I'm coming out to my family!

[Sinister Intents]

I came out as MTF trans to my sister last night at her apartment! She was very reassuring and loving :) My parents should be extremely accepting of it. I feel so relieved! I gotta wait to tell my parents, it's not a good time yet. Thoughts anyone?

[Palmares]

Congrats. Very brave. :)

Are your parents quite open-minded? I'm thinking your sister definitely is. If you are in NYC, then I'm not surprised. At least you're not coming out in the bible belt.

Did something inspire you to come out now?

[Sasha]

good luck and all the best. hope everything works out for you.
are you thinking of physically transitioning in time? will your insurance cover that?

[Red Son]

Many congrats comrade.

[Sinister Intents]

Thanks everyone :) I live in western new york and there are s lot of conservatives and rednecks up here, my family is very accepting, so I shouldn't have been so terrified. Whst inspired me to come out is that I want to do things thst are more how I feel inside, I plan on transitioning later in life,

[Hrafn]

I'm happy for you, SI. I've been hearing a lot lately from people whose "coming out" hasn't been quite as flawless in regards to siblings. Good to hear some manage alright.

[Red Economist]

Congrats SI. I'm glad your sister and your parents are so open and accepting. Always be true to yourself comrade. it can be pretty crazy sometimes, but that's often the best part. :grin:

[Sinister Intents]

Congrats SI. I'm glad your sister and your parents are so open and accepting. Always be true to yourself comrade. it can be pretty crazy sometimes, but that's often the best part. :grin:

Thanks ^-^ and it has made me feel so much better!!

[BIXX]

God damn you have no idea how happy I am for you.

[GiantMonkeyMan]

I'm relieved for you, SI, that it went smoothly. It's very brave of you to do so although it makes me wish we lived in a society in which everyone could be true to themselves without that reluctance and fear to overcome. I'm happy for you and wish you all the best. :)

[Vladimir Innit Lenin]

wishing you all the best. A very brave move! :)

[The Intransigent Faction]

Nothing original to say...just: Congrats! :)

[Zoroaster]

That's awesome! Glad it worked out with your sister.

[Sinister Intents]

I'll find out what my mom says soon and likewise with my father, suspense, anxiety, excitement! !

[Sinister Intents]

My dad reacted more positively than my mom... He said that's depressing essentially but seems pretty fine... My mom is freaking out a bit... This is gonna be a lot of work. .. Fuck I feel like I caused a mess

[Sasha]

Its a pretty big thing to hear and she is probably mostly worried about you. Give her time, dont freak her out further by rushing any next steps to fast, take it easy and it will all work out.
Good luck and take care.

[Sinister Intents]

I feel pretty uneasy :( my mom has made it apparent she's very upset... I feel pretty terrified about the coming week. I'm close to having a panic attack my heart is just pounding

[Sasha]

There should be a p-flag group near you, get into contact with them for advise, you and your family dont need to this alone; http://community.pflag.org/transgender

[Sinister Intents]

My parents have made me feel horrible. I just failed consoling my mom, bawling her eyes out because I came out, she feels like I ruined her dreams and pretty much told me I'd fuck the minds of my young future children up. I'm going to fucking hurt myself because I deserve it

[Sasha]

No you dont, get your sister to help, get your local pflag to help. Sleep at a friend or family for a few nights until everyone had time to breath and adjust to the new reality if you can.
Denying yourself your full potential will hurt your mom more in the end than missing out on some biological grandchildren she always dreamt off. Fuck, they can always still come (ok maybe not biological but grandchildren still) but she will need to let you find your own path. And she will eventually or she wontbe worth having in your live anyways, but it doesnt sound like that to me, she will come around. Give her time. Give yourself time.

[GiantMonkeyMan]

In no way does her reaction reflect upon you negatively and you shouldn't feel like it is in any way your fault. The reason so many people from this forum chimed in to show their support was because we empathise with your situation and respect the bravery it took to come to your decision. It's going to be a turbulent few days, no doubt, but this choice is about yourself and not her and she will come to respect that. You're a smart, kind and intelligent person and they should be proud of that.

[Bala Perdida]

My parents have made me feel horrible. I just failed consoling my mom, bawling her eyes out because I came out, she feels like I ruined her dreams and pretty much told me I'd fuck the minds of my young future children up. I'm going to fucking hurt myself because I deserve it
Don't do that sister. That's just your mom's problem, my mom dislikes kids for not being white sometimes. She's just got a different mindset. A fucked up one if you ask me. She's your mom though and she'll get past this shock. After she figures out you're not her property. Until then that's the biggest obstacle, having her realize you're not an accessory.

[Sinister Intents]

I wanna have kids and I can still provide biological grandkids, my girlfriend and I have sex very frequently so she'll still be able to hsve her dreams come through. I just really emotional and I'll contact the pflag as well as a therapist psychologist whatever. My mom sent me a very loving text but I still kinda want to just watch myself bleed a bit

[Sinister Intents]

Thanks everyone you have no fucking idea how much I appreciate all of this, it helps so much and I need it so badly.

[RedWorker]

Congratulations, comrade.

[Sinister Intents]

Seriously I fucking love you all thank you all so much for your love and support

[Hrafn]

I'm not going to tell you not to hurt yourself, or how to handle things, or whatever, because that would be a bit hypocritical coming from me. I am however going to tell yiu that we're here for you, ans that I hope sincerely that things will work out for you.

[Hrafn]

I'd also like to say this: how often does anyone on this forum agree with anyone? Like, how often is a response as uniform as to this thread? I think that shows something.

[Red Economist]

My parents have made me feel horrible. I just failed consoling my mom, bawling her eyes out because I came out, she feels like I ruined her dreams and pretty much told me I'd fuck the minds of my young future children up. I'm going to fucking hurt myself because I deserve it


I wanna have kids and I can still provide biological grandkids, my girlfriend and I have sex very frequently so she'll still be able to hsve her dreams come through. I just really emotional and I'll contact the pflag as well as a therapist psychologist whatever. My mom sent me a very loving text but I still kinda want to just watch myself bleed a bit

I would give you a hug if we weren't on opposite sides of the Atlantic.

Parents can be assholes when they think they have your 'best interests' at heart. The problem of course is that they are not your best interests at all. They're enforcing repressive social norms on to you and it hurts because they're blaming you for standing out. It takes time, but you learn to recognize that it's because they're in the closet-not you. they've been hiding parts of themselves their whole lives and when you have the courage to stand out, they get scared because your actions draw attention to them and all their repressed secrets, all the things they weren't allowed to do. Right now, it probably doesn't sound like much, but your mum is probably hurting you out of fear, not hate.
The reason you probably want to hurt yourself is because you've been blamed for who you are and... somewhere, you feel really angry with your mum and haven't got it out of your system. if you give yourself the chance to be angry (somewhere quiet helps, such as if your parents go out or with a friend/therapist), it passes, you learn to forgive them. Even though parents can be fascists sometimes and you legitimately get angry, you still love them. you do not deserve to be hurt or to hurt yourself. you have every right to love yourself and to be loved for who you are. :)

[Sinister Intents]

I think I began the slowest, longest, most brutal process in human history. The initial excitement and good feelings are pretty close to dead and I'm not sure what to do outside of take this one day at a time. My mom seems happy. I'm terrified to get home after school. I'm not sure what is going to happen next save for grueling questions and odd looks maybe... it'll probably make a lot of sense now why I have long hair, wear makeup occasionally and so forth. I'm sure I'll get great advice from other LGBT people that have come forward. I feel like I've been in a car accident

[Red Economist]

I think I began the slowest, longest, most brutal process in human history. The initial excitement and good feelings are pretty close to dead and I'm not sure what to do outside of take this one day at a time. My mom seems happy. I'm terrified to get home after school. I'm not sure what is going to happen next save for grueling questions and odd looks maybe... it'll probably make a lot of sense now why I have long hair, wear makeup occasionally and so forth. I'm sure I'll get great advice from other LGBT people that have come forward. I feel like I've been in a car accident.

We internalize the norms of society as 'fear'. Unlearning those norms and gaining self-confidence takes time- in much the same way as it took time for us to learn them. The difference is, is that we think these norms are 'solid' or 'real' when actually there not. making that mental leap is the difficult part. I realize racing anxiety is very difficult to 'control' (and in someways that can be the wrong thing to do if it means 'repress') but generally if you find a 'mental clearing' where things open up a bit, the realization that it 'will pass' can help get you from day to day. Re-working our internalised sense of what is 'normal' and 'right' is a longer-term process of growth to achieving a sense of fulfillment. (i.e. the good feelings come back; I find it's in sudden 'bursts'). talking about it helps.

[Rosa Partizan]

you're right when you say this is all gonna go very slow. Be patient with this whole process. People grew up with heteronormativity and gender binary, so this is confusing the hell out of them (no excuse, though, but most of them intend no evil towards you). Cut them some slack, but don't you ever let them put you down. It's important from now on that you stick up for yourself, but at the same time that you find likeminded people that have experienced this process. Look for LGBT-groups in your city, read stuff on the internet, show the people you care about that the core of your character is still the same and that you need their support.

[bricolage]

I can only echo what others have said, you have nothing to feel guilty about and I wish you all the best in the world. your family will support you because I'm sure they care deeply about you. look for people you can talk to (I'm 100% sure there are some nearby that you can find), and maybe today just do something you enjoy because why the hell not.

[Sinister Intents]

I no longer feel safe nor comfortable at home.

[bricolage]

I no longer feel safe nor comfortable at home.
is there someone you can go and stay with? even for just a bit?

[Sinister Intents]

is there someone you can go and stay with? even for just a bit?

My sister and girlfriend. Tension is lessening

[Comrade Jacob]

Having just started to get passes I haven't been here to support you, sorry about that. Looking through "pour your heart out" I see that this process has been very hard. My respect for you has doubled.

[Sinister Intents]

Again thanks. Things are finally beginning to be less tense
. My parents went on a date, my dad took 130 off my paycheck, my girlfriend and I are gonna sleep outside in a tent tonight. We're gonna also have a family movie night. My parents are so horribly confused and stressed and upset and they're still making me feel it! I'm just writhing in anxiety, oh and its like a never-ending panic attack! Oh joy! My mom is very opposed to any kind of transition, my dad is actually the worst. I felt likr he might hit me. I don't want to leave my girlfriend's side or be home without her or my sister. I can only imagine how my Jesus-freak grandmother would react

[M-L-C-F]

I hope everything gets better for you. You don't deserve to feel this way. Do what makes you feel happy. If your family doesn't support you, then that's their problem, not yours. You've already got issues to deal with, so you don't need this from them. If you don't feel safe there, then you might be better off staying with your sister or girlfriend.

People are idiots unfortunately. It's their problem though. So don't let them make you feel down, and for fucks sake, don't hurt yourself over it. That's the last thing you need to be doing. Not only is it dangerous, it's completely fucking stupid. I don't mean to be a prick by saying that, but it's the truth. You need to be told the truth, even if it isn't nice all the time. Family is important, but it isn't everything. Sometimes people don't talk to certain family members for good reasons. Cause it isn't always trivial shit, that creates the splits in some families.

Honestly, if I had my own place. I'd say come up to Detroit, and crash on my couch. Since western New York state to here is drivable, and me and you are cool. But you're probably better off sticking around there, and trying to work shit out anyways. I'm glad that your being yourself. That's what truly matters here. You'll look back on it, and be happy eventually. So be safe, and try to be rational with things. That will create the best outcome from all of this. I'm sorry for not replying sooner. I've been busy, and I've got a lot of shit going on myself.

[Loony Le Fist]

You have my support SI. I'm sorry about the kind of response you got at home. It seems it might have been unexpected, considering the earlier support you got from other family members and friends. I wish you only the best with your transition and with your relationships. I hope things get better for you.

[RedWorker]

Well, this may be difficult, I wish the best for you. Be whoever you want to be.

[Sinister Intents]

My sister is very reassuring.

[Sinister Intents]

Everything has calmed down significantly and is coming back to normal. Though I'll always hide my feminine side from my parents. My sister will help me dress pretty! Though I'm not sure she'll help me dress more gothic.

The prolonged panic attack has subsided and ended. I'm not feeling like I'm gonna hurt myself anymore (not as much more so) I should be able to work on stopping excoriating and other self harm shit I've done for years :)