bed_of_nails
5th August 2005, 07:06
The audience applauds as I step onstage and up to the podium.
Hello everyone! How are you all doing tonight? Well, this is our second-Annual Shitty-Music Awards festival. These awards go out to commemorate the people who need to stop making music, because anything they produce is just a travesty.
Our first category of the night is going to be Pop-Punk. Our nominations for this award are Good Charolette, Simple Plan, and Avril Lavigne.
Mr. Castro, can I have the envelope?
Fidel Castro walks onstage, waves at the crowd as it cheers him on, and hands me the envelope.
It is Good Charolette this year... again! They win this award for making music about how they have no friends, no girlfriend, how hard life on the streets is, and how they have nothing! Meanwhile, these kids grew up in suburbia and are now making millions of dollars with groupies flocking them at every corner!
Good Charolette accepts the award before being dropped into a tank full of scorpions.
Our next award is for worst band reunion this year. Our nominees are... Only the Backstreet Boys! We would give them an award, but they are busy committing statutory rape with their adoring 12 year-old fans!
Now we have the overplayed song award! This year the nominees are Green Day's "American Idiot", Green Day's "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" and 50 Cent's "Tipsy".
And it is a tie between "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" and "Tipsy"! Please, both artists come up!
The bands approach the stage and as soon as they are handed their awards, the stage opens beneath them to reveal a bed of nails, which they fall upon and are impaled numerous times.
The second to last award of the night is "Worst Music Video"! We have "The Chronicles of Life and Death" by Good Charolette, "Lets get it started" by the Black Eyed Peas, and Eminem's "Ass like that".
All three of your music videos were the epitome of shitty music, so none of you actually get an award!
The three groups/artists are strapped to their chairs, then electrocuted
Finally we have the "Thank God He's Dead award"! This one goes to Bodybag... I mean Deadbag... I mean Dimebag Darrel.
His corpse is shown being thrown into a Necrophiliacs Anonymous meeting, where it is then violated in orifi that he didnt originally have.
Thank you, and have a good night!
Hello everyone! How are you all doing tonight? Well, this is our second-Annual Shitty-Music Awards festival. These awards go out to commemorate the people who need to stop making music, because anything they produce is just a travesty.
Our first category of the night is going to be Pop-Punk. Our nominations for this award are Good Charolette, Simple Plan, and Avril Lavigne.
Mr. Castro, can I have the envelope?
Fidel Castro walks onstage, waves at the crowd as it cheers him on, and hands me the envelope.
It is Good Charolette this year... again! They win this award for making music about how they have no friends, no girlfriend, how hard life on the streets is, and how they have nothing! Meanwhile, these kids grew up in suburbia and are now making millions of dollars with groupies flocking them at every corner!
Good Charolette accepts the award before being dropped into a tank full of scorpions.
Our next award is for worst band reunion this year. Our nominees are... Only the Backstreet Boys! We would give them an award, but they are busy committing statutory rape with their adoring 12 year-old fans!
Now we have the overplayed song award! This year the nominees are Green Day's "American Idiot", Green Day's "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" and 50 Cent's "Tipsy".
And it is a tie between "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" and "Tipsy"! Please, both artists come up!
The bands approach the stage and as soon as they are handed their awards, the stage opens beneath them to reveal a bed of nails, which they fall upon and are impaled numerous times.
The second to last award of the night is "Worst Music Video"! We have "The Chronicles of Life and Death" by Good Charolette, "Lets get it started" by the Black Eyed Peas, and Eminem's "Ass like that".
All three of your music videos were the epitome of shitty music, so none of you actually get an award!
The three groups/artists are strapped to their chairs, then electrocuted
Finally we have the "Thank God He's Dead award"! This one goes to Bodybag... I mean Deadbag... I mean Dimebag Darrel.
His corpse is shown being thrown into a Necrophiliacs Anonymous meeting, where it is then violated in orifi that he didnt originally have.
Thank you, and have a good night!