What should I do?

[pleasehelp]

Hi. Let me start out by saying something that I'm sure the admins would find out anyways - this account is in fact a sock puppet. Before you ban me and my original account, please let me explain. I'm a regular poster on this site with my regular account and am not banned or restricted or anything - In fact I'm not too many posts away from being a "committed user" or whatever. However, what I'm about to talk about isn't something that I'm comfortable talking about on my main account. I'm pretty certain that from my main account, one or two users know my identity and my Facebook. While I trust these few people for the most part, this is something that I really am only comfortable talking about anonymously just in case anyone who might happen to know me on my regular account happen to not be trustworthy and tell other people on Facebook. I realize this is really unlikely but the fact that there would be any chance of this happening makes me really nervous and would make it so that I wouldn't be able to post about this topic on my regular account. It is extremely personal and something that no one outside of my immediate family knows about, yet it is also something that I'm desperate for help on, and I'm not really sure where to turn. I promise I wont use this account to make any posts except for in this thread - if I do, then please, ban me immediately. I don't have any malicious intentions with this, I just want to be anonymous about doing this, because I'd be too nervous about talking about this otherwise. After this thread is no longer in use, it would be completely fine with me if this sock puppet account is deleted. But please, if you post it in that "admin actions" thread or whatever, please don't mention the original account that this is a sockpuppet of, because a few people know the person that goes with my usual account and again, I would feel nervous trusting them all not to say anything when I don't know them very well. I hope this is understandable.

Now, here's the problem I'm having:

I'm 17 years old and don't know what to do about a serious problem. I wet the bed about 5% of nights - this is less than I used to but still deeply problematic for me. I really want to get help so that I'll be able to stop, but I don't know what the cause of my problem is in the first place or even whether it's physical or psychological.

I have an odd pattern of wetting the bed. When I do, it's extremely likely that I will do so again within the next 2-3 nights, and in fact this usually happens after an initial accident. After that, I generally go a month or two with no accident. So it's really weird I think how having an accident one night for me is linked to a huge increase in the likelihood that I'll have one in the next 2-3 nights. It's also worth noting that when I was 5, I had a period of about 3 months where I completely stopped bedwetting. But then it started back up again, and just like that was happening almost every night again (and it took me being as old as I am now for it to get down to only happening about 5% of the time). For these reasons, I'm thinking maybe my problem is at least partially psychological. But on the other hand, I'm not usually in a noticeably worse mood on nights when I have accidents so I really don't know.

I also think it's at least partially physical. This is shown I think by the fact that on nights where I drink more I tend to be more likely to have an accident (although there have been notable exceptions where I barely drank anything and had one). I think that there might also be a problem with concluding that my problem is physical though. When I was 7 years old, my parents took me to the hospital to try and figure out what was wrong that made me wet the bed. The doctors examined me in a million different ways and monitored a million different things while I slept but couldn't pinpoint anything that was physically wrong with me.

This is a problem that's really given me a lot of stress lately. I kept telling myself in the past "don't worry, you have plenty of time to get over this before you go to college", but now I can't say that anymore. In fact, I'm moving into dorm rooms this August and am terrified. Imagine the consequences if my roommate found out and told people. My social life would be destroyed - and I already have a hard enough time making friends as it is. If that happens, no one will want to be around me, much less date me I feel. And then what happens if I'm one of those people who has to live with this problem the rest of their lives? I won't ever be able to sleep in the same bed with anyone without worrying about the shame that will occur if I have an accident. It's easy to say "any girl who cares about you will understand - you can always wear some type of protection at night". But to be honest, I'm not seeing how it's that simple. Maybe once I got to know someone for years I could tell them that and they'd understand, but really who's going to continue a relationship with someone who they know wets the bed when they're only a few month in. I think that my odds of finding someone I can be happy with are slim to none if I can't stop this problem.

For these reasons, I really just want this problem to stop, more than anything. But I have no idea what to do. I've tried bedwetting alarms. I've tried setting alarms also at various times in the middle of the night so that I could wake up and use the restroom then and not have an accident. I've tried just not drinking so much and going to bed early. While some of these things have partially helped, they've been unable to completely solve my problem. The only common thing that i haven't tried are drugs that are supposed to help with this. I don't know where to turn now, mostly because I don't even know what the root cause of my problem is.

Is what I'm facing psychological and should I see a psychologist? And if so, what type of psychologist (psychoanalyst or a biomedical one or one who does social-cognitive stuff or what)? Or is my problem instead physical, and if that's the case how should I proceed? Or maybe my problem is an obvious combination of both, in which case I really have no idea what to do.

Could anyone please give me some advice on what might be the cause of my problem, who I should see for help, what I should do to put an end to it, and what I should do if my problem isn't resolved yet by college? I'm really desperate here so any help that anyone could offer me would be deeply appreciated.

[Os Cangaceiros]

Consult a doctor. I don't know how you expect anyone here to help you with this issue, honestly...you yourself said that you don't know what the root of the problem is, and you presumably know yourself better than anyone else would.

[pleasehelp]

Consult a doctor. I don't know how you expect anyone here to help you with this issue, honestly...you yourself said that you don't know what the root of the problem is, and you presumably know yourself better than anyone else would.

I've talked to doctors in the past about it - and every time in my past when I've done so they've acted like it's just some struggle that I'll eventually get through even though I'm feeling like if I don't change my course of action now I'll never get through it. Also, the one time I had a bunch of comprehensive tests done on me by a doctor, they found nothing physically wrong with me - since there seem to be a lot of people on here who are pretty knowledgeable in social sciences like psychology I'm wondering if anyone could clarify based on my experience whether or not my issue sounds like it could have psychological roots so I can rule out whether or not I should just be trying more physical-related stuff and should see a psychologist instead. And honest from my experience doctors would be very unlikely to refer me to a psychologist for something like this so I think if there's anyone to tell me whether my problem is physical or psychological, it might not be a doctor. Regardless, I realize it might be desperate and pointless to post on these boards where most people aren't trained doctors or psychologists but I feel like really I've exhausted most of my options and am not sure to turn to deal with this increasingly more troublesome problem.

[Psycho P and the Freight Train]

Hmm. I read your entire post and it seems you've tried nearly everything.

Do you have any kind of bladder control problem during waking hours? That's strange that you'll go about a month without an accident and then all of the sudden have one again. I'm sure you would've mentioned it if you had bladder control problems though.

You said you never seem exceptionally irritable on nights that you have an accident. But, is there any kind of deep-seated psychological stress you might have? I'm not trying to get all psychoanalytic or anything, but sometimes there really are deep-seated traumatic experiences that do cause people to wet the bed. Any additional info would be helpful.

Definitely go see a doctor though. If that doesn't work, try a therapist. I know that costs a lot of fucking money, so sorry to just throw that out there as if you have unlimited cash, but I can't think of anything else, really.

[pleasehelp]

Hmm. I read your entire post and it seems you've tried nearly everything.

Do you have any kind of bladder control problem during waking hours? That's strange that you'll go about a month without an accident and then all of the sudden have one again. I'm sure you would've mentioned it if you had bladder control problems though.

In the past I've had days where I had to go like 5-6 times a day, but this only happened for a year or two then went away. The amount of times I feel like I have to go during the day is pretty much normal at this point.


You said you never seem exceptionally irritable on nights that you have an accident. But, is there any kind of deep-seated psychological stress you might have? I'm not trying to get all psychoanalytic or anything, but sometimes there really are deep-seated traumatic experiences that do cause people to wet the bed. Any additional info would be helpful.

I definitely have some self-esteem issues, which is why I've been thinking that maybe it's psychological. My theory is that whenever I have an accident, it lowers my self-esteem about wetting the bed on a subconscious level to the point where I'm more likely to have another accident the next time. I think some mechanism might also explain why when I was 5 I was able to be dry 100% of the time for three months, but then the next 3 months after I had an accident, I couldn't be dry even 50% of the time.

So that's one of the reasons I think it might be psychological - another is that it doesn't really run in my family. And also, when I was younger my parents would try to operantly condition me not to wet the bed - they set up a "token economy" type thing where if I had a certain number of dry nights in a row, I would get certain "prizes". But then if I had accidents I would get those things taken away and I was often accused of being "just too lazy to get up" and things like that, and as a whole it was really demoralizing. And plus, for numerous reasons now I don't really have a high self-esteem to begin with. I also tried acupuncture, and it did reduce my bedwetting - and then later I found out that there's no evidence that acupuncture should physically help with something like this so it got me thinking that maybe it's all in my mind. If there's no concrete evidence about any psychological roots or any viable psychological treatment, then I feel like I might really be screwed if I ever want this to stop - and I really do want it to stop, because it just puts so much pressure on me. Every time I have an accident my little brother (who stopped having accidents awhile ago) ridicules me. Even my mother makes a nasty comment sometime. It's a problem that definitely makes me extremely stressed out.


Definitely go see a doctor though. If that doesn't work, try a therapist. I know that costs a lot of fucking money, so sorry to just throw that out there as if you have unlimited cash, but I can't think of anything else, really.

This is going to sound pretty stupid. But my parents think that my problem is essentially over. And I'm really worried about telling them that it still happens. Because they always act concerned but then they want me to talk about it and they're always prying and it's so frustrating because it should be obvious that I DON'T want to talk to them, because they always jut put on this facade of caring nowadays without actually doing anything to help me. And my mom is liable to make comments like "You're 17" (implying that I'm "too old" to have this problem). And if my brother hears then he'll be a total jerk about it all the time and probably tell his friends. And then my parents will be constantly asking about it and I'll just get really frustrated with them like before.

I know I have to tell them eventually and see a doctor most likely. I just want to make sure I've exhausted all my other options first, since that is a stressful road for me to go down, even if it ends up being the least stressful road.

[Redistribute the Rep]

Ever heard of the bell and pad method? I learned about it in AP psychology class :

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bedwetting_alarm#Pad-type_alarms

[Red Economist]

If the doctors have had a look at you and have said there is nothing physically wrong, chances are that is a good sign; but if you want to go to the doctor again it might be an idea for you to be sure.

If this is psychological, it will be a symptom of an underlying problem and that is something for you to figure out on your own, or with a psychologist/councilor.

The main thing is to accept that this is involuntary and not within your (conscious) control- and that whatever people may think of you is therefore prejudicial. This is admittedly easier said than done but you have nothing to be ashamed of as- because it is involuntary- this is not your fault.
Your anxiety about what this condition may do among your friends and perspective girlfriends at college is really dependent on the kind of people you are around; so chose your friends wisely and open up about it with someone you trust and respect. Dorms rooms lock from the inside, so if you have your own room you can hide this if you chose to.

This goes for sexual partners too; don't feel that because you go to college, you have to have sex. Having sex is something for you to do at your own pace, so that you enjoy it and feel comfortable with the person you are with.
Think of the anxiety and embarrassment as a separate problem and if it is psychological, chances are- it will be this anxiety that actually causes it. But this is something you'd need to sit down with an talk about in a safe environment with someone who has been trained not to judge people by their problems. This is about coming to terms with it in relation to your sexual life and your social life.

Chances are having a potentially embarrassing secret and learning to accept it will actually make you very forgiving of other people own secrets and faults and their will be women who will respect your ability to deal sensitively with their personal issues because you understand how it feels. This is something that could make intimacy easier with some women because they will trust and respect you- and that is rather a rare thing in College Dormitories as whilst casual sex can be a bit of fun, often someone gets hurt because they had or developed feelings for the other person. So, you may be surprised where love takes you.

Speaking as a long-time suffer of mental illness, the only thing you have to fear is fear itself.

[BIXX]

Instead of offering anything productive to this thread I'm gonna guess who you are :lol:

Seriously though, I'd recommend talking to a doctor. Sometimes they can prescribe you something (I think it makes you sleep a little lighter or something) so you get used to waking up when you gotta take a piss. Either that or it somehow makes you hold it longer. All I know is that it worked for a friend of mine who was wetting the bed (at around 14 years old, so I don't see why this should be any different).

I'm willing to guess the reason is psychological. I almost wonder if the sorry about wetting the bed is causing you to wet the bed. Maybe keep a diary that compares how worried you are about wetting the bed vs when you do? However, even if that isn't the problem, I'm willing to bet it has to do with anxiety.

Good luck comrade.

[pleasehelp]

Ever heard of the bell and pad method? I learned about it in AP psychology class :

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bedwetting_alarm#Pad-type_alarms

Tried it, didn't work :/

[pleasehelp]

Thank you again for the help and advice everyone. It's interesting: people on here reading the signs feel that it is likely psychological while people on another site related to this issue have told me that there aren't any proven psychological causes and that it's likely physical but just influenced by psychology.

I think that my best course of action might just be to face the music and tell my family that this is still going on, and try my luck with the medications available for this (since that's the cheapest route) - and if that doesn't work, then maybe I'll see a psychologist and see if they can take a crack at figuring out whether or not this is in fact just a symptom of some underlying psychological problem or is in fact just physical but difficult to put a stop to.

[motion denied]

Good luck, pleasehelp. Get well.

[Alan OldStudent]

Hello Comrade,

Your condition is not unheard of. Actually, about 1.5% of males in your age group have this problem. So it’s not exactly unheard of. In doc talk, they call it nocturnal enuresis (pronounced knock-TURN-all en-you-REE-sis).

There are several possible causes for this, but I suspect in your case the cause is much more likely to be physical than emotional.

However, as you note, nocturnal enuresis can cause severe emotional distress, and that can worsen (exacerbate in doc talk) the problem. Emotional distress likely is not the underlying or main cause. As you have no doubt noticed, being scolded by parents, will-power, positive thinking, and prayer aren’t particularly effective.

Some possible physical causes might be sleep apnea (are you overweight, have diabetes?), or hormonal. If hormonal, you may not produce enough of a hormone that tells your bladder not to pee until you wake up and get to an appropriate place. Doctors specializing in these sorts of problems (urologists) have had success in prescribing a couple of types of drugs. They are called imipramine and desmopressin.

No one knows why imipramine works, as it is an antidepressant. The desmopressin helps because it is actually an artificial form of the hormone I talked about above (ADH or antidiuretic hormone). So drug therapy might be one approach a urologist would choose to try.

I am assuming that your regular doctors had you try measures such as timed voiding, double-voiding before bed, diet, avoiding liquid intake 6 hours before bed, and so on, and that these have not worked very well. I am also assuming you have been tested for things like encopresis, STDs, kidney, and bladder infections, and that your prostate is healthy.

Your parents are quite incorrect to say that you’re just too lazy to get out of bed or not trying hard enough. I’d love to give them a good wigging for spouting such nonsense. This is a medical problem, not a character problem. I’m sure you’re not lazy, and I’ll bet you’re pretty smart.

So do see if you can get a referral to a urologist who specializes in this kind of problem. What you need is an expert medical opinion from a urologist who will take a complete history and physical, do appropriate lab tests, and reassure you that your problem is a not-uncommon medical issue.

Another thing to try at night is adult diapers. Don’t be ashamed of them. A lot of grown men a great deal older than you use adult diapers.

Also, see if you can get a barrier to place under the sheet of your bed, but make sure it’s one of those that can allow vapor to pass through, or you will end up in a pool of sweat on warm nights. I have one on my bed, just in case. I got it when my wife was alive in case one of us had an accident, which does occasionally happen to us older folks. Then, if there is an accident, it’s no big deal. The barrier and sheets are easily laundered.

Regards,

Alan OldStudent
The unexamined life is not worth living—Socrates
Gracias a la vida, que me ha dado tanto—Violeta Parra

[BIXX]

Thank you again for the help and advice everyone. It's interesting: people on here reading the signs feel that it is likely psychological while people on another site related to this issue have told me that there aren't any proven psychological causes and that it's likely physical but just influenced by psychology.

I think that my best course of action might just be to face the music and tell my family that this is still going on, and try my luck with the medications available for this (since that's the cheapest route) - and if that doesn't work, then maybe I'll see a psychologist and see if they can take a crack at figuring out whether or not this is in fact just a symptom of some underlying psychological problem or is in fact just physical but difficult to put a stop to.


If you're seventeen you can handle your own medical shit legally. Your family need not be involved.

I guess that is under he assumption you love in the US.