how much "intimacy" in relationships is just right?

[Rosa Partizan]

So the reason for this thread is that some days ago, I met a friend of mine I don't see that often, since she lives 250 miles away. She told me about how happy she is in her relationship and that she's never loved a man like that and that she feels so close to him and that it is all so trusting that she's able to share and do things she hasn't been able before. She named some examples, like, squeeze out his pimples, remove his boogers from his nose and shitting in his presence. When she saw my jaw drop, she was like, "I used to be like that, too, but then I found him and now, sharing anything is possible. And once you fall in love like that, you'll be able to do that, too". And I was like (apart from thinking "I hope I NEVER fall in love like that"), "I think this is a type thing. Some people can and others can't, not because they don't love their partner, but just because they...they fucking don't want to". I mean, always implying that your partner is able-bodied and stuff, cause otherwise it's a different thing. I do notice some differences with guys. If I really like someone, I feel at ease to not wear make up, to not have perfect nails and hair, not be perfectly shaved and all that. This is my kind of showing "I like you" and not "I like you so much that you can attend my shitting sessions". What do you think about that? Is this a totally individual thing? What are your experiences with that?

[Connolly1916]

I suppose it's all down to the individual. Personally, if a girl ever attempts to squeeze out my pimples, remove my boogers from my nose or shit in my presence, then she is not gonna be the girl for me. Cannibalism is another turn off.

[human strike]

Well, as I write this my partner is squeezing a spot on my face after picking a scab off my scalp with a hair pin. Oh, now she's got her fingers in my ears... I've known her less than four weeks. That gives you a pretty good impression of where I sit on this, but honestly it's entirely subjective. People have different attachment styles and are comfortable with different levels of intimacy, etc..

[Redistribute the Rep]

I just vomited a little in my mouth

[PhoenixAsh]

Hmmm. No. Just no.

I don't like a personal grooming monkey. If I do I'll buy a small version which I can carry around with me.

And I want some time and space for myself if you know what I mean...and so should my partner :glare:

Now I prefer a girl who doesn't always wear make-up, doesn't always perfectly shave...and I give fuck all about nails. I don't want somebody who is trying to be perfect all the time. And you should feel comfortabel to not always be your best and be able to be yourself. But you at least owe it to each other to make some sort of effort every once in a while.

Look...when something is wrong, somebody is sick...yeah fine...you take care of somebody. You make allowances. And this is how it should be. You help, clean up and accept things to be temporarily (hopefully), ehm, different. And I don't really mind if somebody walks in when I pee....I don't mind the reverse.

But there are limits in which I feel things go from comfortable to just not giving a damn.

I realize that is hugely personal and subjective...but yeah...this is my take.

[Quail]

I guess different people have different boundaries.

I think using the toilet in front of a partner is a bit weird and wouldn't really want that level of intimacy with someone, though on the other hand I also wouldn't want to be with someone and feel anxious about them judging my bodily functions or whatever.

I don't shave or wear make-up, but I do make effort in other ways for a partner and I certainly wouldn't want to be with someone who tried to pressure me into presenting myself in a certain way.

[exeexe]

I used to be like that, too, but then I found him and now, sharing anything is possible
Well sharing is caring...

[Ele'ill]

scalp massages

[Loony Le Fist]

So the reason for this thread is that some days ago, I met a friend of mine I don't see that often, since she lives 250 miles away. She told me about how happy she is in her relationship and that she's never loved a man like that and that she feels so close to him and that it is all so trusting that she's able to share and do things she hasn't been able before. She named some examples, like, squeeze out his pimples, remove his boogers from his nose and shitting in his presence. When she saw my jaw drop, she was like, "I used to be like that, too, but then I found him and now, sharing anything is possible. And once you fall in love like that, you'll be able to do that, too". And I was like (apart from thinking "I hope I NEVER fall in love like that"), "I think this is a type thing. Some people can and others can't, not because they don't love their partner, but just because they...they fucking don't want to". I mean, always implying that your partner is able-bodied and stuff, cause otherwise it's a different thing. I do notice some differences with guys. If I really like someone, I feel at ease to not wear make up, to not have perfect nails and hair, not be perfectly shaved and all that. This is my kind of showing "I like you" and not "I like you so much that you can attend my shitting sessions". What do you think about that? Is this a totally individual thing? What are your experiences with that?

I can't really see myself squeezing someone's pimples (that's bad to do, actually) or removing their boogers. However, practical considerations have sometimes made it necessary for me to relax the bathroom rules. Sometimes someone is showering, someone else has to use the toilet and there is only a single bathroom. I figure as long as there is a curtain between us, we will be ok. I don't really see this as an issue of enhanced trust, more a lack of access to a second bathroom.

I'm willing to relax boundaries in some tricky situations--I'd say someone's physiological situation (have to crap) takes precedence over my psychological comfort in the cases I could think of, off the top of my head. Though, I wouldn't really be comfortable pooping in front of others on a regular basis. However, I'm sure their discomfort would probably outweigh mine in that situation. If things aren't going well for me, I guarantee I can get them to exit by their own volition. :scared:

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

But on a more serious note, it makes me wonder--what part of all this has to do with boundaries that make sense, and boundaries that are simply rules that have been socially conditioned into us, without being physiologically and/or psychologically beneficial.

[human strike]

I did a poo in front of a friend the other day, but that was because I was on drugs. Would I poo in front of my partner? Yeah, probably, I've pissed in front of partners plenty of times, but I'm not going out of my way to do it. I mean, if I'm willing to piss on a partner, it follows that I don't mind pissing in their presence. :laugh:

Everyone else's posts are making me feel like I'm especially weird. I know that I get up to some dirty shit that most don't (I'm not into watersports by the way, I just used to have a partner who was), but I know I can't be that unusual; all my past partners have squeezed my spots even when I've discouraged them from doing so, and all of them have been very comfortable with toilet affairs around me, again without encouragement from me (even discouragement again actually). Maybe I just attract weirdos, but I like to think it's because I make people feel very comfortable. :)

[Rosa Partizan]

I don't know how about those people that would find all these things disgusting, but to me, sharing EVERYTHING, including any body excretion, would somehow lead to less attraction. I know that my inhibition level is pretty low anyway, I'm disgusted very quickly, while that friend of mine finds everything that comes out of the human body fascinating. To me, there are things that I prefer people to keep for themselves. I mean, it's something different in a sexual context. I got no problem with bodily fluids when getting intimate, but without that context, and when it's about stuff like boogers and poo, I really don't wanna take notice of that.

[human strike]

I don't know how about those people that would find all these things disgusting, but to me, sharing EVERYTHING, including any body excretion, would somehow lead to less attraction. I know that my inhibition level is pretty low anyway, I'm disgusted very quickly, while that friend of mine finds everything that comes out of the human body fascinating. To me, there are things that I prefer people to keep for themselves. I mean, it's something different in a sexual context. I got no problem with bodily fluids when getting intimate, but without that context, and when it's about stuff like boogers and poo, I really don't wanna take notice of that.

I think for some people it does genuinely lead to more attraction, even if it does feel like it kills the romance somewhat. Some people do just want to share everything, and I can sympathise with that to be honest.

[Rosa Partizan]

I kinda understand that in so far that I find it relieving when I "dare" to look bad in his presence. When I notice that he still finds me attractive, I def feel more attached. It's just a different level of "sharing everything about yourself", know what I mean?

[human strike]

I kinda understand that in so far that I find it relieving when I "dare" to look bad in his presence. When I notice that he still finds me attractive, I def feel more attached. It's just a different level of "sharing everything about yourself", know what I mean?

I do know what you mean, but yesterday I let my partner chew food and then transfer it into my mouth with her tongue. It was bombay mix and had an interesting texture but tasted fine, maybe even better. She also regularly cleans the wax out of my ears - she gets a real kick out of it (though not in a sexual way). Okay, now I'm just trying to gross you out. :laugh:

I recognise these things aren't pleasant, but I find them reassuring all the same.

[exeexe]

Well one way to solve this fundamental problem of yours could be to tax the body fluids of the partner in question. In that way you encourage she/he/dog to only be engaged on the black market.

[slum]

man i dont even want my partners seeing where i live yall are weird

[Psycho P and the Freight Train]

Ahh, dammit Rosa, my eyes! My precious eyes! That image will be burned into my head for a while….:crying:

[Dennis the 'Bloody Peasant']

My wife loves nothing more than to squeeze anything that rears it's ugly puss-filled head anywhere on my body and I fucking hate it, but she will not be disuaded, says it's like an addiction. Never went numbers one or two in front of anyone before I lived with her...now that we have kids it seems we only have a bathroom door for the benefit of occaisional visitors.

[Quail]

I think using the bathroom in front of kids is a bit different though, since when they're small you don't really have the choice. Plus, kids are grossss so it's not like they're bothered by it! (One morning I woke up and my son was proudly making shit footprints on the bathroom floor... I still don't think he has much of a sense of disgust.)

[Rosa Partizan]

I think using the bathroom in front of kids is a bit different though, since when they're small you don't really have the choice. Plus, kids are grossss so it's not like they're bothered by it! (One morning I woke up and my son was proudly making shit footprints on the bathroom floor... I still don't think he has much of a sense of disgust.)

this is adorable :tt1:

[Quail]

Less adorable when you have to clean it up :lol:
But it was pretty funny.

[consuming negativity]

If I didn't have to, I wouldn't shit or piss or ever get pimples or ears that need cleaning. It's pretty fucking gross, but that's biology for you. Everything is covered in bacteria and shit. We're walking sacks of blood and meat that a properly placed knife could spill all over the floor. I don't like to be reminded of it by myself or any partners if I don't have to, but I think I'm a little bit less grossed out when it's someone else's fluids and excrement, assuming this is someone I'd have sex with. Once you get to the point where you have genitalia flying around and butts everywhere, a little bit of humanity isn't gonna turn me off. And practicality does take precedence over the "eww" factor except in extreme circumstances.

[Sea]

I do know what you mean, but yesterday I let my partner chew food and then transfer it into my mouth with her tongue. It was bombay mix and had an interesting texture but tasted fine, maybe even better.I'm guilty of doing that with spicy foods sometimes...

[A Revolutionary Tool]

The only pimples I'll let a girlfriend pop are those hard to reach ones on the back. Other than that...Shitting in front of them is okay, though I'd rather not but she's just going to have to deal with the flatuants. When it comes to sex there's not a lot I wouldn't do, just no crushing of my balls or anything crazy like that.

[Yet_Another_Boring_Marxist]

um what the fuck am I reading

[La Guaneña]

I'm in a 3yr relationship with someone who is also a comrade, so our level of intimacy is, well... I guess I'm more intimate with her parents than most of you are with your partners :laugh:

[Creative Destruction]

It depends on the individuals. I don't mind that my wife picks at my zits when we're in private. I mind a bit more in public. We go to the bathroom in front of each other... it's not that big of a deal. For some strange reason, she won't let me pick her zits, though. I think it might have to do with how indelicate I am about it, though. But, yeah, we're thoroughly intimate in some areas, and it differs in others. I like to be touched -- as in hugged, holding hands, kissing and what not -- but she doesn't so much, not so constantly anyway. A lot of it has to do with how we were brought up in our families and so we strive for compromises and we mix it up.

[hatzel]

I suppose we need an anarcho-answer, so...


A marriage is only assured of a steady love when the couple discover themselves anew each day, and when each recognizes in the other an inexhaustible spring of life, that is, a mystery, unfathomed and incomprehensible. If they find nothing new in one another, so love dissolves inexorably into boredom and indifference. The activity of understanding, when unable to be exercised upon a mystery because its darkness has been dispelled, turns away from the completely understood and now insipid other. Who wishes to be loved must take care, like the clever woman, not to offer all charms at once. With something new every morning the love might endure centuries!

So that means...ah...what does that mean? Beats me. Not so much intimacy, I guess, so you can keep the charm of...toilet mysteries...for another day...

:confused:

[Rosa Partizan]

I'm in a 3yr relationship with someone who is also a comrade, so our level of intimacy is, well... I guess I'm more intimate with her parents than most of you are with your partners

not sure if I want you to elaborate on that or not.

[Slavic]

My cat has no boundaries. I can't even go to the bathroom with the door closed because she just meows and scratches up the door until I open it. As soon as I walk into the bathroom she bolts inside and starts rubbing against me.

She was also like this when I lived with my ex wife. My cat would scream to get let in the bathroom if either one of us were in there. Whenever my ex would be pooping I would purposely throw the cat in the bathroom and lock the door.

I have also thrown the cat in the shower when my ex was in there but that activity ended quickly.

[Црвена]

This thread is corrupting my innocence. :o