Questioning my gender identity

[Comrade Jacob]

I've noticed that I've been fantasying of being a transwoman lately...
I'm starting to feel a level of dysphoria. I don't like to identify as either gender (GenderQueer?)however lately I think I lean towards a girl and I think I would feel more comfortable in a woman's body.
It's so confusing and I just want to be comfortable in my own body or have been born a female. I'm scared if I come to the conclusion I'm a woman that I'll have to go through the whole transition. I'm scared if I'm trans I'll be even less accepted than I already am :(

Can Trans comrades help me figure myself out? I identified as agender before but I'm really confused.
(sorry if this isn't the thread for it, please be nice, it's a very sensitive topic for me atm)

P.S I'm fine having a penis, that doesn't bother me I just want a woman's body

[Danielle Ni Dhighe]

My advice is to take your time in exploring how you feel. It's your life, so you only have to go as far as you want to. There isn't a rule book on how to be trans.

[Armchair Partisan]

I'm not trans, but I've had similar feelings to you before, only perhaps a bit milder. Here's one piece of advice I can offer: see if this feeling of being unhappy with your own body is constant and you feel it most of the time (from now on, anyway) or if there are times when you are fine just the way you are. If it's the latter (it is with me), try crossdressing and see if it makes you feel any better about yourself. Or just try it anyway if you want to.

[Comrade Jacob]

I think I'm Bigender/Pangender :). I haven't slept a wink last night because I was thinking about it all night.

[Comrade Jacob]

I'm not trans, but I've had similar feelings to you before, only perhaps a bit milder. Here's one piece of advice I can offer: see if this feeling of being unhappy with your own body is constant and you feel it most of the time (from now on, anyway) or if there are times when you are fine just the way you are. If it's the latter (it is with me), try crossdressing and see if it makes you feel any better about yourself. Or just try it anyway if you want to.

I would love to cross-dress:). However it's hard enough not to get glared at being a Goth, never mind a cross-dressing Goth.

[Lanfear]

you dont have to do it in public

[consuming negativity]

my advice is to not let yourself be ruled by fear, but instead be ruled by love. no matter what you do, if you're acting out of love, you're acting correctly. fear is the opposite: fear is what causes us problems and leads to anger and denial and resentment. so just let go and feel the love. you could be anyone - you might be completely right about yourself or completely wrong about yourself. only you will know and you might not know now. might not ever know. i really have no idea, to be completely honest. i just think it's important to, whoever you are, accept that person as valid, even as you're constantly changing and becoming more like yourself. you deserve to be loved and treated with respect, no matter who doesn't recognize that - those people are stupid and you know it. good luck.

[mushroompizza]

I mean we are all a little queer, but how often do you fantasize about being a woman? If you would be happier a woman get the surgery do it, if you would not be happier don't go through the hassle.

[oneday]

I would love to cross-dress:). However it's hard enough not to get glared at being a Goth, never mind a cross-dressing Goth.

Just cross-dress at the goth club then, there is a pretty good acceptance of it there, at least the ones I have been to.

[RedWorker]

Here's my personal opinion.

First of all, it is your right and freedom to think and act however you'd like. You have the right to retaliate against anybody who stands in the way of this freedom in reasonable measure.

Secondly, and again this is my personal opinion:

Everyone thinks about being the other sex/gender sometimes. But acting on it is usually a waste of time. Ask yourself this: will it make you more happy? In most cases, the answer is no. If you became a woman - dressed as a woman, and acted as a woman - would your life be any different, other than experiencing sexism, homophobia, transphobia and confusion from others? (which should not deter anybody, of course, but it's one of the only few differences). The highest probability is that it will simply be a waste of time. And consider this: usually there's a big difference between thoughts and action. Something may appear attractive and interesting, but when the crude reality sets in, it isn't really as attractive as you thought, and it reveals itself to be simply not worth it. I mean, okay, you're a woman now - so what? Anxiety may make you feel that your life will only be complete this way, but if you're not experiencing actual dysphoria, it's likely to change nothing.

If this is the case, consider that you should never act on anxiety or fear. It always leads to poor results. You should act on rational thought.

Which brings me to another point: you probably aren't experiencing dysphoria. There is a high chance that you simply feel interested and frightened by your thoughts at the same time. This happens to everyone. That doesn't necessarily mean you are a woman in a man's body - it simply means that you are a thinking human being.

And my greater point: why feel the need to identify with a gender in the first place?

Consider merely the sense most connected with biological sex. What difference does it make to look like a woman instead of a man? What difference does it make to have a vagina instead of a penis?

Considering gender identity - what is the point of going out of your way to behave like what is generally conceived as manly or womanly? Just be yourself. People will assign you to the male gender identity because of how you physically look - but why care about what people think?

The differences between being a man and being a woman, being male or being female, without considering social phenomena such as sexism, are negligent. Society is obsessed with them, just like it is also obsessed with all other kinds of trivial things.

[Danielle Ni Dhighe]

If you would be happier a woman get the surgery do it, if you would not be happier don't go through the hassle.
Or just transition to living as a woman. The idea that being trans = getting surgery is so outdated.

[Danielle Ni Dhighe]

Everyone thinks about being the other sex/gender sometimes. But acting on it is usually a waste of time.
Not if someone is genuinely trans, then it can make a significant difference.


And my greater point: why feel the need to identify with a gender in the first place?
That's so not helpful to someone questioning their gender identity.

[RedWorker]

Not if someone is genuinely trans, then it can make a significant difference.

That's why I said it's important to tell the difference whether s/he is 'genuinely trans' or not.


That's so not helpful to someone questioning their gender identity.

I don't know, but the person asked how to 'figure him/herself out', which is why I answered like I did.

[Comrade Jacob]

I spent 40 hours of solid thinking and thinking and I realised I'm genderfluid.