The Grey Blur
21st May 2006, 00:01
Theyre made out of meat.
Meat?
Meat. Theyre made out of meat.
Meat?
Theres no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. Theyre completely meat.
Thats impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?
They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals dont come from them. The signals come from machines.
So who made the machines? Thats who we want to contact.
They made the machines. Thats what Im trying to tell you. Meat made the machines.
Thats ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? Youre asking me to believe in sentient meat.
Im not asking you, Im telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and theyre made out of meat.
Maybe theyre like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage.
Nope. Theyre born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didnt take long. Do you have any idea whats the life span of meat?
Spare me. Okay, maybe theyre only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside.
Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. Theyre meat all the way through.
No brain?
Oh, theres a brain all right. Its just that the brain is made out of meat! Thats what Ive been trying to tell you.
So . . . what does the thinking?
Youre not understanding, are you? Youre refusing to deal with what Im telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat.
Thinking meat! Youre asking me to believe in thinking meat!
Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?
Omigod. Youre serious then. Theyre made out of meat.
Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And theyve been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years.
Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?
First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual.
Were supposed to talk to meat.
Thats the idea. Thats the message theyre sending out by radio. Hello. Anyone out there? Anybody home? That sort of thing.
They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?
Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat.
I thought you just told me they used radio.
They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat.
Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?
Officially or unofficially?
Both.
Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing.
I was hoping you would say that.
It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?
I agree one hundred percent. Whats there to say? Hello, meat. Hows it going? But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?
Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they cant live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact.
So we just pretend theres no one home in the Universe.
Thats it.
Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? Youre sure they wont remember?
Theyll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that were just a dream to them.
A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meats dream.
And we marked the entire sector unoccupied.
Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?
Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen-core cluster intelligence in a class-nine star in G445 zone was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again.
They always come around.
And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone . . .
Meat?
Meat. Theyre made out of meat.
Meat?
Theres no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. Theyre completely meat.
Thats impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?
They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals dont come from them. The signals come from machines.
So who made the machines? Thats who we want to contact.
They made the machines. Thats what Im trying to tell you. Meat made the machines.
Thats ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? Youre asking me to believe in sentient meat.
Im not asking you, Im telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and theyre made out of meat.
Maybe theyre like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage.
Nope. Theyre born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didnt take long. Do you have any idea whats the life span of meat?
Spare me. Okay, maybe theyre only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside.
Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. Theyre meat all the way through.
No brain?
Oh, theres a brain all right. Its just that the brain is made out of meat! Thats what Ive been trying to tell you.
So . . . what does the thinking?
Youre not understanding, are you? Youre refusing to deal with what Im telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat.
Thinking meat! Youre asking me to believe in thinking meat!
Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?
Omigod. Youre serious then. Theyre made out of meat.
Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And theyve been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years.
Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?
First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual.
Were supposed to talk to meat.
Thats the idea. Thats the message theyre sending out by radio. Hello. Anyone out there? Anybody home? That sort of thing.
They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?
Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat.
I thought you just told me they used radio.
They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat.
Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?
Officially or unofficially?
Both.
Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing.
I was hoping you would say that.
It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?
I agree one hundred percent. Whats there to say? Hello, meat. Hows it going? But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?
Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they cant live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact.
So we just pretend theres no one home in the Universe.
Thats it.
Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? Youre sure they wont remember?
Theyll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that were just a dream to them.
A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meats dream.
And we marked the entire sector unoccupied.
Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?
Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen-core cluster intelligence in a class-nine star in G445 zone was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again.
They always come around.
And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone . . .