What's on your mind XIV

[PhoenixAsh]

Old thread reached > 500 posts

Old thread is dead. Long live the new thread (or at least for how ever long it takes to get to +500 posts)

Continued from here: http://www.revleft.com/vb/whats-your-mind-t191549/index.html


Shoot....

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

Can't breathe due to overeating. I made chicken in dessert wine for two, then the other person didn't show up. It looked so tempting too, so I decided to eat the rest for dinner. Now I'm dead tired and my brain's on the wonk.

I need to make like an official seal for myself.

To give to the people I delegate all my responsibilities to.

[DOOM]

I feel you
I feel like a bloated pig. The strudle killed me, they looked way too tempting.

[PhoenixAsh]

I think "people not showing up for dinners, which were cooked with love, care and effort and are now ready to be served, last minute" should be part of what the revolution is against.

I think we can wiggle this in the slogans....

[Rosa Partizan]

Drank way too much vodka at the birthday party and puked afterwards for the first time since 2008 or so. Not only once, but actually 3 times between 6-9 am. Felt like shit and my head almost exploded, but now it's getting better. Still not sure about eating today, though. Ugh, really too old for this level of intoxication, will need the whole day to feel ok again. In my early 20ies, this couldn't have happened, so appreciate your youth, revleft.

[Redistribute the Rep]

Can I get thanks for no reason

[Rosa Partizan]

Can I get thanks for no reason

fuck no.

Gave you rep instead, it's worth way more.

[The Disillusionist]

Drank way too much vodka at the birthday party and puked afterwards for the first time since 2008 or so. Not only once, but actually 3 times between 6-9 am. Felt like shit and my head almost exploded, but now it's getting better. Still not sure about eating today, though. Ugh, really too old for this level of intoxication, will need the whole day to feel ok again. In my early 20ies, this couldn't have happened, so appreciate your youth, revleft.

I'm 21, and this was my experience yesterday and the day before. I'd say you are probably just experiencing false nostalgia. Drinking too much screws you up no matter how old you are.

[The Disillusionist]

fuck no.

Gave you rep instead, it's worth way more.

Wait... they aren't the same system? I've been using revleft wrong all this time...

[Rosa Partizan]

Wait... they aren't the same system? I've been using revleft wrong all this time...

depending on how much rep power you have, giving rep can be way more worth in terms of improving other person's rep. My rep power is 29, so if I give rep to someone it's like I thanked them 29 times.

[Redistribute the Rep]

Lol I never knew that...

Do you just press the plus thing?

[Rosa Partizan]

Lol I never knew that...

Do you just press the plus thing?

you see that scales button in a row with tweet post, report post etc? press it, leave a comment and there you go.

[Redistribute the Rep]

Huh, I've used it before but didn't know it gave rep lol

So what does the plus button do?

[Rosa Partizan]

Huh, I've used it before but didn't know it gave rep lol

So what does the plus button do?

it's multiple quotes. Like when you wanna quote 5 posts, you press 4 times the plus and the last time the "real" quote button.

[Crux]

Love. Death. Politics. The usual.

[PhoenixAsh]

Well...the woman I am supposed to date but am not currently actually dating...(or whatever. I don't know what it is either because she can't be fucking clear, consistent and straight for one consecutive day) ...managed to royally piss off my ex and my best friend at the same time over whatapp to the extend that they both probably will knock her teeth out when they see her.

I am not sure if I mind.

[Rosa Partizan]

you better stop dating her, really. She sounds borderline to me, consuming you and spitting you out.

[Redistribute the Rep]

Well she may have done some bad things, pheonixash, but what you said at the end there was kind of concerning...

[Rosa Partizan]

Well she may have done some bad things, pheonixash, but what you said at the end there was kind of concerning...

I understood it like "I don't care if they are mad at her, will date her anyway". But now when I read it again, you might be right.

[Crux]

Well...the woman I am supposed to date but am not currently actually dating...(or whatever. I don't know what it is either because she can't be fucking clear, consistent and straight for one consecutive day) ...managed to royally piss off my ex and my best friend at the same time over whatapp to the extend that they both probably will knock her teeth out when they see her.

I am not sure if I mind.
The concept of dating has always been a complete mystery to me.

[Redistribute the Rep]

What does "referrer" mean? It says Ismail is the top referrer

[Futility Personified]

Who can smoke the best reefer.

[Atsumari]

What does "referrer" mean? It says Ismail is the top referrer
People brought to RevLeft because of Ismail.

[BIXX]

Sometimes when I have a really bad cold I wish I had a tube that connected my urethra to the toilet so I could pee from my bed. Also toilet seat warmer because when you have a cold sitting on a toilet seat that's cold is literally worse than death.

[Bala Perdida]

There was an ad for Ford in taptalk and it looked like a new thread and the avatar was a ford built tough logo and I was so confused and that was some good trash stake I snacked on

[PhoenixAsh]

Well she may have done some bad things, pheonixash, but what you said at the end there was kind of concerning...

Aha. So I see.

So what you are saying is that I now suddenly have to be some shining white knight and step in to save the little precious princess from the mess she her self very consciously created by antagonizing two of my (both female) friends when they tried to help her and be nice to her?

So what is particularly concerning to you?

That I don't actually mind her being punched and that I even may think she kind of brought it on herself? That I probably think that it is between them and does not concern me and won't step in? That she was so antagonizing that two of my friends feel that way? What?

Because right now it sounds like you are making a huge distinction and apply a huge double standard towards physical and psychological violence...

So instead of reprimanding me...which you do extremely often and extremely often by applying double standards...you may perhaps ask what the fuck she did to deserve that my friends feel that way.

[consuming negativity]

There was an ad for Ford in taptalk and it looked like a new thread and the avatar was a ford built tough logo and I was so confused and that was some good trash stake I snacked on

i just saw that ad not 30 seconds before clicking on this thread

tapatalk is getting ridiculous with the ads. but i guess at least they're not pop ups and/or videos.

[Redistribute the Rep]

you may perhaps ask what the fuck she did to deserve that my friends feel that way.

...I can't imagine anything she could do that would make her deserve physical violence.

[consuming negativity]

...I can't imagine anything she could do that would make her deserve physical violence.

...why date someone who you think deserves physical violence...

.......?

:unsure:

[Quail]

Oh my God Sheffield City Council, are you fucking joking? Have called several times about my benefits and it seems like they've handily decided that if the lines are busy instead of putting people on hold, they'll just play a message telling you that the information you're looking for is on the internet and then cut you off. No, the phone conversation I need to have is not on the fucking internet, otherwise I would have just used my computer to sort it out... Argh.

[PhoenixAsh]

...I can't imagine anything she could do that would make her deserve physical violence.

Well aside from the fact that your lack of imagination is not my problem...this is not really the issue you have now is it?

The fact of the matter is that you chose to chastise me for what my friends feel and for me saying I am understanding of that feeling but conflicted about it.

Or...to quote exactly what I said:


I am not sure if I mind

What you did is simply dump that on me and trying to justify her. So fuck you for that.

So what I think is the real fucking problem you have is that rather than take it as is...which was pretty fucking clear....you genderized the issue like you always do when I say something involving women. Conveniently glossing over that this is an issue between women.

Because what I said was pretty fucking clear and most definitely did not warrant your moralizing pedagogical comment.



Now I am not going to tell you what she did and said for my ex and my best friend to feel this way. What she said however was designed to be extremely hurtful and cause as much psychological pain as humanly possible in the shortest amount of time...causing my ex to get a panic attack and hyperventilation with what she said...and knew pretty damned well would cause this effect.

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

...why date someone who you think deserves physical violence...

.......?

:unsure:

Because people are complex?

I think I'm the last person who would defend PhA out of some kind of political solidarity (maybe solidarity among old people), but the way people dissect everyone's personal life is really obnoxious. Violence against women is structural, which means you see it at grosser scales than the interaction between one bloke and his on-and-off-sorta-girlfriend. Of course, individual violence against women can be connected to that sort of structural, social violence - or it can be mostly independent. I know some people of the female persuasion I wouldn't mind falling down an open sewer shaft. That doesn't have anything to do with violence against women.

Not to mention that PhA mentioned they were conflicted on the issue so, seriously RL, stop being weird.

[consuming negativity]

Because people are complex?

I think I'm the last person who would defend PhA out of some kind of political solidarity (maybe solidarity among old people), but the way people dissect everyone's personal life is really obnoxious. Violence against women is structural, which means you see it at grosser scales than the interaction between one bloke and his on-and-off-sorta-girlfriend. Of course, individual violence against women can be connected to that sort of structural, social violence - or it can be mostly independent. I know some people of the female persuasion I wouldn't mind falling down an open sewer shaft. That doesn't have anything to do with violence against women.

Not to mention that PhA mentioned they were conflicted on the issue so, seriously RL, stop being weird.
never said anything about anyone's sex or gender.......

[motion denied]

seriously RL, stop being weird.

I assume that's purely rhetorical.

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

never said anything about anyone's sex or gender.......

I was commenting on the entire situation. I tend to do that sometimes, sorry.


I assume that's purely rhetorical.

I'm actually an FBI agent and the weirdness on RL means most juries wouldn't believe we aren't making the screenshots and transcripts up.

[Ethics Gradient, Traitor For All Ages]

If you Google revleft, you get a suggestion for 'revleft ismail' instead of bookmarking the main page I'm just gonna bookmark ismails profile page

[PhoenixAsh]

Because people are complex?

I think I'm the last person who would defend PhA out of some kind of political solidarity (maybe solidarity among old people), but the way people dissect everyone's personal life is really obnoxious. Violence against women is structural, which means you see it at grosser scales than the interaction between one bloke and his on-and-off-sorta-girlfriend. Of course, individual violence against women can be connected to that sort of structural, social violence - or it can be mostly independent. I know some people of the female persuasion I wouldn't mind falling down an open sewer shaft. That doesn't have anything to do with violence against women.

Not to mention that PhA mentioned they were conflicted on the issue so, seriously RL, stop being weird.

All three people involved are grown women who most definitely are extremely capable of taking responsibility for their own actions and words. I am however placed in a position between the woman I am, sadly...goddamn it, in love with and both my ex & best friend whom I love with out any reservation whatsoever.

The problem is I understand both sides...or at the very least I understand where she was coming from when she did what she did. She is defensive and combative in nature for reasons I am not going to repeat...and she responds by lashing out even in situations where this is neither warranted not at all required. I understand where it is coming from.

I have read the exchange. I know why she lashed out. My ex is protective of me. And she was already intimidated by having to talk to her and be dependent on her for information about my operation. My ex was triggered over something she said to her and basically told her that even though it wasn't her place she thought she acted weird. That it felt to her like she was playing a game or being deceptive but that she hoped she was wrong and that it was just the language barrier (it wasn't) and if things did work out she would be more than welcome to visit her and my German/Russian friends.

So I can imagine she felt uncomfortable...and it was indeed not my ex's place to comment on what is between me and her.

That however does not excuse what she did...purposefully using something extremely sensitive, hurtful, something that caused both my ex & me a huge amount of pain in the past leaving very deep wounds that will probably never heal and above all something I trusted her with...and then use it in a very malicious way to cause psychological damage. Reading it hurt me too.

So I really understand them.

[Redistribute the Rep]

What you did is simply dump that on me and trying to justify her. So fuck you for that.

So what I think is the real fucking problem you have is that rather than take it as is...which was pretty fucking clear....you genderized the issue like you always do when I say something involving women. Conveniently glossing over that this is an issue between women.

As usual PheonixAsh over defensively lashes out with a strawman... Nowhere did I "justify her" or "genderize" the issue. Unless you actually count using a gendered pronoun as "genderizing"

Eta: come to think of it I have no idea what you're talking about when you imply I've done this before, this is literally one of the only times I've even addressed you.

[Ethics Gradient, Traitor For All Ages]

Ourlex? Arelucks? Ah no; relax, yes everyone should relax

[Rosa Partizan]

already the worst "woym"-thread ever.

[PhoenixAsh]

As usual PheonixAsh over defensively lashes out with a strawman... Nowhere did I "justify her" or "genderize" the issue. Unless you actually count using a gendered pronoun as "genderizing"

Eta: come to think of it I have no idea what you're talking about when you imply I've done this before, this is literally one of the only times I've even addressed you.

Cute.

This most definitely is NOT the first exchange we are having. Trying to portray it as such is some kind of really awful revisionism and blatant lying.

What you did was exactly what I said you did. Instead of, like I said, asking what she did to justify or warrant such a reaction you did four things:

1). Assume what she did was not deserving of the reaction
2). Ascribe the reaction to me
3). Reprimand me for it
4). Try to play it off as "ZOMG violence my poor little heart can't possibly imagine anything that warrants a punch"....yeah yeah...we know you are a little saint :rolleyes:

Now you try to play the murdered innocence and me being overly defensive. Perhaps you should stop being an asshat and actually take some fucking responsibility for your own posts and actions. You know...like the grown up you are pretending to be.

[Rosa Partizan]

stop calling her names dude, she didn't even insult you. You do that frequently when someone pisses you off, it may be normal to do that 1-2 times, but not so regular and fierce, especially when you're a mod. This is insane. Props for you, rtr, so young yet so eloquent.

[#FF0000]

good thread

[Redistribute the Rep]

This most definitely is NOT the first exchange we are having.

Nor did I ever say it was...


yeah yeah...we know you are a little saint :rolleyes:

Erm, no actually I don't consider myself a saint for not fantasizing about violence towards others. That's simply characteristic of a normal, non-psychopathic human being.

I find it funny I'm being called childish, when name calling and hitting, I'm sure most would agree, arent exactly characteristic of an adult.

[PhoenixAsh]

Nor did I ever say it was...

Yes...you quite literally did:


this is literally one of the only times I've even addressed you.


So basically we can establish that you are a liar. And...lying is a characteristic of psychopathic behaviour as well...just as much as entertaining violent fantasies as you so generously assert here in order to insult my ex.

But thank god you are the rare exception in the human population of somebody who never entertains the thought of violence towards others. This is actually extremely rare to the point of being abnormal. Good for you.

Now...none of those arguments you gave bare any relation to the fact that you incorrectly and intentionally dumped the feelings of my ex and my best friend on my shoulder and chastised me for their feelings....on top of that you just called my ex a psychopath.

[PhoenixAsh]

stop calling her names dude, she didn't even insult you. You do that frequently when someone pisses you off, it may be normal to do that 1-2 times, but not so regular and fierce, especially when you're a mod. This is insane. Props for you, rtr, so young yet so eloquent.

O sorry you miscomprehend dudette.

I am not calling her names. I am describing her quite accurately according to her behaviour towards me which she displays regularly.

And no...you do not get to decide when something insults me or not. She did in fact insult me as I quite clearly addressed in earlier posts. She made me responsible for the feelings of my ex and chastised me for them...and picking sides in a fight which is not hers to pick sides in.

[Lily Briscoe]

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ldJ3sgnpL-o/Uwyp-Zg4JqI/AAAAAAAALcA/9NnygVUA1XY/s1600/i.chzbgr.gif

[Palmares]

Man.... I know the internet can be confusing, hard to understand what people mean, etc... so I think some people need to be careful of jumping on stuff. So I imagine RTR didn't understand the complexities of the situation. It should have ended at that. PA is having going through some challenging emotional stuff, so I can't blame them for lashing out (I'm not saying they are an angel though). I simple apology about a misunderstanding could avoid all this... avoidance of being wrong. It's a rare pleasure on this site when I see an openness to people admitting their errors. Otherwise it all just turns into an abyss of flaming... :glare:

[The Disillusionist]

O sorry you miscomprehend dudette.

I am not calling her names. I am describing her quite accurately according to her behaviour towards me which she displays regularly.

And no...you do not get to decide when something insults me or not. She did in fact insult me as I quite clearly addressed in earlier posts. She made me responsible for the feelings of my ex and chastised me for them...and picking sides in a fight which is not hers to pick sides in.

Time to drop one of my notorious "make-no-friends" opinions. :laugh:

In my opinion, you sound like a pretty selfish, vindictive person with a definite violence fetish. I detect hints of a narcissistic victim mentality as well. Your strange kinda-girlfriend might be as bad as you say she is, but you haven't really given any indication that you deserve any better. And you've been railing against this pseudo-girlfriend on revleft for like a week, so it shouldn't be too surprising that someone eventually took a side that you didn't like...

[Palmares]

... person with a definite violence fetish

Oh please... Coming from you, everyone on this website fits this definition.

[The Disillusionist]

Oh please... Coming from you, everyone on this website fits this definition.

Not everyone, but for a lot of you, that is correct. Something about this site just seems to attract that type.

[consuming negativity]

[bickering intensifies]

[Rosa Partizan]

Got a job interview for a human resource consultancy this week, fuck yeah.

[Redistribute the Rep]

Yes...you quite literally did:

"One of the only times" is not the same as "the only time."


So basically we can establish that you are a liar. And...lying is a characteristic of psychopathic behaviour as well...just as much as entertaining violent fantasies as you so generously assert here in order to insult my ex.


Lol, these little meltdowns are really pathetic

[Ethics Gradient, Traitor For All Ages]

Someone I know is dying from cancer and I had the hardest time trying to come up with something to say. I just told her I was sorry that was happening to her. In my head I'm just thinking that it's a blessing to die in 2015 rather than 1215 or something, but thats probably not very helpful so I kept it to myself. It would be nice if we lived in a society where death could be spoken about bluntly rather than as if it were some unfortunate stroke of bad luck.

[PhoenixAsh]

"One of the only times" is not the same as "the only time."

Perhaps you should reread the statement in the context of the conversation and read that it still holds up regardless of the fact that you try to hide behind the "one of the only times" and glossing over your use of the word "literally".

Your answer does not negate the premise that you are a liar. Nor does it negate the fact that lying is a characteristic of psychopathy....which brings us to your following statement:


Lol, these little meltdowns are really pathetic

This is what you said:


for not fantasizing about violence towards others. That's simply characteristic of a normal, non-psychopathic human being

So what you say quite literally here is that...since this entire story started with you attacking me for the feelings of my ex to punch her in the face....that my ex, entertaining violent thoughts, is a psychopath.

This is not my melt down. This is you...talking...your words. Your words you try to shirk away from.

So not only do we have you here insulting me by attributing the feelings of my ex to me.....we also have you here saying my ex is a psychopath.

So yes...I quite agree...you are pathetic.

[PhoenixAsh]

but you haven't really given any indication that you deserve any better.

Tell me what I deserve.

Did I deserve to be cheated on and basically got clean out after 7 years of living together and still paying for the debt she created when she left after I worked two jobs to give her the life she wanted?
Did I deserve to burry the love of my life one and a half years back?
Did she deserve to die from cancer after losing two children and coping with serious addiction issues from severe abuse?
Did I deserve to get blood poison and nearly die?
Perhaps I deserved to have to deal with the effects of serious addiction daily?
Did my ex and I deserved to hold our daughter in our arms as she died 8 months ago?
Did my ex deserve to never be able to have children become depressed and suicidal and try three suicide attempts?
Did my ex's little girl deserve to get terminal cancer and watch her slowly die with no real fucking hope?
Did I deserve having to deal with that on a daily fucking basis?
Did I deserve to continuously have to deal with the fact that I lost three kids in almost as many years?
Did I deserve to get diagnosed with cancer two fucking weeks ago on the last final fucking check up from the previous bouts?
Or maybe I deserved those two as well?
Plus the fact that nearly all my friends couldn't hack the fact that I had cancer so I had to do it alone....maybe I deserved that?
Did I deserve to have to spend three nights in a row in hospital two weeks ago because the doctors made a mistake and nearly dying twice? Or the fact that I turned to who is my
"pseudo"girlfriend and she wasn't not only there but with somebody else?
Did I deserve to wake up from narcosis this saturday to see my ex with severe hyperventilation and anxiety? Did she deserve that?....owww and guess which one of the above she chose to attack my ex with. Come on. Its not that hard now is it?
Or do I deserve living with my parents in their late 70's whom I have to take care off every single day? Basically not being able to have anything resembling a personal life?

Did I deserve the 17 funerals I had to go to in the last three years of friends and close ones in activism?

Or did I deserve to basically have to be there for everybody 24-7 driving around half fucking Europe because everybody is in fucking shambles and nobody else is there for them?
Or did I deserve spending over half my monthly income to support the spouses and children of a lot of the 17 people I mentioned?

Or do I deserve being torn apart emotionally by somebody who did their level best to suck me in and now continues to play the fishing game after I went out of my way to make her happy and always be there for her?
Or did I deserve the three weeks and ongoing of stalking of one of, presumably, her exes who is sending me text after text every fucking night?


Tell me...what do I deserve. You tell me what exactly it is...point out which one. I am really fucking curious. You seem to know all about me....so it mustn't be too hard for you to find the one which I deserve...


I hope for you that you will never ever have to deal with any single one of these issues on a daily basis...but fine....I deserve them. Sure dude...I have issues. I really do. I barely hang on but I have no choice now do I? So I try the best I can fucking do. You think I like my life? myself? Because I don't. Feeling everyday like crying. And finding ways to cope on my own because there is nobody there. Often failing miserably and not knowing what to fucking do. So I really want to know what it is I deserve.

There are two things you don't do: don't blame me for the feelings of other people....and do not, under any circumstances....insult my ex or the few friends that are there. Period.

[Quail]

I think this is getting really personal and nasty, so please, stop posting in this thread unless you have something nice to say, or else you will receive an infraction. This is a verbal warning.

[PhoenixAsh]

Someone I know is dying from cancer and I had the hardest time trying to come up with something to say. I just told her I was sorry that was happening to her. In my head I'm just thinking that it's a blessing to die in 2015 rather than 1215 or something, but thats probably not very helpful so I kept it to myself. It would be nice if we lived in a society where death could be spoken about bluntly rather than as if it were some unfortunate stroke of bad luck.

Just say what you feel. Because...well...thats all you can do. And the person dying knows this extremely well.

In these situations...ask yourself....do you say things to fill silence, to make yourself feel better or to be there for the other person. Thats the main distinction in whether or not saying something is a good idea or you should perhaps stay silent and just be there. Trust me...I have spend some time in the terminal cancer wards unfortunately. Being genuine is all that really matters.

Not entirely sure if the time is relevant, whether it is better or not. There is no comparison. Somebody dies once. They do it now. It sucks for them now. They have no comparative material and I hardly think anybody would say: hell you know what...I am lucky this didn't happen a few centuries ago...because that would have really sucked.

And the taboo around dying is huge. This imo furthers the isolation and the awkwardness and lessens accepting it. That however....does not mean it isn't something that more often than not is a really shitty deal for the person having to do it.

[Quail]

Something about the "everyday feminism" website rubs me up the wrong way and I can't put my finger on it. I feel like I should feel bad about this, like it makes me a bad feminist.

[Rosa Partizan]

Something about the "everyday feminism" website rubs me up the wrong way and I can't put my finger on it. I feel like I should feel bad about this, like it makes me a bad feminist.

probably because this page consists of some massive libfem shit. Since I've been reducing my femblog input to mostly feministcurrent and cut out all that jezebel-salon-b!tchmagazine-shit, I feel definitely better about feminism on the whole. My life before Meghan Murphy's articles must've been pretty miserable.

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

This has quickly turned into the darkest WOYM since... that last time.

I accidentally broke a bottle of cherry syrup... now my apartment looks like I butchered Big Geoff in it, there are shards of glass everywhere and it got on the fucking walls, that's never going to come out.

[Ethics Gradient, Traitor For All Ages]

Just say what you feel. Because...well...thats all you can do. And the person dying knows this extremely well.

In these situations...ask yourself....do you say things to fill silence, to make yourself feel better or to be there for the other person. Thats the main distinction in whether or not saying something is a good idea or you should perhaps stay silent and just be there. Trust me...I have spend some time in the terminal cancer wards unfortunately. Being genuine is all that really matters.

Not entirely sure if the time is relevant, whether it is better or not. There is no comparison. Somebody dies once. They do it now. It sucks for them now. They have no comparative material and I hardly think anybody would say: hell you know what...I am lucky this didn't happen a few centuries ago...because that would have really sucked.

And the taboo around dying is huge. This imo furthers the isolation and the awkwardness and lessens accepting it. That however....does not mean it isn't something that more often than not is a really shitty deal for the person having to do it.

Well I tried being straightforward with someone else once and it didn't play the way I expected. They had lost a grandparent and my consolation was how the death happened. The woman was 90+ and died comfortably in her own bed with most of her children with her, no serious financial issues being left behind for anyone else, etc. I mean shit, how many people really get such a pleasant death? My thoughts were that she should be very happy for her grandmother, it's not as if she had an option of not dying or something. This didn't seem to put the person in a very good mood.

I agree though, the taboo about death really alienates people and I think a lot of times forces people to endure it completely alone. How unfair to deprive people of the chance to approach death rationally and in a dignified manner by constantly clinging to the false hope that they are the one who will finally cheat it for good. And most of the time I think this taboo is for selfish reasons and not for the person actually facing death.

[Os Cangaceiros]

What kind of cancer do they have?

[Vladimir Innit Lenin]

I'm dating a vegan. I really want to take them out for food. Anybody know a reliably good vegan place in London?

[Rosa Partizan]

I'm dating a vegan. I really want to take them out for food. Anybody know a reliably good vegan place in London?

look here.

http://www.veganlondon.co.uk/eat/

I've only been to Rani and Manna and they were both great. Delicious food and friendly service.

[Ethics Gradient, Traitor For All Ages]

What kind of cancer do they have?

Liver. She got a raw deal from her general practitioner, she had been complaining of pain for over a year before she got a second opinion which located the source of the problem quickly.

[Os Cangaceiros]

Oh yeah, liver cancer is real bad. I don't think traditional treatments (chemo and radiation) even work with that kind of cancer, pretty sure a liver transplant is the only option.

One of my parent's friends died from liver cancer recently, actually. They cut the tumor out with surgery but the cancer came back with a vengeance. It was a real shame, I knew the lady a little bit and she was a really good person. Died in her early 50's.

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

On a lighter note, I learned today that someone who I absolutely despised died.

Sorry, someone who I had absolutely despised.

*dance dance*

To be honest, this is probably why people don't like me very much, but at this point I don't care.

[PhoenixAsh]

On a lighter note, I learned today that someone who I absolutely despised died.

Sorry, someone who I had absolutely despised.

*dance dance*

To be honest, this is probably why people don't like me very much, but at this point I don't care.

I understand this feeling. Sometimes when I hear on the news somebody died in some place I know somebody like that...there is a part in me that says "hope its..." But no...never. It always turns out to be somebody I don't know and probably didn't deserve it. On the other side of that coin is I had somebody call me a few months back after they heard somebody died in my city...and being thoroughly disappointed I picked up and it turned out not to be me. So I guess were are not alone in this.

[Bala Perdida]

They brought up Marx and later communism in my ethnic studies class and I flipped my shit. I had a little group around me supporting my insight, that was nice. Then they said that MLK Ceasar Chavez brought significant change implying that the problem was drastically eliminated by them and I was like "mmmmmm hhhhhhheeeee (sigh)"

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

They brought up Marx and later communism in my ethnic studies class and I flipped my shit. I had a little group around me supporting my insight, that was nice. Then they said that MLK Ceasar Chavez brought significant change implying that the problem was drastically eliminated by them and I was like "mmmmmm hhhhhhheeeee (sigh)"

Well did you think those immigrants reported themselves to the INS? Don't ignore the hard work of Chavez.

[PhoenixAsh]

What kind of cancer do they have?

Realizing you are asking Ethics.

But Mishka has Alveolar Soft Tissue Sarcoma which is classified under rhabdomyosarcoma in the category T2bN1M1G3.

This means that the primary tumor is larger than 5 cm in deep tissue (T2b), spread to the lymph nodes (N1), has distant metastasis (spread over her body) (M1) and very aggressive (G3).

This type of cancer in this severity is extremely rare especially in children her age. As I understand it there are only a couple of hundred cases in Europe. Ironically depending on the severity it is better treated in children...her age works against her though...because she is too young.

On top of that she is tiny. She is 11 years old and only 45 inches....an astounding 12 inch shorter than the average. For those using the metric system....thats 114 cm....20 cm below average. And weights only 63 pounds (almost 20 pounds below average).

Chemotherapy and radiation are the only options because non of the tumors are encapsulated. And the problem is that this type of cancer doesn't respond well to chemo.

Her survival rate is 20-30% and her 5 year prognosis is 10%.


***


I am diagnosed with an agressive form of colon cancer. The operation Friday cut out the tumor.

[The Disillusionist]

Tell me what I deserve.

I hope for you that you will never ever have to deal with any single one of these issues on a daily basis...but fine....I deserve them. Sure dude...I have issues. I really do. I barely hang on but I have no choice now do I? So I try the best I can fucking do. You think I like my life? myself? Because I don't. Feeling everyday like crying. And finding ways to cope on my own because there is nobody there. Often failing miserably and not knowing what to fucking do. So I really want to know what it is I deserve.

There are two things you don't do: don't blame me for the feelings of other people....and do not, under any circumstances....insult my ex or the few friends that are there. Period.

At the risk of receiving an infraction, I have to clarify some things, because my post was clearly read in a much more vicious way than I intended.

That stuff all sucks, and I wouldn't wish that stuff on you or anyone. You don't deserve that. No one does. Life sucks for most of us. But very little of that stuff really has any relevance to my original post.

I typed up a long explanation/clarification that was gonna go right here, but realized that it's not really worth it to keep pushing the issue. Good luck with your problems.

[Lily Briscoe]

There's this stupid racist manager at my workplace who recently told one of my coworkers that she was going to "slap the black out of [her]", exact quote. The fucking


Feminism is a political practice of fighting
male supremacy on behalf of women as a class,
including all the women you don’t like,
including all the women you don’t want to be around,
including all the women who used to be your best friends
whom you don’t want anything to do with any more.
It doesn’t matter who the individual women are.lol no thank you

[consuming negativity]

i like how our "back to normal" after a fucking like emotional breakdown is talking about cancer and the intricacies of feminism

this thread just took my 420 747 and derailed it into... the twilight zone

[Quail]

probably because this page consists of some massive libfem shit. Since I've been reducing my femblog input to mostly feministcurrent and cut out all that jezebel-salon-b!tchmagazine-shit, I feel definitely better about feminism on the whole. My life before Meghan Murphy's articles must've been pretty miserable.

Yeah, that's probably it. Also, the articles tend to be badly written and patronising.

[Rosa Partizan]

any eloquent (preferably American) English native speaker here who would be willing to read and correct the synposis of my MA thesis? It's two pages only and it's even somewhat entertaining. The title is "parody and presidential elections - a multimodal discourse analysis of politics in South Park". Many of my friends are excellent English speakers, but it has to be really nuanced and perfectly written, something which is more probably to be achieved by a native speaker. So whoever might be interested in being exploited by me, drop me a PN :lol:

[Lily Briscoe]

What I do at work all day:

http://i.imgur.com/twt6DMk.jpg

So many post-it notes. So many post-it notes.

[Futility Personified]

any eloquent (preferably American) English native speaker here who would be willing to read and correct the synposis of my MA thesis? It's two pages only and it's even somewhat entertaining. The title is "parody and presidential elections - a multimodal discourse analysis of politics in South Park". Many of my friends are excellent English speakers, but it has to be really nuanced and perfectly written, something which is more probably to be achieved by a native speaker. So whoever might be interested in being exploited by me, drop me a PN :lol:

Giant douche and turd sandwich has a special place in my heart. Wonderful episode. The song at the end is catchy as hell too.

[Atsumari]

YouTube comments are always cancer, but VICE comments really stand out in particular.

[human strike]

A friend asked me to teach her how to do photography so I told he I'd give her a camera, teach her to use it and go to an anti-road occupation with her this afternoon to snap shit. But she hasn't shown up and no word from her - fuckin' typical. I really really hate it when people do this kind of thing and it's been happening to me way too much lately. Like just let me know you're not coming or you'll be late ffs.

[Asero]

YouTube comments are always cancer, but VICE comments really stand out in particular.

God, there are so many fucking fash trolls in the VICE comments.

[Rosa Partizan]

had dinner with my boyfriend tonight and after that, I accompanied him to the main station where we saw a policeman and a policewoman checking up on a black guy. My bf said quite loudly "oh look, racial profiling" and I was a bit louder than him, carrying a book and expressing some ideas about heavy books in their faces and stuff. Nothing too violent, I was just pissed off and reacted without thinking about it. They went after us or especially me and asked "so what makes you think this is racial profiling? Have you been here all day and seen who we check up on?" and I said "well, such a coincidence that every time I see that at main stations, it's always non-white people" and they were like "so you have seen US doing that today?" and I was like "come on, I never see police checking up on whites, how is this possible in a country with mostly white population?" and they went on "so you threatened us violently, do you think this is normal?" and I was like dafuq :confused: and went away. When I came back without my bf 3 minutes later, guess what, I saw them checking up on Arabs :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: wow, much coincidence very unbiased.

[motion denied]

the walls are cold and the souls cry out in pain
an easy way for the blind to go
a clever path for the fools to know
the secret of the hangman, the smile on his lips

[Lily Briscoe]

Weed, espresso, adderall, and energy drink is kind of a bad combination. I feel like an alien baby is about to spring forth from my corpse.

[#FF0000]

Weed, espresso, adderall, and energy drink is kind of a bad combination. I feel like an alien baby is about to spring forth from my corpse.

name it after me

[Redistribute the Rep]

The ads for $5, come on... I bet it's just programmed to bring them back whenever it goes short now

[consuming negativity]

The ads for $5, come on... I bet it's just programmed to bring them back whenever it goes short now
I'd rather leave revleft than pay or see ads

[BIXX]

The ads for $5, come on... I bet it's just programmed to bring them back whenever it goes short now
I believe it was a user's idea. Being that if more people donated in small amounts, (2.50 USD being the minimum) that it'd be less likely that we would be unable to remedy our shortages. The ads are programmed to come back so that the shortage is remedied as soon as possible, and that we have as little time with ads as possible. I cannot really say how well its working.

[cyu]

There will come a time when humanity will no longer have national leaders, a time when nobody can expect that their commands will be automatically followed, a time when they'll look back on the presidential elections of our generation and laugh at our primitive forms of social organization.

We have already started to enter that new era of human civilization. Those who are still trying to make the old ways of politics and economics work will be washed away by the tide of the internet.

[The Disillusionist]

There will come a time when humanity will no longer have national leaders, a time when nobody can expect that their commands will be automatically followed, a time when they'll look back on the presidential elections of our generation and laugh at our primitive forms of social organization.

We have already started to enter that new era of human civilization. Those who are still trying to make the old ways of politics and economics work will be washed away by the tide of the internet.

I hope you're right, I really do.

[Lily Briscoe]

I woke up at 3:30 this morning on the couch of a friend who I have literally no recollection of even running into last night. Waited like an hour before waking my partner, at which point we decided to leave and then spent around 20 minutes walking around outside before we finally found where I'd parked my car. Think I'm gonna try to cut back on my drinking a tiny bit...:lol:

[Rosa Partizan]

drank one of my fav teas today, they got feelgood-slogans with each tea bag, which have become more and more esoteric during the last couple of months. Today I got this (http://img3.fotos-hochladen.net/uploads/20150208222420qrk9baicyn.jpg), which means translated "be cosmic, not cosmetic". What kind of awful hippie shit is this? Will not buy again and as a form of protest apply tomorrow one additional pound of make up. Ha, take this, tea company!

[BIXX]

drank one of my fav teas today, they got feelgood-slogans with each tea bag, which have become more and more esoteric during the last couple of months. Today I got this (http://img3.fotos-hochladen.net/uploads/20150208222420qrk9baicyn.jpg), which means translated "be cosmic, not cosmetic". What kind of awful hippie shit is this? Will not buy again and as a form of protest apply tomorrow one additional pound of make up. Ha, take this, tea company!
Pfft. Implying I don't apply all of my makeup every day.

[The Intransigent Faction]

I need to stop letting myself get drawn into YouTube's comment section. Those discussions are the definition of pointless...

[Futility Personified]

Whenever the employment situation gets really desperate, I think about joining the army.

I conflate the decision with the same apprehension I get with those twilight zone moments where someone offers you something like meth, where as much as the buzz must be great, and it keeps your body a bit trimmer (stretching the analogy, but who cares) I don't think i'd feel comfortable becoming a nutter who might end up killing someone.

That and hyper masculine environments are normally where emotional fragile neurotics turn into some ridiculous pastiche of misery and aggression. Then again, you get to meet people from all over the world, from fascinating cultures... and kill them. No thanks.

[Rosa Partizan]

So I got the part time job at the human resource consultancy and they're paying me a VERY decent amount of money although I'm not even finished yet with my MA. Goodbye communism, who needs ideals and principles when you have money :lol:

[Lily Briscoe]

The OB/GYN office right across the street from where I work now has a sign outside telling people it's a "gun free zone"... What is this disgusting liberal elitism??

Defend the proletariat's right to bear arms inside the OB/GYN offices!

It's a matter of basic democratic rights, you see.

[Os Cangaceiros]

Weed, espresso, adderall, and energy drink is kind of a bad combination. I feel like an alien baby is about to spring forth from my corpse.

I've done that before. Just throw some Klonopin in there to smooth it all out ;) "Better living through chemistry!"

I've been having extreme anxiety and paranoia about the state of my physical health lately. It seems like if it's not one thing it's another.

[Os Cangaceiros]

Oh yeah, and my insomnia is still chugging along. I used to be prescribed Trazadone, which didn't actually put me to sleep but when I actually did managed to sleep, it wouldn't let me wake up (and I had some incredibly vivid dreams), now they prescribed me Ambien, which puts me to sleep for an hour or two until I wake up and can't go back to sleep *sigh* Where are the elephant tranquilizers when I need them....

[Ceallach_the_Witch]

i can't wait to move out so i can wear sparkly eyeliner

[Sperm-Doll Setsuna]

I've been having extreme anxiety and paranoia about the state of my physical health lately. It seems like if it's not one thing it's another.

Don't we all. I don't know, maybe not everyone is as deranged and utterly psychotically hypochondriac as me, but I cannot go one day without thinking something's horribly wrong with me.

I laid off my anti-anxiety medication. It made it hard to concentrate and focus, and that was quite annoying. Went somewhat all right for two and a half months, but then -- ugh, total fucking mental breakdown and panic attacks, non-stop thoughts of imminent death and horrible disease for oneself and the ones one care about. For four days I did not sleep nor could I eat much of anything. One really struggle to get anything down in such a state.

Alas, I had to start with another anti-anxiety med. Oh well.

[Rosa Partizan]

I dreamed of Atsumari last night, he was a teen punk and I met him on the street and listened to him because of the huge Black Flag patch on his back. He told me about his punk & rock record collection, so I followed him to his attic only to find out that 870 was living in this attic, wearing a light blue toga all day and reading Derrida. But we left him alone because he started starring at the ceiling when he saw us entering. So I checked the records and when I found a particular interesting one, I think it was by Led Zeppelin, Atsumari tried to kiss me and I smashed his face with the record and then I woke up. Atsumari, come over and justify for that.

[BIXX]

I dreamed of Atsumari last night, he was a teen punk and I met him on the street and listened to him because of the huge Black Flag patch on his back. He told me about his punk & rock record collection, so I followed him to his attic only to find out that 870 was living in this attic, wearing a light blue toga all day and reading Derrida. But we left him alone because he started starring at the ceiling when he saw us entering. So I checked the records and when I found a particular interesting one, I think it was by Led Zeppelin, Atsumari tried to kiss me and I smashed his face with the record and then I woke up. Atsumari, come over and justify for that.
I love revleft dreams.

[Atsumari]

I dreamed of Atsumari last night, he was a teen punk and I met him on the street and listened to him because of the huge Black Flag patch on his back. He told me about his punk & rock record collection, so I followed him to his attic only to find out that 870 was living in this attic, wearing a light blue toga all day and reading Derrida. But we left him alone because he started starring at the ceiling when he saw us entering. So I checked the records and when I found a particular interesting one, I think it was by Led Zeppelin, Atsumari tried to kiss me and I smashed his face with the record and then I woke up. Atsumari, come over and justify for that.
I have no idea how to respond, especially to 870 living with me and to me getting rejected by girls not just IRL, but in dreams.

[Sperm-Doll Setsuna]

I have no idea how to respond, especially to 870 living with me and to me getting rejected by girls not just IRL, but in dreams.

We all want to live with 870, it's a romantic dream come true.

[Redistribute the Rep]

I dreamed of Atsumari last night, he was a teen punk and I met him on the street and listened to him because of the huge Black Flag patch on his back. He told me about his punk & rock record collection, so I followed him to his attic only to find out that 870 was living in this attic, wearing a light blue toga all day and reading Derrida. But we left him alone because he started starring at the ceiling when he saw us entering. So I checked the records and when I found a particular interesting one, I think it was by Led Zeppelin, Atsumari tried to kiss me and I smashed his face with the record and then I woke up. Atsumari, come over and justify for that.

Did you fall asleep reading Revleft?

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

The worst thing is that I basically do live in an attic.

[Ceallach_the_Witch]

attic dwellers of the world unite

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

Last night I dreamed I was watching anime (Gintama, specifically) with my partner, then one of my crazy friends called me and woke me up in the middle of the night, when I went back to sleep my partner was replaced by a cave lion who wanted to talk to me about how I keep repeating the same mistakes when it comes to friends why was it a cave lion?

[Ceallach_the_Witch]

i'm actually considering asking my doctor and therapist to have me sectioned. I really don't think i'm safe on my own atm

[Sperm-Doll Setsuna]

why was it a cave lion?

Your subconscious is trying to tell you something about primitivism.

[consuming negativity]

i've eaten over 3,000 calories in mnms over the past day

16 servings at 210 calories per serving

i should probably brush my teeth an extra time today

[Redistribute the Rep]

Pi day is going to be really special this year

[Ceallach_the_Witch]

apparently misery is slimming, I've lost more than 12 kilos since the new year

[Rosa Partizan]

that 50 shits of grey hype is so annoying and disgusting and there is no decent amount of words to describe my attitude towards it. I don't even wanna see the parodies and read all the satire and stuff. I just wanna curl up and wait til it's over.

[BIXX]

I have honestly printed out movie ticket and faked them to look like 50 shades of Grey tickets to make my girlfriend think that's what we are doing on valentines day.

[Rosa Partizan]

I have honestly printed out movie ticket and faked them to look like 50 shades of Grey tickets to make my girlfriend think that's what we are doing on valentines day.

I hope she whips the shit out of you.

[The Intransigent Faction]

I still don't like the NDP, but credit where credit is due to Thomas Mulcair, I suppose, for opposing Liberal-Conservative "anti-terrorism" legislation and ongoing involvement in Iraq.

[Futility Personified]

Best thing on Midsummer Murders.

Very odd plot about some shitty folk band all killing each other or some shit. A bloke gets nailed through the heart with a parasol and while they are forensicing the place a detective sees a picture of someone from the band. "He was anti-war. So why did he have a gun?"

Pahahahahaha. Ha.

[Lily Briscoe]

So the boyfriend of one of my coworkers was sawing something over the weekend and made the tiny mistake of chopping off three of his fingers down to the first (highest) joint. They couldn't reattach them either. But yeah, she totally took pictures and I totally just got to see them! "Fortunately it's the left hand" she tells me :lol:

[The Disillusionist]

that 50 shits of grey hype is so annoying and disgusting and there is no decent amount of words to describe my attitude towards it. I don't even wanna see the parodies and read all the satire and stuff. I just wanna curl up and wait til it's over.

It truly is disgusting. Yet my girlfriend wants to see it. Due to events in the past, I have some serious issues with sexual violence, and I can't even stand to watch the trailer, it makes me sick. I also really wish it would all just go away.

[Brandon's Impotent Rage]

What exactly is the controversy of Fifty Shades?

I'm aware of the books and their BDSM-centric themes.....and that the BDSM relationship portrayed in the books aren't the best examples of a healthy BDSM relationship. But they were originally meant to be masturbatory aides, so I'm not quite sure what the controversy is here.

[The Disillusionist]

What exactly is the controversy of Fifty Shades?

I'm aware of the books and their BDSM-centric themes.....and that the BDSM relationship portrayed in the books aren't the best examples of a healthy BDSM relationship. But they were originally meant to be masturbatory aides, so I'm not quite sure what the controversy is here.

The relationship portrayed in those books is completely abusive, and as a result, that kind of dysfunction is being fetished by thousands of men and women who have read that garbage.

I should add that I have nothing against BDSM, but as you say, 50 Shades is an awful example of a healthy BDSM relationship.

[Lily Briscoe]

It truly is disgusting. Yet my girlfriend wants to see it

You should seriously lecture her about her priorities, jesus... What sort of depraved individual

[Bala Perdida]

I saw one of my older posts. Makes for cliche rhetoric, but oh god I hate myself

[Quail]

I haven't read 50 shades, but I've read some articles about it. Doesn't sound sexy in the slightest to me, but the point really is that an abusive relationship shouldn't be promoted as a healthy expression of sexuality. I don't think mainstream films in general promote a very healthy idea of sexuality and relationships. There are enough fucked up messages about relationships and how to treat people you're attracted to without glorifying abusive relationships.

[cyu]

http://www.reddit.com/r/TrollXChromosomes/comments/2bstvg/50_shades_of_nope/

http://i.imgur.com/93rrWxx.jpg

[Ethics Gradient, Traitor For All Ages]

I'm listening to my coworkers complain about common core. "pfft government math!". I mean on one hand I'm disappointed that they've finally uncovered the insidious cultural Marxist scheme to teach their children how to read and perform math, but I'm left wondering who they think was designing lesson plans and performance guidelines before common core existed. Reagan's disembodied spirit? Jesus? Elves?

[Os Cangaceiros]

http://www.reddit.com/r/TrollXChromosomes/comments/2bstvg/50_shades_of_nope/



lol is that a noose?

50 Shades to me just seems like a vanilla S&M fantasy packaged in a badly written (based on the cheesy excerpts I've read online) romance novel, and I just have a really hard time taking romance novels seriously, in all honesty. The commercials for the film on TV make me laugh, too...the whole enterprise seems geared toward 30-something women who have some kind of interest in fuzzy handcuffs or whatever but don't want to get into the really weird shit.

If I want to watch a great psychosexual drama, I'll just stick with "Eyes Wide Shut".

[Lily Briscoe]

50 Shades to me just seems like a vanilla S&M fantasy packaged in a badly written (based on the cheesy excerpts I've read online) romance novel [...] geared toward 30-something women who have some kind of interest in fuzzy handcuffs

Yeah this is pretty much exactly my impression as well, although I would even say more like "40-something"

[Lily Briscoe]

My 63-year-old mother is totally obsessed with the book btw, which is enough for me to have absolutely zero interest in anything related to it

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

lol is that a noose?

50 shades of rope.

I don't understand the outrage over the book because, as far as I can tell, Twilight had the exact same relationship dynamic, and worse, but I guess it didn't offend public morals as much.

[Rosa Partizan]

50 shades of rope.

I don't understand the outrage over the book because, as far as I can tell, Twilight had the exact same relationship dynamic, and worse, but I guess it didn't offend public morals as much.

well, because the outrage about thing a wasn't exactly the same, thing b shouldn't be that much in the spotlight. Great reasoning. Just google one of the countless blogs and articles that explain what's wrong with SoG. I don't care about it being badly written, it glamorizes abuse, (sexual) violence, stalking, control, obsession etc in the worst ways possible. Radical feminists have been writing about Twilight, too, but SoG was just way more explicit in terms of (sexual) violence, so it's somehow clear it got more attention among not only radfems. I don't give a shit about Christians moralizing sex, this is not about sex, it's about the erotification of male violence and female weakness and submission.

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

well, because the outrage about thing a wasn't exactly the same, thing b shouldn't be that much in the spotlight. Great reasoning. Just google one of the countless blogs and articles that explain what's wrong with SoG. I don't care about it being badly written, it glamorizes abuse, (sexual) violence, stalking, control, obsession etc in the worst ways possible. Radical feminists have been writing about Twilight, too, but SoG was just way more explicit in terms of (sexual) violence, so it's somehow clear it got more attention among not only radfems. I don't give a shit about Christians moralizing sex, this is not about sex, it's about the erotification of male violence and female weakness and submission.

Obviously the difference in treatment these two movies receive is about sex, because sex is the only difference (although - from what I understand - Twilight is actually slightly more whacked-out when it comes to stalking, control etc.) between the two movies. I'm not talking about radical feminists, I'm talking about everyone who seems obsessed with this movie I wouldn't even have noticed if people didn't keep bringing it up.

[consuming negativity]

Obviously the difference in treatment these two movies receive is about sex, because sex is the only difference (although - from what I understand - Twilight is actually slightly more whacked-out when it comes to stalking, control etc.) between the two movies. I'm not talking about radical feminists, I'm talking about everyone who seems obsessed with this movie I wouldn't even have noticed if people didn't keep bringing it up.

yeah - sex, which is because the target demographic for twilight is for preteens.

but twilight definitely did get some hate.

[Rosa Partizan]

what did revleft do with my post??? fuck you!!!!!

what the fuck?!?!?!?!?

to cut it short:

2 sides participating in this discourse:

a) feminists. Feminists hate abuse, asymmetric power dynamics, violence against women. Big surprise.

b) everyone else. Hardware stores (lulz) and sex shops awaiting huge sales. Books sold almost 40 million times. Making women believe stalking, male dominance etc is sexy and a sign of love.

c) NOT a part of this discourse: victorian moral upholders that love virginity and purity. They exist, but they don't get that much space in this. At least not from what I get over here.

So:

feminists vs rest of the world.

as always.

[Lily Briscoe]

well, because the outrage about thing a wasn't exactly the same, thing b shouldn't be that much in the spotlight. Great reasoning. Just google one of the countless blogs and articles that explain what's wrong with SoG. I don't care about it being badly written, it glamorizes abuse, (sexual) violence, stalking, control, obsession etc in the worst ways possible.

All of that may well be true about the film, Rosa (I assume that it is); I haven't seen it and have kind of intentionally been trying to avoid the huge torrent of articles on it. Quail says earlier:

the point really is that an abusive relationship shouldn't be promoted as a healthy expression of sexuality. I don't think mainstream films in general promote a very healthy idea of sexuality and relationships.
No, they don't. Would you expect it to be different, though? Its not really surprising that media in a fucked up, sexist society is full of fucked up, sexist messages. Which doesn't mean it shouldn't be criticized. But I guess I just get really tired of like this single-minded fixation in some quarters with media and cultural criticism. Some shitty movie isn't "mainstreaming violence against women" (to borrow a quote from one of Rosa's articles); violence against women has been 'mainstream' for a long time, and that's the reason why you get so many shitty movies glorifying it.

I think 'pop culture' criticism can sometimes be useful as a means of examining broader attitudes in society, but it seems to have become an end in itself for some people, and the upshot of that is this idea that problematic messages in media, advertising, pop culture, pornography etc. is what causes sexism and violence against women, which is completely backwards imo.

Anyway, I think I helped derail a WOYM thread like this once before... Sorry! (But not sorry enough to stop doing it, apparently :p)

[Redistribute the Rep]

(although - from what I understand - Twilight is actually slightly more whacked-out when it comes to stalking, control etc.) between the two movies.

whose anus was this pulled out of

[BIXX]

I'm listening to my coworkers complain about common core. "pfft government math!". I mean on one hand I'm disappointed that they've finally uncovered the insidious cultural Marxist scheme to teach their children how to read and perform math, but I'm left wondering who they think was designing lesson plans and performance guidelines before common core existed. Reagan's disembodied spirit? Jesus? Elves?

Common core (if we are speaking of the same thing) is bullshit though. But so is all that testing shit.

[Rosa Partizan]

All of that may well be true about the film, Rosa (I assume that it is); I haven't seen it and have kind of intentionally been trying to avoid the huge torrent of articles on it. Quail says earlier:

No, they don't. Would you expect it to be different, though? Its not really surprising that media in a fucked up, sexist society is full of fucked up, sexist messages. Which doesn't mean it shouldn't be criticized. But I guess I just get really tired of like this single-minded fixation in some quarters with media and cultural criticism. Some shitty movie isn't "mainstreaming violence against women" (to borrow a quote from one of Rosa's articles); violence against women has been 'mainstream' for a long time, and that's the reason why you get so many shitty movies glorifying it.

I think 'pop culture' criticism can sometimes be useful as a means of examining broader attitudes in society, but it seems to have become an end in itself for some people, and the upshot of that is this idea that problematic messages in media, advertising, pop culture, pornography etc. is what causes sexism and violence against women, which is completely backwards imo.

Anyway, I think I helped derail a WOYM thread like this once before... Sorry! (But not sorry enough to stop doing it, apparently :p)

I really respect this eloquent post of yours and this is something I can work with. I would say there's some kind of interdependency between society and media: they reflect and influence each other. Movies like SoG wouldn't be possible if it wasn't for our shitty, reactionary, woman hating society. Yes, you get that from our whole culture. The whole fuss over SoG is because of the blatant visibility of all of these misogynistic phenomena, compared to, let's say, most RomComs where the stalking, clumsy, not so attractive guy gets the woman because of his perseverance. On the other hand I think that growing up with such images helps reinforce the way we look at (heteronormative) relationships, ideals of men and women etc. I find it difficult to claim this is a one-way road, know what I mean?

[The Disillusionist]

You should seriously lecture her about her priorities, jesus... What sort of depraved individual

You missed the point of my post. I'm not entirely comfortable that my girlfriend is such a fan, but I don't make her choices for her or lecture her. She's a fellow anthropology student and ridiculously smart, so I have no doubt about her knowledge of relationship dynamics and her ability to see the movie as fiction. I just put that statement in there to illustrate that this movie is so popular, there's no escaping it, because so many people are going to see it.

Also, I agree with Rosa. Culture shapes media, but media shapes culture in return.

[Lily Briscoe]

I'm putting this in spoiler tags because I feel guilty trashing up a perfectly good shitposting thread with longwinded political garbage


I really respect this eloquent post of yours and this is something I can work with. I would say there's some kind of interdependency between society and media: they reflect and influence each other. Movies like SoG wouldn't be possible if it wasn't for our shitty, reactionary, woman hating society. Yes, you get that from our whole culture. The whole fuss over SoG is because of the blatant visibility of all of these misogynistic phenomena, compared to, let's say, most RomComs where the stalking, clumsy, not so attractive guy gets the woman because of his perseverance. On the other hand I think that growing up with such images helps reinforce the way we look at (heteronormative) relationships, ideals of men and women etc. I find it difficult to claim this is a one-way road, know what I mean?Yeah idk, I used to agree with the 'two-way street' thing with regard to language, culture, etc a lot more than I do now. I mean, obviously media and popular culture reflects, but also reinforces, the dominant ideas (in this case, problematic representations of women, sexuality, relationships etc). But the dominant ideas are the product of structural factors which are ultimately determinant, and I don't think it's possible to address the structural factors through changes in media and popular culture; it's a losing battle imo (the ruling ideas being always and everywhere the ideas of the ruling class, to paraphrase some douchebag).

Overemphasis on the cultural sphere is pretty en vogue among a lot of feminists atm (probably due in large part to the general absence of any movement capable of actually posing a challenge to oppression on a structural level), and it ends up in a lot of pretty bad ideas, e.g. the obsession with language, "cultural appropriation", Whorfianism.

I mean, I don't think a bunch of radical feminists boycotting 50 Shades would change anything, or that the situation of women would be any different if that particular book/film had never been made. To me, those kinds of problematic themes are far more a reflection of structural violence against/subordination of women than a cause of it.


You missed the point of my post. I'm not entirely comfortable that my girlfriend is such a fan, but I don't make her choices for her or lecture her. She's a fellow anthropology student and ridiculously smart, so I have no doubt about her knowledge of relationship dynamics and her ability to see the movie as fiction. I just put that statement in there to illustrate that this movie is so popular, there's no escaping it, because so many people are going to see it.
I was mostly just drunkenly being rude (bad habit), sorry about that.

[Bala Perdida]

50 shades of rope.

I don't understand the outrage over the book because, as far as I can tell, Twilight had the exact same relationship dynamic, and worse, but I guess it didn't offend public morals as much.
Interestingly enough, 50 shades of grey started as twilight fan fiction.

[The Intransigent Faction]

Sun News (a.k.a "Fox News North") is going off the air as of tomorrow, apparently.
I'm actually kind of surprised. The racist, reactionary bullshit they tended to spew seems to have a significant audience in Canada, and it really suited the state's agenda.

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

yeah - sex, which is because the target demographic for twilight is for preteens.

but twilight definitely did get some hate.

I would say the target demographic for Twilight were teenagers. And it got a lot of hate, but almost none on account of the gender relations in the book. It got a fair amount of hate because it was badly written, over-hyped, and because it was perceived as a "girl book/movie".


what did revleft do with my post??? fuck you!!!!!

what the fuck?!?!?!?!?

to cut it short:

2 sides participating in this discourse:

a) feminists. Feminists hate abuse, asymmetric power dynamics, violence against women. Big surprise.

b) everyone else. Hardware stores (lulz) and sex shops awaiting huge sales. Books sold almost 40 million times. Making women believe stalking, male dominance etc is sexy and a sign of love.

c) NOT a part of this discourse: victorian moral upholders that love virginity and purity. They exist, but they don't get that much space in this. At least not from what I get over here.

So:

feminists vs rest of the world.

as always.

Well, no, I don't think that's true at all. I have been listening to people complaining about the movie for quite some time, online and offline, and I would say that perhaps one out of ten of the people who complain about the movie can be called a feminist, even in the whacked-out, ahistorical sense in which people on RevLeft use the term. If we're talking about radfems, maybe one in a thousand of these people is a radfem. Maybe.

And like I said, Twilight had the same themes. Twilight was worse, as a matter of fact. The only difference is that the relationship in 50 Shades of Fanfic is an explicitly sexual one. So obviously a lot of the people who did not complain about Twilight, or at least about the gender dynamics in Twilight, but are complaining about 50SoG, are motivated by the sexual aspect.

And needless to say, it's not about virginity, priggishness has never been about virginity but about the control of sex, to keep it in the confines of a reproductive relation where women secure heirs and the next generation of workers for the bourgeoisie.


whose anus was this pulled out of

Again, from what I can gather of the summaries I have read because people would not stop banging on about either book (including an attempt, all those years ago, to get me to watch the Twilight movie, which I got out of by faking illness, those were the days), Sparkly MacVampire and Moe-blob Whatshername are also in an abusive relationship. The difference is that in this case, she marries her abusive boyfriend after a very short period of dating, gets pregnant, nearly dies in the process but refuses to abort the fetus because good girls don't abort, gets crippled and nearly dies, which is portrayed as some sort of moral self-sacrifice and so on. Honestly I find the plot of Twilight to be much more retch-inducing that that of 50SoG.

And I'm not surprised that books and movies such as this exist because we still live in the capitalist society. The media is going to reflect the needs of the ruling class.

[Ethics Gradient, Traitor For All Ages]

I don't know, I recall seeing a fair amount of criticism for the type of relationship depicted in twilight from non-radical venues. Unfortunately it came from a camp of middle aged people and I imagine it probably came off as an attack on youth entertainment or something to the actual fanbase for the books.

I'm torn, I dislike 50 shades of grey and have personal issues with sexual violence and mock sexual violence, but I also don't want to be associated with people taking moral stances on the kind of sex consenting adults are into. I choose to avoid all contact with people for the next 3 months instead.

[Redistribute the Rep]

And like I said, Twilight had the same themes. Twilight was worse, as a matter of fact. The only difference is that the relationship in 50 Shades of Fanfic is an explicitly sexual one. So obviously a lot of the people who did not complain about Twilight, or at least about the gender dynamics in Twilight, but are complaining about 50SoG, are motivated by the sexual aspect.

While twilight is problematic, it's a helluva stretch to say it was worse "as a matter of fact" (interesting word choice as you admittedly haven't read either). 50 sog literally has a rape scene (which the main character later decides she enjoyed), physical violence that far crosses her boundaries, among other overtly possessive and jealous behaviors, and violent mood swings, of Christian grey

The books aren't really directly comparable other than the underlying gender dynamics and the fact that 50 sog is supposed to be loosely based on twilight as a fanfic, so the claim that one who chooses to focus on 50sog solely for the sexual aspect is an unsubstantiated one, as is the assertion that there's a significant contrast between the outrage over 50sog and twilight

[Rosa Partizan]

work was shitty, can't wait to start the new job in March. ladyfest organizer meeting was shitty, too, when I realized this is all about staying in your comfort zone and agreeing on each other, like feminism is some kind of feel good oasis instead of a political movement. also, no one had a clue what radical feminism actually means. they were arguing over who's the more important speaker at a ladyfest: a white woman or a black man with disability. this is not a satiric approach at ridiculing identity politics, that's what actually happened 2 hours ago. if I had some affection for drugs or alcohol, I'd get wasted as fuck now. also, lilly, thanks for your response, will answer tomorrow, because uhm my brain's not working.

[Ceallach_the_Witch]

had a massive argument with my parents wherin they dismissed everything i said with an ad-homeneim or some respectability shit (you wouldn't need to swear if you had a good argument) or flat out dismissing my thoughts and experiences before belittling me and accusing me of faking my distress. I'm not mentally ill, i'm just workshy apparently. And now this is all my fault. Because i reacted to the same round of invasive, patronising questions defensively. Because I tried to argue my point (i.e its actually pretty fucking hard to get a job even if you aren't mentally ill) instead of just taking it like a lump. Because after all that I got angry and upset (aka i threw a tantrum because i'm immature) at my experiences being casually dismissed.

Its transparently obvious that I am only worthy of their approval and affection when I am doing what they want me to. Otherwise, I'm simply a collection of undesirable traits with a dim spark of life. This has always been the case.

[BIXX]

had a massive argument with my parents wherin they dismissed everything i said with an ad-homeneim or some respectability shit (you wouldn't need to swear if you had a good argument) or flat out dismissing my thoughts and experiences before belittling me and accusing me of faking my distress. I'm not mentally ill, i'm just workshy apparently. And now this is all my fault. Because i reacted to the same round of invasive, patronising questions defensively. Because I tried to argue my point (i.e its actually pretty fucking hard to get a job even if you aren't mentally ill) instead of just taking it like a lump. Because after all that I got angry and upset (aka i threw a tantrum because i'm immature) at my experiences being casually dismissed.

Its transparently obvious that I am only worthy of their approval and affection when I am doing what they want me to. Otherwise, I'm simply a collection of undesirable traits with a dim spark of life. This has always been the case.

Man, that's some shit I still get from my parents too. Its such bullshit.

[human strike]

I don't know, I recall seeing a fair amount of criticism for the type of relationship depicted in twilight from non-radical venues. Unfortunately it came from a camp of middle aged people and I imagine it probably came off as an attack on youth entertainment or something to the actual fanbase for the books.

I'm torn, I dislike 50 shades of grey and have personal issues with sexual violence and mock sexual violence, but I also don't want to be associated with people taking moral stances on the kind of sex consenting adults are into. I choose to avoid all contact with people for the next 3 months instead.

Society always mocks and degrades those things that bring (especially young) women together. It's part of the reason Justin Bieber has always been so ridiculed: female association is seen as dangerous. Any relationships formed around Justin Bieber or Twilight are so commodified and revolve enough around men though that they are tolerated. My question is whatever happened to the Spice Girls and that whole 90s girl power trend? We seem to have gone backwards.

I'm very tempted to frame Fifty Shades of Grey as recuperation. Such an argument would be based on the assumption that healthy BDSM relationships challenge heteronormativity; an argument I'm also tempted to make. BDSM appeals to a lot of people - that much is clear - and seemingly more and more people are learning about it and adopting aspects of it into their own lives all the time. It's not that unusual now for people to have a Fetlife account; the site has millions of users. The old arguments against such lifestyles are becoming less effective, though undoubtedly it can still be very dangerous to be open about kinks; people still lose their jobs or are violently assaulted. Its generally growing acceptance though means there is a different kind of backlash. It's like, OK, you're allowed BDSM, but only sexist and abusive BDSM that can generate profit for publishers, Hollywood and makers of pornography. Our desires are taken and sanitised before being (literally) sold back to us. I don't mean to suggest that BDSM is always practised well or free from abuse everywhere except in the media, but I think it can be argued that any relationship based on honest and communicated consent is subversive in a society based on violent subjugation.

But perhaps I'm only taking things off topic again (sorry)!

[BIXX]

Society always mocks and degrades those things that bring (especially young) women together. It's part of the reason Justin Bieber has always been so ridiculed: female association is seen as dangerous. Any relationships formed around Justin Bieber or Twilight are so commodified and revolve enough around men though that they are tolerated. My question is whatever happened to the Spice Girls and that whole 90s girl power trend? We seem to have gone backwards.

I'm very tempted to frame Fifty Shades of Grey as recuperation. Such an argument would be based on the assumption that healthy BDSM relationships challenge heteronormativity; an argument I'm also tempted to make. BDSM appeals to a lot of people - that much is clear - and seemingly more and more people are learning about it and adopting aspects of it into their own lives all the time. It's not that unusual now for people to have a Fetlife account; the site has millions of users. The old arguments against such lifestyles are becoming less effective, though undoubtedly it can still be very dangerous to be open about kinks; people still lose their jobs or are violently assaulted. Its generally growing acceptance though means there is a different kind of backlash. It's like, OK, you're allowed BDSM, but only sexist and abusive BDSM that can generate profit for publishers, Hollywood and makers of pornography. Our desires are taken and sanitised before being (literally) sold back to us. I don't mean to suggest that BDSM is always practised well or free from abuse everywhere except in the media, but I think it can be argued that any relationship based on honest and communicated consent is subversive in a society based on violent subjugation.

But perhaps I'm only taking things off topic again (sorry)!

I agree with everything you've said here.

Except still fick bieber. Not for the girl shit or whatever, but because he opposes abortion and is generally shit.

[Futility Personified]

What I had previously gleaned from apolitical individuals was that 50 shades was emancipatory in regards to BDSM culture, even if it was in a frame that wasn't necessarily as honest as they'd hoped.

But what is cultural appropriation if not financially profitable?

[The Disillusionist]

I was mostly just drunkenly being rude (bad habit), sorry about that.[/spoil]

I completely understand. I sometimes have the same habit (but usually minus the drunkenness).

[motion denied]

Re-reading a guerrilla journal from a Sandinista. Say what you will about the Sandinistas in power or natlib revolutions, but those men and women were something else. Jesus Christ, can't hold the tears peeps

[Redistribute the Rep]

Happy heteronormative day in which men exchange gifts for sex, everybody

[consuming negativity]

as a kid i always thought that holidays would always be special and that festivities were real

but as an adult i realize that i didn't know shit about fuck as a kid and the world is terrible

really, the whole thing would make me want to shelter my kids from it as long as i could with fairy tales about some guy who works one day a year and his job is giving children free toys

"oh, this baby shoots you with an arrow but it's tipped with a (misshapen) heart, and after it does, you and the next person you see will fuck all day and be madly in love"

much better than real life and i even updated it so that it's no longer heteronormative

[Quail]

I got drunk with my partner yesterday and we decided that because valentine's day is so sickeningly heteronormative we should loudly talk about how gross heterosexuals are. It was pretty funny tbh.

[Futility Personified]

Survived being drunk. Everyone on this planet is bloody weird. I'm out of tobacco, have no money and my mouth tastes like I probably smoked all of my tobacco. So we have causality. The best part is I was up until about 7 doing fuck all on the internet and i've actually woken up earlier than if I hadn't gone out drinking.

[Ceallach_the_Witch]

so luckily it turns out i'm just insane and my view of reality and interpersonal relationships is poisoned by my mental illness/personality disorders and numerous insecurities and the people i thought i'd made hate me forever do not in fact hate me forever. I've never been more relieved.

[Quail]

Survived being drunk. Everyone on this planet is bloody weird. I'm out of tobacco, have no money and my mouth tastes like I probably smoked all of my tobacco. So we have causality. The best part is I was up until about 7 doing fuck all on the internet and i've actually woken up earlier than if I hadn't gone out drinking.

I woke up tasting like an ashtray with stale cider in it. It wasn't pleasant.

[The Disillusionist]

The best part is I was up until about 7 doing fuck all on the internet and i've actually woken up earlier than if I hadn't gone out drinking.

This is actually pretty common. Alcohol interferes with your deep sleep patterns, making you more likely to wake up earlier. I always wake up earlier after I've been drinking.

[motion denied]

^That explains a lot. Whenever I get drunk I only sleep 4 hours a night.

[Redistribute the Rep]

Does anybody else think that objectivist guy is kinda hot?

[Sperm-Doll Setsuna]

No, you're probably alone in that. Looks like a dating site picture, though... greasy.

[BIXX]

Which objectivist guy? The new one whose blog is ridiculous? If so, no. I don't.

[human strike]

Breaking up with someone on Valentine's Day isn't exactly one of my proudest moments, but I do feel some relief. The countdown to regretting the decision begins...

[Redistribute the Rep]

The repping is about to get real, palmeres, just wait until I figure out how to fix my clipboard

[BIXX]

Palmares rep me!

[motion denied]

I don't want to be that guy, but I'm glad Carnaval is almost over...

[Atsumari]

The more and more I see my friends playing games, the more and more I miss the gamer life, especially fighting games.

[Lily Briscoe]

I don't want to be that guy, but I'm glad Carnaval is almost over...

My brother is hitch-hiking through Central America and just called me from Panama City today whining about Carnival. He's actually headed for Brazil (eventually), solely for the purpose of... The church of Santo Daime (he's a douche, basically).

[Futility Personified]

Not that I like Ed Milliband, class traitor, spineless piece of shit that he is, but the Sun is really doing my fucking head in. I'm sick of their manifestos and 'the sun says' and all that bullshit. Fascist rag for fucking human dogshit bins.

[Quail]

I've just been rude to someone I went to school with on facebook. I feel slightly bad for laying into her quite so much, but then she was mouthing off about benefit claimants so actually fuck her ignorant, idiotic opinions.

[Futility Personified]

It's hard to figure out where to start setting them straight. The worst thing is if you take a level headed approach and they say "well, it's only an opinion so they're equally valid". Well, no, you are actively making the world a worse place by letting so much sewage form your relations towards your fellow human beings, who are really struggling.

[Quail]

I just asked myself, Would I have said that to her face? And yes, yes I would. So I feel better. I should probably just unfriend people who I only ever interact with when they make terrible political statuses. They're clearly not actual friends.

[Sewer Socialist]

People like that, I just antagonize their bullshit until they defriend or block or whatever. Then again, I think I know a high number of those sort.

[Kill all the fetuses!]

I never understand ckaihatsu's diagrams.

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

There's a diagram that explains that, probably.

One of my friends is constantly talking about how supposedly disgusting she is. And mind you, she's fairly attractive. I genuinely don't know what to say anymore. I told her she shouldn't concern herself with pretty arbitrary standards of beauty, no, that just means I think she's disgusting, I tell her she's attractive, no, that just means I'm trying to be polite and lying. I drink a bottle of rum and hallucinate that I'm being abducted, but that doesn't have anything to do with this. I point out a lot of people are pursuing her, she just calls them all desperate. It's like she has a rationalisation for anything I say. +20 to self-deprecation.

[Os Cangaceiros]

She sounds like someone who just has an obsessive need to re-assure her own desperate ego via being validated by other people. I don't like people like that.

[Quail]

I do like the animated Wonder Woman film but it most definitely encourages my son to say, "Oh crap."

[consuming negativity]

I drink a bottle of rum and hallucinate that I'm being abducted, but that doesn't have anything to do with this.

i lol'd way too hard at this

[human strike]

She sounds like someone who just has an obsessive need to re-assure her own desperate ego via being validated by other people. I don't like people like that.

Possibly. But I've known women who are similar to what 870 describes that are the least egotistical people I've ever met.

[Ethics Gradient, Traitor For All Ages]

I officially removed my work email account from my personal cell phone today, pretty gratifying for such a small gesture. Now I just have to wait a little bit longer and I can ditch this glorified surveillance drone and start using a burner. The closer I get to my end date at work the more unbearable it becomes, I can hardly get out of bed anymore.

[Rosa Partizan]

There's a diagram that explains that, probably.

One of my friends is constantly talking about how supposedly disgusting she is. And mind you, she's fairly attractive. I genuinely don't know what to say anymore. I told her she shouldn't concern herself with pretty arbitrary standards of beauty, no, that just means I think she's disgusting, I tell her she's attractive, no, that just means I'm trying to be polite and lying. I drink a bottle of rum and hallucinate that I'm being abducted, but that doesn't have anything to do with this. I point out a lot of people are pursuing her, she just calls them all desperate. It's like she has a rationalisation for anything I say. +20 to self-deprecation.

In case she's someone who needs constant validation and/or attention, that doesn't help. In case she has serious issues with her self-image, this doesn't help, either. Your reaction is absolutely natural, but I'd cut it. I don't know how to find out what the real problem is, I prefer to avoid such people.

OT:

I'll issue an ultimatum to the ladyfest organizers. Either, they understand that feminism is a political movement and not a plushy individualist comfort zone feel good reassurement group hugging accompanied by Beyonce's greatest hits, or they'll have to do without me. No ladyfest should do without me, really. But I just can't with this sensitivities bullshit.

[Bala Perdida]

Taptalk is back!

[Redistribute the Rep]

Possibly. But I've known women who are similar to what 870 describes that are the least egotistical people I've ever met.

A lot of people have self image issues like 870s friend, but just keep it to themselves. It would be strange to say those people are just seeking validation. I would say the only difference is that some people are more talkative or better at verbalizing their problems. In fact, I think it's much healthier if people open up about these things, rather than becoming secretive and isolated due to stigmas about them being egotistical

[Redistribute the Rep]

I've been pasting the entire communist manifesto as comments on people's posts, I wonder how much of it gets through

[Ethics Gradient, Traitor For All Ages]

870's post makes it sound like that is all she can talk about, if that's not the case then it's hard to draw a conclusion. That being said people who can only talk about themselves, even in the context of real problems they face come off as narcissists. I can think back on entire friendships that revolved around me listening to someone vent, while they couldn't give a fuck about my own problems. People with legit issues can still be selfish pricks

[Ethics Gradient, Traitor For All Ages]

My rep button is broke, I've been trying to use it since Rosa pointed it out but this board is conspiring against me, everyone listen to my problems goddamnit

[Redistribute the Rep]

Well for some people it can be overwhelming and occupy most of their thoughts and get in the way of their relationships and day to day life. I don't think there's any indication that she's selfish or doesn't care about other people's problems

[consuming negativity]

extremely low self-esteem comes with a whole host of other problems and it can manifest itself differently in different people. i'm not really sure it's appropriate for us to be making character judgments about 870's friend. seems kind of rude. but if it were me, that situation with her wouldn't go on very long. it would get annoying to hear and i would end up confronting them (not in a rude way though) if we were close or just not really talking to them anymore if i didn't know them well. i don't have the spiritual fortitude to sit and listen to someone talk shit about themselves all day, and i'm the sort of person who likes to make people feel better. but it just drains you after a while and you end up resenting the person and then things just get worse.

[Quail]

I'm making edits on my story and I'm wondering just what proportion of it is actually me making little in-jokes with myself. I mean I do make references to other stuff that people may or may not get, but I also seem to make little jokes about things which I'm not sure are a universal experience. Still, I guess there's no point in writing something I wouldn't want to read so whatever.

[motion denied]

I've been pasting the entire communist manifesto as comments on people's posts, I wonder how much of it gets through


None of it :p

[Redistribute the Rep]

That's because my clipboard wasn't working yesterday when I tried you, but I updated my iOS last night so maybe that fixed it

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

Well for some people it can be overwhelming and occupy most of their thoughts and get in the way of their relationships and day to day life. I don't think there's any indication that she's selfish or doesn't care about other people's problems

Nah, me and my circle of friends are all genuinely horrifying people who put on a thin veneer of disinterested irony to hide the fact that we're dead inside, but I don't think she's selfish for talking about her body image issues. I just honestly don't know what to do about that. I want to help her in some way, but I don't know how. Everything I say seems to make the problem worse.

[Redistribute the Rep]

Nah, me and my circle of friends are all genuinely horrifying people who put on a thin veneer of disinterested irony to hide the fact that we're dead inside, but I don't think she's selfish for talking about her body image issues. I just honestly don't know what to do about that. I want to help her in some way, but I don't know how. Everything I say seems to make the problem worse.

Well, it can come off as condescending if you just tell her she's a comformist to beauty standards or give her compliments that she thinks are insincere. I think you need to realize that self confidence isn't built overnight. People around her will have to continuously support her and give her positive messages for her to change her mindset. Try complimenting her on things she likes about herself so she doesn't think you're lying and so it gets her to focus on those things. At least thats what helps me.

Eta: also, when complimenting her you should do it at times when it doesn't seem like a response to her talking about her issues, or she will think you're just trying to make her feel better. she has to know it's genuine

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

Well, it can come off as condescending if you just tell her she's a comformist to beauty standards or give her compliments that she thinks are insincere. I think you need to realize that self confidence isn't built overnight. People around her will have to continuously support her and give her positive messages for her to change her mindset. Try complimenting her on things she likes about herself so she doesn't think you're lying and so it gets her to focus on those things. At least thats what helps me.

I didn't call her a conformist, I said it's alright to deviate from the image of the "perfect woman" (ugh). I would compliment her, but before she became obsessed with how supposedly disgusting she was, she was annoyed with how many people supposedly wanted to sleep with her (I don't know the details, so I can't comment on how serious these people were, although, yeah, I knew at least two people who had a crush on her) and would interpret any comment about her appearance as people trying to get her in bed (and I pointedly don't want her in my bed, thank'y'verymuch).

I also think I'm one of the last few people "around her", so that adds an additional dimension to the problem.

I was also nicknamed "kanabo" at some point, so she should realise I really don't do insincere compliments.

[Os Cangaceiros]

I can only go on what is related to me...I obviously don't know the person in question.

But people who "fish for complements" or go on and on about how terrible they are as people even though they've been re-assured that they aren't scum of the earth...those people are extremely irritating. The people I know with "real problems" (having a life threatening illness, being homeless and living on the streets, not being able to walk, etc) don't constantly bring up their problems, so I don't have much sympathy for people who'll throw a massive, loudly audible pity party over something that I find ultimately "trivial" and then not allow anyone to help them with their issues.

[Quail]

Nah, me and my circle of friends are all genuinely horrifying people who put on a thin veneer of disinterested irony to hide the fact that we're dead inside, but I don't think she's selfish for talking about her body image issues. I just honestly don't know what to do about that. I want to help her in some way, but I don't know how. Everything I say seems to make the problem worse.

I think the problem with having low self-esteem or body image issues is that your brain already has a counter argument to literally anything that anyone else could think of to say. If someone feels that bad about their body then nothing you can say is ever going to make them feel any better. I don't know if there is anything you can do.

One thing I find helpful when I'm saying horrible things about myself is asking myself, what would I say if someone had said that to my best friend? It doesn't work all the time, but sometimes it helps to point out the double standards.

[Redistribute the Rep]

I didn't call her a conformist, I said it's alright to deviate from the image of the "perfect woman" (ugh).

Yea, but that can seem condescending

[consuming negativity]

maybe that's the whole problem is that you're trying to make her feel better when she never asked you to. let her have her opinion about herself and express it without it being challenged or negated or whatever.

[Lily Briscoe]

I have two friends with pretty terrible body image issues, one who has had eating disorders on and off for a long time. It's always bizarre to me to listen to them talk about (how they perceive) themselves, because they are both completely adorable and they think they look like grotesque monsters... Totally baffling to me what they're seeing when they look in the mirror.

In my experience, there's not really anything you can say to reassure someone like that. Granted idk if that's the situation with 870's friend or if she's just fishing for compliments, but I kinda thought pretending to think you're ugly just so people will compliment you is a behavior people outgrow in their mid-teens, so...

[human strike]

It seems like a few people here can relate to how emotionally exhausting it can be to have someone you care about constantly self-depricate. It doesn't make you a bad person to find it tiring or frustrating and really there is nothing you can do but persevere or give up - and again neither of these are bad options. I think the most important thing though is probably not to show your frustration too strongly, which isn't to say don't talk about it, but I think it can really harm someone's (already low) self-esteem to feel like this perceived problem about themselves is causing their friends to dislike them. I don't want to insult your intelligence, 870, by implying you don't already know that, but think it's worth adding all the same.

[cyu]

I'm not sure simply telling someone they have conformist values is helpful. For example, I know it's just cultural conformism that forces me to not go out naked, and not pick my nose in public. Yet simply knowing that isn't helpful in "empowering" me to go outside naked or pick my nose in public. It's like I know I've been brainwashed and can't help being brainwashed, but that's just the way it is.

[The Disillusionist]

This site has become a great comfort to me. Whenever I start to feel alienated in the real world, I come on here and read posts by a bunch of other chronically outraged malcontents whose lives and psyches are in a terminal state of disintegration and realize that I'm truly not alone. I'm home.

[Brandon's Impotent Rage]

I used to think that when Lenin would describe the average Russian as 'backward and ignorant', that it was just a tad bit elitist.

But after having spent the day at Wal-Mart earlier today, buying groceries....I'm starting to seriously sympathize with him.

Jesus fucking Christ, but people here in the South are DUMB.

And I really must ask: Why is it the dumbest people on the planet who speak with all of the confidence and conviction of their own correctness?

[Lily Briscoe]

I randomly met this girl somewhere awhile back:
D7os9V-n7rsShe was one of those most terrible kind of hippies and I didn't care for her, but then she started singing and... DAT VOICE :ohmy:

Now I secretly have her music on my MP3 player.... Feels dirty.

[Rosa Partizan]

Strix, listening to hippies is not okay. We're gonna have to talk about that. We will drink that tea with those terrible feelgood hippiesque slogans printed on it.

[#FF0000]

I wish I didn't live in the woods so I didn't have to check my drinking n could drink to excess and take a bus home or sleep on a sidewalk within walking distance of my house.

[Ethics Gradient, Traitor For All Ages]

I feel so spoiled any time I visit a city with halfway decent public transportation after 10 pm. Or you know, any public transportation

[Palmares]

There's this great thing for such conundrums that I really think will help you guys out.

A segway!

http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/they-see-me-rollin-they-hatin-meme.jpg

[Ethics Gradient, Traitor For All Ages]

Haha I always want to trip the cops at airports riding those things. Nothing like wearing a bike helmet indoors to make someone look like a complete tool

[Palmares]

You guys inspired me to post this:

http://www.revleft.com/vb/showpost.php?p=2821159&postcount=744

[Ethics Gradient, Traitor For All Ages]

Its got to be faster to walk. "Sarge! The next street over isn't paved smoothly, what do we do?" "Well I guess this is the end of our advance, hold the line boys"

[Crabbensmasher]

Soooo I live with 4 roomates. For the most part, they are lazy and don't clean up after themselves. I have turned into the 'mom' of the house and clean up after them. I clean countertops, clear out the fridge, change garbages etc.

And yes, I have tried the 'do nothing and let them wallow in filth' method. They are quite happy wallowing in filth and don't do anything.

Suggestions?

[Lily Briscoe]

^Move out? Not sure what other options you have tbh.

--

I have a pretty high fever atm and kinda feel like somebody cracked me over the head with a brick, which makes this the second time I've been sick in 2015 so far. Pretty sure the last time I was sick prior to this year was in 2010, and that's in spite of working in a medical environment for most of this time period. Maybe my unexplainably impeccable physical health is finally going to shit? Prolly the drinking...

[Sewer Socialist]

Try to discuss your dissatisfaction, and try to come to some sort of solution? Failing that, moving out is pretty much the only other option I can think of.

[Bala Perdida]

Went to one of my home towns tonight. Good times.

[Ceallach_the_Witch]

Soooo I live with 4 roomates. For the most part, they are lazy and don't clean up after themselves. I have turned into the 'mom' of the house and clean up after them. I clean countertops, clear out the fridge, change garbages etc.

And yes, I have tried the 'do nothing and let them wallow in filth' method. They are quite happy wallowing in filth and don't do anything.

Suggestions?

i was in this exact situation a few years ago and honestly getting the hell out is how i managed it

[consuming negativity]

Went to one of my home towns tonight. Good times.

i just noticed the quote in your sig and i like it but at the same time i feel like complimenting you on that quote is dumb when the person who said it said it and also frequents this very forum

but at the same time if i just randomly message tfu and "oh hey i like the quote of yours in [email protected] fuerte's sig" they'd prolly be like "u wot m8" and have to go read it and then you wouldn't even know so i'd prolly have to tell you that i like it anyway and ugh this just seems like a lot of fucking work

[Ethics Gradient, Traitor For All Ages]

Soooo I live with 4 roomates. For the most part, they are lazy and don't clean up after themselves. I have turned into the 'mom' of the house and clean up after them. I clean countertops, clear out the fridge, change garbages etc.

And yes, I have tried the 'do nothing and let them wallow in filth' method. They are quite happy wallowing in filth and don't do anything.

Suggestions?

Make your cleaning so unpleasant for them that they'll be forced to stop leaving a mess. Put shit back in the wrong places, or just flat out throw/give it away. Take the shower out of commission right when everyone is trying to use it, do the same with the stove, microwave, etc. Fuck up peoples laundry by doing it the wrong way. Vacuum loudly while they are trying to watch tv or read etc.

[BIXX]

Make your cleaning so unpleasant for them that they'll be forced to stop leaving a mess. Put shit back in the wrong places, or just flat out throw/give it away. Take the shower out of commission right when everyone is trying to use it, do the same with the stove, microwave, etc. Fuck up peoples laundry by doing it the wrong way. Vacuum loudly while they are trying to watch tv or read etc.
Bring sabotage out of your workplace and into your home, into your school, into your parks. Sabotage everywhere!

On a side not I scratched my gums with a chip or some bullshit and its impossible to not tongue it. Help me, I think I'm going to die.

[Ethics Gradient, Traitor For All Ages]

Orajel! once your cut is healed it's also just fun to play around with in general

[BIXX]

Orajel! once your cut is healed it's also just fun to play around with in general
Thanks I will go buy that right after work cause this is killing me

[Bala Perdida]

i just noticed the quote in your sig and i like it but at the same time i feel like complimenting you on that quote is dumb when the person who said it said it and also frequents this very forum

but at the same time if i just randomly message tfu and "oh hey i like the quote of yours in [email protected] fuerte's sig" they'd prolly be like "u wot m8" and have to go read it and then you wouldn't even know so i'd prolly have to tell you that i like it anyway and ugh this just seems like a lot of fucking work
I messaged them when I put it there. They'll probably know what you mean.

[Rosa Partizan]

Soooo I live with 4 roomates. For the most part, they are lazy and don't clean up after themselves. I have turned into the 'mom' of the house and clean up after them. I clean countertops, clear out the fridge, change garbages etc.

And yes, I have tried the 'do nothing and let them wallow in filth' method. They are quite happy wallowing in filth and don't do anything.

Suggestions?

Move out, really. This type of people would rather choke from their garbage than get off their asses.

OT:
bought a watch by Michael Kors and feel extremly fashion bloggish now, although I got no sense of fashion. But on the other hand I thought it'd be stupid to not buy a very pretty watch just because it's so hyped now.

[Redistribute the Rep]

Where'd atsumari go? He hasn't thanked any of my posts in a while...

[BIXX]

Where'd atsumari go? He hasn't thanked any of my posts in a while...
He's been around, just way less.

[A Revolutionary Tool]

Soooo I live with 4 roomates. For the most part, they are lazy and don't clean up after themselves. I have turned into the 'mom' of the house and clean up after them. I clean countertops, clear out the fridge, change garbages etc.

And yes, I have tried the 'do nothing and let them wallow in filth' method. They are quite happy wallowing in filth and don't do anything.

Suggestions?
Have you brought it up to them?

[Atsumari]

THE JEW ROLL ACTUALLY EXISTS!
cbh58kRqzss

[Palmares]

Where'd atsumari go? He hasn't thanked any of my posts in a while...

We need more people to have dreams about him and post it here. Then we can re-name this the Atsumari dream thread. He'll subscribe to that thread fo real.

[Atsumari]

My life right now is work, 10 minutes of RL then sleep

[Lily Briscoe]

How are there skinny little bird-chested nerds like 'Tyga' doing Braggadocio? It's absurd. If your entire artistic output consists of talking about how hard you are and how you're the hottest shit ever, at least go to the fucking gym or something, Jesus.

[Rosa Partizan]

So this was probably the first ladyfest organizer meeting that I really liked, especially for one reason: an acquaintance of mine was there and told me about a recently founded group to help refugees. They've met only 2 times and many of the refugees here are from former Yugoslavia, so I could do the translation stuff, but also other activism like blocking deportations. She made sure I'm not tenured (this is not so common in the US, it basically means you're hired for life and get paid by the state, but you must take an oath to never do anything that harms the state), because she is, so she can't be participating in that "real" activism stuff. This is very probably the first thing ever in this fucked up city that was founded to help refugees. So goddamn excited, wooohooo.

[cyu]

Society is only stable when those in power serve everyone else. Occasionally corruption creeps in, and they try to get the powerless to serve the powerful instead. This results in inherent instability. The more unequal society becomes, the less stable it is. The only way to regain stability would be to reflatten society, and reflatten hierarchies. Some of those in power believe that they can make society stable if they could just get everyone to obey them. It seems logical - the more people that obey them, the more stable their society. However, the flaw in their plan is that the more they try to use force or other underhanded methods, the less stable their situation becomes. If they are too blind to reverse direction, then their ambitions end in bloody revolution.

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

I fucking hate being a man.

It's like, the only emotions it's OK for a man to express are disillusioned cynicism, Schadenfreude, and aggression.

Maybe horniness if you count that, but only toward women, and only when it's devoid of any trace of affection.

Fucking killer space robots from B movies are allowed a broader emotional range than a Real Man (TM).

[human strike]

I've a list of around 14 people that I need to get in contact with about different things - it keeps getting longer. Too bad I continue to be in a hide from the scary world and everyone in it mood.

I spent the last 24 hours or so and slept with an ex. I can't remember the last time I felt so happy - it was amazing, as if no to time had passed at all and things were the same as they used to be... almost anyway. Too bad neither of us can think of a way of making it work beyond friends who occasionally fuck. I suppose I'm a little clearer in my head on some things now, which is positive. It's all good really; it's just a part of me wants more.

[consuming negativity]

I fucking hate being a man.

It's like, the only emotions it's OK for a man to express are disillusioned cynicism, Schadenfreude, and aggression.

Maybe horniness if you count that, but only toward women, and only when it's devoid of any trace of affection.

Fucking killer space robots from B movies are allowed a broader emotional range than a Real Man (TM).

word

i don't hate men but i do hate the man box and anyone who attempts to reinforce it

[Lily Briscoe]

Maybe it's my own hang-ups rather than 'gender socialization' but crying in front of people has always been one of the most humiliating things in the world to me, with the partial exception of instances like the death of a close relative where crying is expected (like, I legitimately think I would choose peeing my pants in a crowded place or a fashion malfunction involving a boob popping out over crying in public without A Good Reason). So it always irks the fuck out of me when guys are like "women are so lucky, they can show emotion without restraint and cry whenever they want" (not implying that this is necessarily what you guys were getting at, but I hear people say stuff like this a lot). Yes, you are 'allowed' to do this if you don't mind people thinking you're a hysterical unstable basketcase...

Which isn't to say the social repercussions aren't probably worse for men (people might think you are kind of like a woman!), but the idea that women are free to publicly show whatever emotions they're feeling is bullshit, but is something that a lot of men seem to believe.

[motion denied]

It's 2015 people, how come you don't have adblock

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

Maybe it's my own hang-ups rather than 'gender socialization' but crying in front of people has always been one of the most humiliating things in the world to me, with the partial exception of instances like the death of a close relative where crying is expected (like, I legitimately think I would choose peeing my pants in a crowded place or a fashion malfunction involving a boob popping out over crying in public without A Good Reason). So it always irks the fuck out of me when guys are like "women are so lucky, they can show emotion without restraint and cry whenever they want" (not implying that this is necessarily what you guys were getting at, but I hear people say stuff like this a lot). Yes, you are 'allowed' to do this if you don't mind people thinking you're a hysterical unstable basketcase...

Which isn't to say the social repercussions aren't probably worse for men (people might think you are kind of like a woman!), but the idea that women are free to publicly show whatever emotions they're feeling is bullshit, but is something that a lot of men seem to believe.

Sure, I didn't mean to say that women are free to express emotion. They do seem to be slightly "freer" to do so, at least here, because expressing emotion is seen as feminine. Of course, as long as it's within "acceptable bounds" - if you cry too much you're hysterical, if you flirt too much you're a whore, if you say you love another woman (even in a non-romantic way) you're a lesbo etc. My point was that, here, the boundaries for "acceptable" emotional expression seem to be different for men than they are for women. I at least was socialised so that showing any kind of "positive" emotion was for, to use the term my father used, faggots, and most men I know in real life went through the same thing.

I don't think women are lucky, though. Even if they were completely free to express their emotions (because expressing emotions is weak but women are weak, so it all fits together, no), that would be a minor thing compared to the sort of systematic violence women undergo. My post wasn't trying to imply men have it worse than women, and I certainly hope it didn't come off like that.

[Lily Briscoe]

It's 2015 people, how come you don't have adblock

I virtually only browse revleft from my phone and I think the app costs money (there might be a free one, but I'm technologically er handicapped so I don't know what it is). I'm not yet at a stage where I'm willing to shell out money for the sake of posting here.

[motion denied]

It's a free extension on firefox, so I thought it'd be free for everything else

[Redistribute the Rep]

Check your Firefox privilege!

[human strike]

Maybe it's my own hang-ups rather than 'gender socialization' but crying in front of people has always been one of the most humiliating things in the world to me, with the partial exception of instances like the death of a close relative where crying is expected (like, I legitimately think I would choose peeing my pants in a crowded place or a fashion malfunction involving a boob popping out over crying in public without A Good Reason). So it always irks the fuck out of me when guys are like "women are so lucky, they can show emotion without restraint and cry whenever they want" (not implying that this is necessarily what you guys were getting at, but I hear people say stuff like this a lot). Yes, you are 'allowed' to do this if you don't mind people thinking you're a hysterical unstable basketcase...

Which isn't to say the social repercussions aren't probably worse for men (people might think you are kind of like a woman!), but the idea that women are free to publicly show whatever emotions they're feeling is bullshit, but is something that a lot of men seem to believe.

Absolutely this. I say this as a man, but I honestly think it is worse for women. This idea that men always have to present themselves as strong and independent simply isn't true; men display upset and vulnerability all the time, but usually only to women and in private. It is women who always have to act strong, and girls are taught this by their mothers from a very young age; that they must be independent and suppress their emotions in order to look after men and children.

This is something I feel very strongly on and am frustrated by how so few men seem to grasp this point that should be obvious: the notion that men are strong and independent whilst women are emotional and dependent is a patriarchal myth designed to hide the fact that the reverse is true, to conceal the neediness of men and our emotional dependency on women.

I hear quite often about, ya know, how gender stereotypes harm men (poor bastards) because we have to hide the emotional sides of ourselves. And whilst this is much is true, we do have to hide (or more accurately destroy) the all too "feminine" caring side of ourselves at a young age; we are in no way encouraged to hide the vulnerable sides of ourselves anywhere near to same degree as women. The emotional needs of men are given a hell of a lot of importance in our society (relative to women - probably still not enough by any reasonable standards though). There are obvious examples, such as those studies that look at the responses of parents and teachers to the crying of children - surprise, surprise: boys get more attention when they cry - but also just look at most heterosexual relationships and the weight of emotional labour and dependency and where that's placed. If women seem more emotional or needy it is because their emotional needs go relatively unmet whist ours go more catered to.

I don't understand what planet people are living on if they genuinely believe that it's more socially acceptable for a woman to show she is upset than a man. Are people even paying attention? "Acceptable bounds?" There are no acceptable bounds! Acceptable bounds only exist for men: women who flirt are "sluts," women who cry are "hysterical" and the same if they get passionate or vocal about anything, or they're "*****es," not when they do these things too much, but when they do them at all. Yes, men might get perceived as a bit feminine or woman-like if they show too much of one or another emotion (especially if they do so in front of other men), but in patriarchy what's worse than being perceived as a bit woman-like is actually being a woman.

Anyway, sorry for ranting at anyone here, my frustration is more meant for other people/society. Of course, the solution for what I've described here is for men to actually emotionally care for each other rather than do things like, ya know, tell each other off..... :o

[G4b3n]

I am writing a materialist class analysis of the French Revolution, took some vyvanse to stay up and focused for it, but I took way too many now I'm just fucking rolling. Still working though lol :drool:

[Lily Briscoe]

Sure, I didn't mean to say that women are free to express emotion. They do seem to be slightly "freer" to do so, at least here, because expressing emotion is seen as feminine.Idk, there are emotions that women are arguably freer to express than men (e.g. affection), but the reverse is also true (e.g. anger, obstinacy). It seems less a case of one sex being emotionally "freer" or less free and more about different sets of (gendered) emotional expectations tied to social roles. Women are expected to be nurturers and caretakers who prioritize the needs of others above their own, so are more "free" (obliged?) to express emotions like warmth and affection that are conducive to this.

I agree with a fair amount of human strike's post as well. One thing I always notice is that when men are emotional, it's often just not even perceived as being 'emotional' at all. I remember reading that dickhead Ernest Belfort Bax's ridiculous misogynistic rantings and being absolutely awestruck by how hysterical and irrational it was as it blathered on about how hysterical and irrational women are. But as A Man, he could obviously be neither of these things, even when he was.


My post wasn't trying to imply men have it worse than women, and I certainly hope it didn't come off like that.Oh I know, and it didn't.