Pour Your Heart Out XXV

[Sentinel]

Continued from here (http://www.revleft.com/vb/pour-your-heart-t191818/index.html).

[Sinister Intents]

*Womanspains at Sentinel*

[Counterculturalist]

One day I was playing the album Doggystyle and my sister says "Are you trying to be black"

Well, the next time she says something like this, you could respond by pointing out that classic rock as we know it today wouldn't exist without white dudes trying to be black. There'd be no Stones, no Who, nothing Eric Clapton was involved with, no Led Zeppelin...

If one of the bands she likes is Led Zeppelin, in particular, you could throw some righteous moral indignation her way about how they regularly ripped off black blues artists without even bothering to credit them.

[Ceallach_the_Witch]

Well, the next time she says something like this, you could respond by pointing out that classic rock as we know it today wouldn't exist without white dudes trying to be black. There'd be no Stones, no Who, nothing Eric Clapton was involved with, no Led Zeppelin...


sounds wonderful tbqh

[Cliff Paul]

old people music sucks.

bivsP_h6l0s

[Sinister Intents]

The metal scene has too many edgy kulaks

[Cliff Paul]

The metal scene has too many edgy kulaks

Really? I've always found the metal scene to be pretty diverse racially and economically (at least for a sub-genre of 'rock' music).

[Sinister Intents]

Really? I've always found the metal scene to be pretty diverse racially and economically (at least for a sub-genre of 'rock' music).

In my area it seems mostly white rich boys that cringe when they see me rollin' they hatin'. The actual metalheads seem to just not be existent or are rare. But I'm also out in a rural area

People get an earful of Defeated Sanity and other brutal tech death when I drive by, windows down, and volume high

[Cliff Paul]

Metal has always had a significant number of latin american fans. Proof? Like half of slayer's original line-up was latino.

[Sinister Intents]

My girlfriend is a black metalhead <3 though she's more into slayer than Morbid Angel and Possessed

[Danielle Ni Dhighe]

It was 93°F (33.9°C) here yesterday. It's predicted to be 97°F (36.1°C) on Sunday. This heat wave really needs to just go away. Our average high in July is 75.8°F (24.3°C), which I would be more than happy with.

[Quail]

It was 93°F (33.9°C) here yesterday. It's predicted to be 97°F (36.1°C) on Sunday. This heat wave really needs to just go away. Our average high in July is 75.8°F (24.3°C), which I would be more than happy with.

The UK has been ridiculously hot too. There was some rain last night and I was actually cool enough to sleep. It was wonderful.

[Danielle Ni Dhighe]

The UK has been ridiculously hot too. There was some rain last night and I was actually cool enough to sleep. It was wonderful.
Rain would be nice, but here it would just result in high heat and high humidity, which would be even worse. :crying:

[Ele'ill]

Rain would be nice, but here it would just result in high heat and high humidity, which would be even worse. :crying:

it hit 106 down here supposedly

[The Intransigent Faction]

In my area it seems mostly white rich boys that cringe when they see me rollin' they hatin'. The actual metalheads seem to just not be existent or are rare. But I'm also out in a rural area

People get an earful of Defeated Sanity and other brutal tech death when I drive by, windows down, and volume high

I just picked up a book by a black American woman about her experiences in the metal scene and a documentary by an anthropology student about the emerging metal scene in other countries. It features Tang Dynasty, which is pretty cool. You actually kind of inspired me to do that by sharing Saudi Arabian black metal in a thread here. :) I love the versatility of artists who can blend metal with other styles of music. I've always especially loved the NOLA metal scene, though.

[hexaune]

I've managed to completly screw up my housing claim, which has in turn completly screwed up our council tax which I've not been able to pay and its turning into such a complicated mess that I can't see where to start to sort it out!

The council claims they never received my change of circumstances/new housing form when I moved off jsa/nea to being self employed (bringing in fuck all money so still eligible for housing). I never got round to replying to the letter they sent chasing me up about my change in circumstances as my other half had a triple heart attack and I was having to do her dog sitting job/look after our dogs&cats/go to the hospital daily so its all my fault now even though they were the ones that lost the form I sent in the first place!

They now want the housing they did pay out paid back, a shit load of council tax paying off in one go as I havent been able to meet the payments as I've barely been able to meet the rent each month because of not recieing any housing benefit anymore! Its crazy how quick it becomes a giant clusterfuck!

I'm so sick and tired of bailiff letters/court letters/angry landlord txts&calls... and the stress its putting on us and our relationship. Its fucking tiring constantly treading water barely keeping your head above.

I'm also getting seriously concerned about them cutting tax credit payments. They've also apparently got new plans to stop people's tax credit/housing benefit payments if they are on part time or low paying work and not doing enough to find more work or better paying work. Its something to look forward to if they ever manage to roll out their universal credit or whatever its called.

Sorry about the long rant, but its quite cathartic to write some of this down!

[human strike]

Im Dead inside

[Comrade Jacob]

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SsOFBcksGUE/TgKJAwD2a_I/AAAAAAAALck/dRmqga8Tm28/poor_moe.jpg

[Comrade Jacob]

TFW an an-cap tells you to read some economics because you have read some economics that aren't complete bollock-sauce.

[Sinister Intents]

Im Dead inside

That was me after my ex. Look up Arch Enemy's Dead Inside for the lyrics and song. It sums up perfectly that period of my life.

[StromboliFucker666]

Today sucked. I almost quit my job. I work my ass off for my boss and today I got very ill so I went to the restroom in case I was going to vomit. Everything was fine after I got back to work until my boss called me to his office. He started talking shit to me about taking too long in the restroom without even giving me a chance to explain that I got sick! Once he finally shut the fuck up I explained that I was sick and he apologized. He told me just to interrupt him next time if I have a valid reason for whatever he's ranting about. We all fucking know that he would have fired me if I interrupted his rant lol

Other than that I guess i'm alright. Still trying to get over some stuff that happened a while ago but I'm not dead so there's always that :)

[Ele'ill]

I guess I miss the east coast pretty bad because I've been waking up the last few nights with a lump in my throat thinking about the architecture and seasons and friends. Last night I picked up my cell phone and was going to send some texts out to people who were genuine friends who I experienced a lot with over the years and I realized that they have probably moved on or disregarded me because I moved away. Some times though I feel like the people I met as a kid, who I'd run into throughout the years growing up, knew me better. We'd just talk about more of our lives because it was easier to handle having that week long friend periodically available at random times like a fragmented family met in and out of consciousness.

[motion denied]

Just as in the immortal letters of Helloween, I want out - to live my life and to be free

[StromboliFucker666]

I don't want to be awake right now to be honest.

[DOOM]

Never thought that I'd post something in this thread, but I guess realizing that you care for someone far more than this other person does for you fits this thread's subject perfectly.
fucking hell

[StromboliFucker666]

I feel...alone.

[mushroompizza]

Im starting to not like white people. :(

[Sinister Intents]

Im starting to not like white people. :(

I don't blame you for that because of how bigoted so many people are. Not everyone consciously adheres to these systemic prejudices, but so many are highly racist and don't realize it. It remains a high possibility that you'll find bigoted communists that don't realize they're privileged and bigoted.

[Atsumari]

Im starting to not like white people. :(
Edgy, especially coming from you

[Cliff Paul]

Edgy, especially coming from you

whatever brah

http://img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110416042752/prowrestling/images/8/84/Edge_86316.jpg

also it would be cool if it stopped raining. I haven't worked in since thursday last week. just think about that atsu!

[StromboliFucker666]

Im starting to not like white people. :(
I can't blame you but be careful not to let your anger blind you. There are good whites out there but sadly they are surrounded by bigots.

[motion denied]

RIP Omar Sharif tbh

[human strike]

I was chatting with a cute queer anarchist boy on a dating site when without warning he deleted his account. I hate it when that happens - it's rude besides anything else. Most men disgust me so I got a little overexcited I think. Plus he's new here so he wasn't tainted like everyone else in this city is in my stupid mind. What is even the point... I hate the Internet. Having access to it enables such unhealthy behaviours for me. But it's so difficult to escape. It was amazing when I was in the countryside of Catalonia with no access to it. Looking back some of the times my mood/mental health/life in general has improved the most has been when I haven't been able to access the Internet. I mean, I can think of a time when I felt so lonely I probably would have killed myself had I been without it, but generally I think I have an unhealthy relationship with this shit. When I'm depressed I am online constantly. The only positive thing is I become very knowledgeable about things some people are interested in hearing about, but overall it makes me painfully uninteresting.

[#FF0000]

Was gonna head to a friend's house for bbq stuff. Got in the car and just thought to myself "nope" and started feeling miserable out of absolutely nowhere.

[human strike]

I did something similar. Was gonna go to Pride - I got as far as the bus stop, but then I wanted to cry so I went back inside and smoked weed and ordered a pizza. I think it was because I was exhausted, but my mental health is shit right now.

[#FF0000]

I did something similar. Was gonna go to Pride - I got as far as the bus stop, but then I wanted to cry so I went back inside and smoked weed and ordered a pizza. I think it was because I was exhausted, but my mental health is shit right now.

I think it might've been the same for me. I've been doing a lot of driving lately, ferrying a person from hospital to doctor's office to doctor's office, and then dropping people off and picking them up at work, on top of the show I went to the other day. I've had a lot going on.

[StromboliFucker666]

I'm feeling very worried and depressed

[Quail]

I'm feeling very worried and depressed

Anything in particular worrying you? I find I can worry and worry and worry about loads of things I have little or no power over, and I'm trying hard to just let the things I can't change go.

[cyu]

When in doubt, brush up on the arguments for https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hard_determinism until the anxiety passes. This isn't to say that this is an argument to just go wild and do anything, since determinism would argue that your actions (whether wild or not) will have a direct, though unavoidable impact on what happens next.

[StromboliFucker666]

Anything in particular worrying you? I find I can worry and worry and worry about loads of things I have little or no power over, and I'm trying hard to just let the things I can't change go.

I won't go into too much detail because a few users here know me outside of the internet and I don't want them to recognize me.

Basically I'm in a long distance relationship with this woman and she's being stalked by some crazy dude. Out of nowhere she stops answering her phone, responding to my texts or anything. I'm worried that he did something to her. The police already know that she's being stalked but never did anything. I've been saving some money to go visit so I'm heavily considering it to go check on her. I'm afraid I'll come across as needy or something if I just show up and everything is fine though. I sent her brother an email but he never responded either. (she stopped responding to me on the 9th of this month so I'll give it some time)

[Thirsty Crow]

That awkward moment when your ex-partner is the only person to set up a common hanging out situation with another person you take interest in. And worse, failing to set it the fuck up even when saying they'll do just that :unsure::crying::sneaky:

[The Intransigent Faction]

I did something similar. Was gonna go to Pride - I got as far as the bus stop, but then I wanted to cry so I went back inside and smoked weed and ordered a pizza. I think it was because I was exhausted, but my mental health is shit right now.

I find that I have similar feelings sometimes, but I push myself to go through with social plans even if I'd suddenly rather wall myself off somewhere. My mood lifts noticeably by the time I've actually met with someone to do something.

[Danielle Ni Dhighe]

While stopped at a mini-mart yesterday, I heard a loud bang from the highway behind me. I turned my head just in time to see a man's body flying through the air and smashing into the pavement. The man was still motionless when paramedics arrived. My hands shook for an hour after seeing that.

I've since learned that a car struck a van and then the man. The man apparently survived, but a child in the van died.

[Sinister Intents]

I had an awful fucking dream last night

[Quail]

While stopped at a mini-mart yesterday, I heard a loud bang from the highway behind me. I turned my head just in time to see a man's body flying through the air and smashing into the pavement. The man was still motionless when paramedics arrived. My hands shook for an hour after seeing that.

I've since learned that a car struck a van and then the man. The man apparently survived, but a child in the van died.

That sounds horrible, no wonder it shook you up :(

[Sinister Intents]

I can't muster up anything positive, I'm sorry -.-

I have no confidence in my ability to say anything intelligent and I feel like everything I say is inadequate or will just fail or sound like liberal bullshit rather than something revolutionary. I feel fake and useless and that life is just pointless. I feel as if no matter what I do I'm trapped and their will never be any going forward.

[Counterculturalist]

I have no confidence in my ability to say anything intelligent and I feel like everything I say is inadequate or will just fail or sound like liberal bullshit rather than something revolutionary. I feel fake and useless and that life is just pointless. I feel as if no matter what I do I'm trapped and their will never be any going forward.

As someone who has never quite managed to conquer my own issues with confidence, I might be the wrong person to give advice, but sometimes it's therapeutic just to know that you're not the only one to feel a certain way.

What you've described above is how I feel almost all the time, not just when talking politics. I know on an intellectual that it makes no sense to think that way, but I still do.

One thing that has helped me (to a small degree) is to keep in mind that I'm not at the center of the universe. People probably don't think I'm an idiot, because they have other, more important things to worry about. And if I were as tough on other people as I am on myself, I'd have to conclude that everybody else was a bunch of idiots. And I generally don't think that other people are idiots.

If you're feeling inadequate when discussing politics, it might be because you haven't learned as much about politics as you could. There is always more to learn.

This is a message board where we scrutinize each other's writing, looking for errors. Even when people criticize with the intention of being helpful, it can sting. In the real world, however, people aren't scrutinizing your every word trying to "pwn" you. And the real world is where life really happens.

And yeah, some of your posts seem like "liberal bullshit," to be honest, but so what? You're far from alone. Hell, some of my views are liberal bullshit as well, and I've been at this for over 20 years.

We never stop learning.

[Sewer Socialist]

I'm finding it hard to be close to anyone I'm not sleeping with, which is everyone. I feel like I have many acquaintances, but no one I can really talk to if I need to. I'd feel weird bothering someone I don't know well with that. I haven't really experienced this problem before. I don't know if it's the city I moved to, the effect of technology on communication, or what, but it's awful.

[Quail]

I'm finding it hard to be close to anyone I'm not sleeping with, which is everyone. I feel like I have many acquaintances, but no one I can really talk to if I need to. I'd feel weird bothering someone I don't know well with that. I haven't really experienced this problem before. I don't know if it's the city I moved to, the effect of technology on communication, or what, but it's awful.

I also have loads of acquaintances but only a couple of people I'd consider close friends. I think friendships require effort to build and maintain, and I think one thing that social media and stuff does is it gives the illusion that we're in contact with each other because we know what's going on in people's lives even if we haven't spoken to them for months or even years. If there are some of your acquaintances that you'd like to get closer to, maybe you should allocate some time each week to invite one or some of them out for coffee or to the pub? (I also realise this is easier said than done...)

[#FF0000]

It seems like people in my life usually feel closer to me than I feel to them. Not because I don't like them or care about them, but because I feel like I'm being presumptuous when I think "oh i am close w/ this person".

[Sinister Intents]

I feel absolutely awful. I'm under a huge amount of pressure, my girlfriend is depressed and is making me feel awful lately because I've been working and trying to save money.

[Sinister Intents]

What's that mean when someone begs for you to and pressures you into having sex with them even though you've said no?

[StromboliFucker666]

An update on my girlfriend. She's (thankfully) alive but that guy did some fucked up shit to her. I'm going to go stay with her for a while until we figure out what to do. (I have an idea but she won't like it)

[Hermes]

got a call from someone about an internship I'd applied for, spent the entire morning trying to follow up, looking like an idiot while I did

finally get through, my college schedule is completely incompatible

I feel like everything I do invariably ends up in failure and embarrassment. even if I eventually can see things, dispassionately, as not complete fuck-ups through the convincing/support of friends, it doesn't matter. looking back, they all are, and looking forward, they all will be.

tl;dr more whining from someone so incomprehensibly narcissistic that they actually think anyone cares about this, or worse, they don't, and are doing it to punish themselves. both, maybe.

[Ele'ill]

got a call from someone about an internship I'd applied for, spent the entire morning trying to follow up, looking like an idiot while I did

finally get through, my college schedule is completely incompatible

I feel like everything I do invariably ends up in failure and embarrassment. even if I eventually can see things, dispassionately, as not complete fuck-ups through the convincing/support of friends, it doesn't matter. looking back, they all are, and looking forward, they all will be.

tl;dr more whining from someone so incomprehensibly narcissistic that they actually think anyone cares about this, or worse, they don't, and are doing it to punish themselves. both, maybe.

That doesn't sound like your fault at all and you're in college and you got the internship, it just conflicted with your schedule and didn't work out, right? imo experiences like that, even when you do fuck up, make it easier to do it again. You have the experience(s) under your belt, collect them and keep moving, they are still worth something.

[Guardia Rossa]

I wanna live alone (My family sucks) but as a minor-aprendice I get 400 Reais (Half of a minimum salary for four hours a day) per month.
Cheapest rent is 500 Reais and I'm not counting water, light, food, hobsbawm, etc...

I simply don't know what to do :(

[cyu]

When a small minority suffers economically, the ruling class denigrates them.

When a significant minority suffers economically, the ruling class says it's a concern they're looking at.

When too many people are suffering economically, the ruling class is executed.

[StromboliFucker666]

Worried sick about stuff. (literally worried so much that I am sick.)

[StromboliFucker666]

When too many people are suffering economically, the ruling class is executed.

"too many"

we passed that a long time ago..

[cyu]

One is too many for empaths.

If being part of the ruling class drains a person's empathy, then the more power they have, the more general suffering they feel is acceptable. So you can't really rely on the ruling class to fix anything.

This is why you have things like the French Revolution.

[StromboliFucker666]

One is too many for empaths.

If being part of the ruling class drains a person's empathy, then the more power they have, the more general suffering they feel is acceptable. So you can't really rely on the ruling class to fix anything.

This is why you have things like the French Revolution.


I understand that the ruling class is pathetic and evil. I am just saying that too many have suffered and many are suffering yet no one is doing a thing to the ruling class.

Here's my point: abolish suffering

[cyu]

When one person is suffering, it's very easy for the ruling class to blame the victim.

When only one person is not suffering, then it's very easy for people to come up with reasons to execute the ruling class.

The point of revolution is at some point between those two extremes. As for exactly where that threshold of revolution falls, it's hard for anybody to predict. Obviously, if the ruling class always had an accurate prediction of it, history would never see revolutions.

[Danielle Ni Dhighe]

I'm sick of certain toxic people on this board.

[Atsumari]

I come here to escape the boring and unpleasant nature of the political section of this site since we all know exactly what the replies in every damn thread is. The quarantine has failed.

[Danielle Ni Dhighe]

I had to unfriend someone on Facebook this morning. It just seemed that every day they posted something transphobic, and they know I'm trans. They've always been nice to me, so I can't understand that kind of disconnect. Anyway, I don't need to have people on my FB feed who make me feel like crap.

[cyu]

Some people deal with insecurity by being depressed.

Other people deal with insecurity by being aggressive towards those who don't deserve it, simply because they are cowards and their targets are easy to pick on. This isn't to say you have to put up with bullies, but it might be better to deal with them as if they were pitiful fools ;)

[motion denied]

downward spiral innit

[StromboliFucker666]

I have some good news and bad news.

My girlfriend decided to move in with me.

The bad news is that it's going to be a huge pain to get her the right shit to immigrate here. The other bad news is that money is going to be extremely tight until she finds a job too. Luckily she's fluent in english so that will help a lot.

[StromboliFucker666]

Some people deal with insecurity by being depressed.

Other people deal with insecurity by being aggressive towards those who don't deserve it, simply because they are cowards and their targets are easy to pick on. This isn't to say you have to put up with bullies, but it might be better to deal with them as if they were pitiful fools ;)
Some people deal with it by being depressed and by being unnecessarily mean.

[The Intransigent Faction]

Other people deal with insecurity by being aggressive towards those who don't deserve it

Oddly enough, that also seems to be how excessively 'secure' people behave.
Yeah, you could say that apparent narcissism and aggressiveness is a mask for insecurity, but I think sometimes it is just genuine narcissism and aggressiveness driven by genuine contempt.

"All bullies are cowards deep down" sounds like it could be another version of one of those ill-advised tropes such as "Just ignore the bully and he'll go away".

[Quail]

I don't know about that... Most of the girls who were mean to me in secondary school seemed to be desperately insecure themselves. I think people bully others because they themselves have a lack of control over their own lives. Like, if you were feeling perfectly happy and secure in yourself, why would you feel like bullying someone?

[cyu]

The people who bully easy targets continue to be bullies.

The people who bully difficult targets, die. It's natural selection ;)

[StromboliFucker666]

I confess that wearing headphones for too long causes ear hurt

[The Intransigent Faction]

Like, if you were feeling perfectly happy and secure in yourself, why would you feel like bullying someone?

Because you're a little too secure with yourself, to the point that you think someone else is beneath you and you can get away with it? That would be my guess.

[Sewer Socialist]

Because you're a little too secure with yourself, to the point that you think someone else is beneath you and you can get away with it? That would be my guess.

It is probably both - the feeling that someone should be inferior, but that needs to be made clear, you know?

[StromboliFucker666]

It is probably both - the feeling that someone should be inferior, but that needs to be made clear, you know?

That's what those stupid bourgeois fuckshits do

[Sewer Socialist]

That's what those stupid bourgeois fuckshits do

Somewhat, but I think it's more of a petty-bourgeois thing; people who are insecure, always feel the need to improve their position.

[cyu]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superiority_complex

An inferiority complex may manifest with the behaviors that are intended to show others that one is superior; such as expensive material possessions, or an obsession with vanity and appearances. They express themselves as superior because they lack feelings of adequacy. Superiority complex sufferers do not always care about image or vanity, since they have innate feelings of superiority and thus do not usually concern themselves with proving their superiority to others.

This is responsible for the paradox in which those with an inferiority complex are the ones who present themselves in the best light possible; while those with a superiority complex may not attempt to make themselves look good. This may give off an image that others may consider inferior. This is juxtaposed to an inferiority complex where if their knowledge, accuracy, superiority or etc. is challenged, the individual will not stop in their attempts to prove such things until the dissenting party accepts their opinion (or whatever issue it may be). Again this is another reason that those with inferiority complexes are often mistaken for having superiority complexes when they must express and maintain their superiority in the eyes of others. Many fail to recognize that this is a trait of those of low self-opinion who care deeply about the opinion of others, not of those who feel superior and have high self-esteem and do not care at all about the opinion of others.

[Ceallach_the_Witch]

another birthday, another welcome drop in car insurance premiums. Its finally getting to the point where if i ever establish some kind of regular income i'll be able to afford my own future car as well as rent/etc.

obviously insuring a hatchback wouldnt have been prohibitive even a few years ago but i'm hella weird and i'm naturally drawn to huge, punishingly slow heaps of scrap. Currently gauging the going price for used Volvo 240 estates. Aesthetically and in terms of easy spannering i'd like an earlier one with the incredibly heavy and under-tuned pushrod inline 4, but they're too expensive and kind of too nice for me so the later and almost equally boat-anchor grade SOHC inline 4. I'm seeing decent examples of the latter for under £900 and terrible hooptie examples for £350 so with any luck I'll have something in between that within the next year or so.

my parents should be glad we don't live in the US because then i'd have some punitively bad bangers. I'm prepared to sacrifice a lot of convenience and comfort for something that A: is easy and cheap to fix, B: big enough for carrying miscellaneous Stuff and C: in line with my bizarre automotive artistic, social and cultural ambitions.

[StromboliFucker666]

I really shouldn't drink and post. Oh well, at least I slept good.

[Atsumari]

Got another date tomorrow. Evening hike all alone :wub:

[StromboliFucker666]

Got another date tomorrow. Evening hike all alone :wub:


You know what you have to do...

[Atsumari]

no :mad:

[StromboliFucker666]

I was just going to suggest bringing cookies. what did you have in mind?

:confused:

[Ele'ill]

I know some people don't like pot because it can be crushingly introspective but I really appreciate that quality of it at times. I had some bad dreams the previous night so was already not in exactly a good mental space. I spent a few hours listening to music from a long time ago and thinking about life and stuff and it was hard. It's depression and I probably would have done the same thing without the pot but the never ending line of self criticisms was sobering and ended up feeling like more of a positive thing like being able to see bad decisions for the first time instead of just knowing they are probably there somewhere in the dark.

[Ceallach_the_Witch]

my housemates might have by and large sucked but man i miss having the occasional supply of really decent weed

[StromboliFucker666]

2 hours and I have to get on a plane.

I hate leaving. I was actually feeling normal for once but oh well

[motion denied]

I'll smoke a cigarette, it's been a while, what harm could it cause it's just this one

Yeah like I'm not craving a pack right now

[Ro Laren]

I have been looking forward to this Saturday for a while. My family will be away for the day, I was going to lounge around, binge watch Roseanne, make fry bread tacos. Relax. Enjoy myself. Thoroughly.

But now I'm working, and it'll probably end up being fucking 10 hours, probably from fucking 2:30-1AM, so I'll only get maybe an hour or two in the morning alone. I'm so pissed. I can't even explain how much I was looking forward to this weekend, and everyone is like, "Oh well you're going to get so much money!" but like no, I'm going to be at work, losing precious moments of my life that could have been spent not being miserable making brochures for assholes who want to paint their kitchen the perfect complementary shades of snot, vomit, and shit green.

[#FF0000]

My joystick broke earlier so I went online to find a new one and got hit with some anxiety over the amount of time and money my interests and hobbies take. The issue isn't that these things are hurting me financially (I'm good at budgeting and getting good things on the cheap), but that I get stuck wondering if the time and money spent is worth it. How many hours do I have to put into a flight sim for the purchase of the game n the controllers to be worth it? Is it even worth putting that amount of time into a video game? Why should I buy a 20 dollar record when I can just as easily pirate it? Did I waste the money spent on my turntable and stereo system? What about all the books I have to read? The instruments I got but never learned to play above novice level?

[Quail]

My joystick broke earlier so I went online to find a new one and got hit with some anxiety over the amount of time and money my interests and hobbies take. The issue isn't that these things are hurting me financially (I'm good at budgeting and getting good things on the cheap), but that I get stuck wondering if the time and money spent is worth it. How many hours do I have to put into a flight sim for the purchase of the game n the controllers to be worth it? Is it even worth putting that amount of time into a video game? Why should I buy a 20 dollar record when I can just as easily pirate it? Did I waste the money spent on my turntable and stereo system? What about all the books I have to read? The instruments I got but never learned to play above novice level?

I worry about this kind of stuff too... But I guess as long as you're not throwing away money you don't have, there isn't really a problem. It's nice when you don't pirate music and you have records that you treasure, or you buy a book that you read again and again because you love it. Nothing wrong with that.

[Ele'ill]

And then when you are responsible and in full flight mode in your life you wonder why not yolo

[Comrade Jacob]

I'm going to die soaking in my own urine, coughing up blood, gasping for breath all alone because I've driven everyone away. :)

[StromboliFucker666]

I'm going to die soaking in my own urine, coughing up blood, gasping for breath all alone because I've driven everyone away. :)
That's....not a happy thought..:(

[Ele'ill]

my neck and back are so seriously fucked up right now I'm walking around leaning sideways like a raccoon and it's all because of pot I think just lifting a pipe started it in my shoulder and then by the next morning it was all over

I also drank (6 16ozs) last night for the first time in a very long time (a year?) and it was loud and sloppy and great and terrible today because of depression never drinking again I just laid there for 4 hours not sober but not drunk and couldn't sleep and then fell asleep and had dreams that I was on a ship trying to get it down the amazon and it wasn't working and everyone was complaining, it was one of those looping dreams

[StromboliFucker666]

Being sick fucking sucks.

[Ele'ill]

I feel like I've slept about 5 hours the last four days and I wake up this morning and it's the first day that feels like Autumn. Ever since I was a kid I've had dramatic shifts in mood around the seasons. Autumn in particular feels like some combination of home sickness and giddy anticipation, kind of like mania. Maybe it is hypomania and I am homesick for it.

[Sinister Intents]

Had a really bad episode and I got hit for hurting myself because I got overwhelmed abd it compounded everything. Now my forearms bruised, I have claw marks all over my head neck and legs abd the spots I pick at are bleeding. I need medication

[StromboliFucker666]

Had a really bad episode and I got hit for hurting myself because I got overwhelmed abd it compounded everything. Now my forearms bruised, I have claw marks all over my head neck and legs abd the spots I pick at are bleeding. I need medication

Am I reading this correctly? Someone hit you because you hurt yourself because you were overwhelmed and needed help?


If I'm reading that correctly, the person that hit you is a piece of shit. I know I shouldn't judge because I don't know you or them but I think they should have helped you, not hurt you.

[motion denied]

hello darkness my old friend

[Cliff Paul]

get anxious. pick and scratch at my face because I'm anxious. get anxious over the fact that I just picked and scratched at my face. repeat.

[The Intransigent Faction]

I still have no clue when I shall get get of jail. Halim was supposed to be working out terms for my release with the mayor but he has not updated me yet.

edit: oh shit wrong tab was open

Hmmm....good luck? If you're trying to get out of jail, I really wouldn't recommend posting on here from prison!

[BIXX]

edit: oh shit wrong tab was open

... Right. The wrong tab.

[StromboliFucker666]

Hmmm....good luck? If you're trying to get out of jail, I really wouldn't recommend posting on here from prison!
It was intended for a forum game. I'm not actually in prison lol
http://z13.invisionfree.com/eRegime/index.php?

[StromboliFucker666]

... Right. The wrong tab.

http://z13.invisionfree.com/eRegime/index.php?

It was intended for Interwar Albania.

As you can see, Zef (my character) has been imprisoned. Not me.

[motion denied]

another pack of cigarettes gone and I feel fucking sick ugh

hopefully I'm done now

[The Disillusionist]

*Possible violence trigger warning?*

So last night, I was having your average run of the mill nightmare.. I was trapped in a large stadium with trees, trying to run and hide from a gigantic angry bear that wanted to kill me, and a sociopathic game hunter also trying to kill this bear and me. This game hunter captures this bear, and puts it in a cage.

Then all of a sudden, this nightmare goes from stressful to downright insane, off-the-wall, traumatizing terror, for about 10 seconds before I wake up.

This game hunter is parading this bear around the stadium, calling me out and insulting my cowardice for hiding. Then, suddenly, this gigantic grey hand bursts through the ceiling and smashes the cage with the bear, and the hunter. The pointer finger on the gigantic hand gets broken so violently when it smashes down that sharp jagged bone is jutting out of its flesh. Then it makes a swipe for the game hunter, and the jagged bone impales the entire length of his body. The last image I see, which is now burned into my brain, is the game hunter, impaled on this finger-bone, and hanging down, upside down, as the blood drains out of his body where the point of this bone is jutting out of his neck, and the blood from the gigantic hand's broken bone is combining with the man's blood, and for some reason the man's body is transparent, and I can see the coagulating blood slide through his veins, out his wound, and down the shard of bone. The man gasps/whispers/gurgles quietly, "I... can't....breathe.."

Then I wake up in a cold sweat, unable to even think about sleeping again, and for the rest of the day, every time I close my eyes, I see that image. And my pointer finger has been freaking me out all day, like I can feel this guy dying on the end of my bone...

This might sound silly... but I am genuinely freaked out by this. I'm just typing it out here because I had to tell somebody, and I can't tell anyone I actually know, because they'll think I'm crazy. And you know, typing it out did make me feel better. But jesus, I don't know if I'll ever be able to sleep again. I don't know how my brain even made anything up like that... I've never seen anything like that in movies, or in books, or in anything that any sane person could have come up with.... Gah... just... shudder.

[StromboliFucker666]

I swear reddit is the most toxic site on the internet. someone sent me a link and it really pissed me off.

[Ceallach_the_Witch]

once again avoiding being photographed or seeing mirrors, hooray. say what you like about being suicidally depressed, at least i lost weight :/

[Ele'ill]

It's really depressing most of the time reading anarchist articles news/communiques from the US specifically.

[StromboliFucker666]

I don't know why but I just never know what to say when someone tells me something really sad about them so I just sit there listening. I know I should say something to like comfort them but it just doesn't happen. The idea is there but I can't get it into words without sounding forced. Like I will feel bad for whatever they are telling me happened to them, but I just can never figure out how to tell them.


TL;DR I need better social skills.

[Quail]

I don't know why but I just never know what to say when someone tells me something really sad about them so I just sit there listening. I know I should say something to like comfort them but it just doesn't happen. The idea is there but I can't get it into words without sounding forced. Like I will feel bad for whatever they are telling me happened to them, but I just can never figure out how to tell them.


TL;DR I need better social skills.

I don't think you're alone in that.

[Sinister Intents]

No morning coffee -.-

[Quail]

God, how did I raise such an ungrateful, disrespectful child? His friend came over for the afternoon today and yeah, okay, he's showing off, apparently being a total dick to your mum is cool or something... I've fucking had enough. Can't wait to get him to bed and crack open some wine or something.

[Sinister Intents]

That sucks :( what can you do? Will you be on FB tonight?

[StromboliFucker666]

God, how did I raise such an ungrateful, disrespectful child? His friend came over for the afternoon today and yeah, okay, he's showing off, apparently being a total dick to your mum is cool or something... I've fucking had enough. Can't wait to get him to bed and crack open some wine or something.

I don't know how you parents do it. I could never handle that and would go insane. Good thing I'll never own a child!

[StromboliFucker666]

I don't think you're alone in that.
I never said I was.

[Atsumari]

Gee, no need to be so accusatory.

[Quail]

I don't know how you parents do it. I could never handle that and would go insane. Good thing I'll never own a child!

"Own" a child? Funny way of putting it...
I like my child most of the time. Normally he's pretty cool, he's a nice kid... So I don't know why he has to be so rude and disrespectful to me when he's showing off to his friend.

[Sewer Socialist]

God, how did I raise such an ungrateful, disrespectful child? His friend came over for the afternoon today and yeah, okay, he's showing off, apparently being a total dick to your mum is cool or something... I've fucking had enough. Can't wait to get him to bed and crack open some wine or something.

I think the problem is that you can not alone bear the responsibility of socializing a child. Society typically places it upon you, but unless you live in complete isolation, all sorts of social pressures act to form his idea of ergo he is and should be.

I was probably a little shit in ways way worse than that when I was that age. I'm sure you're doing a great job!

[StromboliFucker666]

"Own" a child? Funny way of putting it...
I like my child most of the time. Normally he's pretty cool, he's a nice kid... So I don't know why he has to be so rude and disrespectful to me when he's showing off to his friend.
I was kidding about "owning" a child. Some parents I know act like their child is their property though.

I don't know why he would do that. I'm just glad I don't have a child.

[Quail]

CW - sexual assault, ED


I'm sorry for ranting like this, but I just feel terrible tonight and I've felt terrible all day. I got triggered this morning while having sex and I just can't stop feeling horrible feelings of shame about sex and every time I think about sex I just want to make myself throw up until I disappear. I have no idea what brought it on, I just suddenly started to dissociate and now my ED is having a tantrum and trying to take over again because just being in my skin feels disgusting. It feels like my flesh is dirty and I have to get rid of it. It's a good job there are no pills in the house to swallow because this is kind of intolerable and my girlfriend is drunk in Cardiff so I have no real support. Although whatever, even if she was here I don't think I could talk about this so that's probably irrelevant. I just want to feel clean again.

I'm going to watch some more Angel, drink some more booze, take some more valerian and hopefully pass out.

[Sinister Intents]

I'm contemplating whether I should call the suicide hotline or immediately contact my therapist or the other doctor I see.

[Ele'ill]

So after visiting it again the last several weeks, school offers nothing that I'm even remotely interested in and it leads to careers that I'm not even remotely interested in. Under these conditions, I cannot exist, I cannot get a job to get one, to have one. I don't really care that it works for most people, it doesn't, and has never, worked for me. I will keep this job, probably get fired like the lasts ones, probably end up homeless again, as if not having a bed for about ten years wasn't homelessness regardless if it wasn't always actually sleeping on the sidewalk. Of course, being written off on a regular basis as either lazy or as some acceptable statistical anomoly by society and by people who seek to carry that society into the future because tbth it's working for them, should not surprisingly lead to an antisocial trajectory. Listening to it from people who should know better is like listening to liberals talk about their small business ventures and certified green lawns. I can't even preface this by saying I'm glad, I don't fucking care, I hate it.

[Sewer Socialist]

Yeah. A lifetime of supervisors, bosses, wannabe bosses and the like constantly criticizing me leaves new with the unshakable feeling that I am a worthless human being. At the last few it seems even my co-workers aren't on my side, everyone's so eager to prove themselves and get some promotion that just isn't going to happen.

I can say, fuck that job, and know I hated it anyway, but deep down that feeling is still there, and thinking about how any new job is going to be more of the same leaves me with little hope.

[Zoop]

God, how did I raise such an ungrateful, disrespectful child? His friend came over for the afternoon today and yeah, okay, he's showing off, apparently being a total dick to your mum is cool or something... I've fucking had enough. Can't wait to get him to bed and crack open some wine or something.

I'm pretty sure every child goes through that. It's a normal part of development.

[human strike]

Content warning: Self-harm and suicide mentions

I'm in a very difficult situation with my partner that I'm really worried about. For a lot of reasons I need to end things with her. The only reason I haven't already is because of how vulnerable she is. She is temporarily living at mine until she finishes her final year exams and finds her own place. The only other place she has to go is back to her family who were (are?) abusive. Her mental health has been deteriorating the last few months and she is very dependent on me. She doesn't deal well with me being away (even for a day or two) and has on a couple of occasions even self-harmed. She does recognise the seriousness of this and has sought out help - she's soon going to start therapy and meds. But I'm scared of what will happen if I end things with her. I feel I really must at some point; it would be best for everyone, in the long-term. In the meantime I've been trying to improve things with mixed results: sometimes she's better, but sometimes she's even worse. I'm scared she might try to kill herself (she's attempted suicide countless times, though not for a number of years). I don't know if there's a way out of this situation where she can learn from it and not hurt herself. I'm scared and I've been so patient and am exhausted. I love her and care about her so much. :(

[cyu]

he's showing off, apparently being a total dick to your mum is cool or something...
If you criticize yourself in front of him, stop doing it. If you criticize yourself when talking to your partner, and he can hear you, stop doing it. The more you criticize yourself when he can hear, the more he learns different ways of looking down on you.

Also talk to him about his own self-esteem issues. Ask him what makes him feel good about himself. When society is submerged in social Darwinism, people are compared with one another - and are herded into feeling good about themselves only when they think they are better than someone else. If that's how he tries to establish a feeling of self-esteem, try to redirect him towards other sources of pride - for example, improvement over his own skills from a month ago, the ability to make your partner laugh, the ability to convince other people to help each other.

[Sinister Intents]

I feel incredibly pressured between my parents and girlfriend because they both want to see me and spend time with me, but if I'm with one then my parents are upset, and when I'm with the other then my girlfriend is upset with me because I'm not with her. I wish my girlfriend and parents lived closer so I wouldn't feel so much stress between the two. My girlfriend wants me all to herself and always with her and my mom does the same and both make me feel awful for dividing my time between them and I try to make it equal, and then my dad gets pissed with me because of work abd me not being home for the business. At least gas prices are going down and I'm tired of driving everywhere. I just want to crash and read and do nothing fir a couple days because my anxiety has been really bad lately. Another shitty thing is that I get paranoid my dad is going to hit me again for excoriating which just makes me get freaked out and I excoriate more. I also missed my pistol permit appointment which in a respect I'm glad I missed because it's 115 dollars to get fingerprinted ahs background checked. On a more positive note I've gotten control of some substances I was abusing.... I think I might go back on Zoloft again. My therapist seems to only want to medicate me and also pointed out to me I'm not as fucked up as I make myself think I am and it's just a carryover from getting bullied and also assured me I don't have a personality disorder like what the other women wanted to label me and I'm not bipolar even though it runs in my family. I just have bad anxiety issues. I've also been talking to him about my issues with my sexuality and about me being transgender. My first doctor labeled me as a delusional crossdresser abd completely disregarded the relationship abuse I went through and I don't want to see her anymore.

[Ceallach_the_Witch]

my best friends just got engaged and i should be happy for them but i don't. In fact i feel pretty miserable. i've known for a while now that my life is on a path that is diverging ever more sharply from the trajectory my friends seem to be following. what brought it home to me was last time i saw them, i realised i was being someone other than myself, contrary to myself in ways, and i realised it when they said i was the happiest they'd seen me in years. i've been resigned to the fact that i'm never going to have friends for long periods of time but it still hurts when people outgrow you, idk.

[Ele'ill]

my best friends just got engaged and i should be happy for them but i don't. In fact i feel pretty miserable. i've known for a while now that my life is on a path that is diverging ever more sharply from the trajectory my friends seem to be following. what brought it home to me was last time i saw them, i realised i was being someone other than myself, contrary to myself in ways, and i realised it when they said i was the happiest they'd seen me in years. i've been resigned to the fact that i'm never going to have friends for long periods of time but it still hurts when people outgrow you, idk.

I'm glad you posted this but sorry you're going through it. I've always only had a close group of people around me and nothing else. Many of these small groups each mark a certain number of years and experiences and I or they move on. Usually it's me, I've moved around quite a bit in my life. It's surreal to remember it though because they weren't just occasional drinking friends and it's like they died or I died and moved into another life. Sometimes though, I think it's more that I had outgrown them and I was simply watching them continue their own path.

[Sinister Intents]

Mari3L, did you block me on Facebook? I wanted to say hi :(

[cyu]

if I'm with one then my parents are upset, and when I'm with the other then my girlfriend is upset with me because I'm not with her.

I read an article a while back (too lazy to search for it now) that basically models everyone's needs as a bunch of gas tanks that need filling.

If your food tank is almost empty, then you're motivated to search for food. After that tank has been filled adequately, then food no longer interests you.

The same applies to other things. For example, if you feel unaccomplished, then you go looking for a sense of accomplishment - some might create something, some might aim for video game success, others to read, others to make new friends. When you feel your accomplishment tank is sufficiently filled, then you stop looking to accomplish things.

Another need might be social recognition. If you can't get it from your family, you might go looking for it from friends, from reddit, or from an online video game.

I'm not sure if this will work for your situation, but if you can find out what needs each of those people are trying to fill, and improve your ability to fulfill those needs quickly, efficiently, and massively, then it frees up your own time to do whatever you want. For example, your friend might be trying to tell you about how great his football game was - what he's hoping from you is some kind of respect or appreciation. If you just say "Meh, that's not really impressive" then his need remains unfulfilled, so he might instead try to impress you with his video game prowess or the concert or date he just went on. If instead you jump right in with some kind of massive "Whoa, that move you made on the field was like the most amazing thing I've seen all week" then his need for recognition may become fulfilled enough for him to go look for something else (and stop annoying you).

[human strike]

I feel incredibly pressured between my parents and girlfriend because they both want to see me and spend time with me, but if I'm with one then my parents are upset, and when I'm with the other then my girlfriend is upset with me because I'm not with her. I wish my girlfriend and parents lived closer so I wouldn't feel so much stress between the two. My girlfriend wants me all to herself and always with her and my mom does the same and both make me feel awful for dividing my time between them and I try to make it equal...

[...]

I think I might go back on Zoloft again. My therapist seems to only want to medicate me and also pointed out to me I'm not as fucked up as I make myself think I am and it's just a carryover from getting bullied and also assured me I don't have a personality disorder like what the other women wanted to label me and I'm not bipolar even though it runs in my family. I just have bad anxiety issues. I've also been talking to him about my issues with my sexuality and about me being transgender. My first doctor labeled me as a delusional crossdresser abd completely disregarded the relationship abuse I went through and I don't want to see her anymore.

If it helps, maybe create a stricter schedule where you very deliberately divide your time between these people. Let them know about the schedule and stick to it. Poly people usually find something like this is essential. Maybe you in your situation might find something like it useful too.

It's very important to have a therapist who is right for you and accepts who you are and your principles. It sounds like perhaps this new person is better so I'm pleased for you. :)


God, how did I raise such an ungrateful, disrespectful child? His friend came over for the afternoon today and yeah, okay, he's showing off, apparently being a total dick to your mum is cool or something... I've fucking had enough. Can't wait to get him to bed and crack open some wine or something.

How old is he now?

[Comrade Jacob]

Senpai Sinister Intents deactivated her account. RIP

[human strike]

Being in a relationship with someone with BPD is utterly exhausting. I'm worn out. I think what really made me realise just how drained I am was leaving the country for a week; it felt amazing to have time and space away from her when she couldn't get hold of me whenever she wanted. That sounds kinda mean, but you have to understand just how difficult being on edge at every moment is, regardless of how much you love the person who is causing you to feel that way. I feel trapped, miserable, and defeated, like my spirit has been crushed. Occasionally there are good moments, very good moments actually, but they never last long, and there's no middle ground - it's an endless roller-coaster. I just want to get off but fear I can't. :( Are things just gonna keep getting worse? She was so different at the beginning. She had some legitimate grievances with the way I behaved at the start - I was very difficult - but nobody could deny that I really sorted that shit out, but it doesn't make much difference to how she acts. Being patient and kind seems to achieve nothing. If anything she seems to want to wind me up, to make me lose my patience, like she isn't satisfied until she can present me with an ultimatum to test my commitment. Over and over this happens, almost every day, replicating the same patterns no matter how hard I resist it and I'm exhausted. The other day for two hours I was trying to explain that I wasn't ready to answer a question she was asking me and that I needed a few days to think about it - not at all unreasonable, in fact very sensible given how important it was. She paused for a couple of hours then started asking again and this went on for half an hour until I just lied to her, pretended I knew the answer and gave her what she wanted. And she's in my house. She agreed it was temporary, but she keeps saying she needs to stay for longer - I don't think she plans to ever leave. What the fuck am I meant to do now? (There are actually a number of things I'm doing try to improve this situation, but it's like pissing into the wind.)

[Ele'ill]

Drowning out today with the entire Stars Of The Lid discography and beer. I woke up thinking about the last area of the country I used to live in about six years ago and how it has probably all changed. I can trace the entire area, several counties worth of space, in my mind as if I was driving down the road. I can do this with night/day and varying weather/seasons.

[Comrade Jacob]

Hey guys and gals I'm so baked and I'm trying to watch Hollyoaks. Lol like wtf????

[human strike]

My last post was quite despairing, but I've actually been having an awesome few days! Since finishing her exams my partner has been so happy and calm. I'm wary about getting my hopes up, but it's like she's a new person and I've been feeling very close with her and more confident about things. At the train station yesterday I bumped into somebody I'd been chatting with on Tinder, which was random. We chatted for maybe 15 mins as we got the same train. They seem really nice and into me and keen to hang out, so that's doubly awesome. I've also been quite successful at keeping myself busy and making plans which does wonders for holding off anxiety. :)

[BIXX]

"Hey placenta cream, this is your boss calling about your schedule for tomorrow please give me a call back as soon as possible, thanks and by."

I fucking hate you.

[Bala Perdida]

One time work was calling me, to come in early obviously, so I was letting it ring. Then I showed my friend, and he grabs my phone and looks at it. Then he answers it and gives the phone back to me and I have to go in early. Fucking shit.

[BIXX]

One time work was calling me, to come in early obviously, so I was letting it ring. Then I showed my friend, and he grabs my phone and looks at it. Then he answers it and gives the phone back to me and I have to go in early. Fucking shit.

I would have straight up just shot my friend.

[Counterculturalist]

I never answered those phone calls and I never worked overtime. Ever. Fuck overtime. 40 hours a week is more than enough.

The comments from my supervisors though. "Guess you don't need the money. Must be nice to be rich." Lol.

Eventually the H.R. person stopped offering me overtime. According our union contract, they have to offer overtime in order of seniority. So I let them skip me for a few weeks, and then filed a grievance. They had to backpay me for those weeks. They were fucking pissed

[Comrade Jacob]

I really fucking hate most of you, you guys are beyond poisonousness.

[Cliff Paul]

I really fucking hate most of you, you guys are beyond poisonousness.


https://media1.giphy.com/media/GW2T1xarSPTnG/200_s.gif

.

[Ceallach_the_Witch]

stupid flats why wont the council let me dig my own cave and live like a moleperson

[Comrade Jacob]

.

touché

[Comrade Jacob]

I'm considering leaving this site again.

[Ceallach_the_Witch]

splitter

[Comrade Jacob]

I have trust issues. I don't have much faith that people are innately good or that I am either. I think I am just as black in my heart as everyone else.

[Quail]

How old is he now?

He's 5... He's not a bad child at all really, I was just feeling horribly fed up when I made that post. I do hope he doesn't turn into a horrible teenager though. :unsure:

[Os Cangaceiros]

I would have straight up just shot my friend.

Seriously. Among people I know, it's considered very impolite to answer someone else's phone unless they give permission.

[Patchd]

he's 5... He's not a bad child at all really, i was just feeling horribly fed up when i made that post. I do hope he doesn't turn into a horrible teenager though. :unsure:
he is going to be the worst!!

[Atsumari]

I really fucking hate most of you, you guys are beyond poisonousness.
We really need to sit down and discuss discrimination and bigotry towards tankies sometime RevLeft


He's 5... He's not a bad child at all really, I was just feeling horribly fed up when I made that post. I do hope he doesn't turn into a horrible teenager though. :unsure:
lol I think all of us were horrible teenagers growing up

[Quail]

he is going to be the worst!!

:ohmy:
You're here!

[Cliff Paul]

I have trust issues. I don't have much faith that people are innately good or that I am either. I think I am just as black in my heart as everyone else.

gzyUnxnlml0

[Comrade Jacob]

gzyUnxnlml0

Go fuck yourself

[Patchd]

:ohmy:
You're here!
I'm back. I got bored. Everyone run!


Tbh, I tried to recover my password years ago but the follow up email with the regen password never sent. I didn't think it was going to send this time round as well but then it did yup yup yup! :grin:

[Cliff Paul]

Go fuck yourself

My heart is blacker than the children of Thomas Jefferson

[Patchd]

One time work was calling me, to come in early obviously, so I was letting it ring. Then I showed my friend, and he grabs my phone and looks at it. Then he answers it and gives the phone back to me and I have to go in early. Fucking shit.

Do you have to go in early if they ask you to?

[human strike]

He's 5... He's not a bad child at all really, I was just feeling horribly fed up when I made that post. I do hope he doesn't turn into a horrible teenager though. :unsure:

Sometimes boys are little dicks to their mothers at that age because they want to establish their own identity as male and separate from their mother and her femininity. This is especially true if they have an audience.

[Cliff Paul]

I often feel like I should be writing music. Not because I really enjoy doing so, but because I'm somewhat decent at it and I feel that since music is such a big part of my life, it seems wasteful to not do so.

[Os Cangaceiros]

I was a little angel when I was 5.

[Redistribute the Rep]

lol I think all of us were horrible teenagers growing up

No not all of us 'were,' some of us still are teenagers!

Senpai doesn't notice me. :crying:

[BIXX]

I'm still a horrible teenager but most of you know that

[Ceallach_the_Witch]

i havent been able to find my phone since friday despite knowing it must be in the house somewhere, and its run out of battery now so i cant locate it. this sux

[Quail]

Sometimes boys are little dicks to their mothers at that age because they want to establish their own identity as male and separate from their mother and her femininity. This is especially true if they have an audience.

What, so they've picked up the idea that being masculine means treating feminine people with disrespect?

He had a different (male) friend over today and was much better behaved... I don't know whether my little talk with him worked or maybe because this friend is a bit quieter he doesn't feel as much need to show off. We'll see.

[Patchd]

My cat seems to be shedding/malting (??) more hair than usual. I've not really noticed, or I don't remember noticing it in previous years, but could this be a seasonal change? He's due for a visit to the vets at some point soon anyway, and as I'll be starting a new job from tomorrow I should be able to afford it too. Maybe he has cat aids, according to one of my neighbours, one of the cats around here has cat aids and I suspect it's the little violent shit that's known for attacking all the cats in the neighbourhood (including mine).

[human strike]

I had a date last night. It went really well and I like them a lot, but I'm dreading having the "Oh, btw, I'm non-mono and have all these other partners" chat - it's difficult to casually slip that into conversation. I mean, I hope they say, "Awesome, me too!" But the probably more likely prospect of them not saying that is actually quite stressful and obviously I have to bring this up sooner rather than later and I'm not sure yet how I'm going to do it...


What, so they've picked up the idea that being masculine means treating feminine people with disrespect?

Pretty much. Female authority is especially disrespected by boys (and most men, for that matter). But maybe I'm just stating the obvious. I hope he continues to be easier for you; sometimes kids are just grumpy, right? :)

[Ro Laren]

My cat seems to be shedding/malting (??) more hair than usual. I've not really noticed, or I don't remember noticing it in previous years, but could this be a seasonal change? He's due for a visit to the vets at some point soon anyway, and as I'll be starting a new job from tomorrow I should be able to afford it too. Maybe he has cat aids, according to one of my neighbours, one of the cats around here has cat aids and I suspect it's the little violent shit that's known for attacking all the cats in the neighbourhood (including mine).

Probably just seasonal. My cats shed a lot in the fall too.

[Ceallach_the_Witch]

you know how you chase something then when its finally, finally within grasp you realise you dont know what to do with it and arent even sure you ever wanted it in the first place? i move out and start a masters degree in the next few weeks but like, i suddenly don't want it. the struggle to get to this point has defined the last two years and yet...

it doesnt help that i can already feeling all the bad stuff coiling up again, getting ready to spring back and fuck me up because god knows i don't deserve anything nice, because i set myself up for failure well in advance of actually doing anything, because despite wanting to be happy and to be a good person i don't think i want it enough to actually do it. I want to run away. I want to be free of expectation, i want to find some kind of oblivion that stops me from actually having to be me. I don't want a holiday, i literally want to get away from everything, including myself.

E:

i mean how messed up is it that i regularly think 'huh, all this sure would be easier if i was dead. that wouldnt be so bad'

[Os Cangaceiros]

I'm in bad shape.

[Guardia Rossa]

I want to play Fallout 4 so badly. It's the only game I would really pay for...

Fallout 4 is a invention of the bourgeoisie to show how the world will be if there is no socialist revolution and make money on it, selling it to the proletariat.

But it is so damn sexy, with all that free world, city-building, awsome brotherhood of steel (Wich resembles some communists to me) and no morality in itself, only in the society sorrounding you...

Damn you Bethesda.

[Futility Personified]

Fallout 4 has dominated my consciousness ever since the announcement. My excitement is without fucking bounds, and now i'm integrated into the workforce I genuinely am trying to think of ways to function on zero sleep just like school days. It looks so good. Hope i'm finished with it by the time I move out though, because life needs living ya know?

[Quail]

I'm so anxious at the moment, I don't even know how people deal with this. It's just constant, relentless. Most of my day is spent either feeling terrified or performing some stupid ritual to feel slightly less terrified. This isn't a life worth living.

I went to the doctor hoping to get some sedatives, and got a month's supply of sleeping pills instead. Sleeping pills aren't going to get me through the day, but the doctor has most likely given me more than enough to kill myself. I don't see how that makes more sense than giving me a small amount of valium to help me get by, but whatever.

[RedWorker]

I'm so anxious at the moment, I don't even know how people deal with this. It's just constant, relentless. Most of my day is spent either feeling terrified or performing some stupid ritual to feel slightly less terrified. This isn't a life worth living.

I had the same thing recently. It never completely goes away, but I feel more or less calm many times, it's just on the back of my mind. Then I can just deal with it, that happens to everyone. Just work through it, try exposure therapy in some cases, oh and don't succumb to the compulsions. I hope you feel better soon.

[The Intransigent Faction]

I had the same thing recently. It never completely goes away, but I feel more or less calm many times, it's just on the back of my mind. Then I can just deal with it, that happens to everyone. Just work through it, try exposure therapy in some cases, oh and don't succumb to the compulsions. I hope you feel better soon.

That's actually solid advice. I'm gonna need to remember this, too.

This week, I'm starting a journalism degree. It started as something hypothetical that I would tell people I had plans to do when they insisted on asking, when I really just felt lost, stuck and unsure of what to do with myself. I think I can make the best of it, though. I just can't help stressing over a lot of little things when what I really want is: a job as a stepping stone to get out of this city, a steady routine, and maybe if I'm lucky a chance to meet some people to spend time with, because self-amusement can't keep the sense of feeling trapped away forever.

My sister's back home this year, though, so it's not just me which is kind of nice even though we rarely talk.

EDIT: Or what Ceallach said. After two years of sort of drifting, I finally feel a sense of direction, but at the same time it demands a certain energy from me when what I feel 'driven' to do is escape everything. There's too much of my past here.

[Os Cangaceiros]

Yeah anxiety as a medical condition is chronic & reoccurring. It never goes away.

There are various ways to address it, though. Also, I've found that the focus of anxiety can change. I used to have social anxiety pretty bad, but not really anymore...now it's mostly anxiety related to the state of my physical health, i.e. constantly thinking that I'm about to die.

I hate those fools who say that the "cure" for certain disorders like depression or anxiety is just exercise and fresh air or some bullshit...the period of the most intense anxiety I've ever experienced was when I was working a very labor-intensive, physical job in an outdoor environment & eating a diet of salmon and garden vegetables. I'm very much of the belief that there's a neurological basis for some people who have the core symptom of anxiety as part of a disorder.

[The Intransigent Faction]

Yeah anxiety as a medical condition is chronic & reoccurring. It never goes away.

I hate those fools who say that the "cure" for certain disorders like depression or anxiety is just exercise and fresh air or some bullshit...the period of the most intense anxiety I've ever experienced was when I was working a very labor-intensive, physical job in an outdoor environment & eating a diet of salmon and garden vegetables. I'm very much of the belief that there's a neurological basis for some people who have the core symptom of anxiety as part of a disorder.

I can't speak to your case, but for me, though I've never been a "fitness buff", intense physical labour is incredibly cathartic. Dietary changes and exercise may not be a panacea, but they are certainly important for mental health. We could compare contradictory personal experiences, but medical science is pretty consistent in suggesting psychological benefits. So sure, you can say there's a neurological basis, but even so I doubt a proper diet and exercise are outright harmful. A doctor might advise you to take medication and/or attend therapy, but none would ever say "A healthy diet and exercise won't cure your depression, so don't bother with that".

At the risk of incurring your hatred :p it seems beyond plausible that we should expect mental health issues in any case with unhealthy diets, little exercise, and chronic sleep deprivation. A neurological predisposition to depression or anxiety would only make the results that much worse. I try to take solace in being able to tire myself out enough that I don't have the energy to get caught up in my anxieties. Even if intrusive thoughts are still there, it's easier to cope.

In short: Diet and exercise: Cure? That's overstating it. Treatment? In my experience, hell yeah.

[Os Cangaceiros]

Dietary changes and exercise...not a panacea

That was really my only point.

I would never argue that eating a healthy diet and exercising isn't a good thing as far as your overall health is concerned.

I'm glad that I don't have to do manual labor anymore though. My spine feels shot, as does my whole body really. I'm a fisherman but I have an interest in neurology and psychiatric medication, LOL

[BIXX]

I can't afford the only gym that even has a chance at being good in my area. It's the only thing I even like to go out and do. I don't go out for drinks or go hang out with folks much anymore seeing as most of my old friends have the ability to go to college, and all the folks at work are just awful in general. I am so sick and tired of this shit. All I wanna do is get good at what I like. That shouldn't cost so much fuvjing money.

[The Intransigent Faction]

I'm wavering between being calm and completely in a panic.

[Brandon's Impotent Rage]

I've missed almost an entire week of work for my new job. I accidentally thought I had last Sunday off, then became sick and have been at home all week. I'm terrified that I'm going to lose this job I've barely even started....

[Atsumari]

Ugh, I feel sexuality incompetent. My boyfriend knows how to please me super well and I am blown away by how good he is but I feel like I am not doing my part well enough.

[Sperm-Doll Setsuna]

Ugh, I feel sexuality incompetent. My boyfriend knows how to please me super well and I am blown away by how good he is but I feel like I am not doing my part well enough.

That's because you're a vanilla prude. :mad:

[Futility Personified]

I haven't posted in this thread for quite a while now, seeing as things in life have been quite good and just been focusing on saving, trying to write music and well, drinking quite a lot still, plus festivals and all the goodness of summer.

But i'm actually starting to freak out a bit now, to the point where i'm writing this when I have to be up in 6:30 hours (and counting while I finish this damn post).

So basically, i've had this weird thing happen to me at work. It's happened at other jobs i've had before, and it's really hard to articulate what it is, so i'm hoping to compare notes. Ages ago I ended up on citalopram and that was shit, and did not help one iota with depression or anxiety. I think on the whole i'm no longer suffering from either, although on the right timeline you could say everybody is in remission. But....

I get this extremely odd feeling, somewhere between a panic attack and well, stupefaction. I don't remember ever getting this specific feeling in school, but i've had it when i've worked. It feels like some sort of anxiety thing, but it's tricky to nail down. So I guess the symptoms of it are:

Thoughts seem to condense, I get a lot more clumsy, my focus gradually erodes until i'm mainly aware i'm in the throes of one of these strange episodes and i'm just hoping that nobody thinks i'm having a breakdown (just in case I am). Slight feelings of paranoia, again in relation to the fact that this... event is happening. My grasp of time becomes tenuous, there'll be moments where i'm unsure how long i've paused for, or if i've said something I haven't said.... typing these things out, it seems like some sort of low-quality psychosis or disassociation. It mainly seems triggered by stress, as a previous job was extremely stressful and i've chainsmoke about 3-4 fags on the way home. My new one is actually quite pleasant, though as an introvert it is quite demanding as it is in retail. But this is where it gets profoundly irritating, I wouldn't get stressed if it wouldn't happen. Catch twenty fucking two, right? I read The Idiot a while back, because his general naivety and out of place-ness appealed to me. But now I think I relate more to him because whenever these things strike, I become inarticulate, I find it difficult to think of many things that I would be able to normally. Sometimes speech becomes difficult for no particular reason, and things nearly come out as a stutter. Could it be social anxiety?

It got so bad today, for again, no damn reason, that i'm going to go see the doctor on friday. I have been in quite a good place mentally these past few months, so for this to only be getting worse is frustrating to say the least. There's plenty of shit I could talk to a psychiatrist or a therapist about, and I wouldn't be afraid of doing that, but this just feels like some miserable chemical imbalance or environmental trigger as opposed to a social or personal issue. Any tips, advice or anything?

[Quail]

Ugh, I feel sexuality incompetent. My boyfriend knows how to please me super well and I am blown away by how good he is but I feel like I am not doing my part well enough.

Communicate and experiment. Ask him if things feel good. Ask him what he likes. Talk about his fantasies in a no-pressure, non-sexual situation. I think everyone has insecurities about sex, but I don't think I can reiterate enough how important communication is for good sex to happen.

[RedWorker]

I've missed almost an entire week of work for my new job. I accidentally thought I had last Sunday off, then became sick and have been at home all week. I'm terrified that I'm going to lose this job I've barely even started....

Claim you were sick the entire time - after all, if you had it by the next days it must have already had began on Sunday.

[Comrade Jacob]

O NO! I don dont fink taht I wil eva get a lyfe patener and im felin low an down and o no, i dont rekon i wil b hapy wit my lyfe, i may jus end it all. Butt then i get my sider and some asid and it all iz ok.
http://ichef.bbci.co.uk/images/ic/976x549/p02bgyf0.jpg

[human strike]

I haven't posted in this thread for quite a while now, seeing as things in life have been quite good and just been focusing on saving, trying to write music and well, drinking quite a lot still, plus festivals and all the goodness of summer.

But i'm actually starting to freak out a bit now, to the point where i'm writing this when I have to be up in 6:30 hours (and counting while I finish this damn post).

So basically, i've had this weird thing happen to me at work. It's happened at other jobs i've had before, and it's really hard to articulate what it is, so i'm hoping to compare notes. Ages ago I ended up on citalopram and that was shit, and did not help one iota with depression or anxiety. I think on the whole i'm no longer suffering from either, although on the right timeline you could say everybody is in remission. But....

I get this extremely odd feeling, somewhere between a panic attack and well, stupefaction. I don't remember ever getting this specific feeling in school, but i've had it when i've worked. It feels like some sort of anxiety thing, but it's tricky to nail down. So I guess the symptoms of it are:

Thoughts seem to condense, I get a lot more clumsy, my focus gradually erodes until i'm mainly aware i'm in the throes of one of these strange episodes and i'm just hoping that nobody thinks i'm having a breakdown (just in case I am). Slight feelings of paranoia, again in relation to the fact that this... event is happening. My grasp of time becomes tenuous, there'll be moments where i'm unsure how long i've paused for, or if i've said something I haven't said.... typing these things out, it seems like some sort of low-quality psychosis or disassociation. It mainly seems triggered by stress, as a previous job was extremely stressful and i've chainsmoke about 3-4 fags on the way home. My new one is actually quite pleasant, though as an introvert it is quite demanding as it is in retail. But this is where it gets profoundly irritating, I wouldn't get stressed if it wouldn't happen. Catch twenty fucking two, right? I read The Idiot a while back, because his general naivety and out of place-ness appealed to me. But now I think I relate more to him because whenever these things strike, I become inarticulate, I find it difficult to think of many things that I would be able to normally. Sometimes speech becomes difficult for no particular reason, and things nearly come out as a stutter. Could it be social anxiety?

It got so bad today, for again, no damn reason, that i'm going to go see the doctor on friday. I have been in quite a good place mentally these past few months, so for this to only be getting worse is frustrating to say the least. There's plenty of shit I could talk to a psychiatrist or a therapist about, and I wouldn't be afraid of doing that, but this just feels like some miserable chemical imbalance or environmental trigger as opposed to a social or personal issue. Any tips, advice or anything?

I don't wanna jump to conclusions, but to me it sounds like a mild anxiety attack. Anxiety attacks that cause people to shut down aren't so well-known or easy to recognise but they're very common. My advice would usually be to remove yourself from the stressful situation (can be surprisingly hard to do) or contact someone (by text is often easier if one feels this way) who can help ground you, but I get that can be very difficult to do at work. I empathise, I've experienced these a lot, especially over the last couple of years. Unfortunately I've had to deal with it mostly by removing myself from certain social situations or avoiding them altogether, which isn't ideal but pushing myself too much wasn't very nice either.

[Futility Personified]

It does seem to be an anxiety attack, I'm hoping that the doctor can refer me to a specialist and see if there could be a specific attribute of the situation that can be identified and contained. I lost a tasty bonus from all the bizarre mistakes i've been making recently (though that said it also seemed to be a bit easy come easy go but I will see if i'm presented figures).

And thanks for replying, makes this situation feel a little less miserable.

[Bala Perdida]

I had like 3 paragraphs written that I was gonna post, but then I erased all of them because I remembered I made the mistake of bringing someone to the forum who I don't trust with the info. Just fuck life right now.

[BIXX]

My job really isn't impossibly difficult but I don't like being at work 12.5 hours a night plus travel time. I should get myself a nice cushy job that's easier to fuck off at like something at a computer.

[Bala Perdida]

I can safely post that this miserable-ass month is finally over. The month were my problems peaked, and hopefully where they'll end in this degree. Although there was some good out of it. One user on here knows lol. Well, hopefully I'll fix things up this week for good this time. I don't give a shit what anyone else says, I can't afford to anymore.

[Quail]

I've had a bit of a rough time recently with my anxiety, and against my instincts I've started taking sertraline. It's making me lose my appetite and I still feel pretty fucking weird. It's giving me a different kind of anxiety... Like racing thoughts, paranoid ideas and a fear of losing my mind. As opposed to the usual health-related panic attacks, which are still an issue... but I also got some diazepam so that's been helping. I have an assessment appointment on the 13th for group therapy, which is only a result of me going to A&E and demanding to see someone, and I'm not even that convinced that the groups I've been referred to are actually 100% appropriate but I'll give them a try.

Also... this sertraline. Fuck antidepressants. I'm trying it out, but I'm scared it's dulling my creativity. That always happened on anti-depressants before, and last week I spent a lot of time sleeping when I would normally have been writing. Where are my urgent impulses to sit down and hammer away at my keyboard? Another thing is that it's really hard to orgasm. So basically, if these problems don't go away sharpish, I'm coming off the pills. There's no point taking medication for my anxiety if it means sacrificing two of the things that actually make life worth living.

[Os Cangaceiros]

So many amazing opportunities come my way in life and I always find a way to fuck them up :rolleyes:

[Os Cangaceiros]

Another thing is that it's really hard to orgasm.

Yeah they mess with that big time! I found it extremely difficult to get it up on citalopram. Actually, it was pretty much impossible, LOL...it was like the pill version of drinking two twelve packs of beer for my sex drive.

Trazodone didn't give me any sexual side effects at first, but eventually it started making me "dry orgasm". Which is a really bizarre and unpleasant feeling and actually disturbed me quite a bit when it happened. I stopped taking those pills and everything returned to normal, though. I have no idea why anti-depressants as a class of drug mess with your sex drive so much.

[Quail]

Yeah they mess with that big time! I found it extremely difficult to get it up on citalopram. Actually, it was pretty much impossible, LOL...it was like the pill version of drinking two twelve packs of beer for my sex drive.

Trazodone didn't give me any sexual side effects at first, but eventually it started making me "dry orgasm". Which is a really bizarre and unpleasant feeling and actually disturbed me quite a bit when it happened. I stopped taking those pills and everything returned to normal, though. I have no idea why anti-depressants as a class of drug mess with your sex drive so much.

All the others I tried gave me similar problems... Not sure if it seems like an overshare, but I don't know if I can even put into words how much it sucks suddenly being unable to orgasm despite having what would usually be the most incredible sex of my life. I'd rather suffer the anxiety than live an orgasmless life :lol:

[cyu]

When society is crazy, it is only logical that the individuals that make up that society are crazy as well. You can treat the symptoms in the individuals, but the cure is to fix society. But your shrink isn't allowed to prescribe anything to fix society, so they just give you band-aids. The only people prescribing a cure for society, well, sad to say if they're not on this website, I'm not paying them much attention =/

[motion denied]

>implying I'm strong enough to quit smoking

[Guardia Rossa]

I was fat and sugar-addict.
Now I'm half-fat and half-sugar-addict.
Soon, I hope I will be not-fat and not-sugar-addict.

It's a long-ass process but... we must do it.

And anyone is strong enough to do anything, you just need focus, and as that guy wrote, "entering a guerrilla warfare with your own mind"

[Quail]

(I have nowhere else to vent, sorry)

TW
I started sertraline for my ocd a couple of weeks ago. It does seem to be helping, but I've also been taking diazepam so it could just be that reducing my anxiety. I've been overly dependant on diazepam and my sleeping pills lately and it's starting to worry me. I'm going to try hard today not to use any diazepam because I know it will make me more anxious in the long run if I stay in the habit of using it daily. I'm also taking a small amount of codeine pretty much every day which I need to quit but today I have period pains so fuck it.

The sertraline has made me lose my appetite, and it's triggering my eating disorder. I haven't weighed myself yet, but it's hard to resist... I just know how damaging it would be to start weighing myself again. The spiral goes downward very quickly. I haven't really been eating proper meals... Just fruit, handfuls of nuts, bits of chocolate and maybe half a meal in the evening. Initially I wasn't eating because I felt sick, but it's becoming a psychological issue now too. I don't want to relapse, but the eating disorder is still there in my brain trying to trick me into giving in to it again.

I'm also feeling incredibly low. I've been thinking about how to make sure everyone would be taken care of if anything happened to me. I guess I just need to take things one day at a time. I survived yesterday, I can survive today. Rinse and repeat.

[Os Cangaceiros]

I'm not sure how available it is where you live, but have you ever tried kratom? If not you should give it a try, I find it to be extremely effective as an anxiety-fighting drug. As far as drugs go it's quite safe, too, and it's cheap & legal (for now, anyway). I sing kratom's praises to anyone who complains of anxiety and either doesn't have access to or is unwilling to try prescription drugs.

[cyu]

I've been thinking about how to make sure everyone would be taken care of

What about the rest of us at RevLeft?

I think I remember reading that OCD often manifests in people who don't have enough control over their own lives - for example, authority figures blocking all your options and trying to leave you with only doing what they want you to do, so in response to this lack of control, people resort to finding alternative ways to assert control over their environment, for example, being very precise about their food intake, or spending all their time arranging things (since there's very little else they can control).

All the more reason for anarchism I suppose. On the other hand, you're basically controlling my thought patterns for a short moment, every time I read your writing here ^^

[Os Cangaceiros]

A friend of mine is leaving the city I live in soon, and I went to her "going away party" of sorts last night. Usually I'm pretty uncomfortable in such social situations but I toughed it out because I like this individual and because my social anxiety is much less than it was once was anyway. Anyway, when I told her I was going to leave, she said "alright, i'll walk you to the door, then i'll walk you outside the door, before I violate you here." I said "what?" but once we were outside she locked lips with me pretty quick...it was awkward because she was kinda drunk and I wasn't really expecting it at first, our teeth clacked together and shit.

We had gone out before, about six months ago, so this whole incident wasn't totally shocking or anything (she was the subject of this post (http://www.revleft.com/vb/showpost.php?p=2828614&postcount=366)), but I didn't know that she still liked me, I guess.

She told me to call later on today but I don't know if I will or not, honestly I just kind of felt empty driving home. I am a really fucked up person. :( She looked at me with a very definitive "I want to fuck" look. Not to sound vulgar or disrespectful or anything, but I don't know how to define that kind of look more accurately. This young woman, no joke, is probably one of the people I've been most attracted to in LIFE...when I first met her I was really interested in her. And yet now I just feel like crawling into a hole and burying myself. Oh, to have such problems, right? :rolleyes:

I've been abusing substances pretty bad lately. Not so much so that's immediately noticeable to other people, I can still keep it in the closet, but my mask of normalcy feels like it's slowly starting to slip off. But it seems like the only way I can be happy anymore

[Ele'ill]

I started smoking again. It started with long shifts at work and Autumn and looking for cigarette butts at those cigarette stations.

[BIXX]

Interestingly enough after trying nicotine gum which really didn't give me the same feeling as smoking I have considered a cig now and then.

[Bala Perdida]

Interestingly enough after trying nicotine gum which really didn't give me the same feeling as smoking I have considered a cig now and then.

I guess you can try robot cigarettes. You get the nicotine without the tar. Also flavors. Although most of those cheap cigars I smoke got fruity flavors too.

[BIXX]

I guess you can try robot cigarettes. You get the nicotine without the tar. Also flavors. Although most of those cheap cigars I smoke got fruity flavors too.

The robot ones have some fucked up shit in them tho

[Bala Perdida]

The robot ones have some fucked up shit in them tho

Yeah there's endless videos of vapers that talk about how much shit they don't have, but the only thing I know they don't have is tar. Other than that, it's smoke inside of you. Can't expect that to not be damaging.

[Os Cangaceiros]

Other than that, it's smoke inside of you.

Not smoke, vapor.

When someone vapes, say, marijuana, the psychoactive ingredients of the drug get turned to vapor and inhaled but the psychoactives and plant matter itself doesn't actually get burnt, so there's no actual smoke.

[Bala Perdida]

Not smoke, vapor.

When someone vapes, say, marijuana, the psychoactive ingredients of the drug get turned to vapor and inhaled but the psychoactives and plant matter itself doesn't actually get burnt, so there's no actual smoke.

I'm just thinking burnt stuff inside you. Can that actually be harmless though? I'm not against it I just don't think it's necessarily good for you to be ingesting something like that.

[Os Cangaceiros]

No, not harmless. Any drug you ingest into you body on a regular basis has the potential to be harmful to you in some way. But it's undoubtedly better for you than smoking.

[Bala Perdida]

No, not harmless. Any drug you ingest into you body on a regular basis has the potential to be harmful to you in some way. But it's undoubtedly better for you than smoking.

Works for me.

[Futility Personified]

My neighbour was smoking until she was 90. The only problem was she died when she was 70...

[Bala Perdida]

There was a girl I was talking to. I knew she was interested in me, but I didn't act on it. I didn't know how interested she was, if she was serious about wanting to be with me. Now she has a boyfriend she met while we were talking. Hearing her say it, I actually felt happy for her. Although now she says I missed out. I wasn't fast enough. She's right, she really is. Still she kept hinting interest, playing a game that I don't know how to play. Although I told her it's okay. I'm going through a lot right now anyways. She wanted to know what, I told her it's better not to go into that but she insisted. She told me stuff I heard before, nothing helpful all just empty 'advice' if anything. Not really any support or relating.

After that. I'm happy she found someone. I don't think I could've given her what she wanted. I don't think she would've been right for me either. We can be friends I guess, she's a pretty nice person. Just after that, we should both probably keep some distance.

[cyu]

I've come to the realization that the people you come into contact the most with in your daily life, become your inner circle, whether you want them there or not. If you like each other, then it makes both of you happier. If you don't like one of them, or one of them doesn't like you, then there's poison in the well. If you can push that person out of your inner circle (assuming you can't repair the relationship), then your life will be better for it. If you have to deal with that person for some reason, it would probably be better if you dealt with them indirectly, if they were one ring outside your inner circle. Ideally you would find someone both of you like more, and insert that person as a buffer between you two, then both of your inner circles would improve...

[Comrade Jacob]

Lel @ "Free Tibet" - the cry of the privileged white ignorant liberal college-going wannabe Buddhist kid.

[Comrade Jacob]

(I have nowhere else to vent, sorry)

TW
I started sertraline for my ocd a couple of weeks ago. It does seem to be helping, but I've also been taking diazepam so it could just be that reducing my anxiety. I've been overly dependant on diazepam and my sleeping pills lately and it's starting to worry me. I'm going to try hard today not to use any diazepam because I know it will make me more anxious in the long run if I stay in the habit of using it daily. I'm also taking a small amount of codeine pretty much every day which I need to quit but today I have period pains so fuck it.

The sertraline has made me lose my appetite, and it's triggering my eating disorder. I haven't weighed myself yet, but it's hard to resist... I just know how damaging it would be to start weighing myself again. The spiral goes downward very quickly. I haven't really been eating proper meals... Just fruit, handfuls of nuts, bits of chocolate and maybe half a meal in the evening. Initially I wasn't eating because I felt sick, but it's becoming a psychological issue now too. I don't want to relapse, but the eating disorder is still there in my brain trying to trick me into giving in to it again.

I'm also feeling incredibly low. I've been thinking about how to make sure everyone would be taken care of if anything happened to me. I guess I just need to take things one day at a time. I survived yesterday, I can survive today. Rinse and repeat.

I'm on sertraline for my depression.

[Quail]

I'm on sertraline for my depression.

I stopped taking it. I couldn't bear it. I hate hate hate antidepressants. The doctor offered me a variety of other stuff but I'm not willing to deal with the side effects.
Not being able to orgasm is pretty much the worst thing that could happen to me. Sex is my oasis of awesomeness in the sea of shit that is everything else.
I'm having a horrible time today though. I don't know if it's just because I haven't been sleeping, but I'm not feeling well and it's triggering ridiculous levels of anxiety.

I should be seeing a CBT therapist soon though, which I'm hoping will help break the stupid anxious cycles I think myself into, although I'm not sure about CBT tbh. I can see its uses in dealing with behaviours, but part of me objects to changing the way I think to be happier in shitty circumstances. Change the circumstances. It's obvious that being anxious is the natural way to be when you're poor and isolated and life is really precarious and uncertain. I wish I had the power to change more. I guess I need to start reaching out to people.

[Danielle Ni Dhighe]

Too much stress of late. I had to unfriend and block someone on Facebook I've known for close to a decade who suddenly turned out to be a transphobe.

[cyu]

Society tries to brainwash everyone, rich and poor, into wanting to be special. You have to be special or you don't deserve to be rich. You have to be special or you don't deserve to feel happy. You have to have special skills and make your special contribution to society.

It's like you have to prove you're special in order to prove you deserve to exist. F**k that. Even posting here, are we just trying to prove we're special to other "revolutionaries"?

Why does anybody have to prove anything to anybody? After basic survival needs are met, all the rest is just distraction from boredom anyway. Yay, we're great at juggling, or story writing, or designing video games, or entertaining people in power. What a special skill. What a useless skill.

F**k it.

[cyu]

After basic survival needs are met, all the rest is just distraction from boredom anyway.

I guess that's just another way of saying "Bread and circuses" - and these days we even create circuses for the generals and soldiers so that they don't feel bored :glare:

[Danielle Ni Dhighe]

I could use a nice vacation right now. But I'm too poor to afford one and I have responsibilities I can't run away from. So I'm stuck here with all the stress. 2016 won't be any easier. My mother's health continues to degenerate, so she'll likely be off to a nursing home by next summer, and then I'm facing the very real possibility of being homeless. Being on Social Security Disability in an area with high housing costs and long waiting lists for subsidized housing is not a good thing.

[Ceallach_the_Witch]

living as a man (at least outside my flat) is getting harder and harder, its really stressing me out and i should probably consider talking to my therapist and the lgbt society at uni but i'm filled with this overwhelming feeling that i'm Not Trans Enough because of how i feel i have to behave outside. And then there's the fear, rational or not, of being found out. buh.

[Comrade Jacob]

I love you guys

[human strike]

It's always those we think love us who hurt us the most.

[human strike]

I was afraid if I broke up with my girlfriend that she would hurt herself. When she hurt me instead I was relieved. Now I suspect I was only made to fear that so I wouldn't ever leave and this hurt she's directing at me is punishment for doing so. I'm really scared of her - she keeps shocking me in how far she will go. I'm always so keen to see myself as the bad guy I never properly consider what someone else might be doing to me.

[Guardia Rossa]

New students are arriving at my school. I just hope that fucker doesn't closes more schools.

We'll end up with 70 per classroom if this continues.

[Trap Queen Voxxy]

I need my record sponged in the worst way. Stressed tf rn. Idk if I have this job since my background check is taking longer than everyone else's. I want to cry because I feel like I'm gonna be told no. This is kind of my make or break rn. God fucking damnt. Feel like stripping or sex work is in my future, again, MF

[Os Cangaceiros]

It's always those we think love us who hurt us the most.

I think that anyone whos significant in your life is going to cause you both pleasure and pain, if for no other reason than they're going to be in your life for a limited amount of time, and eventually you or they are going to die...

[Ro Laren]

My supervisor, who's been there for 15 years, walked out tonight. It'll probably fuck us all in the end, but good for her.

[Trap Queen Voxxy]

Stupendous my old job is trying to jip me out of my last paycheck :rolleyes: here we go

[Zoop]

Between 75% and 80% of suicide victims in the UK are male.

Pretty obvious why.

[VCrakeV]

After my Calculus midterm test, I realized that I wasn't smart enough for the course. Actually studied my ass off, and practiced, yet I supposedly showed lack of understanding (accompanied by a bad grade). Guess I can't continue a career requiring Calculus... *cries in the corner*

[Comrade Jacob]

I'm ridiculously addicted to fizzy drinks

[VCrakeV]

I'm ridiculously addicted to fizzy drinks

I used to have soda every day. I started skipping every second day, then I gradually drank even less, until I drank one can a week. If you want a fizzy drink, just reach for cold water.

[BIXX]

Between 75% and 80% of suicide victims in the UK are male.

Pretty obvious why.

Why

And why is it obvious

[Comrade Jacob]

I used to have soda every day. I started skipping every second day, then I gradually drank even less, until I drank one can a week. If you want a fizzy drink, just reach for cold water.

I would drink 2-4 litres a day if I could.

[Comrade Jacob]

Will people wake up to class contradictions before it's too late?

[Ro Laren]

Brown nosing motherfuckers gotta ruin everything. After my supervisor quit last week, we got together with management and came to the surprisingly reasonable conclusion that we don't actually need a supervisor. We could just work together without one person lording over everybody else. How fucking novel.

The other supervisor/shift leader/whatever she was got demoted, and today quit because of some personal bullshit with one of the brown nosing motherfuckers who's going to ruin everything. It's shitty because I liked her and got along with her pretty well, but what's done is done. Fine. We're now completely unsupervised and on our own until OH SHIT HERE COMES THE BROWN NOSING MOTHERFUCKER ACTING LIKE SHE'S GONNA BE OUR NEW BOSS.

Why the fuck do people do this? Why do you want a job that THREE people have quit in the last year, one of whom had been there for 15 years? You don't actually get paid any more for doing it, by the way. I make more than the one that just quit and I don't tell anybody what to do. I have the most experience in my department, I help everyone else out and answer questions and it's cool. Everybody gets along for the most part and it's fine. There's only twelve of us on the whole damn shift. It's entirely possible for the whole shift to function just like my department if not for a couple of people and their shitty, ridiculous power fantasies.

I'm scared they're just going to get rid of our shift. I don't want to lose my job, I don't want anybody else to lose their job. Why rock the boat? Just fuck off and do your work and stop trying to fuck everyone else over. :glare:

[cyu]

Many kids are trained since birth that they are only allowed to feel good when they win.

Put any game in front of them that has winners and losers, and they'll obsess with being the winner.

If there are no games with winners and losers, then they'll try to invent one, and then play their own game until they win.

Either you manipulate them by creating a game where they win by losing, distract them with an irrelevant game, or help them overcome their childhood conditioning.

[cyu]

http://crownsocial.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/advice-animals-memes-insanity-success-sheen-is-winning.jpg

[Counterculturalist]

At my old factory job, for about a year we had a foreman on midnights who would show up hammered and go directly to sleep in his office, not waking up until an hour before shift change. In other words, we had pretty much no supervision. Our shift ran the most smoothly of the three shifts during this time, with the most productivity and the least interpersonal conflict.

Then one day somebody decided to rat this supervisor out, he was caught sleeping during a surprise visit by the shop's owner, and replaced by a total hardass authoritarian who immediately began yelling and screaming at everybody, writing people up for minor offenses, and playing favorites, leading to jealousy and cliques. The shift became (and remained) just as shitty as the other two shifts.

The moral? Bosses fucking suck.

[Quail]

Mega period pains today, so I inadvisably got slightly stoned in combination with my co-codamol and I have to work in 2 hours 30. Luckily I'm already well-prepared for my lesson but I really hope I don't come across as really slow and out of it.

[Guardia Rossa]

I don't know, it seems that capitalism can ever survive it's crisis and that the left is never really organized, that every time it is strong, it has a major flaw that immobilized or weakened it...

[Quail]

What I was actually meaning to post earlier...

I spoke to a therapist on the phone earlier who has looked through my long history of mental health notes... She went through a few treatment options for me, and brought up the possibility of having a personality disorder (avoidant anxious or borderline). I feel quite strongly that I want to reject the label of "personality disorder" even if I do meet the criteria, but I can't fully put my finger on why. I guess part of it is the way some people I know have been treated by doctors etc because they have particular labels and diagnoses, but there was something about the way she explained what she thought a personality disorder was that made me strongly feel like rejecting the idea. I don't know. I was hoping to write something more insightful here but the thoughts and ideas feel just out of my grasp :unsure:

[cyu]

Diagnosis: Slave doesn't want to be a slave.
Suggested treatment: Blame the victim.

[Aurorus Ruber]

I recently got a kidney stone, the third one I've had in the past few years and went to the doctor today. The first two times, I went to urgent care and got a prescription for flomax to make it easier pee it out. This time, though, they had me go to a urologist who says I need a CT scan to be sure it's a kidney stone. So now it looks like I will have a massive medical expense that I can't possibly afford to pay for something that could easily be solved more cheaply.

[Comrade Jacob]

I love you guys

I don't really. I fucking hate most of you liberal bastards.