Dr. Rosenpenis
27th February 2006, 00:16
ST. PAUL, MN—Single mother of three Janis Cullen is so pleased with her 1990 Pontiac 6000LE wagon that, after her family moved out of their home in late 2003, they took up residence in the car.
"Lately we've been parking close to the steel mill," Cullen said. "The boys like looking at the fire, and I feel safer in a lot that's got some security. We used to park behind the Old Thyme Grille until a hooker threatened Sam with a syringe full of bleach. She said she was going to squeeze it in his eyes. "
Cullen added: "She should go to hell for talking to a kid like that."
The winters get cold in St. Paul, but the Cullen family is always nice and toasty in their wagon's molded, upholstered cab. Two adjustable air and heating vents in the rear-center console keep the kids toasty in back, allowing Cullen and her guests to put up the privacy sheet without hoarding all the heat up front. And according to Peter, the cigarette lighter "works as a hand warmer, once you let it cool." The Pontiac 6000LE also features power windows in those two that still work.
"We run the heat for an hour and then we leave the doors closed," Peter said. "After lights-out, you're not allowed to open the door no matter what, unless you want a spanking."
"Uncle Jay spanks hardest," added Sam, referring to Jay Promo, a friend of Cullen's. "He spanks too hard. He spanked me once and I couldn't sit on my hiney for two days, until he belted me down."
The center-front armrest with storage gives the clan plenty of room for necessities, allowing them to use their ample rear cargo-storage space for irreplaceable heirlooms, Tiffany, and a single change of clothes each.
"We got TP right here," said Sam, opening the armrest and scooping up a handful of McDonald's napkins and an empty 20-ounce Gatorade bottle. "The bottle's for emergencies."
entire article here (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/44899)
"Lately we've been parking close to the steel mill," Cullen said. "The boys like looking at the fire, and I feel safer in a lot that's got some security. We used to park behind the Old Thyme Grille until a hooker threatened Sam with a syringe full of bleach. She said she was going to squeeze it in his eyes. "
Cullen added: "She should go to hell for talking to a kid like that."
The winters get cold in St. Paul, but the Cullen family is always nice and toasty in their wagon's molded, upholstered cab. Two adjustable air and heating vents in the rear-center console keep the kids toasty in back, allowing Cullen and her guests to put up the privacy sheet without hoarding all the heat up front. And according to Peter, the cigarette lighter "works as a hand warmer, once you let it cool." The Pontiac 6000LE also features power windows in those two that still work.
"We run the heat for an hour and then we leave the doors closed," Peter said. "After lights-out, you're not allowed to open the door no matter what, unless you want a spanking."
"Uncle Jay spanks hardest," added Sam, referring to Jay Promo, a friend of Cullen's. "He spanks too hard. He spanked me once and I couldn't sit on my hiney for two days, until he belted me down."
The center-front armrest with storage gives the clan plenty of room for necessities, allowing them to use their ample rear cargo-storage space for irreplaceable heirlooms, Tiffany, and a single change of clothes each.
"We got TP right here," said Sam, opening the armrest and scooping up a handful of McDonald's napkins and an empty 20-ounce Gatorade bottle. "The bottle's for emergencies."
entire article here (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/44899)