Opinion?

[criminaltrap]

A friend of mine, sitting back down in his seat, after encountering a friend of his at a concert during the interval remarked "She used to be attractive, but she's not anymore,"
It was a really unlooked for thing to say, given I didn't actually know the girl and I know he's only ever had a relationship of pure friendship with her.
I've also experienced him insisting on buying a girl he was also purely friends with a drink, but never with another boy. I also don't think I've ever heard him say a personal remark about the appearance of a boy that he didn't find sexually attractive... although he claims he would do both. I know I have to take his word for it.
Do you think this guy may have a sexist attitude? I know it's pretty much impossible for somebody growing up in this culture to not be atleast slightly sexist, but even so.
I guess I'm just curious as to what you people think.

[Black Dagger]

It's possible for sure, but going on just what you've said here, he sounds like a self-interested prat in the very least :)

[Boriznov]

if you find someone not attractive isn't that your personal opinion ?

[Kropotkin Has a Posse]

Yeah, this is your average talk from the sleazier half of the guy world.

[bloody_capitalist_sham]

You are very naive if you think only guys talk like that :rolleyes:

[TC]

Originally posted by [email protected] 22, 2007 08:34 am
You are very naive if you think only guys talk like that :rolleyes:
:lol: LOL yah really.


To respond to the original post

1. theres absolutely nothing wrong with commenting on other people's looks, whether male or female, your gender or the opposite gender, to friends in a context that the person being commented on is unlikely to hear and therefore unlikely to be made uncomfortable or offended. Everyone does it, if you think only guys do it, you obviously don't have enough platonic girl friends who you don't have weird sexual tension with. (Or so as not to prejudice the explanation towards naive guys...if you think only girls do it...then you must be isolated from all forms of social contact and media and therefore cannot be reading this thread).

If you think theres something *wrong* with it or worse that you *ought* to think theres something wrong with it then you're just being an overly politically correct liberal and no one is going to be impressed by it. I hope.


2. It seems weird not to buy boys he's friends with drinks, it seems like all of my male friends buy each other drinks, although it might be a cultural thing (more common in the UK than US perhaps?). Whats more common and semi-sexist in the non-oppressive personal sort of way is that a lot of girls will buy their girl friends drinks but not their guy friends while accepting drinks from their guy friends. I think though this has to do with a mixture of entitlement thats produced by the fact that any not-totally-ugly girl gets frequent offers from strangers to buy them drinks, and fear that over eager guy friends might interpret the offer the wrong way.


3. about not commenting on boys he doesn't find attractive, i think there are several social dynamics at work none of which are 'sexist.' When someone who isn't gay comments negatively on a member of the opposite gender's looks they are in part signaling the fact that they're not interested in them, which is potentially useful/relevant information to the friend you're gossiping with, and its unlikely to be perceived as having an ulterior motive However people might perceive negative comments on people of the same gender as more gratuitous and spiteful, even reflecting on the insecurities of the speaker; highschool stereotypical *****yness doesn't reflect well on people, plus it leads to potentially walking into an exchange of "Ooh you know such and such looks that way" "oh haha you don't say cause you're starting to look that way a bit yourself!"



And no, your friend isn't sexist...you're implicitly sexist for being a patronizing overprotective liberal for wanting to spot sexism in places it doesn't exist! ;)

[Wanted Man]

Originally posted by [email protected] 13, 2007 06:54 am
A friend of mine, sitting back down in his seat, after encountering a friend of his at a concert during the interval remarked "She used to be attractive, but she's not anymore,"
It was a really unlooked for thing to say, given I didn't actually know the girl and I know he's only ever had a relationship of pure friendship with her.
I've also experienced him insisting on buying a girl he was also purely friends with a drink, but never with another boy. I also don't think I've ever heard him say a personal remark about the appearance of a boy that he didn't find sexually attractive... although he claims he would do both. I know I have to take his word for it.
Do you think this guy may have a sexist attitude? I know it's pretty much impossible for somebody growing up in this culture to not be atleast slightly sexist, but even so.
I guess I'm just curious as to what you people think.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heterosexuality

[EwokUtopia]

Meh, not sexist per se.....definately appearance elitist, but who among us isnt guilty of that in one way or another. Unfortunately, people do judge others on appearence. Pretty much all people do this. If men are attracted to women, they will focus on the appearence of women. Homosexual men will do the same emphasis for men. Heterosexual women will judge the appearence of men, and homosexual women will judge the appearence of women. It isnt allways sexual in nature, as a straight male, I do not think I would be alone in distinguishing between attractive and less attractive males.

It is unfortunate, but it happens.

Two things to remember:

1-Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

2-Dont be a dick. If you dont think someone is attractive, leave it in your thoughts where it belongs.

[Cheung Mo]

If I found a chick unattractive and she started shit with one of my female friends, I would have a few cruel jokes about her appearance (more likely behind her back, I'm admit) simply because I would need to vent, I would need to slander and ridicule my friend's bully, and looks are an easy target.

But otherwise, I would not say a word: Especially since I'm no prize myself and because what I find sexy would make a lot of other guys shake their heads in disbelief. (Put it this way: Plastic and fame are among my biggest turn-offs.)

[RASHskins]

Can't really help what you find attractive or not. One thing you could do is tell your friend to keep comments to himself, if someone overhears that it would be really hurtful.

[Adam Rand]

Originally posted by [email protected] 13, 2007 05:54 am
A friend of mine, sitting back down in his seat, after encountering a friend of his at a concert during the interval remarked "She used to be attractive, but she's not anymore,"
It was a really unlooked for thing to say, given I didn't actually know the girl and I know he's only ever had a relationship of pure friendship with her.
I've also experienced him insisting on buying a girl he was also purely friends with a drink, but never with another boy. I also don't think I've ever heard him say a personal remark about the appearance of a boy that he didn't find sexually attractive... although he claims he would do both. I know I have to take his word for it.
Do you think this guy may have a sexist attitude? I know it's pretty much impossible for somebody growing up in this culture to not be atleast slightly sexist, but even so.
I guess I'm just curious as to what you people think.
I don't think that is an indication of sexism. I can understand that he might not make remarks about the attractiveness of guys, given that he is heterosexual and well....not attracted to guys. Of course he could be sexist, but I don't think one can determine it from that.