Terror Threat Spoof

[h&s]

OK has anyone heard of that stupid booklet te UK government is giving out to tell people about what to do in case of a terror attack? Well they have a webpage with the information on it too (http://www.preparingforemergencies.gov.uk/), but some funny guy has made a spoof of it, under "The Ministry of Vague Paranoia," and its hilarious!
e.g.

The Government is working hard to make sure that the UK is as prepared as it can be in the event of an emergency, and it is important that you are ready too.

No, that's a lie. I'm sorry, I can't keep it up. The Government is working hard to get re-elected, and to give themselves more money. Your safety's maybe number ten on the priority list, just below stopping Euan Blair going on another drinking binge and keeping George Bush from blowing the world up again.

This booklet will tell you how you can help yourself and your family in emergencies, because we're not going to do it ourselves. First chance we get, we'll be off to an undisclosed location, hopefully leaving Gordon Brown behind.

If you need alternative language versions or formats, get someone to translate them or LEARN TO SPEAK ENGLISH. ARE YOU UNDERSTANDING THE WORDS THAT I AM SPEAKING?


It contains such gems as what to do in case of a Zombie or Alien attack, and under the section "Whats being done to protect the UK?" it simply says "Naff all. Next question?"
Here's the address

http://www.preparingforemergencies.co.uk/

[DaCuBaN]

That's an absolute gem, man :D


In an effort to worry the public and convince them to vote for us again next year, and because George Bush asked us to, this website includes the common sense advice found in the Preparing for Emergencies booklet, and information on what the government is doing to protect the country as a whole. (Hint: we're praying really, really hard.) National editions of the booklet will be available here when we can be arsed to get translators to put them into your crazy moon languages.

From 2nd August, translations of the booklet into 16 languages will be available on this website. They will be in : Arabic, Bengali, Chinese, English, Farsi, French, Greek, Gujarati, Hindi, Kurdish, Punjabi, Somali, Turkish, Urdu, Vietnamese and Welsh. In the meantime, just assume that we don't care about you.

You will also be able to order copies of the booklet in audio tape, large print, and Braille formats. We wouldn't have bothered, but Blunkett insisted.


:lol:

[DaCuBaN]

It gets better


If you find yourself in the middle of an emergency, your common sense and instincts will usually tell you what to do. However, it is important to:

-Run.
-Really, really fast.
-Follow the advice of the emergency services, unless that advice is something other than "Run".
-Try to remain calm and think before acting, and try to reassure others. Or, trample them in a desperate attempt to flee as the building you're in is consumed by a radioactive cloud.
-Check for injuries. Here's a hint: if it's painful, it's probably injured. However, hurting when you pee is probably not an injury related to the incident. But get yourself checked out anyway.

If you are not involved in the incident, but are close by or believe you may be in danger, in most cases the advice is:

-Run.


:D :rolleyes:

[h&s]

Yeah, it is funny. I spent about 5 minutes solid just laughing when I first read it yesterday.
I think this bit is one of the best;


Possible signs of terrorism

You may have vital information. If you hear, see or come across anything that may be linked with terrorist activity, please tell the police. They want to hear from you. Well, they would want to hear from you, if they weren't hideously understaffed and in desperate need of more officers.

Terrorists need...

A place to live: Are you suspicious about any tenants or guests? REPORT THEM, CITIZEN!

To plan: Have you seen anyone pay an unusual amount of attention to security measures at any location? REPORT THEM, CITIZEN!

Money: Individuals may set up bogus bank accounts, copy credit cards, return goods for large cash refunds. Or you never know, that tramp who's always asking for spare change could be a terrorist.

Equipment: If you are a retailer, do you have any cause to be suspicious about anything being bought? And if so, WHY ARE YOU SELLING IT, CITIZEN? SHOW ME YOUR PAPERS!


So sinister!

[DaCuBaN]

Email the guy - I got a response back almost instantly from him. I just couldn't stop myself from laughing, so I felt I had to at least tell the author ;)

Linkage on the site

[h&s]

Yeah, we need to show him solidarity. The government really want that site shut down.

[dopediana]

the beautiful thing is, someone could so easily come by that site and initially think it's the real thing as the only difference in the urls is gov and co. hehehehe.

[T_SP]

Excellent, a work of genius! Thanx H&SF