How to react to verbal threads

[exeexe]

Is it ok to react violently to verbal threads? Someone said im gonna punch you in the face. The reason why i ask is because i had an incident yesterday.

[Vladimir Innit Lenin]

I would probably avoid conflict as much as is possible. Unless someone is actually going to punch you in the face (in which case you'd obviously do well to avoid that and defend yourself), I would ignore empty threats - they're a sign of weakness and by refusing to fight you're showing a position of strength.

It's quite obvious that people who 'need' to fight are merely making shows of bravado to mask their own insecurities about their 'alpha male' position. People who are comfortable in their own physical abilities or social status generally don't need to resort to fighting.

[exeexe]

I dont need to show a position of strength. I just didnt want to run around being scared. The situation gave me 3 options:
1. Respond with physical force
2. Ignore the situation
3. Be scared

But as you see option 2 and 3 is basically the same. They both make you being scared. You cant ignore a verbal thread since a punch to the face can come at any moment.
But with a proactive initiative i regained control of the situation and after that there was no longer a reason to be scared.

[Ele'ill]

It is always best to walk away. Keeping a poker face and mentally elevating yourself out of such situations is underrated. They are not worth your time, show them that by being cold and disinterested. I am not 100% read up on laws but unless someone is making a move to begin a physical assault against you, and that there are witnesses or cameras capturing this specific part of the event, and you simply hit someone who is threatening assault, you have just assaulted someone. In some places this carries minimum sentencing if you are convicted which means you can get what is usually lengthy mandatory prison sentences.

If you follow your proactive approach and you hit them, several things can happen even before cops, court, jail, prison.

1. They can not know how to protect themselves and you can seriously hurt them and kill them. A lot of people get their bell dinged and they hit their head on the ground/things around them while falling. They could have other medical issues that complicate you hitting them resulting in serious injury/death.

2. They do know how to defend them self and they hurt you really bad.

3. They, or someone else pulls weapons.

If you want to feel more confident in situations where it could become physical you're going to want to learn how to not even acknowledge their baiting but maybe take boxing/thai boxing or some other type of combat sport. You will immediately discover the chasm of difference between beginners who train to fight even after 6 months and regular folks who have no training. You will learn how to protect yourself while walking away.

[Lensky]

Confront them verbally and ask them if they want to fight right now, or if they're never going to fight you. Usually a public confrontation works best for forcing a reaction, then you can settle the affair however you like. At the very least a sword won't be hanging over your head anymore.

[Lensky]

Nobody has the right to make you feel unsafe, threatened, or insecure. You have the right to confront them violently and force them to stop. It is right to fight.

[Lensky]

Just for reasons of public image I believe you should respond to verbal threats with a verbal response, to come out swinging makes you appear aggressive, emotional, and lacking self confidence. Make them throw the first punch, or shame them publicly for talking big but having nothing to show for it.

[exeexe]

I am not 100% read up on laws but unless someone is making a move to begin a physical assault against you, and that there are witnesses or cameras capturing this specific part of the event, and you simply hit someone who is threatening assault, you have just assaulted someone.

It happened in an environment where everyone around me didnt see anything.



If you follow your proactive approach and you hit them, several things can happen even before cops, court, jail, prison.
I never said i hit him. You know there are other ways to use physical force



1. (...) They could have other medical issues that complicate you hitting them resulting in serious injury/death.
If they have a serious injurie then they shouldnt bring themselves into such a situation to begin with



2. They do know how to defend them self and they hurt you really bad.
He already did hurt me by saying what he did. Not physically but psychologically



3. They, or someone else pulls weapons.
Yeah its just a chance you take



Confront them verbally and ask them if they want to fight right now,
Yeah i know i could do that. But it just felt like taking a huge risk that wasn't worth it.



Nobody has the right to make you feel unsafe, threatened, or insecure. You have the right to confront them violently and force them to stop. It is right to fight. Thx!


Just for reasons of public image I believe you should respond to verbal threats with a verbal response, to come out swinging makes you appear aggressive, emotional, and lacking self confidence. Make them throw the first punch, or shame them publicly for talking big but having nothing to show for it. So far the response i have got from my peers until now has been very positive. I feel good about coming out as emotional. Thats how i am because im a human being. And im not coming out as aggressive, i came out as someone who you dont tread on, like because i have self confidence and also my self confidence grew during that incident. So i dont know why i should come out as having low self confidence, i cant recognize that.

Maybe the mainstream people out there would see me having low self confidence, but then it is they who have been screwed around by society that we are living in, to the point that they don't even know what self confidence is anymore, and it is they who are wrong not me.

[Ele'ill]

It happened in an environment where everyone around me didnt see anything.

then you do run the risks associated with that


I never said i hit him. You know there are other ways to use physical force

it could still be considered assault


If they have a serious injurie then they shouldnt bring themselves into such a situation to begin with

it would be a situation that you created if you were the one to assault them (because they said something to you)



He already did hurt me by saying what he did. Not physically but psychologically

Well, you're gonna be a busy person


Yeah its just a chance you take


Yeah i know i could do that. But it just felt like taking a huge risk that wasn't worth it.

It's always best to walk away.

[exeexe]

it could still be considered assault

It was a well executed assault and people liked it. But he walked away as a free man. Had he done the same thing at the policestation the police would had assaulted him and put him in prison and gave him a fine. So you can compare that.



it would be a situation that you created if you were the one to assault them (because they said something to you)
I didnt create the situation since he was the one who threatened people. If i were the one who created the situation i could had picked a much weaker human.



Well, you're gonna be a busy person
I dont remember last time someone threatened me besides the obligationary police command soundling like: leave this area now!



It's always best to walk away.Said the Social Democratic party and the communist party of Germany in 1930

[Ele'ill]

It was a well executed assault and people liked it. But he walked away as a free man. Had the police been called they would had assaulted him and put him in prison and gave him a fine. So you can compare that.

I don't understand what you're saying here.



I didnt create the situation since he was the one who threatened people. If i were the one who created the situation i could had picked a much weaker human.

you would have turned a situation of verbal exchange into a situation of physical assault


Said the Social Democratic party and the communist party of Germany in 1930

lol said you right here shortly before walking away :rolleyes:


But it just felt like taking a huge risk that wasn't worth it.

[BIXX]

Mari3L is right, as anyone with any real fighting experience will tell you, walking away is always better than getting in a fight, even if you clobber them.

It shows that you are in a fight or flight mode of thinking- which is the mode of thinking of a prey animal.

However, if you stay calm and react verbally only (or don't react at all) then you can maintain the idea that you are above the "fight or flight" mode of thinking.

There are times when fighting is your only option, but don't you ever far be the one to make a situation that way.

Also you're dumb for comparing Mari3L to the German social dems. If Mari3L were there we would prolly have communism or at least a "nicer capitalism" just from their pure badassery.

[consuming negativity]

Given the information that you've given us (or lack thereof) I'm not sure any informed advice can be given to you.

[exeexe]

I don't understand what you're saying here.

It was a well executed assault and people liked it. But he walked away as a free man. Had the police been called they would had assaulted him and put him in prison and gave him a fine. So you can compare that.

means that i did something to him. After the episode people have come to me and said it was good that i did it. He walked away from the area and no one did anything to him when he did that. If he had walked into a policestation and behaved like he did and began to say i punch you in the face to the police, then the police would had done something to him too, but on top of that they would had punished him even further



you would have turned a situation of verbal exchange into a situation of physical assault
No the situation was already a verbal assault.



lol said you right here shortly before walking away :rolleyes:What? I didnt walk away, he did

[Lensky]

So far the response i have got from my peers until now has been very positive. I feel good about coming out as emotional. Thats how i am because im a human being. And im not coming out as aggressive, i came out as someone who you dont tread on, like because i have self confidence and also my self confidence grew during that incident. So i dont know why i should come out as having low self confidence, i cant recognize that.

Maybe the mainstream people out there would see me having low self confidence, but then it is they who have been screwed around by society that we are living in, to the point that they don't even know what self confidence is anymore, and it is they who are wrong not me.

I said low self confidence because it implies that you are sensitive to verbal threats and unable to react in a calm and controlled manner. Becoming emotional and aggressive isn't something to strive for in a confrontational situation because its a form of losing control, you aren't able to keep a situation going the way you want it to go and appear scared.

Ignore all this fear mongering about the police and being caught etc, if this is just a school ground rumble then you can easily bring the fight to a private location and settle it there. To believe that any outburst of emancipatory violence (and I say emancipatory because you are literally freeing yourself from a violent situation, someone is suppressing your will by making you feel weak and small) will result in massive repercussions is to avoid living at all, and most of the time, just a fantasy you've internalized to be meek and submissive. Again, nobody has the right to verbally assault you. You ask them to stop, if they don't, you attack them. Bullies are the most skilled manipulators and verbal artists, physical violence creates an equal playing field.

If you don't think you are ready to fight him for whatever reason, then make yourself ready, train, lift weights, learn to throw and take punches, confidence needs to be built up from nothing.

[Ele'ill]

lol, getting baited into a fight is totally macho and liberating

[Lensky]

lol, getting baited into a fight is totally macho and liberating

Allowing a situation to continue where you are a victim of abuse isn't liberating, and bullies do not 'grow bored of it'. It only ends when you're no longer being placed in situations where you are next to them, or they don't view you as an easy target anymore.

Also, you're underestimating the effects of verbal abuse, even when 'ignored' it hits you right to the core, makes you doubt yourself and feel scared, insecure. This literally drives people to suicide.

Finally, I did not say throw the first punch, I am advising him to either force the bully to fight him by calling him a coward for threatening him, or to shame him publicly for talking smack but having nothing to show for it.

[Lensky]

Don't automatically attach machismo with dignity and self-defence, women are just as entitled to preserve their sense of safety and self-confidence as men are.

[exeexe]

..

I dont want to be threatened, like that is the initial position for me and as long as no one has threatened me the situation is under control. But the moment someone threatens me it means the situation becomes out of control.

So you think my actions let the situation to escalate out of control, while i see it as it already was out of control before i took actions. Therefore my actions brought the situation back into control, and it can also be validated in the final result. That he walked away and everything became calm.

But i agree to the rest of your post

[Lensky]

I dont want to be threatened, like that is the initial position for me and as long as no one has threatened me the situation is under control. But the moment someone threatens me it means the situation becomes out of control.

So you think my actions let the situation to escalate out of control, while i see it as it already was out of control before i took actions. Therefore my actions brought the situation back into control, and it can also be validated in the final result. That he walked away and everything became calm.

But i agree to the rest of your post

Okay, if you feel safe then do not escalate the situation. If you feel like you might get attacked at any moment and that is making you scared, then you need to confront them, not necessarily violently, but be ready for that.

[Ele'ill]

Allowing a situation to continue where you are a victim of abuse isn't liberating, and bullies do not 'grow bored of it'. It only ends when you're no longer being placed in situations where you are next to them, or they don't view you as an easy target anymore.


No sorry let's be honest about what the question was. The original post was a situation where someone said 'I'm going to punch you in the face' with the options to assault them (punch them first) or walk away and ignore it. Getting baited into a fight means you got baited into a fight.

[Lensky]

No sorry let's be honest about what the question was. The original post was a situation where someone said 'I'm going to punch you in the face' with the options to assault them (punch them first) or walk away and ignore it. Getting baited into a fight means you got baited into a fight.

Okay I did not understand the situation correctly. If it is a situation like this then you make them back down and walk away, whilst you stand your ground. You handled it correctly.

[Ele'ill]

Don't automatically attach machismo with dignity and self-defence

It's probably best to escape a potentially violent situation than to become involved in a violent situation. I don't have to stretch the given example here into things that it isn't in order to prove my point. The example wasn't 'hey i'm being physically assaulted every day is it ok for me to fight back and defend myself'- the question was, someone mouthed off to me is it ok if i assault them.

[Ele'ill]

Okay I did not understand the situation correctly. If it is a situation like this then you make them back down and walk away, whilst you stand your ground. You handled it correctly.

Yeah I don't know if I'm understanding the situation correctly tbh but that is what it looks like from the original post.

[slum]

never be the one to escalate. the best self defense is to extract yourself from the situation.

[Loony Le Fist]

I'm not going to single out one of your posts here, but Mari3L, you're killing it. :grin: dirty doxxer is on point here too.

You are best served by not allowing yourself to be baited into physical confrontation. It is absolutely true. Anyone with fighting experience will tell you the exact same thing.

[exeexe]

Anyone with fighting experience will tell you the exact same thing.
Which they never got because at every opportunity they ran home to hide in a corner and when their mom came home from work they told her why they were crying.

[Trap Queen Voxxy]

Is it ok to react violently to verbal threads? Someone said im gonna punch you in the face. The reason why i ask is because i had an incident yesterday.

Well, what I'm about to say, realize, if you are in a situation where there is no other recourse but to defend yourself then do so and if you're scared, find the nearest weapon. This being said, what I've learned thus far is you'd be surprised at how many situations can be defused with just walking away, ignoring them, maintaining a calm and civil voice to the point of appearing Vulcan and so on. I understand how hard it is cuz I'm friggin tiny as shit physically and I'm always maintaining a bubbly personality so when confronted with this it's very overwhelming. But again, always try to ignore them and walk away but never walk away with your back turned.

[Ele'ill]

Which they never got because at every opportunity they ran home to hide in a corner and when their mom came home from work they told her why they were crying.

It sounds like your issue isn't about getting out of the situation either by taking the bait and getting into a scrap or by walking away, it sounds like your issue is that you are unsure if you could physically defend yourself if it came to that. So by walking away you feel that uncertainty. If that is the case, I can respect that up to a certain point, I know that it isn't a good feeling regularly being in a violent atmosphere, where the potential to physically defend yourself or others is always lurking, but never actualized.

So my advice to take up a combat sport of some sort still stands to resolve this (it will). I have trained boxing and thai boxing, a little bit past simply dabbling in it, I am not an expert, I don't fight competitively, but I would suggest looking into boxing, and thai boxing. From my experience you will immediately discover that you are leaving a world of people who have no idea what they're doing in a fight completely behind you and entering into a world of people who actually know how to fight, who can train with you so that if you are ever forced to fight you know that you have spent the last year, 2-3 days a week, protecting your face, moving your feet and head, throwing combinations, sparring, working out, etc.. That is confidence when you're doing it for fun, for a workout, for the technical aspect of it.