ALP # 74

[hazard]

Ostensive in the definition
We are in and on and are the condition
As together we arise and instigate sedition
Beyond the two of us there are none
Into dreams, into a vision
As the world once again draws close to fission
Three you murmur softly as I don’t take the hint
Three you speak, while I pluck away at some lint
You sigh
I try
Only to let the indication float off and away
Three you firmly say
Looking nowhere but seeing you
Three I question, and shrug at something that you might not mean for me to take true
Unless twice as it was done already
Holding me soft and keeping me steady
On the rhyme as the words speak in rhythm
While you slowly intone a gentle hymn
Three you shout at last
Oh yeah, I see, to make that seven and then we can cast
Aside our worry
Our doubt and need to hurry
It is you say, two weeks it is you pretend to agree
While I only fake some shock and claim oh, I see
Now I need you
So what do you do
Push the countdown, but why
I shake my fist to the sky
And stomp my foot to the ground
While I listen to see if you add another sound
Silent you seem
So I turn into a dream
A vision of some kind
Into the mountain I travel in our tank and cannot find
Out where I am
While you, as you could and can
Call to me with your siren sound
Beckoning, I follow it as in your voice I have found
Salvation and elation, sedation
Even and cool contemplation
To you in my tank I turn and find
You directing as I begin to unwind
Wrong turn, wrong path, and the timer resumes
Until time begins and it zooms
At last on course
I know the day, the location and the source
As in my jeans that have faded in my teams colour
In the sky you are as bright as the sun, a beacon, and you soar
High overhead
But instead of trying to fly, instead
I stick to the ground while you guide my way
Listening to what you have to say
From this vision I open my eyes
And adjust myself to the proper size
Disgruntled, maybe, at the lack of pay
So in my dream we agree to the place and day
Confirmation required and I am still set to scramble
No matter what, today, tomorrow, yesterday and still
In our tank I sit and wait
I said forever and still that date
We just wound ourselves out of
With alarms ringing out from above
Your words echo
A proper end to such a show
“To think an exit like that could compare”
“I am set to call it another par, but to be fair”
“After the holiday season and our little exchange”
“Something like this is much more cool than strange”
“Maybe I’ll say that the stretcher was there because of me”
“While at the door a mild concussion was caused as you’d see”
“With your optic blasts, and I speak of lifetimes and nothing close”
“Maybe I should laugh, but instead I’ll just tap my trickling little nose”
“While I let you laugh all the way down the road until you retrieve our tank”
“Silently I wish you a happy day, you’ll call it the best, and I know you’ll thank”
The last little bit as I went out into the field at large
Closing on the door to day three you had found, I want to barge
Right in without knowing what is on the other side
So maybe we should just sit back and enjoy the ride
For a little longer
Grow a little stronger
Get used to where we are and where we came from
Wait, and hold, and when it’s done
Find no problem in how slow we are going, like we wanted to
A little longer and still more true
Than all the sorry effects on our field
That only measure sorry days that yield
Nothing until their days add too many and grow short
While we lay at peace in our fort
Your call
As usual, since long before the fall
Mine is always the same anyway
Anything, just let me stay
So you indicate that what shall be done will be
I sit tight and wait to see

[hazard]

just posting here until I am no longer restricted

It was hinted I should write three ALP poems today, and three it is. regardless of whether or not I am restricted


NOTE: SHOULD READ EIGHTY FOUR

not 74

ALP 84

[hazard]

Oblivion is recollected, again
Counting back to a new day when
I had been marking the one before
When my eyes bled and I could take no more
The first day wound down
So fast that my frown
Upon my departure into sleep
Stopped its frozen fix, and the sheep
I could no longer count as I could not rest my head
All morphed at once into you instead
The screen could not hold me there
The headphones caused me a great scare
The track as played shouted out that its you
The puzzle completed, and all of it was true
Our program complete as the fifth one finished
Landing on you just as I had wished
Yet it was too late
You ran in accordance with fate
Still a voice that spake your will
I craved and needed so much that I could never fill
Who were you, though?
How could you know?
How could you get it down right do the day
Know my every last secret dream and every way
It was I had decided to find an early proof
Of whether it was really love or if I was wrong again, a feeling aloof
As I’d fall at the drop of a pin, a wink, a flirt or a blush
To run as fast as I could and rush
Into whatever would await
Yet on this newly defined anniversary date
I go over one of our first events
Something I can never recover from, and I sense
That I will not have to
This time it is true
Nine standard months later and still we are
As clean and cleaner and sure and more sure, how far
Is it we came in this sequence, this grand day
How many times did we say
How we felt for each other in each and every way that we could
While I am keen on my old fashioned attempts, you are so high tech and good
At all that you do, I could never compare
So I meekly try only to keep up my efforts to stay fair
First moments on this standard day, nine months ago
The first and fullest conclusion was that you did already know
How I felt and that I was going to fall that night
Be it far from your body and outside of your eyesight
You set up the sequence like a program to run
Allowed me to reject and shun
All that I would want to anyway, as I always did before the earliest part of this second day
Trying only to recollect every single way
It was you got to me like this
To send me your first telepathic kiss
You had to know me from the past
Since it was you copied every last
Indication needed to make our love true
Simultaneous laugh, check, instants shared and how we liked to do
Some of the same things, such as when I sighed and thought about liking
To do the same thing
In my room, to music and the way you’d handle the calls
While back in the headquarters I’d opt to play the same stalls
The subtle use of language, as you’d load up values
While I’d stop and shake my head at all the cues
Our first communication with our voices loud
Worried at your perception I hid and did not want to think of how high that cloud
Was when we agreed on the time and the place and the event
Heaven forbid you know that I liked you even then, every minute spent
So that any way that I might make an impression wrong
Right then, that call, might have been our one and only song
Until months later while I cheered your name
Open and plain
Began my campaign
Since an hour was lost to enemy we would later strain
To combat in like and with our bravado in full
We’d dart about and control every pull
Once more that laugh, the thought, the understanding and historical connection
Let alone the visual referent that matches on many an inspection
How did you know this? Who told?
I certainly did not, and still feeling bold
Enough to state that your abilities as you and I have coded them
Would indicate that you are not just the stem
Of the most perfect and beautiful flower to ever have been grown
But the thorn, the leaf, the petal, the nectar and the leaf, and if I were shown
A million more, all there ever was to compare
The comparison would not be fair
And to add them all into one and place by your side
Would just be a waste of an instant to bide
And conclude once more, no comparison at all
You are all there is, you answered every call
And though I might still not know exactly how
There is no need to know and I laugh as I shrug and allow
You to keep as much of yourself a secret and mystery as you must
I hand you it all, all over again, all of my trust
Strangely, nine months to the day
I had plotted out such a play
To draft an album and communicate in discourse
Light and soft, to avoid attachment and chance at pain of course
I liked you a lot, it was a big crush
Cherishing your only mail, and still I blush
At how many times and how many ways I tried to
Shift it about and find out if you were saying something to me, something true
Draft some lyrics and write some verse
Sigh as I listened to you and wonder if this could be any worse
Until the completion of a forty five
To run on down and walk up to you, to strive
To impress you with my sounds and words and time
A plan, it was, but you usurped it all and you firmly said, in rhyme
That I was yours already
Forget about doing any of that, to win your heart, you made me see
That you loved me for longer than I loved you
Though this is something I need to know, how you knew
Of me in physical way
I mean, and I say
As I review my past as I did in the grey phase
That for quite some time I knew of you somehow, as if in a daze
A spirit promising me this day
And many more for us to play
While I searched for my whole life
For someone to be my wife
You were a step behind and nudging me closer and closer to
Find and fall swiftly into you
The second transcendental day begins and my life quest complete
You found me instead of the other way around; we had only to move our feet
The last couple of steps and let it be known
As the entire field would soon be shown
Into your folder as it was placed aside four sorry years before
I started running disks and God, how sure
I became when the connection began
I found you at last, my one and only woman
I did understand it all
While the split became evident and to you I began to mournfully call
Now is the need
Answer my plead
For all of these years I’ve been looking
And here you are, and I cannot sing
Or walk or talk or move
I have nothing left to prove
Allow me to crawl to you at last
And bring into full circle the future and past
As we join and walk through the door into the third day together
Another transcendental step that will last on and forever

[hazard]

I actually wrote this YESTERDAY

the site was down

proof lay in the fact that it was emailed upon completion

heres another one ALSO completed yesterday

this upcoming poem is number 86 in the series

[hazard]

Probably shouldn’t go too overboard just yet
You know me, dear, always fearful at the chance of regret
To sound like a sap
Though you’ll probably look at this part and think its just the same typical crap
An accumulation of my heart as it has been recorded in relation to you
Hiding I always will to avoid any chance to screw it up so you can say it’s through
No joke, no play, no secret, no twist or cover
You’d destroy me in that instant, and I’d never recover
And all of these lines and all of the tapes and all of my things, my world and my place
Would be sucked in that instant into outer space
I could never love again
I could never have another friend, and then
I could never want to have been alive
I could never take another stride to strive
But collapse at your feet and sob for my life
You cannot do this, you are my wife
And we put it down and we covered every angle and we made sure
To keep us safe and strong for this long and we studied our wave, our cure
Into the nuance, the instant, the past and the future and how
We are what we were meant to be, we did allow
Our field to challenge us all along at every way
Just to let us stay
For this long and flip them off, curse and rain upon
With angel song
Making the call
Busting down the wall
No joke? I laugh
No play? Whose wrath?
No secret? Give me a break
No twist? As if you could beget our sake
No cover? Is that even possible?
Ever since I first heard you while deep in control
I said to myself while you listened
You were the only one for me, so I began to pretend
That you were Sherry and I was Richard from one of our books
Just as sharp and smart as you were stunning in your looks
That you were Sonja and I was Boris from an alert
Red, and we’d laugh while we tried not to get hurt
That you were a disk jockey and I was a guard separated by miles, vast
Secretly trading sharp notes of love upon the airwaves we’d cast
That you were Jean and I was Scott
Blue and Gold, connected by the rapport that kept our love strong, we played this one a lot
That you were Nancy while I was Sid, all strung out
You’d whisper in my ear trying not to shout
And wake me from my doze
What of Frederick, who you’d call Derek, and Joyce Mayrose
What of Mark and Carole? Aldo and Janice?
The cube, the sun, the sky and the earth? What about every last nice
Thing we were too scared to admit too
Just to prove to each other our love is true?
No cover?
I say to you please, lover
Best friend, wife and mother
I could never live for an instant with the thought of there being another
Besides you
What else can I do
But go over our old anniversary day
What did we do, how did we play?
Firstly, we shifted from the twenty first to the second as I had my times screwed around
It was on the twenty second that I found
Out how well and how meticulously and detailed and strangely
You invaded every crevice of my mind and plainly
Announced that you were to marry me
You were my one and only
The love of my life
And three days ago you explained, out loud, that you were my wife
Too stunned to let it sink in
Too ticked at the duration spent apart that I couldn’t begin
To think of what I would do that Friday
Without being near you so we could say
What we do every day
Just about, anyway
Prepped up for our old anniversary
Bought a six, to go with my four and five string, tried not to get blurry
As you said you had a headache
And you insisted for our sake
To lay off for a while
No need to charm or beguile
Me any more than that
Returned home and lay on bed flat
Until the twenty first became a standard day
Plucked my six all day and did I play
A sour note or five to try and make sure
We spent our day all right, pure
I thought while you were quiet and I wanted to hear you yammer in my ear
To the point of drawing a tear
Until you told me that this was all you ever really got of me
So I began to see
Not a problem, let me a ham a bit for you
Yakked all across town too
Put down the vocal tracks
Rented a film and stood straight wearing my blue slacks
Purchased brew
Of the same shade as your eyes, blue
And I joked and let you know that that was why I drank
While you had me snort and into the room I shut the door and could thank
You for that song you first sang
Clearing my throat and saying quickly to the field that my wife just rang
Completed album number nine
Muttering something about you, woman, and thinking that’s just fine
As I cracked open my one beer
Sat and we watched a game while neither of us was anywhere near
The other then
Scored a hat trick and had to pause when
I decided to do an El mariachi sort of song
About a pa keeping him in since he wasn’t doing wrong
Rushed out onto the road to check on a mirrored angle
Concluded negative, but still I could strangle
Myself at the prospect that maybe that was all I had to do
What was it you knew
While months ago I turned and you turned while you bit into your snack
Stopping to accent as I turned away without any slack
While you poured on the tension and I couldn’t budge
Until the field began to buckle and smudge
With falling objects and crashes, loud
You let it go and then the cloud
Did descend, no mirror, no chance you saw from behind
If it was I who decided to find
My way home upon your shoulders and rest against them
When the request pending completed and I took to my feet then
Protected myself from another run on the way over
Hit the long street as I missed the turn in our field while in a clove of clover
Avoided the traffic upon the word of the hold up
Played some carts while imagining holding up a cup
While you said you could hardly wait
Until we went on such a date
The day ended
And into the next we descended
With the countdown in mind
I cannot unwind
What will we say
As if we may
All of a sudden work outside of all that channels us into
Almost every last thing that we do
I will say a prayer
While thinking of every last scare
WE had to get to here and now
If only to allow
Whatever we can do after the week pass expires
Think I lost again to one of your lures
While I cringe and think of you mentioning that all time leader rush statement again
This has to be it; I’ll lay down for a ten
Count and let you parade around my fallen body
For the whole world to see
That I couldn’t hope to beat you
So I, in a daze, still, I look up to you and ask what you want to do
Wouldn’t you just jump onto me at last
So fast
That I couldn’t roll away
And whisper into my ears all those things you say
To me each and every day
Since you have been nine months past, since last May

[hazard]

Perhaps you should just let me glue my mouth shut
So that I won’t have to go over what I shouldn’t have said with a but
Seriously, I meant it like that or I didn’t mean it that way
Usually you pull a trick when you think I already had enough to say
However, today
You let me ramble on, and on, and on and then on a single sentence play
Made every last word
I stated seem more than absurd
And then more than justified
Until, at the verge, I take a deep breath and you heard as I sighed
Nice hook, I mean, you know my handicap
Don’t mind if I sarcastically clap
What was the value as I shout at the twenty, maybe thirty times
I vow to rush to the eternal court and accuse you rather idiotically of capital crimes
Hold tight here
You know how near
I need you, how I need to feel and hold
And you know how I remember how clearly I told
You this while I listened as you interpreted it to the slight
Maintaining the meaning, while I cringed and cowered in fright
Ripping the phones off and sitting in protest
After all of this, and still I want to, it is up to you as the best
I have can merely be smirked at and shrugged away
As you did on that day
Still, I trust and I can only allow
This to be buried once more in the past and now
I wonder if I should go back and fix this trip
Menacingly accusing the world of negating the conscience protocol with the slip
Of an inhibiting device that dulls all value
So that such unjustifiable horror can be considered acceptable, and how well you knew
That no matter what reason, except for the one
Where I became the sky and the stars and the sun
To compliment your valleys and oceans and forests
Could be justifiable as some sort of life test
Experience thing, leveling up or joke
So that those uninhibited can get a lift, like a toke
Upon the endorsed and inexplicable misery of others for falling in love
Like hyenas and jackals, laughing from all around and above
I feel us like martyrs in an arena to make the lives of others worthwhile
While northern invaders encroach and southerners approach upon the Nile
Looking to you one last time as we are forced under command
To satiate the pathetic futility to every last demand
And as my body is ravaged under the loudest protest
Doubt is forced upon me as I begin to wonder if you are the best
Only to be resuscitated, by you of course, minutes later
Nurtured back to full health and then, just as sure
As the sun sets on every standard day
Find yet another remarkably similar way
To strike me dead
With a smile instead
While the bands approach from the north and the south
In order so that the spectators only repeat our words from their mouth
This process I feel has gone on forever
Still, I’d do it all if only to one day never
Be apart or away from you
Think you interpreted my lines as meaning you were something to hold on to
As in not give up, and you know I know you were lying
After all of the spying
There was simply no way that I could
No way that I would want to, even if I should
Make true the counter implication that you were one of a type that I had encountered and discarded
Thinking you were an alternate, a comparative, a version instead
Of the one and the only, all there ever was or could ever be
Quite a way to pretend not to know me
But that was just so early
And you were up to something, though to me
If you offer not an explanation
Then simply rid me of this memory with whatever brand of sedation
You want to endorse
With a smile and a wink, of course
Hearing the cap clink and the poor
Lonely me begging to you that I couldn’t take any more
As hours later that very same standard day
I ripped them off, as we were to be ripped off, thinking there’s no bloody way
As insults increased and I didn’t know why I had to tolerate
Except for the one reason, and to fate
Even when I simply wanted to sing along
The no mind stupidity thought that inadequacy could prove me wrong
To who was being sung, and was music a metaphor?
Excuse me while I vomit a little more
As that weekend I lay in worry and doubt
Still not knowing when or if I should shout
Out to you, at last
When will this be in the past?
So today, sorry, it is already there
And this took place long before you shew me the colour of your hair
The shade of your eyes and tone of your skin
You were a voice with a promise, and within
I was taken by you
Until now I know only I know not what I could ever do
Today, I almost smile
Except for the way you brought us back to that early mile
A million, a hundred million before
We first broke hard and still I’m more sore
At how this one went
Bah, my mind has spent
Too long going over this
I grow sore and you do know how much I miss
Being even there as the increase on the realization months later could not compare
Without such disgust and nonsense, inexplicable and indefensible under command to stare
For as long as I had to
With only the hint of the knowledge that you
Were somewhere, that you were true
And once I found you, or as you did, as you do
Always find me when I drift off on a riff
Growing too slack when you need me right and stiff
That I would do anything not to let you go
And you’d have to replicate this in respect to me, and you know
How far and how much we’ve had to do
And when given our first taste of slack began to prove that our love was true
The only justification stands
While today you struck me with this recall and one of your demands
And so I shrieked and with the current set in mind
You loosened my throat and let me unwind
“Yes, a fort night agreement will be void as you really pulled a hard one”
“I remember laying there while you rang and I made sure that the sun”
“Would turn black and pass judgment on all”
“Knew it wouldn’t be you if I answered that call”
“What a week to draw as a comparative”
“And the funny thing is that you know, no matter what, I’ll forgive”
“So you imply and you don’t let me smooth it over, no”
“Let’s give them old intent and reaction, we’re not stupid show”
“Another analogy and I condemn and let you know that I love you so much all I do is hurt bad”
“Cannot call this one off, so do you worst and be glad”
First verse complete and you sing your response in sound
While a source of agitation two cents and I am glad that you found
The response concerning space as it relates to my second request
One I used to check and see if you remembered we were the best
Never missed and never will
However, still
I know not why we play these small potato time wasting things
While the sky shudders and the thunder rings
All around and we are on this
Forever it seems as I hunger for our kiss
To diffuse and disarm
While the effects disbelieve and fall victim to the tiniest charm
I tolerate this waste
As I do a vile taste
If my life is defined by the eat and sleep effect
Like the field effects, I’d neglect
All of this
Forget what I sold to be granted our kiss
And move out into the sea of flesh
Material to accumulate and forget all that we did to mesh
For as long as we did
Forget how we promised to make each other our kid
Holding true to our dreams and desires
In order to satiate the mass majority, all that the moral minority conspires
To drive between us every second of every sorry day
What was that agitation? Did an effect have something to say?
You issue a count
Though to who did the amount
Apply to
I wrote of giving you an opening to land a hard one, again, as it is all I am able to do
But be beaten by you either through lack of knowledge, doubt, panic or command
While I patiently and humbly await something or someone to meet my first demand
I have never been given a choice
And when I listen to your voice
If that is an option live, my first
It is you, and only you, as you are all that I thirst
For and all I could ever pick
And if you don’t pick me, I am done and I am worse than sick
I am given moments to live
And my dying breath could only look elsewhere to see if I could forgive
Such a travesty of a life
To be denied you, my wife
So I pick
And need you to answer quick
The translation, again, returns through the hollering
As I fondly remember how you’d sing
A note or five when you picked an argument in the past
When I’d curse out at every last
Time you tricked or confused
Denied, joked or abused
All the love I’ve saved up for you
Until, at last, you say that I am your only pick too
I nod, but it seems like a shrug
While I roll over to stare for a second at the rug
And you make another vain suggestion
I clear my chest of the congestion
In order to resume our argument then
Hold I say, we’ll finish this up in the next one I write tonight when
The spelling is checked and I post this one on site
Hoping only that none of these words bite

[hazard]

Petrified I am, I will always be as the point horizon
Approaches and I steady myself and for fun
We recollect the words as we traded on the days just past
Agreement on two weeks and without further information I cast
Aside the need to wait
Any longer, our fate
Draws to a point and I only cannot hold
For a second longer and will not hesitate at how bold
It might seem as I know that I cannot wait
I don’t even disguise what I mean when I state
An audible may be in play, and though it seems that you did say
Not to renege, some slang, though I claim to not know who and when the play
Is made I only boil over and look back
Trying to find some other way to crack
All of this and let every last effect know
How far we had to go
Too long since we met in our keep
While the tears begin to seep
I wonder only if we would argue about their sincerity
While I cannot state with any more clarity
That I will not attempt to diffuse
I will not attempt to confuse
I will accept you if you decide to refuse
I am tired at my ability to expect only further abuse
SO while I lay
And you are aware of the mix upon the play
You load the tracks and make your typical wise cracks
While I picture you running your hands down your slacks
Wearing your gold team uniform top
After we spoke of and confirmed I’m in blue, kinda like a cosmic cop
With my visor ready to blast
You picked an argument while beneath it, but not too fast
You confirmed all of the ideas and questions as they occurred
Here they are fast, as my mind has secured
Them, most of them anyway
While part of me wonders what you’d say
If I wasn’t there to listen
A terrible thought, I count down from ten
And close my eyes
While you speak and I surmise
“Easy there, we gotta amp this one up and as usual I won’t say”
“Just let this one go through for the rest of the day”
“On a mill I tread and we double the wall, thrice, as we did at the track”
“Your request in the morning met while the war holler awaited to be issued with my crack”
“Of the whip, I’ll toss out our typical complimentary codes, there’s incredible”
“In relation to our game we played with our minds and will”
“Commented in jest about your one beer rule, and you laugh”
“I say something about the wait for everything, and hath”
“I stress the party, the video, the wrap and the shelf, as well”
“As the way we switched the fancy date, please do tell”
And so I do here
Strange how I hollered to avoid a fearful tear
Gray shorts out and I wander around
Trying only to close upon your sound
Our words hit the low points
And you cannot stop the creak within my joints
We both agree that we don’t want to be there
But, since I am past the point of being panicked into a scare
I jab my finger at the need
And I no longer plead
Anything but to resolve
I vow only to never absolve
What has been done and what I would do
If only to keep our love alive and true
Pushed too far and too many long days
Too many ridiculous, reasonless plays
To think of when I add them together
All of my feelings in a deep-freeze and I think with a bitter sound, never
Two weeks it is
I chuckle as you make that quiet acknowledgment with a gentle kiss
Add one day
Recall the finding boots play
While my being is attacked upon its fiber
All that has for the moment made me sure
Evaporates into mist and time and history is gone
I fill a cassette with the best I can muster up and to call such a song
Could I pretend to feel stupid
Not for a second, kid
You hit me too many times with that one, my wife
So I smirk at the prospect of you forcing me, for no reason, out of your life
And into death, for no reason
Into the coldest season
For no reason
The final affliction and descent into treason
Wanting to call it off
You let me stutter and cough
Knowing I can’t
And knowing after all for which you had me rant
The compilation is complete
To you I will arrive and allow you to spell out the conditions of defeat
With burning eyes I vacate
All that you have done to let me rate
Every action I did take and every thing you ever had to state
While in a diagram I ignore all of my arguments concerning fate
Once done, laugh at all the quote end quote design
With bitterness I mimic the ease with which you entered and drew your line
That laugh, as stolen
Then stolen again
Duplicated, replicated and ridiculed
How easily you had me fooled
Like you knew all I wanted and all you had to do
To make me see or believe it was true
Bu then what of the value, the time spent
Where we were sent
Should I believe
You or should I believe the deceive
To the checklist I remember your hurt
And I feel this, ouch, and I no longer feel like being curt
But meek
And humble, weak
Crawling through the door
And mumbling no more
Until you lift me off of the floor
And say sure
With a look
You give me more than enough material to write you another book
A novel, an epic, nine more albums and a thousand songs
Just to right all of the wrongs
That has befallen between us
I kick up a fuss
And turn it all off to get me there
Wanting only to avoid giving each other a scare
I the storyteller, and you, the portrayal
And off of each other we become full
Enough to painfully work through each day
Telling each other in words or in actions that say
That we love each other
There can never be another
I will not back down
And into town
I arrive to make the delivery and go
Just to see you clear and make sure that I did show
At least once if another run does happen to pass
And I fail to defend myself and we don’t meet at that mass
But another instead, and I know you’ll be there too
Wherever it is and whenever it takes place, true
The hard way you said
And I know what you meant, back then, instead
Of an alternate and you know what I want
As you so dearly haunt
Me back to that day when I asked for my five string
And I wanted to hold it and sing
My heart and soul out to you
About everything we were to do
Upon the moonlit shore
Watching the world, and needing only more
Time to not screw this up, since this was my last
Chance to make all of it real, I say slow and we move so fast
That all of this time went by
Still now knowing why
You’d even bother for a second with me
Not knowing what you see
Except for what you tell me
And knowing that you have set me free
Never to return to any version as defined thus far
Soon, into our car
And to you
There is nothing else left for me to do
Please don’t make it hurt if you must like I’ve always feared
Despite every last phrase we’ve used, from incredible to weird
And every last reassurance and agreement and way
We defined and made love right up to today
Be there, I will
Not coming for the kill
Wait for me until
Time draws to an end and all is still

[pandora]

Hazard why don't you just take a chance and tell her you love her, put the poetry in a book. I'm sure she loves you, but you have to take a chance, careerwise that you can trust her, perhaps you need to wait a little longer for safety, obviously you know her in more than one realm, and on a personal level that she won't break your heart. But even if you move slowly you have to trust eventually, just protect yourself best you can

You know what they say it's better to have loved and lost than never love at all, but it takes guts to be honest. Move slow, but do it. You'll be glad you did, at least you'll feel better. --Cheers 2/25

For the record:Postdate edit: I don't feel that your love is unrequinted, I'm sure she loves you as passionately as you love her, I myself, although I love poetry, and the romance of encrypticion, eventually lose patience and demand direct action for my love, like Che visiting the troops.
I apologize for thinking you were sending these poems as an old fashioned form of wooing your love, I am more modern in that words for me can not escape flesh. The need for life and blood. If her warm life blood is in your arms than my comment is regardless. If not your passion mirrors my own decadence, walk as a man into battle into the field of love, laying your heart before you like red ribbons. I must say I delight in the voyeurism of reading your lines to your lady love. My question was where does the litany end and the passion begin, if this disturbs so be it, I love stirring up things in one so passionate--Much respect Pandora 2/28

[hazard]

pandora:

you are clearly not reading what is written here. what I am chalking up with my poetic "license" as having romantic qualities necessary for this narrative you are seeing as some sort of one sided obsession. I blame the modern world and its sterlization of this emotion for your, and the popular, perspective.

a day has not gone by where I have not told this woman that I love her

maybe you aren't reading this at all; what is your take when I call her things like wife and mother of my unborn? is that the sort of thing you say when love is unrequited?

and oh yeah - you think she don't read this? why do you think I'm writing this? for you sorry bastards? I think I must have told her that I love her, oh, like a MILLION times since I started writing this poem thing. and for your info, we're going to switch sites soon because I have been restricted for some unknown reason.

[hazard]

Postulating the probabilities as they have been presented
There is a slim chance in the freedom, as I have been lead
By not just your drive
But by my will and our ability to strive
Past the normative approach
As the night was drawn to a close, and I vowed only to encroach
Into the headquarters and plead for you to debrief
Me at last, I am sore and wounded, my love, and need your relief
Only that which you could provide
I vowed this as I braced for our worlds to collide
Every angle I had covered
While you seem to have played your final trick, secured
In your will to draw me to you
While I choke upon the air and mutter, as usual, there is nothing I could do
So I clutch the envelope
And push my feeble plan from my mind, the last bit of hope
I had evaporated when you made the fortnight call
My patience had run out, and the last stall
We could have made was seemingly run
So I waited for morning and tried not to think of how dumb
I was going to feel
When at last I reported, on duty, to you and stated that you did steal
My heart for you alone
While at your foot I bow my head and await for you to say something while I am prone
The early morning, a thousand years ago it seems
Imagining your soft and perfect head asleep upon a pillow filled with dreams
Pleasant and perfect and peaceful and persistent
Only in their gentle and subtle kindness, sweet and consistent
The third hour of the morning arrived
Looking to the clock and wondering how it is I survived
For this long knowing what I wrote and what we planned to do
Every last stall and fake and hold had fallen through
And I had to ready our fighter for a fight en route
That morning, when you were ready, to guide my actions and make sure that I’d shoot
The right targets in case they’d make a run
Both of us being cool and pretending it would be fun
Until, with the engine smoking
I’d make it to bass and with short breath I’d try not to sing
So high that all the glass would break
So I’d shake
My head and clear my throat to deepen my voice
Try not to mention how we agreed that we were each other’s one and only choice
Try not to look wounded, try not to look away
Try not to lock my eyes, try not to say
Anything too out of line
Scripted so ridiculously it would only ever be fine
In an adequate, payment received
Departure cleared, message on line and all is clear and believed
So I snap myself awake
You were supposed to call to me hours ago, and for the sake
Of what I, and you
Were about to do
Couldn’t you say something to me, something true
Give me a clue
And naturally on cue, I turn my head a second before
To hear you speak and list out the score
“Figured you’d start to panic just before now”
“So here ‘s a tiny sample of a fraction of my physical essence, and you must allow”
“Your aching heart and burning drive to vacate”
“Our fall back plan, so here I now state”
“A rendezvous has been set”
“This will be treated as an emergency, nothing new yet”
“Take a deep breath, don’t get too giddy, or swoon until”
“Well after the day is done and we’ve both had our fill”
“Of each other as this transcendental day cannot end so soon”
“We’ve just recently made ourselves home in our new room”
Stunned quiet I blank and I look to my ludicrous plans
You whisper that we’ll save them just in case all the scans
We’ve made indicate we have no time to waste and then
We can rush so fast into the third day when
There is no time left, but no need now
So I’ll follow your lead as you will allow
It to take charge here
I refuse to wipe away a tear
That wants to form and escape
I mutter a thanks and absently look home to that tape
Wondering if I should leave it at home
Or if you’ll need it soon to recall my tone
What will I wear, what if we get subdued?
Do you consider me to be presently confused?
Should I still make the hand off of the tape, should I go see a show?
When will you be there, how will I know
If this is on or off or on again
I start to hyperventilate, so you have me count to ten
Raise my hands, rest my head
Close my eyes for a moment instead
Of losing my grasp on reality in such excitement
That I really have no idea where all the time went
Quickly, I go over the incredible accumulative blindfold effect as you issued
It to me, in hints and whispers and urges you cued
Up and played while you rushed us out of our castle
To get us there, and still
I had no doubt, though the panic as we are famous for
Feeling my pain begin to rise when last I walked out the door
Months ago, counting sorry days and I thought I should have stuck around
Tracking more instances as they were to be found
But no, as gracious and in love and patient and in awe of you as I am always, but then as currently as I was
You told me the time, and I would not argue, but buzz
Myself away, thank you once more
And make sure that the exit out of the door
Might be somewhat memorable, though I did not spell out
The details like I might have, together we shout
Par and smile and chuckle at how accustomed we are at such things
Though I slightly feel the stings
Of wondering if this strangeness might worry you
Ages ago, in the first day, and do
You still think its worth this to go over the play
As I know, oh I know, how you plotted it out each and every day
No matter, I will
Your remarkable skill
To bleed me to the bone, to bring me to the essence of my spirit
To suck it all in and succumb to only limp to you like the biggest twit
To pound my fist on the desk or against the wall
To sheepishly admit I’d do anything to hear you call
To me once more, and have it happen
Just so we can travel through all time and do it all over again
Fifty days and the sorry time had caught up at last
Though it took forever through it we traveled so fast
That when you pointed it out
I began to shout
That’s it, to use a line from the past
There is no way I can wait, a countdown is cast
And you agree!
We shout all around from the highest branch in our tree
So it is, we make it a fortnight maximum
And I confirm it the next day and so it begun
And two days later, I recoiled and I sat
While the seconds became years, and so flat
All of everything else began to seem
That it, the boredom and distance became the worst sort of dream
A fortnight, far too long
So I made a stance and you made it seem wrong
A fortnight and one day
But you didn’t hint that you were trying to say
That my inability to be patient was the play
That this was, instead, the way
Just before this, we hollered and I made a fist ready to block
While we agreed neither one of us wanted to talk
In a third day sort of style
No need to jump the gun, but it has been longer than a while
So you said you didn’t
And I said I didn’t
Either, but the plan was made out
So feeble I couldn’t even think about
How idiotic, but honest, it was and became an emergency
Pushed my mind away from the thought and vowed that I would see
You that day, sorry, and the clock became three
And you spoke and I fell to my knee
You said it was free
And then that you’d see
Me there, as it worked in exact accordance and I liked the way you brought it all together
As usual, my smart and lofty wife constructing a plan to dart around and bring us closer to forever
Than we’d been in a while, too long
Made the reminder, through it again, and not wrong
For a moment
Made the rescue as it typically went
You forced me to lay my cards on the table
Compared and checked the score, knew we were stable
Enough to try it a little different this time, an all out attempt
To call the audible twice, a push that was a fake and then we went
So cleanly and clearly in accordance with all we both really wanted
Well within the rules instead
Of breaking them all
Pleading something to the effect of your siren call
Fight my way to the current headquarter complex
To turn my head and stutter something about what could possibly be next
Three in the morning turns to four
Then to five and six and seven, out the door
While I laugh and I shake my head, to think I was going to simply forget what day we are in
As anxious as I am, we both are, for the next to begin
Too many more things we still have to do and say
Too many more fun things to play
One last slip into the Cartesian trap
While I rolled in our fighter waiting for a thunder clap
To announce we were to meet and be in each others presence
While the snow fell and made our field more dense
Than it would have been in the rain
And how my heart does strain
When I play that tape you made for me
When I first found out I had finally
Found you, and as clear as that day
You said it and under doubt I began to sway
I mean, you were you and you loved me too?
What was I to do
So I returned home and I waited for you to call
Just to see if there might be one more hold or stall
If I would have to save my plan for the next standard day
Or if you’d let it all collapse in a word or more that wouldn’t say
A thing my mind and body would be able to hear and process
So I returned home and unless
My not being able to buy breakfast or fuel is of interest
I will pass this stanza into the past, I wink and tell you I think it is for the best

[hazard]

Perfect, I think, as I await you anxiously for last minute instructions
Beautiful, you are, and with all the set up functions
Laid out and on paper as you send them for me to receive
AS no longer do I doubt but believe
I flip back again and run through the breakdown
Prior to us returning to our fief, in our town
As we have placed our stake upon the field as it is ours
As is the sky above, all of its stars
You and me and no one else we can trust
Who’s got the pistols tonight? I wonder which bust
Will make the front page
And, like the sage
Like the guardian, like the bear
Or the bull, I look to the time piece and imagine your eyes and hair
And think with an hysterical chuckle about how wonderful you sound
When, so unwound
You have become lately that you talk like that
I cannot stand, or lay flat
Also can I not tip whatever hat
You have not stolen and worn around while I sat
Thinking you couldn’t get any more cute, you start mentioning
Stuff about shorts being gotten out in a tone that hinted as it did sing
In the same way as you claimed we should eat lots of pancakes
I shudder, how many fakes
Did it take just so we could be more like that, like us, like we are
What was the distance, how far
Did we go, and I wonder as I hum how madly I love you
This had to have been part of your plan too
We seem to be only happy when
And I shrug over to you, fief? And again
As the sky parts as it did at the start of the second day
When time after time I thought only there could be no way
For all of this to be true, let alone me and you
Being in love, forever, too
So you’d take me by the horns
Only to stab me with all of your thorns
Not let me turn away
Or believe there was any other way
So just hold on, okay?
And so it was for the first part of the second day
To the timepiece I glance
Silently thanking you for saving that chance
For a day that we hope will never arrive
We can make it much better, to keep all this alive
Rather than pull out the ejection seat
So I can humbly carry my carcass to collapse at your feet
Look up and into you one last time and see
If you’ll let the last clutch, desperate plea
Work as it must if we have too
We agree to save it if we must, and know what will be kept true
Upon the delivery and need, the plead
While on the road our car, our steed
Would huff away
Like it would on the next standard day
Saying it wanted to keep us close
Or wanting to stay near to you, as all of those
Other times it smiled like it would
As you and I always should
Getting me to where I had to and want only to be
Together we are, so we can see
What there is to see, everything and anything
Our steed strong as powered by the words we would sing
Trying to force us to find a way
Quickly into the next day
So I talk it down and let it understand
We will get there and there is no need to force or demand
Any quicker route
So present time resumes and you start it out with not a whimper but a sudden shout
“Let’s take that last little piece of doubt and watch as it goes off”
“Don’t stutter, don’t speak or laugh or cough”
“There’s my promotional comment, no real need except for ours in this emergency”
“You, I say you, and I mean my husband, my best friend, my God and sky and I see”
“You there, on your bed, as I’m finished saying this”
“As clear as any full mouthed, sensual and prolonged kiss”
“I say as I lean over and press my words hard about how cheesy that was, maybe a little”
“And already you are trying to hide and still”
“I will keep my voice on key and let me rescue at least one more time”
“If only so that you can write me up in at least one more rhyme”
On my bed I hide my face and I look, no, I peek through my cover
Hiding, though from what, as in my head you speak as you did before I even considered you my lover
When we were just sort of pretend friends and we worked beside each other
The same voice, similar tones, but since we’ve began exchanging hardlines concerning wife and mother
It is difficult to even just listen to what you say
Let alone allow the thoughts to register in a way
That holds a residual effect
So I hide, and as foolish as this is I cannot contemplate the doubt of neglect
That you just speared and tossed away
With words so firm I could not say
A word if you asked me to
And I lay, and you knew
And I heard you too
There was nothing else to do
But try to be strong and say that I love you
Knowing that my voice would break so hard that it couldn’t be anything but true
As I anticipate seeing a set of eyes so blue
That the ocean could not compare in hue
And into these I prepare to dive
Another countdown to allow my earthly vessel to survive
Our minds began to dance
And I recollect a comment you made about a certain prance
In a guarded facility
And how I would sort of, well, very much, well, die to see
You in only one aspect of a similar way
I clear my throat and don’t dare say
That subtracting the location to be fare
Like that, in body, if you’d let me stare
Funny then as I see you in a two dimensional way
While we talk of gloves and caps and boots, what would go and what would stay
How what would be arched and where your hands would be placed
While I lay, and you start me feeling a little bit more than spaced
You list out reasons in our number, five times
To this I hush myself as you mention the Democratic mascot that is too vulgar to place into these rhymes
Into the songs we are in agreement upon
We rhyme out a song
While I joke and ask for who
While you say that I miss you
While I say that I miss you too
While I, not joking, know who
Both of those were for, I write down a question mark
While you make my mind grow dark
And focus upon my toes
While I imagine smelling you, well, with my nose
Until a note is hit and the field disappears at once, and there is only us
We gasp and then there is no fuss
As we start to laugh and you bring it together out loud
Still on our cloud
You use an old line from a million years ago
Something to the effect of there you go
Highlight our feeling with an in and a so
This is all I really ever need to know
While I no longer want to hide
While I want only to rush as fast as I can to be at your side
While you say something about your sock
While you bop your head in time with the rock
And roll over you will not let me
You want me to clearly see
While I wonder why you said
Obnoxious like you did, and fat while in my bed
Not tired, but cozy and comfortable
I grant you access to all of me and place it under your control
You grant my every wish and then take a serious
Note that causes us both to be delirious
Wondering if I would settle for your just being my wife
I start and think just, that is how you have defined my life
All that I could ever want and ever need
All for which I could ever plead
As opposed to all our games and strange mental desires
Fielding positions and fighting off all the conspires
You stress a number and a day
And I know not what to say
When you ask me to write it down
Until suddenly, without a frown
You smile and you say you have to go
See you later, and I know
As I leap out of bed and run around getting ready
Finding a way to present myself to you so that you can see
That at least, despite politics, I want to appear
A certain way to you so that when we are near
At least we can be comfortable and clean
While under the shower we act out a scene
And you poke
Me with a joke
As the mike, that was short for microphone
Gets extended into micro, and I laugh until I am prone
To be accused of howling lunacy
I pluck up my hat and to our steed I prepare myself to see
You for the first time since we left our fief
Time been caught as the thief
That it is and we stand to judge then
Departing it was at that point and I am off to find me, us, again

[edit line number 78: AT LEAST one more rhyme, in order to maintain the eternal factor]

[Rasta Sapian]

silence, the sound of emptiness,
voices, the words of oppression,
restriction, and a voice of repression
for you, we feel regret
and yet, the fire burns strong
passion from blood, moving on
through your vains
feeling calm

silence, the sound of emptiness,
voices, the words of oppression,
restriction, without a confession,
for you, we feel regret
and yet, your voice lingers on
through the night
feeling strong

silence, the sound of emptiness,
voices, the words of repression,
restriction can sometimes lead to a connection
of you and who feel regret
and yet, the prison is wrong
through the bars
confinment is gone
and you remain strong

peace out

[pandora]

When the Dam Breaks
The stage was bare.
And all alone in the spotlight,
Finishing another Holiday tune,
I sought your gaze,
You’re at the door.
Breath in, breath out,
The crowd of migrants, ranchers,
Dancers, soldiers, and misanthropes,
Caught near.

“Yes, I love you, I have always loved you,”
Saying this, slowly I step away from the white leather couchette,
On the acrylic stage, lights everywhere.
The silence before the first heckle.
I unzip my long blue velvet dress,
Fishnets, thigh highs, damn heels, a dancers wardrobe,
Unclasping my hair it falls red
Like a red river through creamy shoulders
To the small of my back
I do a front flip, landing on the edge of the stage
I dive, landing on some cowboy obliged, I keep going without stopping,
Past Miss Nude Texas with her horses
And Miss Nude World with her cherries
Fake breasts and acrylic nails.
I know they sell themselves in back.
But you had already turned and walked away.

“Go get em,” a cowboy called before,
He was hit over the head with a bottle of Negro Modelo
Of a Mayan man, telling him to shut up.
And then all hell broke loose.
Admist the shooting and the screaming, and the gunfire,
I had forgotten I’d left tonights birthday boy handcuffed to the post,
Hoping no one shoots him I find the door
In my underwear.
The cop to my right said, “You’re not going out there.”
And brashly grabs my arm,
I hit the floor, throwing him off kilter and his face connects,
With my bouncer friend’s fist,
Who was running up behind me to stop me,
But changed his mind, when he saw the cop,
“Sorry sir, accident.”

I’m already out the door.
Half naked I grab the door handle
You’re just leaving the lot,
But I never lock my car
Oldie but goodie she starts right up,
And I follow you up the haunted pass,
Through the mountains.
Nobody goes this way anymore,
But you do.
You noticed me behind you,
And hit the gas.

Somewhere near the summit you pull over,
And get out.
What are you doing to me, your voice breaks.
I walk over still bare, in freaking heels that are killing my feet
And say shut up and drive,
Its not safe here.
Sure enough, here they come.
No time to get back to my car,
I ask you how fast you can drive,
And we take off like a bats out of hell,
But the truck still gains.
And tries to force us off the road

Now the chance, does one introduce firearms?
Knowing it will bring crossfire?
Or can you out manuever?
I tell you to cut power, and flip a *****.
We take over the divide, slidding dirt, stone.
Catching time, but they’re after us again.
No worries, we’ll wear them down,
But is there a second car?

They come beside us again,
You cut power,
Flip a *****
But they’re quick now
15 more times we do this.
Finally.
They force us over.
Sick cowboy gets out I reach over you and get
Out, gun in hand he is surprised
We take advantage of the moment
I throw myself back inside and you hit the gas,
But he moves before you hit him.
Back in the truck,
And it’s cat and mouse again,
And we’re losing power

As if divine interference,
Another car comes up the pass,
I have you drive over the divide in front of his car.
At seventy.
Nearly flipping both cars.
The truck is startled.
Both our car and the other car lay in the middle of the road.
I leap my ass on to the window,
And start shooting.
Windshield, Tires.

He’s backing up now,
The other car is taking off,
“Follow him!”
We follow him down the hill,
But not before a rifle blast,
Hits the backend, I had really liked your car,
It was a nice car.
But we are safe.
No doubt they’ll burn or auction my car,
I’ll ask county in the morning,
But I’m sure it will disappear.
I pray my address isn’t in it.

As we drive back Route 10 through the desert,
I start to shake, so cold.
You hold me and I start to cry.
You ask me to never to go back again,
And I promise.
You’re bewildered, you didn’t bargin for this.
“I don’t think I can take this,
If this is what your life is like,
I can’t be here anymore.”
I can’t speak, too many tears

When we get to your apartment,
You hold me all night long.
We don’t take off the underwear until
You hold me in the shower in the morning
I’m very weak, you tear off the fishnets, welts spring up.
We call El Paso police, but
They know nothing.
You tell me
We’re leaving, tonight.

We pack everything in boxes,
And put it in storage, except what we can carry,
Pray we make it back,
Say adios a nos amigos
Tu casa mi casas
And hit the road at sunset.
The world is a ruby.
The cell phone rings.
Mi amigo tells me someone shot up our house
Driveby.
There goes the deposit.
But we’re free.
We tell him not to tell anyone,
But no one there does that anyway,
In the New Mexico,
People know,
How to keep,
A secret.
Sometimes too much so.

When we get to Frisco,
Mi amiga tells me they have a convoy,
Of food and supplies going to Nicarqua in a month,
The mountains.
Pan American.
Her father has a village,
Mostly women who have been left,
By men with more than one wife,
And their children, with one shirt,.
They eat roots they dig up.
You look at me,
“Not again!
You make your choice.
Stay with me or go die by yourself
It’s your choice.”
I burn with the decision,
You agree to let me fly down,
To help start the school,
And I collect books all month,
Perhaps we will be okay.
Maybe I won’t drive you crazy?
Maybe it’s too soon to tell.

[pandora]

The Pardon
Delicate despair,
Set the tone, to be alone,
Not to dream, but to consider
What cast us asunder
So humble was your intention
That nature decided intervention,
From heat, came desire,
And desolved a wanton Empire.
Forgotten those who aspire,
Creates for them a funeral pyre,
In our hearts comes the hero’s fire,
Granting us absolution.

In the sea beneath the soil,
Under tree I lay buried,
Deep dark peat on top of me,
I have no fear, but can not breathe
I am alive, and through the roots, the light!
I gasp for breath and reach top soil,
Buried here I did not die,
But reborn I reek the coffin,
As I seek for the spoils
That your love may bring,
Do you fear me?

Often in human emotions seen
Humanist decrees,
Of silent wit and quick motion,
On top of the queer and lonely ocean,
Ostensible, but deceitful it is!
For what lies beneath its great toil
For those who are unwilling to soil,
Your vows with them.
Their hearts set in stone,
Amongst graves newly dug,
Guessing sobs of what might have been,
They are what they become.
Those who would not be undone.

The moonlight steals my thoughts from me,
A web of deceit alights on thee,
Bursting cellulose of desire,
Is it the same pyre for which you aspire?
Ceaseless worry, ceaseless toil,
Which sped you to my coil?
And wrought your hands in quiet despair,
That you might find me lying here.
Cringing in litany and desire.
The same undying litany lights your fire.

Oh to be free of war and free of strife,
This hell I give it is not all I give thee.
Humbly, I release your soul of all that tires,
To rest in the shade beneath the trees,
Feeling the warm caress of gentle breeze.
Yes, I will free you here.

But first you must run,
Run!
Against all dreams,
Against the balance,
Against all misconceptions,
Run, for mankind’s mortal toil,
Run for the darkness gathered there,
Run to the obelisk of fear,
And tear it down without a care,
That you may truly know,
And I might break my chains and join you in,
Freedom.
[This is under communal too so I'm going to wipe this soon and replace]