Am I getting over-sensitive?

[holly]

(Should this go here?Maybe chit-chat would be better...)

A friend of mine has a boyfriend who is half-Mauritian, half-English. They've been together for a longish time now and I know she loves him lots. But she does have a tendency to make remarks about 'black people' which if anyone else had made I would have a serious problem with. She (and everyone else) thinks it's alright, because the guy doesn't seem to mind. She does it when he's around, and when he's not, either way it makes me feel reeeally reeeally uncomfortable. The frequency of the jokes started to really grate but its died down a little now. But other friends have started joking with her. I think I physically wince when someone says something like that.

I don't know whether to mention it. I'm probably getting over sensitive and pc - which is an irritating habit in other people, although it beats discrimination - I mean, if he doesn't seem to mind then should i just drop it? He's reallly lovely and accepting and laid back so I doubt it does bother him.

I might be so sensitive because we live in a predominantly white area. I think there's something like 5 or 6 british asians/africans in our school/college of 1500. I don't like her making comments like that in public. Other people don't know about her situation. And I don't ever remember someone picking her up on it. Which is a bit odd...The boyfriend stands out a bit really. He doesn't go to the college, but I think his percieved difference is the reason my friend has picked up on it - she likes being different I guess.

Anyway, advice would be appreciated :)
Cheers.

[Socialist Dave]

ignore it. Ive got mates like that. The person probably doesnt actually have a problem with black people and they'll mature out of it.

[RASHskins]

Can you give me an example of some of the comments?

[Political_Chucky]

Your not overly sensitive. This is an issue that is deemed as a minor one, but in reality can cause a lot of problems if she says it to the wrong person. If you really want to say something, which I do suggest, I would approach her very friendly-like and just explain to her that saying things like that could be a problem if said in the presence of a person who does take great offence. I'm guessing you live in the UK or something?

[TC]

She's talking about his race, not yours (it appears) and she's his girlfriend not yours, so let him worry about it. The fact that she does it in front of him and he doesn't mind, shows that they have the type of relationship where that type of banter is known not to provoke any offense, the same way that certain types of 'ironic sexism' maybe understood as acceptable between close opposite sex friends where they could cause offense or embarrassment between co-workers.

[Political_Chucky]

Yea but she did also say that they do it when they aren't together also. I've seen plenty of people make racial remarks and get their ass beat for it. This is kinda a split desicion whether or not you really care if the person would get into trouble.

[Adam Rand]

I don't see a reason myself to object to "racist" remarks in jest. They can be entertaining. What I find disagreeable is true racism. The intend does very much matter in this case. You should maybe discuss it with her. But do you think that she actually means it or is just trying to be funny?

[redcannon]

sometimes people just do that to joke around with friends. my girlfriend calls me a stupid jew, and is always making suggestions about baking a kike. I know she doesn't mean it, half her family is jewish lol

[RNK]

What if she started joking about shooting you in the back of the head and throwing your body into a mass grave?

Discrimination is discrimination. "Innocent racial jokes" like these help perpetuate the already abundant racism that minorities have to deal with. There's no excuse for "letting it slide" or defending it.

[Adam Rand]

Originally posted by [email protected] 10, 2007 05:13 am
What if she started joking about shooting you in the back of the head and throwing your body into a mass grave?

Discrimination is discrimination. "Innocent racial jokes" like these help perpetuate the already abundant racism that minorities have to deal with. There's no excuse for "letting it slide" or defending it.
How would you make a joke out of that? But if it was without racist intention, why not...you should just watch out that someone who doesn't know you are joking doesn't kick your ass.

I think it is rather the opposite, that when you can freely make jokes about misconceptions or actual differences then it is more accepted than it was before. Which, to me is a goal.