Positive Coping Skills

[Trap Queen Voxxy]

Guys, I really need help, I really feel like I can't so this anymore. I'm reaching my breaking point and I don't like emotionally where I'm going. The medication I'm prescribed to (klonopin) doesn't seem to be working anymore and it really sucks also that I've been out of my life saving medication (marijuana) for like 3 days now and I just want rip out my hair. I cry myself to sleep, I wake up depressed, crying and furious and today I had to talk to my roommate for like an hour half before I could do anything because all I wanted to do this morning is find the easiest way to end it all. I just never seem to have the balls to do it Ben though I really want too. I don't know what's wrong. My therapist is a moron and doesn't help me at all. I hate her. I hate her so much. I hate the way she looks, I hate the way she sounds, I hate what she represents, I resent her perfect life, her perfect hair, her perfect family, her perfect family, everything about her I hate or resent. All she does is try to shove more and more pills down my throat, costing me money, I don't have. Anytime I say shit like this her solution is to change my pill combo. This is bullshit. I try to run and power walk and it helps some but not enough. I can't seem to shake this uncontrollable, violent rage steaming underneath my skin and heart. I try reading, I try praying, I try reading the Qur'an and meditating and nothing seems to really knock me off this horrendous dark kick I'm on. What's even worse is it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to be nice and maintain appearances. I even made my roommates bf cry today because he said something negative about my outfit, nothing major, was just joking, and I unloaded on him like an AK. I feel so awful. Can anyone give me some advice please and thank you?

[BIXX]

I wanna tell you that I don't know if I can be of any help, but that I know how you're feeling... I wanna talk more but I'm at work, you should PM me.

[Loony Le Fist]

It sounds like your doctor is simply trying to throw pills at you to avoid having to help you deal with your problems. Klonopin is a strong benzodiazepene. The drug works by effectively zombifying you. However, in a significant number of cases it can have what are called paradoxical effects. It means that instead of the drug bluntly numbing your senses, as is typical, it can worsen your symptoms. I'd also be curious if they've already tried to push some anti-convulsants on you.

I think we both get that there is a solution. Unfortunately, that solution is currently out of reach for you mostly because of stupid social constructions that have no basis in real science. Nature magazine has published countless journal articles on the efficacy of this substance on the types of symptoms you are experiencing.

But let's hear some less depressing information. My major coping mechanism for these symptoms is to immerse myself completely into my work. I don't know what other way to deal. Killing yourself sucks. I've already done it, and they revived me. The medical technology is so good now that it is remarkably hard to kill yourself. You may very well likely end up staying alive a vegetable or in a persistent coma. You may have permanent complications from the experience. I should know.

Please don't ever try to kill yourself. Not just for the sake of your loved ones. Would you really want to end up being a suicide survivor with a horrible and permanent disability? Did I scare the fucking shit out of you? I hope so.

EDIT: I'm sorry how this might have come off to some people. I have reread this, and have considered if this was too harsh. It's just this issue strikes particularly close to home for me. I truly apologize if someone considers my words here offensive.

[The Intransigent Faction]

Pill-pushers who think experimenting with different medications could lead to some miraculous solution are awful indeed. For whatever it's worth, I get from experience that that's infuriating.

Loony's advice to immerse yourself completely in work is great, and keep up the exercise, too! Also, forgive me for stating the obvious but this post itself at least means that you aren't just bottling everything up and you're still at a point where you can and will talk about these things...nobody can or should "be nice and maintain appearances" forever.

I'd say keep yourself busy and keep trying to find healthy outlets to, yeah, let loose occasionally. Sorry if that was all platitudes, just offering what I can, and hope that whatever you need for things to get better, you find it.

[Ethics Gradient, Traitor For All Ages]

I would stop seeing your shrink if she is really making you feel that way. It might be important in the long run to determine if it's something she is actually doing, or if it's something you're projecting, but it's certainly not going to do any good to continue seeing her. It's important to remember who is in control, and its not the therapist. If it ever feels like they're trying to control you, its time to find someone else to talk to.

I have dealt with depression all of my adult life, but I have avoided medication so I unfortunately cannot offer advice about it, but when was the last time you were not on medication?

[Os Cangaceiros]

That's a shame about the Klonopin. IMO Klonopin is a great drug and when I'm on it I feel almost like a normal human being (although I space out my usage because I'm afraid that one day it'll just stop working for whatever reason, plus benzodiazepine dependence doesn't sound fun). I really like it's physical properties (muscle and nerve relaxation)

One obvious piece of advice I guess is to stop seeing your therapist. It sounds like you don't like that lady, so why bother? Waste of time. If you want to continuing taking pills then find an MD who will write you scripts, as they're generally more amicable to the idea than actual psychiatrists, and find a therapist who does cognitive behavioral therapy or whatever. That sounds like what you really want anyway. I'm not sure if you have access to something like that in your area but usually those kinds of behavioral therapists are pretty inexpensive, some of them charge on a sliding scale, etc.

Do you own a firearm and live near a range? One thing that I find relieves stress a great deal, and I mean this seriously, is blasting off a bunch of rounds of ammo at something. When I got in from work at the end of the summer, I remember standing on the edge of my deck, getting stoned and just obliterating stumps in my yard with shotgun slugs and man, it felt so good. I mean, I kind of felt like a hillbilly too, but it's all good.

[Ocean Seal]

I can't assume that I will be of help, but I certainly do recall feeling this way.


Guys, I really need help, I really feel like I can't so this anymore. I'm reaching my breaking point and I don't like emotionally where I'm going. The medication I'm prescribed to (klonopin) doesn't seem to be working anymore and it really sucks also that I've been out of my life saving medication (marijuana) for like 3 days now and I just want rip out my hair. I cry myself to sleep, I wake up depressed, crying and furious and today I had to talk to my roommate for like an hour half before I could do anything because all I wanted to do this morning is find the easiest way to end it all. I just never seem to have the balls to do it Ben though I really want too. I don't know what's wrong.
The important thing to know is that there is nothing wrong with you. I relied on weed a lot during my dark past two years of my life. And I know this doesn't mean much from an internet stranger, but from what I can tell, it would be a real shame to lose you even in the limited context that I know you in.



My therapist is a moron and doesn't help me at all. I hate her. I hate her so much. I hate the way she looks, I hate the way she sounds, I hate what she represents, I resent her perfect life, her perfect hair, her perfect family, her perfect family, everything about her I hate or resent. All she does is try to shove more and more pills down my throat, costing me money, I don't have. Anytime I say shit like this her solution is to change my pill combo.
Don't buy the pills. Her life isn't perfect. Don't compare everyone else's highlight reel to your tape. You don't get to see how fucked up everyone else is. Try to find a way to take a break from the things that stress you at the most. Try to address what really bothers you and take the time to do this, not to ignore it.



This is bullshit. I try to run and power walk and it helps some but not enough. I can't seem to shake this uncontrollable, violent rage steaming underneath my skin and heart. I try reading, I try praying, I try reading the Qur'an and meditating and nothing seems to really knock me off this horrendous dark kick I'm on.
I tried all of this stuff too, sometimes you can't try to kick off the rage, instead embrace the rage for what it really is. And control it, do not kick it to the curb and instead watch it dissipate when you acknowledge that its part of you.


What's even worse is it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to be nice and maintain appearances. I even made my roommates bf cry today because he said something negative about my outfit, nothing major, was just joking, and I unloaded on him like an AK. I feel so awful. Can anyone give me some advice please and thank you?
Do the appropriate thing and apologize, go to a communist march and yell some slogans and unload verbally on people that deserve it. Come home eat some fruit and relax.