How to get a job?

[Comrade Thomas]

I know it sounds really weird and odd. But I am 17 and I have never worked anywhere apart from a charity shop, but how can I get one? E.g skills etc. I'm also from the UK if that helps.

[Thrasymachus]

At age 17 you don't really need to make enough to support yourself, so it is very easy. Just ask at any crappy retail location if they have any crappy job.

Now making enough money to actually support yourself financially, that is difficult. I am 32 and finally got enough money to be financially independent in the last few months(but I live in a fairly expensive real estate market in Northern NJ, near enough New York City to be severely overpriced).

[slum]

it's not that odd. in many areas it's very difficult to get a job, even a shitty one, if you don't know someone who can get you an 'in'.

so far as crappy retail goes: i dont know if big retail employers do the same thing in the UK as in the US, but make sure before you apply to a major chain that you've looked up the major "personality test"/"employee assessment software" programs that these companies use and how to pass them. i made the mistake in my naive youth of answering honestly on one and since then have not gotten a single call-back or interview from any other major retail company. i suspect they blacklist you if you fail.

[PC LOAD LETTER]

it's not that odd. in many areas it's very difficult to get a job, even a shitty one, if you don't know someone who can get you an 'in'.

so far as crappy retail goes: i dont know if big retail employers do the same thing in the UK as in the US, but make sure before you apply to a major chain that you've looked up the major "personality test"/"employee assessment software" programs that these companies use and how to pass them. i made the mistake in my naive youth of answering honestly on one and since then have not gotten a single call-back or interview from any other major retail company. i suspect they blacklist you if you fail.
Best way to pass those is to put yourself in the mindset of "I'm a happy worker-bee and I shit rainbows for my boss", then answer the questions from that perspective. Watch out for repeat questions, too, especially questions worded differently but asking essentially the same thing - they use those to figure out if you're being deceptive or inconsistent.

[slum]

Best way to pass those is to put yourself in the mindset of "I'm a happy worker-bee and I shit rainbows for my boss", then answer the questions from that perspective. Watch out for repeat questions, too, especially questions worded differently but asking essentially the same thing - they use those to figure out if you're being deceptive or inconsistent.

i once read the best approach was to "pretend you're ned flanders" which sounds about right. the thing i didn't realize was that when given a selection of 1-5 "strongly agree" to "strongly disagree" they always want you to pick either 1 or 5, i.e. the extremes are the only possible "correct" answers.

what's even funnier is taking an actual MBTI test, which is what a lot of these are based off of- I consistently score a complete 180 on all four poles from what these businesses seem to want. even though i've since reapplied to some of these places using the "cheery extrovert who loves to hold the boss' dick while he takes a piss" approach i still fail them, which is why i suspect a black list; they all take your SSN.

[GiantMonkeyMan]

Basically you climb into the job-cannon with your job-helmet strapped on and then fire yourself into the job-tree and one usually falls into your lap.

Nah, just sign up to a recruitment agency if you can stomach the shitty emails you get with regularity. Otherwise, check on your local newspaper's website. Mine has a section that basically compiled local jobs being advertised and then prepare yourself to typing out the same bullshit about experience and education again and again as you fill in a million online forms. Do this regularly for about a month and you'll eventually get a few interviews. In the interview just be as polite as possible and bullshit something about how hard working you are and how you've grown to really respect the company you're interviewing for and shit of that nature.

[Comrade Thomas]

Thanks everyone.

[Thrasymachus]

I would advise if possible avoiding the jobs that have online applications and not real paper ones you can fill in at the store, if the situation is like in the USA across in the UK. Over here, those retailers are really hosing job seekers for jobs that pay shit anyway and have no benefits. Since online doesn't involve the marginal cost of paper, or human effort to check, those online applications are MUCH, MUCH longer and it can take well over an hour to fill out a single application, maybe even two hours or more! And there is no guarantee you will get a callback or even a job. So if possible, avoid online applications if you find that they an hour or more to just fill out.

Really the way to find a job is to let everyone you know, know you are looking for one. If you let it out to your social network, eventually one of them will tell you about a job they know about from their inside information and you can hopefully even avoid the normal hiring process.

[Comrade Thomas]

Yeah, true.