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View Full Version : Story I wrote on another thread



ÑóẊîöʼn
17th April 2006, 12:21
As part of my world-building project on Omniverse Zero, I wrote a story involving my universe:

Occupied Territories (http://www.omniversezero.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4083)

You might have to read some articles on the Final, Final Frontiers Universe in order to get some background information, but it might not be necessary.

Your thoughts are welcome.

ÑóẊîöʼn
17th April 2006, 17:23
Nobody has any thoughts on it? :(

dislatino
17th April 2006, 18:59
This is a very short story, i for one would like to read a much more extended version, your use of descriptive language is somewhat impressive, in saying this there are areas where this can be improved, dialogue flows well in my eyes, i was somewhat dissapointed with the lack of information on the consequences since i would have loved to read larger descriptions, overall it was short but it worked well, do carry on with story.