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View Full Version : Tear my cousin's Xtian nutjob wife apart contest



RedCeltic
14th March 2007, 15:03
I don’t know what’s wrong with my cousin, but he is into his second marriage now and seems to have a poor choice in women. His first wife was an alcoholic, this one is a Xtian fundie. He used to be quite “progressive” but now I kind of question that.


Anyway, my aunt had sent a joke to everyone she has in her address book, and my dad in turn did the same. One of those people happens to be my cousin’s fucked up wife. She replied with a seething Christian rant.

I thought it would be fun, to post both e-mails here and see how people here could tear into this, just for a bit of fun. I’m sure that both atheists and “progressive Christians” could tear her apart quite handedly. Her e-mail is so fucked up that it had me literally rolling on the floor with laughter.

My Aunt’s Bush Joke

A plane is about to crash, there are 5 passengers on board but only 4 parachutes.

The First passenger says, “ I am Ranaldo the best football player in the world. The world needs me, and I can not die on my fans.” He grabs a parachute and jumps from the plane.

The Second passenger says, “ I’m Hillary Clinton, wife of the former US President, a senator from New York, and have a good chance of being President in the future. “ She grabs a parachute and jumps from the plane.

The Third passenger says, “I am George W. Bush, President of the United States, I have huge responsibilities in the world. Besides, I am the smartest president in the history of my country and I can’t shun the responsibility to my people by dying.” He grabs a pack and jumps from the plane. “

The Fourth passenger the Pope says to the fifth passenger, a little boy, “ I am old and have lived my life as a good person and a priest should and so I shall leave the last parachute to you who has his whole life ahead of him.”

The fifth passenger, the little boy says, “ Don’t fret old man, There’s a parachute for each of us. The smartest president of America took my school bag.”


The reply from my cousin’s wife

I am hurt and insulted when you make fun and jest at the man who has taken a very tough position and stuck by what he felt was the right thing to do.. President Bush is a man of God, and if you would take the time to read your bible, you might find that we are to support our leaders.. whether or not we agree with them.. In Daniel 2:2-23 it says that God changes times and seasons.. he sets up kings (leaders) and deposes them.. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning.. he reveals deep and hidden things.. he knows what lies in darkness and light dwells with him.. So, GOD IS IN CONTROL... In the New Testament, "give to Caesar what is Caesar's"

Maybe if more of us sought to build people up instead of tear them down every chance they got.. this world would be a better place to call home. Thankfully, this is NOT MY HOME, my home is in heaven.. and I can't wait to get there. Those of us who are Christians, and believe that Christ died for our sins and have committed our lives to him, know that we are aliens in this place and time. We are not to judge someone and condemn them for having a "speck" in their eye, when we have a "plank" in our own.. in essence, Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.

just a few words of thought.. and in the future, please remove me from your "patriotic" email list.

Eleutherios
14th March 2007, 15:22
All right, I'll give it a shot.


I am hurt and insulted when you make fun and jest at the man who has taken a very tough position and stuck by what he felt was the right thing to do..
Well, if what he felt was the right thing to do was the wrong thing to do, I have no remorse for the asshole.


President Bush is a man of God, and if you would take the time to read your bible, you might find that we are to support our leaders.. whether or not we agree with them..
So it was right for the German masses to blindly follow Adolf Hitler? Japanese kamikaze pilots had a moral imperative to follow the orders of their leaders? It is right for Iranians to support their leader's denial of the Holocaust whether they agree with him or not? Puh-leaze!


In Daniel 2:2-23 it says that God changes times and seasons.. he sets up kings (leaders) and deposes them.. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning.. he reveals deep and hidden things.. he knows what lies in darkness and light dwells with him.. So, GOD IS IN CONTROL... In the New Testament, "give to Caesar what is Caesar's"
So not only did God tell the German masses they had to follow Hitler, but he actually put Hitler in power intentionally?! Come the fuck on!


Maybe if more of us sought to build people up instead of tear them down every chance they got.. this world would be a better place to call home. Thankfully, this is NOT MY HOME, my home is in heaven.. and I can't wait to get there.
So what are you waiting for? Why have you survived this long? Why have you been postponing your own death all these years? Just stop avoiding things that might kill you, and you'll make it home faster. You can get eternal fucking bliss, and all you have to do is die today.

The only reason Christians look before they cross the road is because they have their doubts that they really will experience neverending bliss once they die, whether they acknowledge it consciously or not. If I was absolutely positively 100% sure that I would experience an infinite amount of happiness by dying, I sure as hell wouldn't make any effort to avoid things that might cause my death.


Those of us who are Christians, and believe that Christ died for our sins and have committed our lives to him, know that we are aliens in this place and time.
Ohhhhhh, so the fundamentalists are aliens in disguise who have come to take over our planet. That explains so much, now that I think about it...


We are not to judge someone and condemn them for having a "speck" in their eye, when we have a "plank" in our own.. in essence, Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.
Yeah, let's stop judging people's actions. Let murderers murder, rapists rape, and warmongers warmong. Who are we to judge murderers and rapists and warmongers?


Just a few words of thought.. and in the future, please remove me from your "patriotic" email list.
Uhh, thought? I must have missed the part with the thought in it.

RedCeltic
14th March 2007, 15:58
haha.. good stuff. the Aliens thing freeked me out. I wonder if she's in one of those suicide cult things. It's really fucked up stuff.

Anyway, Great point about Hitler. She obviously thinks we should all live under kings with absolute rule. I wonder if she was like this when my cousin married her. <_<

RNK
14th March 2007, 20:36
er, doesn&#39;t the Bible stipulate that god&#39;s worshippers should reject the kingdoms of men because they are not the kingdom of God?

Zero
14th March 2007, 20:47
There&#39;s really no sense in arguing with fundies. They live their lives in a completely seperate paradigm. Unless you accept that the Bible is the "word of god", that we should listen to the word of god, and that god exists; there is no arguement. It&#39;s just a big game of "YES&#33;" "NO&#33;" "YES&#33;" "NO&#33;"

Good joke though ^_^.

RedCeltic
14th March 2007, 21:01
Well, my dad forwarded her reply to me, I suppose trying to use me as an attack dog or some shit. Or maybe he just couldn&#39;t be bothered.

Anyway, I took some of what Marijuanarchy posted and added my own stuff. It should be funny how she responds.

Sadena Meti
14th March 2007, 21:12
Thankfully, this is NOT MY HOME, my home is in heaven..
Go home already.

freakazoid
14th March 2007, 21:40
President Bush is a man of God, and if you would take the time to read your bible, you might find that we are to support our leaders..

Wrong.


In the New Testament, "give to Caesar what is Caesar&#39;s"

Has no idea what this passage is even about.

Perhaps you should have mentioned to her what 1 Samuals 8 says.

Orange Juche
14th March 2007, 23:28
Originally posted by [email protected] 14, 2007 10:22 am
warmong.
Haha is that a word? Because its freakin&#39; awesome&#33;