black market.

Perestroika:
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes
all
the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the
"free"
market.

Cambodian Communism:
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Dictatorship:
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Pure Democracy:
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

Representative Democracy:
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the
milk.

Bureaucracy:
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed
them
and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it
takes
both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain.
Then it
requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Capitalism:
You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows,
because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

Pure Anarchy:
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your
neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

Anarcho-Capitalism:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Surrealism:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons.

Mazdak
27th August 2002, 17:52
Interesting theory... I dont know what to say....

Howabout
Stalinism-

Two cows. You and your neighbor bicker over them. Both of you are sent to gulag and more competent farmers are given the cows.

Edelweiss
27th August 2002, 17:57
Quote: from Mazdak on 5:52 pm on Aug. 27, 2002
Interesting theory... I dont know what to say....

Howabout
Stalinism-

Two cows. You and your neighbor bicker over them. Both of you are sent to gulag and more competent farmers are given the cows.

Mazdak, you are behaving like a caricature of Stalinist, you are beginning to be very very ridiculous...

suffianr
27th August 2002, 18:49
Hilarious. Mazdak, was that sarcasm, or are you serious? :)

Mazdak
27th August 2002, 21:16
I guess you could refer to it as sarcasm.

Moskitto
27th August 2002, 21:32
I've got one of those, except Nazism is exactly the same as Cambodian Communism and there's also "Clinton's New Capitalism"

I Will Deny You
27th August 2002, 21:40
Bushism -
You have two cows. One of them have a wealthy father, and is sent off to Yale to party, drink for twenty years and then become president so that it can starve all of the little cows. The other is given to Afghanistan as a symbolic present after we're done bombing the living shit out of them and making Al Qaeda go somewhere else for a few minutes.

Lindsay

vox
27th August 2002, 22:35
America:

You have two cows, but the cost of keeping the cows is more than the market price for milk. You buy drugs for the cows to increase milk production, and this works until your competitors do the same and the market becomes overloaded with a surplus of milk in what's commonly known as a crisis of overproduction. Faced with the same situation you were in before, you sell the cows for beef. Now you have no cows and no source of income and your money from the sale of the cows is running out. You move to the city and work in a factory where the bosses get rich and you barely get by. You forget all about the cows.

vox

Valkyrie
27th August 2002, 23:13
OR.......

You clone the perfect cow. You clone the perfect people. You send the real cows and real people off to the slaughter house.

Marxist1848
28th August 2002, 00:57
Good theory.
But who would buy the people meat?

Mazdak
28th August 2002, 01:02
Read Upton Sinclair's "The Jungle" to find out. Next time you eat a sausage or processed meat of any kind, remember, some factory worker's arm might be mixed with your meat.

canikickit
28th August 2002, 03:55
well done maaja, you win the prize for probably the best thing I've read on this site so far. your gift is in the mail......