"Everyday discrimination" thread.

[Sinister Intents]

Quail created this thread: "Everyday sexism" thread. (http://www.revleft.com/vb/everyday-sexism-thread-t178355/index.html) I thought it would be a good idea to have one encompassing all other prejudices and discrimination.

Every single time my dad sees our two male cats playing around at home he calls them "fag" or "queer" because its two male cats playing around and his homophobic mind sees it as wrong for two male cats to be interacting.

[helot]

So the other week me and my partner were in the local chinese takeaway. The woman behind the counter was in her 20s and had a local accent. She was of chinese descent. A guy comes in and asks her "how come you speak such good english?"

[Sinister Intents]

So the other week me and my partner were in the local chinese takeaway. The woman behind the counter was in her 20s and had a local accent. She was of chinese descent. A guy comes in and asks her "how come you speak such good english?"

That shit pisses me off, my sister's ex would always talk to them in a fake "asian" accent and nearly got us kicked out of the restaurant and he was laughing the whole time and called the manager of the restaurant a 'chink'

[Sinister Intents]

I was at the store earlier and there was a child rhyming Tigger with 'N***r' :crying:
Her parents were encouraging it and laughing about it...
I feel so pissed and depressed over this right now, fuck people.

[Sinister Intents]

Directed at me: "Man you look really fucking gay. You have long hair and wear earrings, how much more 'faggy' can you get?"
Is this a legitimate reason for a fight? Should I fucking hurt this person? Fucking assholes in the town I live

[sosolo]

Directed at me: "Man you look really fucking gay. You have long hair and wear earrings, how much more 'faggy' can you get?"
Is this a legitimate reason for a fight? Should I fucking hurt this person? Fucking assholes in the town I live

If you can make a fool of this idiot with your words, do it. Otherwise, let the fisticuffs commence LOL

[Firebrand]

A guy I know persistently uses the term "pikey" and then insists its just a joke show it shouldn't matter. I think there are some words people just shouldn't use, no matter what their intent.

[Brandon's Impotent Rage]

Back when I still worked at Wal-Mart (in the deli), I once had this....interesting encounter with an older gentleman with an obvious chip on his shoulder.

Before him, I had been serving this muslim woman and her two daughters. Now, she was going to get some smoked turkey breast cut up for sandwiches. Before I did this, she asked me if I could change my gloves, wash my hands and wipe down the meat slicer, because I had handled and sliced some black forest ham for a customer before her. She being muslim, she wanted to make sure that my hands and machine were pork free.

Now, that's a perfectly reasonable request. I've done similar requests for jewish and some Christian customers as well. She was perfectly polite about it, and was a very sweet woman over all (her two girls were adorable as well).

So, I cleaned everything, replaced my gloves, sliced up the turkey. She thanked me, and then left.

Then comes the guy behind her, the one I mentioned before.

He asked me: "Why did you clean up and all that?"

I told him that it was because she was a Muslim, and she requested it due to her religious restrictions.

He then said "But why? This is a christian nation!"

He then proceeded to go into this long, somewhat incoherent rant about how muslims were slowly taking over America and that Christianity was dying out, somehow linking communists and Obama into his narrative.

Then he walked away, without ordering anything.

*sigh*

[Atsumari]

So the other week me and my partner were in the local chinese takeaway. The woman behind the counter was in her 20s and had a local accent. She was of chinese descent. A guy comes in and asks her "how come you speak such good english?"
Oh, I have a lot of good ones concerning Asian Americans
1. When people ask me where I am from and I respond with America, they ask often say "No, where are you from?"
2. People playing the guessing game with my ethnicity.
3. Upon finding out I am Japanese, it is not uncommon for many people to make references to video games, anime, or porn.
4. I know every guy is asked about their penis size, but I feel like people have asked about mine more often than others.
5. People coming up to me during lunch and asking them to help them with their calculus homework without knowing anything about my math skills (I am really bad at math)
6. People asking me when I immigrated to America or better yet, if I was adopted (this is often said when they find out that my dad is white)
7. People asking me if I can speak English
8. People asking me if I can speak Chinese or swear in Chinese.
9. People seem to assume my default nationality is Chinese
10. Hiroshima jokes. Anyone who finds comedy in that deserves a big fuck you.
11. Slap a Jap Day and referring to how Japan lost World War II whenever Japan beats the US in something.

[Nakidana]

Oh, I have a lot of good ones concerning Asian Americans
1. When people ask me where I am from and I respond with America, they ask often say "No, where are you from?"

This, so much this. And then when you answer they get upset, "oh you know what I mean!". No motherfucker I don't, are you talking about which part of the city I'm from, where I was born or my ethnicity?


4. I know every guy is asked about their penis size, but I feel like people have asked about mine more often than others.

lol, you sure about that? Thus far I've been fortunate enough to have gone through life without being asked about my penis size. :laugh:

[BITW434]

Not a massive one this, but I was recently reprimanded by a bus driver for swearing in the presence of a lady when I was going to get a ticket. I literally just said 'oh shit, sorry' after handing him less money than I was supposed to. I guess it just shows that sexist social conventions haven't really evolved much since Victorian Britain, at least in my area... :glare:

[Sinister Intents]

Not a massive one this, but I was recently reprimanded by a bus driver for swearing in the presence of a lady when I was going to get a ticket. I literally just said 'oh shit, sorry' after handing him less money than I was supposed to. I guess it just shows that sexist social conventions haven't really evolved much since Victorian Britain, at least in my area... :glare:

I get shit for cussing in front of women (who don't give a flying fuck if I cuss in front of them) by the Christian men at the college I go to, 'cuz you know? It hurts women to cuss in front of them because apparently they're fragile? Fucking dumbasses.
Also I'd like the ones having to do with sexism to be placed in Quail's "Everyday Sexism" thread :)

[HarpyCabaret]

A guy came in with a spray-tan today. He's bigoted as hell and an overall asshat, so of course he tends to surround himself with likeminded people, and now they're harassing him over it. Sure, he was an ass, but it still didn't take very long for that to so much more rage-inducing than vindicating.

They actually tried to get me to 'confirm' that he was gay because of it, because they wanted an opinion from a "legitimate f****t" (since I'm openly pansexual, though use the word bisexual offline since it doesn't seem to draw as much negative attention).
That led to a couple girls, one of which I never would've expected to be so overtly bigoted, saying they wouldn't be able to be friends with a guy and lose respect for him if he started painting his nails. Which I've done before, thoroughly enjoyed, and as far as they know (not out genderwise), I'm a guy :glare:

[Sinister Intents]

My 5 year old nephew's birthday party is tomorrow. My mom was having me and my sister sign his birthday card, and my mom said to my sister sign aunt *my sister's name* and then she brought it to me and I asked "what would you do if I signed aunt?" to my mom and my sister reacted with. "What the fuck, are you gay?" I asked this question and masked it as a joke, to gauge how my family would react if I said anything about being trans, my mom didn't take me seriously. I know for a fact my mother and sister would give me absolute Hell, but my father would probably be more accepting...

[Sea]

Quail created this thread: "Everyday sexism" thread. (http://www.revleft.com/vb/everyday-sexism-thread-t178355/index.html) I thought it would be a good idea to have one encompassing all other prejudices and discrimination.

Every single time my dad sees our two male cats playing around at home he calls them "fag" or "queer" because its two male cats playing around and his homophobic mind sees it as wrong for two male cats to be interacting.FYI:
http://seriousfacts.com/in-an-american-experiment-80-of-homophobes-became-aroused-when-shown-gay-porn-the-same-happened-for-34-of-non-homophobic-subjects/ seriousfacts, just 'cause it's serious
A guy came in with a spray-tan today. He's bigoted as hell and an overall asshat, so of course he tends to surround himself with likeminded people, and now they're harassing him over it. Sure, he was an ass, but it still didn't take very long for that to so much more rage-inducing than vindicating.

They actually tried to get me to 'confirm' that he was gay because of it, because they wanted an opinion from a "legitimate f****t" (since I'm openly pansexual, though use the word bisexual offline since it doesn't seem to draw as much negative attention).
That led to a couple girls, one of which I never would've expected to be so overtly bigoted, saying they wouldn't be able to be friends with a guy and lose respect for him if he started painting his nails. Which I've done before, thoroughly enjoyed, and as far as they know (not out genderwise), I'm a guy :glare:If you were disingenuous like me you could have turned that into something entertaining and you'd all laugh about it and 10 minutes later you'd be sad because you associate with such fuckheads. Your way seems to have worked though.

[synthesis]

That shit pisses me off, my sister's ex would always talk to them in a fake "asian" accent and nearly got us kicked out of the restaurant and he was laughing the whole time and called the manager of the restaurant a 'chink'


I was at the store earlier and there was a child rhyming Tigger with 'N***r' :crying:
Her parents were encouraging it and laughing about it...
I feel so pissed and depressed over this right now, fuck people.

Jesus Christ, dude, where do you live? I mean, you don't have to answer that, but I've lived in some pretty reactionary parts of the country and this kind of stuff would still be completely unacceptable.

[NoXiOuScRaSh]

If you want to see some discrimination all you have to do is walk out the door, every where I go, work, the corner store public events like festivals the bar, I have never been somewhere completely void of discrimination and people openly speak to me as if it is my civil duty as a white working class man to be a racist hatemonger it makes me sick the amount of Discrimination that is present in everyday life like there was a lot of anti-muslim anti-middle eastern heritage sentiment at one of my last jobs at a plastic factory and all the white guys segregated themselves I sat down witht hem and all they talked about was rightist extremism about how they don't deserve the work and they are stealing our jobs. I told them that a lot of those so called foreigners were actually 2nd and 3rd generation Canadians working to survive just like the rest of us and that there racism was a disgrace, I never sat with them again I refused to socialize with them.

[Quail]

Maybe I'm lucky to live somewhere where overt racism and homophobia is generally frowned upon (although I won't deny there is a bit of casual sexism/homophobia among the people I do Judo with). The town where I grew up was somewhat different though, in that racial slurs are relatively commonplace, e.g., calling the Chinese takeaway the "Chinky" ugh, and my uncle rants about immigrants like every time I go to see him, despite there not even really being any immigrants where he lives.

[Mathemagician]

Oh, I have a lot of good ones concerning Asian Americans
1. When people ask me where I am from and I respond with America, they ask often say "No, where are you from?"

One day people will learn how stupid this makes them sound. I wouldn't hold my breath though.

Related story: On a class field trip (social studies, middle school) to a hibachi restaurant my teacher asked our server where in Japan he was from. This pitch-black, obviously-not-japanese waiter gave her the most confused look I've ever seen and responded, "Nigeria...?"

[Lynx]

My mother used to ask the "where are you from" question. I don't know where she learned this, I just know that it is rather tactless to ask this of people you've just met.

[ProletariatPower]

Where I live in Britain it's commonplace for people to hate Poles for "stealing jobs", just another example of the workers being misled by the Capitalists to blame each other for the injustices they face. I once stood up to someone talking shit about Poles at my school and pointed out that many fought and died keeping Britain free from Fascism, people laughed and called me weird for defending them.

[Mikula Mali]

You are definitly not weard :) You show true meaning of humanity. I understand your position cause I am constantly under treats by te Croatian natonalists that want to intimidate and chased out Croatian Serbs. Unfortunately people often consider them selves as more important then others, not knowing why. But you got good point, it's not guilt of specific etnic group. We are all guilty. We are easily manipulated and frightened. I suggest you to recomend one Polak to your buddies, it's tough man Charles Bukowski who told al sort of controllers what they deserve. You are lucky, you are in civilise country, altough you could have preasure from les developed nation and that is also problem, cause those people should do the presure on their corupt liders, and not cry when some mob stone to death women in Pakistan, or when authorities close squatters hous in Barcelona.

[Sinister Intents]

So, when I was younger my mom told me to never to bring a black girl home... I'm dating a very wonderful, lovely, independent women. I got paranoid of my mom and asked her if she cared if I'm dating a black women, thankfully she said no and that she looks forward to meeting her. My father uses the N word sometimes, but I've been lashing out a bit about that the last several months, I hope he doesn't slip up and say that fucking word

[Sinister Intents]

My girlfriend is black and I cone home to fried chicken and watermelon being served.... I got paranoid, and I'm not gonna say a thing, but my girlfriend was happy so its all alright... I'm not sure if this is an accident, a coincidence, or if I'm just paranoid and fearful. My parents adore her though so I'm going for its just a coincidence. Outside of this my employees are showing how homophobic and transphobic they are. Depressing that my drug dealer is a homophobe

[consuming negativity]

My girlfriend is black and I cone home to fried chicken and watermelon being served.... I got paranoid, and I'm not gonna say a thing, but my girlfriend was happy so its all alright... I'm not sure if this is an accident, a coincidence, or if I'm just paranoid and fearful. My parents adore her though so I'm going for its just a coincidence. Outside of this my employees are showing how homophobic and transphobic they are. Depressing that my drug dealer is a homophobe

Maybe they like her but have some racist beliefs? Not all racists are violent or support the Klan.

I've had some pretty awful people as dealers before. If you buy at Wal-Mart you may as well buy from a homophobe. Once you're on your own, make drugs yourself or use legal stuff. It is an unfortunate reality that most people are racist, sexist, or have some other beliefs that are prejudiced.

[TheWannabeAnarchist]

My girlfriend is black and I cone home to fried chicken and watermelon being served.... I got paranoid, and I'm not gonna say a thing, but my girlfriend was happy so its all alright...


As frustrating as this must have been it's kind of hilarious.:rolleyes:


Back during the Zimmerman trial, a neighbor of mine started ranting about how that gangster hoodrat thug Trayvon Martin had it coming and he never should've been in that neighborhood anyway, cuz wut business did he reckon he had wanderin those streets?

I told him that Martin was walking home. Then I politely opened the door, brought him outside, and told him to go fuck himself.

[Quail]

Apparently my son is going to get bullied in school if I'm with a woman, therefore it's a bad idea for me to have a girlfriend.

That's far from the worst thing my parents said to me this afternoon.

[Rosa Partizan]

children get bullied for red hair, so let's shave their hair.

[Sinister Intents]

My one employee I requested to get sod chunks from a nearby field: "I feel like a spik stealing shit." Other racist hate spew ensued.

[RA89]

My neighbour's family always give 100x more attention to their son than their daughter. Mainly due to a culture thing where boys are seen as superior, particularly when it's a first born.
Then they say shit like "he's so confident he can talk to anyone, whereas she is quite shy". It's like wtf do you expect? He's always the centre of attention.
He's so spoilt and lazy that she can outrun him and she's like 3 yrs old whereas he's 5 or something.

[LiaSofia]

A couple of nights ago I was getting into a taxi and the driver was from the Middle East. Before I went outside my aunt (who wasn't going in the taxi) told me that she was worried about me being alone in a taxi with a man who 'looks Asian' because of the Rotherham abuse case. Then when I got back and told my friend over the phone about the conversation I'd had with the taxi driver, his first reaction was 'uh oh, you could have been blown up' because apparently every single Middle Eastern man is a suicide bomber. And then when I told him the teacher of my Spanish class was from Chile, he said 'you'd think they'd get someone from Spain to teach Spanish! Where is Chile anyway?' I was like 'Oh FFS!' by the time I put the phone down. :rolleyes:

But I'm glad I got into the taxi because the driver was really nice. He told me he was from Iraq and then when I told him I was going to a Spanish language class he started telling me about the differences between Arabic and English and why he found English difficult to learn. So there - I had a great conversation with a friendly guy and even learned something new about Arabic. None of this would have happened if I'd listened to the terrible assumptions that my aunt and friend were making.

[LiaSofia]

Encountered even more anti-immigration bullshit yesterday. This time it was directed towards Eastern Europeans. I am so tired of going over the exact same arguments with bigots who spew the same stock phrases. Seriously, their comments are all identical. It's got to the point where I can predict what they're going to say next. The most depressing thing is, these are not comments that reflect the prejudices of an older generation, they are the opinions of students. And maybe it's because my own parents are baby boomers, but I always believed that students were the most progressive section of society. They're all mini David Camerons.

Oh, and then when you challenge them they whine about 'freedom of speech' and how you're not allowed to say anything in modern Britain. Well guess what? You demonstrated your freedom of speech a few seconds ago when you just spoke freely. Nobody has put you in prison. Nobody's saying you're not allowed to be xenophobic, they're just calling you out on your xenophobia. Big difference.

[Quail]

"I'm going camping at the weekend with my son and my girlfriend..."
"Wait, WHAT did you just say?"
"I'm going camping with my son and girlfriend."
"You're full of surprises with your masters, your judo and now you're a LESBIAN."
"Actually I don't identify as a lesbian..."
"Ah, so you're greedy then."
"No. Bisexual people aren't greedy, they just have a wider pool of people to choose from."
*some more slightly prejudiced stuff*
*facepalm*

Actually I don't really identify as bisexual or a lesbian, but I figured mentioning that was a bit of a lost cause. This was a conversation I had with someone on my uni course.

[trickster]

Oh, and then when you challenge them they whine about 'freedom of speech' and how you're not allowed to say anything in modern Britain. Well guess what? You demonstrated your freedom of speech a few seconds ago when you just spoke freely. Nobody has put you in prison. Nobody's saying you're not allowed to be xenophobic, they're just calling you out on your xenophobia. Big difference.

I hate it when people say this. Yeah, no one is intruding on your freedom of speech. We're using our freedom of speech to tell you that what you just said was bigoted and offensive lol.


Anyways, a few days ago, I was talking to my aunt. She's transgender, doesn't get out much and I was encouraging her to go out and make friends in the LGBT community, so she could have a wider/stronger support system for when she begins to transition.

She told me she didn't want too because she's worried the gay men will hit on her and that's 'disgusting' (her words, not mine), and she doesn't want any other trans friends because apparently, all the other people who identify as MtF are 'ugly and weird'. She also said something about hating gay men.

I was so taken aback that I just stared at her until she felt uncomfortable and didn't say anything more on the subject. It was kinda upsetting. She can be very conservative.

Another time, when we were discussing the Michael Brown case, she told me that Michael Brown was murdered because, somehow, he scared Darren Wilson by running away from him; therefore, it was Michael Brown's own fault. That time, I said that made no sense and that being black in America is a completely different experience from being white, and that just led to more awkward silence :/

[Quail]

I find that most forms I have to fill in for school/childcare assume that my son is living with me and his father and it's awkward having to explain that that's not the case - especially since his father has legal parental responsibility, but there's no point in putting him as an emergency contact because he doesn't even live in the UK. Sometimes it feels like every other child has a happily married mum and dad and everyone probably looks down on me because my son's family isn't like that... But I'm sure that can't be true?

[PhoenixAsh]

~ 2 million single parent families in the UK as of 2012 and the UK has the highest ratio and amount of single parent families in Northern Europe.

With 23% of children growing up in a single parent family at one point in their lives and that is right after the US with 26%.

48% of these single parent families have a parent which is unemployed. Just behind Turkey...where 48.3% of single parent families are unemployed.

So no...you are definately not alone. Hope this helps...although the figures might be even more depressing.

I got these figures from scanning a few articles that popped up during a google search on the prevalence of single parents. I don't have time to list them.

[cyu]

Sometimes it feels like every other child has a happily married mum and dad and everyone probably looks down on me because my son's family isn't like that... But I'm sure that can't be true?

In many ways you guys are lucky.

Some people live in abusive relationships but are unable to pull away (especially with the lack of economic alternatives imposed by capitalism). Sometimes that results in children looking down on the abused parent.

Sometimes it's the kids that are abused. If it doesn't lead directly to suicide, the effects often linger well after they've left home.

Other kids run away from home to escape abuse and end up on the streets.

We all know you are trying your best with your son given what you've been through. There are many out there that don't even try.

[Quail]

The sexual health clinic gives out free condoms, but no dental dams. I went to get my coil removed because I don't need it and was asked, "Have you had sex in the past 7 days?" which actually meant, "Has someone ejaculated in you in the past 7 days?" So that was confusing/made me feel awkward. "Sex" covers way more than just PIV sex and staff at sexual health clinics should know better. Especially since I said at the beginning of the appointment that I didn't need contraception because I was in a relationship with a woman.

[PhoenixAsh]

Aren't dental dams used as a sexual protective when giving oral sex?

[Quail]

Aren't dental dams used as a sexual protective when giving oral sex?

Yeah. I mean there's the possibility that they don't have them because nobody wants to use them (and you can actually make one by cutting up a condom). But I guess my point was, sexual health clinics should be more queer-friendly.

[PhoenixAsh]

Here is one:


the other day we were having fun at work and at some point the conversation turned to jokes which had clear sexual innuendo or subtext in them by trying to out do each other in creating sentences which have a completely normal meaning but could be construed as extremely sexual....

We arrived at this because of bubble gum and swallowing it. Somebody offered me gum and I refused because like I said: No sorry I swallow...

Apparently this was hillarious

Which sparked one of the women saying: "Really? I swallow too." Thinking for a second and adding "And gum too."

So that kind of set the mood and everybody present was having relaxed fun and was participating.

All of the sudden one of the girls got really jumpy and when we asked what was wrong and she said in a really affronted voice:

"Well. I don't feel we should talk about this in front of N. because she is Muslim."

[BIXX]

Here is one:


the other day we were having fun at work and at some point the conversation turned to jokes which had clear sexual innuendo or subtext in them by trying to out do each other in creating sentences which have a completely normal meaning but could be construed as extremely sexual....

We arrived at this because of bubble gum and swallowing it. Somebody offered me gum and I refused because like I said: No sorry I swallow...

Apparently this was hillarious

Which sparked one of the women saying: "Really? I swallow too." Thinking for a second and adding "And gum too."

So that kind of set the mood and everybody present was having relaxed fun and was participating.

All of the sudden one of the girls got really jumpy and when we asked what was wrong and she said in a really affronted voice:

"Well. I don't feel we should talk about this in front of N. because she is Muslim."
I don't understand. Why would it matter if N. was Muslim? Am I missing something?

I'm realizing how much everyone wants me to be a man, and I tell them I'm trans when they try to get me to be more manly. I don't know if they are ignoring that I'm trans or don't know what I mean.

Though at least one person (my manager) I know is very funny about it (screaming in a stereotypical "hick" accent whenever I'm assigned an unpleasant task) "TIME TO MAKE A MAN OUTTA YOU BOY!"

He is the only person there who doesn't take "being a man" seriously.

[LiaSofia]

The sexual health clinic gives out free condoms, but no dental dams. I went to get my coil removed because I don't need it and was asked, "Have you had sex in the past 7 days?" which actually meant, "Has someone ejaculated in you in the past 7 days?" So that was confusing/made me feel awkward. "Sex" covers way more than just PIV sex and staff at sexual health clinics should know better. Especially since I said at the beginning of the appointment that I didn't need contraception because I was in a relationship with a woman.

Yeah, there definitely needs to be more consideration of LGBT people. Those places seem to operate on the assumption that everyone is heterosexual.

I had a similar experience in hospital. The doctor wanted me to take a pregnancy test even though I insisted I didn't need one. The whole conversation was awkward because he didn't seem to understand how someone could have sex and not potentially be pregnant.

Another related thing that I might have mentioned already in this thread. Why is it that when you tell people you're bisexual they either class you as gay/lesbian or they continue to act as though you're straight? If a guy has a boyfriend then he's immediately seen as gay. I told my dad I was bisexual, he still says things like 'you could go out and meet a boy'. I find it really frustrating that I repeatedly have to keep adding 'or a girl!' and it never seems to register.

And Quail, what cyu said is right. Lots of parents stay together when they really shouldn't and their children have to put up with endless arguments etc. It's much better to have one really good, caring parent than two who aren't very involved.

[LiaSofia]

I don't understand. Why would it matter if N. was Muslim? Am I missing something?

I think the idea is that all Muslims are ultra-conservative (in the 'social' sense) and prudish about sex, so talking like that would offend her. :lol:

Out of interest, what did N. actually say about it?

[PhoenixAsh]

She said: I have a mouth. I can speak for myself.

[Rosa Partizan]

The aids centre here in my town that I work voluntarily for is having parties a few times a year, and they're especially aimed for a LGBT audience, but I'm still there, either because I'm doing entrance stuff or just for being there. Sometimes, women would come to me and tell me, without ever having spoken a word with me "you're beautiful, too bad you're straight" and when I ask "how do you know that?" they say "I just see it". I've spoken about that with some other lesbian and bisexual friends and was like "Isn't it a bit prejudiced, somehow, to think I'm straight just because I look pretty feminine?" and she said "yeah look, I know what you mean, but it's just the way we detect each other, by mostly not conforming to that feminine standard". I don't feel discriminated at all, this is not the point, and it's true that at those parties, a huge majority doesn't look feminine in this typical way, at least here in Germany, but I wonder why this is kinda..."regulated"? That was somehow my impression, that there is kind of a dresscode or hairstyling code or whatsoever. Yes I know, part of that struggle for sexual identity is to scrutinize gender roles, but I don't know if this is sufficient as an explaination. Just wondering about that phenomenon.

[BIXX]

She said: I have a mouth. I can speak for myself.
I think N kicks ass, in that case.

[Lily Briscoe]

I've spoken about that with some other lesbian and bisexual friends and was like "Isn't it a bit prejudiced, somehow, to think I'm straight just because I look pretty feminine?" and she said "yeah look, I know what you mean, but it's just the way we detect each other, by mostly not conforming to that feminine standard". I don't feel discriminated at all, this is not the point, and it's true that at those parties, a huge majority doesn't look feminine in this typical way, at least here in Germany, but I wonder why this is kinda..."regulated"? That was somehow my impression, that there is kind of a dresscode or hairstyling code or whatsoever.

This isn't something I've ever encountered.. I'd guess that it's more related to the kinds of people you associate with than anything. Also, in my experience, it is a definite minority of 'non-heterosexual' women who are identifiable as such by their appearance.

[LiaSofia]

This isn't something I've ever encountered.. I'd guess that it's more related to the kinds of people you associate with than anything. Also, in my experience, it is a definite minority of 'non-heterosexual' women who are identifiable as such by their appearance.

Actually, I'm not so sure it is just related to the kinds of people Rosa is associating with. The idea that you can 'tell' whether a person is lesbian by the way they look is very common around here too. In fact, one of the first things my mother said when I came out as bisexual was, 'but you look so feminine!'. :laugh: And a girl I went to school with who identifies as lesbian also had the same reaction from a lot of ex-classmates. They'd be surprised because she liked clothes and makeup - I think the expectation is that lesbians are more butch and gay men are more feminine.

[Lily Briscoe]

Yes, it's the stereotype. My point was that it doesn't actually jibe with reality, and to the extent that some lesbians try to "regulate" a certain hairstyle and dress code (which again, is fortunately something I haven't encountered) it is probably down to a weird subcultural thing rather than being in any way representative of lesbians/bisexual women in general.

[Rosa Partizan]

maybe the LGBT community in the US is more heterogeneous, can't say anything about that. In Berlin, there is a very vivid community and they seem a bit more homogeneous about stuff like outer appearance. It's not limited to Berlin, this is what I get told and it's what I see in my own city. I want to add that not all women at LGBT parties are non-heterosexual. I'd say there are more hetero women than hetero guys but that won't be surprising to anybody.

[PhoenixAsh]

Well...

When heterosexuals "identify" somebody as being gay then that is based on stereotypes bounced off of what is considered to not fit in gender role patterns that have been socialized. Most often those people who are most easilly identified are the ones who conform to stereotypical appearance and behaviour....and that then becomes the new reality for all.

[Rosa Partizan]

I think that it still makes sense that LGBT people conform al least to gender rules, on average, because they are forced most to challenge them.

[slum]

maybe the LGBT community in the US is more heterogeneous, can't say anything about that. In Berlin, there is a very vivid community and they seem a bit more homogeneous about stuff like outer appearance. It's not limited to Berlin, this is what I get told and it's what I see in my own city. I want to add that not all women at LGBT parties are non-heterosexual. I'd say there are more hetero women than hetero guys but that won't be surprising to anybody.

nah, there are plenty of queer communities here where this kind of thing happens. think it just depends on where you are, and probably how insular the scene is there

look up "femme invisibility" if yr interested

[Lily Briscoe]

Maybe it just seems weird to me because I don't really hang out in 'queer communities'/go to 'LGBT parties' etc then (the whole 'subculture based on your sexual preferences' thing honestly kind of grosses me out), but when I started seeing someone of the same sex and associating with way more people who aren't straight by extension, I was actually shocked by how few people I encountered, of both sexes, who were "stereotypically gay". Like, a very, very small proportion of 'non-heterosexual' people I know are either butch or ultra-feminine (in the case of women and men, respectively). I suppose it could be that the culture is different in Seattle as well, although that doesn't strike me as being particularly likely...

[audiored]

Maybe it just seems weird to me because I don't really hang out in 'queer communities'/go to 'LGBT parties' etc then (the whole 'subculture based on your sexual preferences' thing honestly kind of grosses me out), but when I started seeing someone of the same sex and associating with way more people who aren't straight by extension, I was actually shocked by how few people I encountered, of both sexes, who were "stereotypically gay". Like, a very, very small proportion of 'non-heterosexual' people I know are either butch or ultra-feminine (in the case of women and men, respectively). I suppose it could be that the culture is different in Seattle as well, although that doesn't strike me as being particularly likely...

This whole comment is sick. The dominate culture is a culture based on a sexual preference.

What grosses me out is the piece of filthy trash who posted this comment.

This comment needs to be deleted by the mods.

[Lily Briscoe]

Haha holy shit!

[Lily Briscoe]

I guess I should address this for the sake of clarity:
This whole comment is sick. The dominate culture is a culture based on a sexual preference.

It's also a culture based on treating the sex of the people you are attracted to as some major, essential piece of your identity/who you are as a person, which is something that I think ought to be questioned and challenged rather than embraced in mirror form. I get having functions and events and places where people who are attracted to people of the same sex can meet up, and that is absolutely not what I'm objecting to. My problem is when it becomes this subcultural spectacle that reproduces all of the stupid stereotypes about what people are supposed to look like and how they are supposed to behave and creates this illusion of 'community' on the basis of sexual preference. I think it's really dumb, yeah.

Also, I get that I have a tendency to rub people on here the wrong way, and admittedly I don't exactly go out of my way to avoid it, but I still think calling someone "a piece of filthy trash" is kind of outrageous lol..

[Rosa Partizan]

I understand where your attitude is coming from and I share it on the whole. However, when there is one factor in your life that you're discriminated against, it's just natural to take this factor and try to find other people that are connected to you through this factor and that challenge gender rules the way you do. Yes, it can turn into something almost ridiculous when you exclude people that do not conform to this "non-conformity", but it's somehow a comprehensible reaction, especially when you've just come out, for example.

[PhoenixAsh]

This whole comment is sick. The dominate culture is a culture based on a sexual preference.

What grosses me out is the piece of filthy trash who posted this comment.

This comment needs to be deleted by the mods.

Really?

I think I am going to warn you for flaming instead.

[Atsumari]

So my boss at the restaurant (who is white) wants the guys to dress up as ninjas and the women to dress up as geishas for Halloween. I have no idea whether I should be fucking offended or slightly amused at this attempt to yellowface the restaurant staff.

[Palmares]

You should tell him to dress up as Tom Cruise. Coz he's the last samurai ya know....

[Palmares]

Fuck it, tell him to "show me the money!" (ie a raise, or by "other" means") :lol:

[PhoenixAsh]

I think N kicks ass, in that case.

She does.

She once told me she liked to make Sushi herself and showed me pictures. So...that was back in April. Since then I have been nagging about her Sushi. So eventually promissed me to make me Sushi for her birthday. Which was today.

She didn't...instead she gave me a package of fish,. Sushi rise and some seaweed wrappers and told me it was a DIY Sushi dish.

[Rosa Partizan]

She does.

She once told me she liked to make Sushi herself and showed me pictures. So...that was back in April. Since then I have been nagging about her Sushi. So eventually promissed me to make me Sushi for her birthday. Which was today.

She didn't...instead she gave me a package of fish,. Sushi rise and some seaweed wrappers and told me it was a DIY Sushi dish.

you wanted a woman to prepare you a meal?! So incredibly sexist, omg!

[ColumnNo.4]

Every Spaniard I've met has argued, with vitriol, that Latin American Spanish is not Spanish.

[PhoenixAsh]

you wanted a woman to prepare you a meal?! So incredibly sexist, omg!

ow...and last week I told one to fetch me coffee...black...two sugar. To be fair she had just asked what I wanted. And I wanted coffee. I didn't fancy tea that day.

[Atsumari]

She does.

She once told me she liked to make Sushi herself and showed me pictures. So...that was back in April. Since then I have been nagging about her Sushi. So eventually promissed me to make me Sushi for her birthday. Which was today.

She didn't...instead she gave me a package of fish,. Sushi rise and some seaweed wrappers and told me it was a DIY Sushi dish.
Do it yourself :)
Buy a makisu (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Makisu) and learn from here. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGF_5QR9LI8)
Use the fish instead of cucumber.
Rolls are pretty easy, the cutting is the most difficult.

[Quail]

So, this isn't a massive thing... But I'm sick of saying "my partner" and then having people assume my partner is a "he". Obviously I just correct them, but it's sad that using gender neutral terms about my relationship means people assume I'm straight.

[LeftOrthodox]

Being BlacK Myself I Can Say Most.of The Stuff I Come.Into Contact With Is Racists Jokes Which Tend To Get Annoying........Quite annoying

[John Nada]

I get asked to translated Spanish a lot, like it's genetic.:rolleyes: Can't speak it at all.

[Illegalitarian]

I get asked to translated Spanish a lot, like it's genetic.:rolleyes: Can't speak it at all.

Even better, I've had many people ask me if I can speak "indian".

I am a native american. These people know this and assume that not only can I speak an old, dead language, but that there is one single monolithic "indian" language. :laugh:

[LiaSofia]

The number of (always white) people who respond to the 'Black Lives Matter' campaign with something along the lines of, 'but ALL lives matter, not just black ones!' as though the people carrying the signs didn't realise that. I don't see how anyone can so completely miss the point.


Even better, I've had many people ask me if I can speak "indian".

I am a native american. These people know this and assume that not only can I speak an old, dead language, but that there is one single monolithic "indian" language. :laugh:

Isn't it true that some people can still speak Native American languages, though? I didn't think they were completely dead. When you said 'Indian' I automatically imagined they must have meant one of Hindi/Punjabi/Bengali/Urdu/Sanskrit. :lol:

[Rosa Partizan]

The number of (always white) people who respond to the 'Black Lives Matter' campaign with something along the lines of, 'but ALL lives matter, not just black ones!' as though the people carrying the signs didn't realise that. I don't see how anyone can so completely miss the point.





oh God this is so disgusting and redundant. These are people that would say "I'm colorblind". Such statements erase the very special racial oppression that as a white you will not only never experience, but that you will even profit from. I mean, when someone says "I'm in an organization that saves pandas", they wouldn't come along and respond "but ALL animals should be saved, shouldn't they?". This is so goddamn ignorant, ohgodwhy.

[LiaSofia]

oh God this is so disgusting and redundant. These are people that would say "I'm colorblind". Such statements erase the very special racial oppression that as a white you will not only never experience, but that you will even profit from. I mean, when someone says "I'm in an organization that saves pandas", they wouldn't come along and respond "but ALL animals should be saved, shouldn't they?". This is so goddamn ignorant, ohgodwhy.

Haha, your reaction was the same as mine. Only instead of the panda example I thought of someone telling gay rights activists ''but straight people should have rights too!''

The problem with these people, although I'm sure their intentions are good, is that they act as though we are already in a society that is completely fair and equal, which of course isn't the case at all. And they think that if they behave as though racism doesn't exist then it doesn't and we can all just ignore it and get along. They are speaking from a position of privilege without admitting that such a position exists. I feel as though I should say something, but never really know how to reply?

[Rosa Partizan]

Haha, your reaction was the same as mine. Only instead of the panda example I thought of someone telling gay rights activists ''but straight people should have rights too!''

The problem with these people, although I'm sure their intentions are good, is that they act as though we are already in a society that is completely fair and equal, which of course isn't the case at all. And they think that if they behave as though racism doesn't exist then it doesn't and we can all just ignore it and get along. They are speaking from a position of privilege without admitting that such a position exists. I feel as though I should say something, but never really know how to reply?

if those discussions happen in social media, I see always very good answers and don't have the need to advance that further, so I let it go. If that happens in real life (which is a very rare event, since I'm in a social environment characterized by awareness), I try to come up with an analogy like the panda-ish one as quickly as possible. I don't have the nerves to discuss that shit in detail, been there done that (way too often).

[A Revolutionary Tool]

The other day my coworker asked the boss what holiday was coming up on Monday (Martin Luther King Jr Day) and my boss responded "Nigger day". She always says stupid jokes like these and then wonders why nobody likes her.

[LiaSofia]

if those discussions happen in social media, I see always very good answers and don't have the need to advance that further, so I let it go. If that happens in real life (which is a very rare event, since I'm in a social environment characterized by awareness), I try to come up with an analogy like the panda-ish one as quickly as possible. I don't have the nerves to discuss that shit in detail, been there done that (way too often).

In ''real life'' I usually say something, but if the other person is a stranger I'm always cautious because you never know how they'll react - I don't want to end up being punched in the middle of the street. :lol: It's fortunate you're in a good social environment. The area I'm in is one of the least (possibly THE least) racially diverse in the country, so people's attitudes can be kind of insular.

[Centriops]

I remember this one time. Back when I was in third grade; we had this teacher. And I distinctively remember her class. Once, we had this lesson on terrorism. Apparently, all American schools had to brainwash their kids. So, we were discussing the 9/11 attacks. As usual, we had this another bullshit feeding time that schools required. Osama bin Laden and the al Qaeda appeared out of nowhere and all that.

Anyways, as we were proceeding with our lesson. Our teacher told us that Islam is a very violent religion and it had to be stopped under all costs. Surely, none of the students responded to her bigotry. Also, for the record, we had a Muslim girl sitting in class, wearing a hijab. The teacher did notice her, but refused to acknowledge the fact that she insulted her beliefs.

[Atsumari]

lol really?
https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/s720x720/10418921_10152681455704072_1664995300179084562_n.j pg?oh=635d4e5cd103eadc48459392ef7f3dc2&oe=55638C21&__gda__=1431956184_2db98190b2f501a0aaf2f7f5b2ab552 d

[Bala Perdida]

lol really?
https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/s720x720/10418921_10152681455704072_1664995300179084562_n.j pg?oh=635d4e5cd103eadc48459392ef7f3dc2&oe=55638C21&__gda__=1431956184_2db98190b2f501a0aaf2f7f5b2ab552 d
There's a reason that pic is in black and white. lol.
That being said, I doubt the people circling that around have even walked past a hood. Much less interacted with an actual gangster.

[Quail]

Old couple in the pub glaring at me, my partner and my son. "That's a nice family," my partner overheard one of them say. I forget sometimes that some people disapprove of queer people having kids.

[dinosaur]

When we were eating dinner, my family was talking about ISIS, and my grandpa said "all Muslims should be put in concentration camps." I was pissed off but the rest of my family acted like it was nothing.

[mushroompizza]

I'm Cuban but I look white and today I wore a shirt that said "Cuba" on it to school, every time I wear it I get comments...

My teacher thinks Im an angsty pro-Che socialist white teen.
Kids think the only reason I own it is because I went on vacation there.
People are surprised when I tell them Im Cuban and in order to confirm it they ask me if I speak spanish as if all Cuban Americans speak spanish at birth.

By the way I live in mainly cuban american Miami.

[Quail]

I had an annoying conversation with someone on Friday night on the topic "is it transphobic for lesbians not to want to date trans women". I think it is quite obviously transphobic to claim that you'd never be attracted to a trans person. Surely by the time you've got to the point of getting naked with someone, it doesn't really matter what's in their pants?

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

I had an annoying conversation with someone on Friday night on the topic "is it transphobic for lesbians not to want to date trans women". I think it is quite obviously transphobic to claim that you'd never be attracted to a trans person. Surely by the time you've got to the point of getting naked with someone, it doesn't really matter what's in their pants?

Surely, this depends? I mean, if we're talking about a woman who has had SRS, then most likely, someone who refuses to date her because she had male genitalia once is transphobic.

If we're talking about a woman who still has male genitalia, then I don't see why a lesbian who does not want to have sex with such a woman is necessarily transphobic. I mean, what's in someone's pants is sort of important when it comes to sex - it limits the sort of things you can do in bed, for one thing. Second, sex organs themselves are part of what makes male bodies, female bodies, or both, attractive to people... I imagine there are a lot of lesbians who don't find penises attractive. I think that is quite understandable.

It would be transphobic for the lesbians in question to refuse to accept these women as women (if biologically male). But it's not transphobic to refuse to sleep with them. I mean, if we follow this kind of logic, then everyone except the most accommodating bisexuals are bigots.

[Quail]

Surely, this depends? I mean, if we're talking about a woman who has had SRS, then most likely, someone who refuses to date her because she had male genitalia once is transphobic.

If we're talking about a woman who still has male genitalia, then I don't see why a lesbian who does not want to have sex with such a woman is necessarily transphobic. I mean, what's in someone's pants is sort of important when it comes to sex - it limits the sort of things you can do in bed, for one thing. Second, sex organs themselves are part of what makes male bodies, female bodies, or both, attractive to people... I imagine there are a lot of lesbians who don't find penises attractive. I think that is quite understandable.

It would be transphobic for the lesbians in question to refuse to accept these women as women (if biologically male). But it's not transphobic to refuse to sleep with them. I mean, if we follow this kind of logic, then everyone except the most accommodating bisexuals are bigots.
I'm not saying that anyone has to sleep with anyone else. But I really do question the mentality behind the idea that you could be totally attracted to a person in every way and then you find out what their genitals are like and suddenly you're not attracted to them? I just really don't buy it. I think in the vast majority of cases it comes from a place of bigotry, whether that's homophobia (in the case of straight people) or transphobia. Not to mention, it's the same kind of bullshit attitude which makes people think it's okay to hurt trans women because they were disgusted with themselves for being attracted to them.

Btw this person I was talking to wasn't even a lesbian, just a dude who decided to talk for lesbians to a group of people which included both me and my partner (who despite identifying as gay agreed with me).

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

I'm not saying that anyone has to sleep with anyone else. But I really do question the mentality behind the idea that you could be totally attracted to a person in every way and then you find out what their genitals are like and suddenly you're not attracted to them? I just really don't buy it.

Well, to be honest, it makes perfect sense to me. People reassess their conclusions about someone's attractiveness based on new information all the time, after all. Let's say that I am attracted to boyish women with small breasts and do not find women with big breasts attractive (this is just an example and not a statement of my personal preferences, which do not belong on WeirdoLeft). I see a girl from the back - and she has relatively narrow hips, a boyish build etc. I find that attractive. When she turns around, I find that she has quite large breasts. Now, I don't think her breasts are disgusting or anything, but that will surely have an impact on how I assess her attractiveness. I don't think that's bigoted. At best, hypothetical me is being petty.

And the size of breasts is - mostly - just cosmetic. Genitalia determine what you can do with a person.


I think in the vast majority of cases it comes from a place of bigotry, whether that's homophobia (in the case of straight people) or transphobia.

One one hand, you are undoubtedly correct. In fact I imagine most lesbians are unfortunately transphobic. Class society is like that. (Conversely I imagine many straight trans* people are homophobic.) But that does not mean that it is transphobic to not be attracted to a woman with male genitalia.

Just as most people who oppose black nationalism are racists, but opposing black nationalism is not racist per se.


Not to mention, it's the same kind of bullshit attitude which makes people think it's okay to hurt trans women because they were disgusted with themselves for being attracted to them.

No, I don't think so. Not being attracted to someone is not the same as being disgusted with them is not the same as physically attacking them. "Trans panic" is rubbish, but it's not the sort of thing I'm talking about. Of course any lesbian who attacks another woman for having male genitalia is transphobic. But I don't think politely telling that woman they're not attracted to them is comparable, at all. And it's not necessarily transphobic.

(Just as not being attracted to women with big breasts is not the same as some kind of "big breast panic" - that thing what doesn't exist since it isn't of any use to the bourgeoisie.)


Btw this person I was talking to wasn't even a lesbian, just a dude who decided to talk for lesbians to a group of people which included both me and my partner (who despite identifying as gay agreed with me).

Fair enough, but the reason I responded (and why I probably sound slightly annoyed) is that I actually have seen lesbians being "called out" for saying they weren't attracted to people with penises. I mean, that's pretty much orientation-policing. Some people really need to separate personal preferences from political positions.

[Quail]

I think the political climate surrounding people as they grow up undoubtedly influences their sexual preferences - so a transphobic society makes it easier for people to justify making blanket statements about not being attracted to trans people, whether or not things would play out that way in reality (for example, how do you know none of the people you've been attracted to in the past have been trans?).

I'm not talking about it being transphobic to just not be attracted to a particular trans person, but rather automatically dismissing every trans person as a potential partner.

Finally, I don't think the breast analogy works either. Do people really have a "type" in their head that they don't deviate from? If I think someone is attractive but they turn out not to be the kind of person I'd expect myself to be attracted to I don't recoil in horror and pretend I never thought of them that way. That's just not how attraction works for me, and I wonder if maybe sometimes it is the general attitudes of our society that mean people don't allow themselves to feel certain attraction.

Going back to your (slightly silly but whatever) example, I find it hard to get my head around the idea of someone saying they'd never want to be with a big-breasted woman when they could meet a wonderful big-breasted woman the next day who totally swept them off their feet. Likewise dismissing all trans people as potential partners just seems like bigotry to me. If you really liked someone and were falling in love with them you would make it work.

[Quail]

I love it when men ask when I last slept with a guy and the propose a threesome with me and my girlfriend...

[mushroompizza]

:ohmy: Thank god im a cis straight nerdy guy.

[Quail]

There was this horrible man at solstice who asked my partner no less than three times whether she is a man or a woman. He also asked the same question to this other woman. Then he just wouldn't fuck off. I guess if you're so fixated on whether a stranger is male or female then you must have some fucking problems, but still... Wtf is wrong with people.

[Quail]

Don't go to the Rawson Spring in Sheffield.

They were funny with me, my partner and my son yesterday. I've sent a complaint to Wetherspoons, hopefully they will respond and give us free beers.

[Comrade Jacob]

I got shouted at from a car, most-likely for my Goth attire. I was too focused on getting a pack of cigarettes tho.

[Quail]

My parents always seem embarrassed to be seen out with me and my partner. Makes me feel sad.

[Sinister Intents]

I got shouted at from a car, most-likely for my Goth attire. I was too focused on getting a pack of cigarettes tho.

This^^^ People get all offended by me wearing spikes and all black and eye liner. Although I do like it when people gender me right. I can't stand that people are so hateful of other's appearances.

[Redistribute the Rep]

Just do a google image search for 'person.' The results are unsuprisingly disappointing.

[Troika]

Just do a google image search for 'person.' The results are unsuprisingly disappointing.

Mostly, but not entirely. (https://asktabby.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/wpid-photo-mar-6-2013-1015-pm.jpg)

At least the cat people are represented in the social consciousness. So much for the rest of us though.

[Troika]

My parents always seem embarrassed to be seen out with me and my partner. Makes me feel sad.

They're probably unused to the stares and possibility of random harassment. I know I feel on edge sometimes when I'm in public with a same-gender partner. You never know how people are going to react. It's like you're forced to make a controversial political statement just by going to get some milk or something because people won't stop being bigoted pieces of shit.

Still sucks though. If they're bourgie it's probably that respectability bullshit. I hate that. I pee on that.


There was this horrible man at solstice who asked my partner no less than three times whether she is a man or a woman. He also asked the same question to this other woman. Then he just wouldn't fuck off. I guess if you're so fixated on whether a stranger is male or female then you must have some fucking problems, but still... Wtf is wrong with people.

An ex of mine answered this exact question for me once. It's very simple. They stupid.

[ComradeAllende]

My parents are Christian immigrants from a Middle Eastern country, so they always watch Arabic news to keep up with events in the homeland. Whenever there is a serious crisis going on (which is all the time, unfortunately), they get frustrated. Whenever I talk about Middle Eastern politics, my father always blames the Muslims (after blaming the U.S. and the West) for the instability and undemocratic governments, accusing them of wanting to install an Islamic dictatorship and of being ignorant in the face of Western imperialism. I get that my father grew up in a sectarian society where religion served as a political identity, but I'm confused about how he blames both "the West" and the Arabs (Muslim Arabs, to be specific) for the Middle East's instability.

[Quail]

I had an argument with my parents and my mum said, "I can't help how I feel - I'd rather you were with a man," as though that totally justified her homophobia. If you replace "man" with "white person" in that sentence, for example, it would sound totally un-fucking-acceptably racist, so I don't know why she thinks her piss poor excuses are okay. I'm sick of the way both my parents justify the shitty way they treated my partner at first with some bullshit about how they needed time to adjust to the idea of me not being straight. It is absolutely not my responsibility to make them feel comfortable, and I don't understand why they're so confused at why I still feel upset with the situation and why I feel so damn uncomfortable around them.

I know things could be an awful lot worse, and they are trying to make some kind of effort to tolerate my queerness, but it hurts that no matter how hard they try, their disapproval is painfully clear.

[Rudolf]

I had an argument with my parents and my mum said, "I can't help how I feel - I'd rather you were with a man," as though that totally justified her homophobia. If you replace "man" with "white person" in that sentence, for example, it would sound totally un-fucking-acceptably racist, so I don't know why she thinks her piss poor excuses are okay. I'm sick of the way both my parents justify the shitty way they treated my partner at first with some bullshit about how they needed time to adjust to the idea of me not being straight. It is absolutely not my responsibility to make them feel comfortable, and I don't understand why they're so confused at why I still feel upset with the situation and why I feel so damn uncomfortable around them.

I know things could be an awful lot worse, and they are trying to make some kind of effort to tolerate my queerness, but it hurts that no matter how hard they try, their disapproval is painfully clear.

I always wonder if people are even aware of how their words and behaviour effects others it's like some massive mental and emotional block and it's even more frustrating when it's someone you care about...


I don't like your post, it makes me want to fortify the closet and wait for a new day. If only i believed in an afterlife then that might be an option

[Quail]

I always wonder if people are even aware of how their words and behaviour effects others it's like some massive mental and emotional block and it's even more frustrating when it's someone you care about...


I don't like your post, it makes me want to fortify the closet and wait for a new day. If only i believed in an afterlife then that might be an option

I guess all the homophobic stuff my parents have said over the years before they knew about my sexuality was just throwaway comments. They probably don't even remember them, but of course they made an impact on me. I've known I am queer for such a long time, but I made the decision not to mention it to my family unless I found myself in a position where I had to. I hope my son never feels as though he has to hide anything from me, whether it's to do with gender or sexuality or whatever.

[Bala Perdida]

I see statistics about domestic violence against women, I see the intellectualization of anti-feminists, I hear stupid people saying that women just hate other women. I'm just constantly thinking... why does everyone hate women? Most of the world putting up with a normalized hatred of them.

Also if someone tries to put feminism on the same level as MRA again, I'm gonna blow the fuck up.

[Counterculturalist]

Also if someone tries to put feminism on the same level as MRA again, I'm gonna blow the fuck up.

The worst part about assholes who do this is that that almost always turn out to be MRAs themselves, pretending not to be so they can cut and paste screeds taken directly from MRA sites and try to make it look like they're coming from an "unbiased" source.

[Hatshepsut]

I see statistics about domestic violence against women, I see the intellectualization of anti-feminists...

...so they can cut and paste screeds taken directly from MRA sites and try to make it look like they're coming from an "unbiased" source.

They may encounter trouble extracting those screeds from Men's Rights web pages usually cluttered with none other than the ads that capitalism loves so much! Statistics, which aren't too reliable in the area of domestic violence, have become a way for society to avoid addressing its social issues. In the U.S. we've had Neil Young songs and a 30-year run of data collection on homelessness but little done for the homeless themselves other than cutting off General Assistance benefits where they used to be eligible, and constructing more shelters and soup kitchens.

In a similar spirit of response to pressure groups and endless rows of numbers, we've constructed a formal legal theory that tilts heavily in favor of women but rarely helps them in practice: There is a rape shield law, yet access to the criminal courts after a rape occurs comes at the prosecutor's discretion. Divorce & separation arrangements are loaded with alimony, child support, and protective orders, while getting anything meaningful through the family courts requires money to pay off lawyers; the state enforcement bureaus remaining primarily interested in collections only to recover the state's welfare expenses.

So the problems are studied to death and an appearance of solutions erected even as ground truths on discrimination remain the same.

[Quail]

This is very small in the grand scheme of things, but it's annoying.

The guy who came to fit smoke alarms in my house referred to my partner as my "mate" when he asked if she was at work. He knows the layout of the house. There is only one adult bedroom. What does he think, that we're just really good friends who live together and share a bed? Isn't that a weirder assumption than assuming we're in a relationship? :confused:

[Rudolf]

Forgot i posted in here...



I guess all the homophobic stuff my parents have said over the years before they knew about my sexuality was just throwaway comments. They probably don't even remember them, but of course they made an impact on me. I've known I am queer for such a long time, but I made the decision not to mention it to my family unless I found myself in a position where I had to. I hope my son never feels as though he has to hide anything from me, whether it's to do with gender or sexuality or whatever.

Well, you won't be making such throwaway comments so your son shouldnt feel the same as you did. I never really heard any throwaway comments although ive made assumptions. You'll probably want to avoid the pitfall of my family; no one talks about their feelings or anything personal. It's weird. It's on that basis i made the decision long ago to not mention my seuxality to them and i can live with that as sexuality is kinda easy to hide and still fulfill it. Gender's the tricky one for me and im going to have to tell them at some point.




This is very small in the grand scheme of things, but it's annoying.

The guy who came to fit smoke alarms in my house referred to my partner as my "mate" when he asked if she was at work. He knows the layout of the house. There is only one adult bedroom. What does he think, that we're just really good friends who live together and share a bed? Isn't that a weirder assumption than assuming we're in a relationship? :confused:

He might have assumed you sleep in shifts :laugh:

[Quail]

I don't know where to rant about this, but this seems like as good a place as any. I'm annoyed with my son's Batman annual this year.

The first story is about Barbara Gordon as Oracle, and for some reason she isn't disabled. Maybe there has been some reboot where Oracle isn't in a wheelchair, or the whole Batgirl getting shot and paralysed by the Joker thing is considered too grisly for the media aimed at children, but I was pretty disappointed that DC comics totally missed an opportunity to have a comic strip about an awesome character who happens to use a wheelchair.

The second story was about Harley Quinn, with a bunch of sickening, slightly victim-blamey stuff going on. In comics for adults, Harley has broken away from the Joker, who treats her horribly, and asserted herself as a cool and strong character in her own right. Why doesn't the media aimed at children acknowledge this? Surely it would be far better to portray her as a force to be reckoned with as a supervillain/antihero, than write a comic about how he treats her badly but she loves him anyway, while seeming to promote this as okay?

I didn't read the other stories, but ugh, do better DC.

I told my parents all of this, and they told me I was over-reacting and reading too much into it. They actually got pretty angry at me about it for some reason.

[JaffaRed]

Several examples of everyday racism from Israel-Palestine.

I, being Jewish and hardly being taught Arabic as school - unlike Palestinian kids inside the "Green Line" who must study Hebrew - study (spoken) Arabic as it is crucial for any sort of real political work in this country. My teacher, M., is a (mostly) non-practicing Muslim woman from Jaffa, who also teaches Arabic and literature at various schools. Now, as she's quite secular, she does not wear a headscarf and dresses in a very modern/western manner. She also speaks Hebrew perfectly. Now she told me that once she came to some event of the [liberal] left in north Tel-Aviv, i.e. the affluent part of town. One of the [upper class Jewish] women there, upon finding that M. was not Jewish but rather a Palestinian Arab - said "you don't look Arab!". The stereotype was so strong...

The same M. once chaperoned a school trip of the school she teaches in to the north of the country. This is a Jewish school - yes, we have segregation here for the most part - so they had a tour guide who was spewing all sorts of government propaganda during the trip. They reached a ruined Palestinian village, named al-Shajra which was destroyed by Israeli forces in the 1948 War (al-Nakba). Now that tour guide was giving the government line about it, mostly about the original villagers "fleeing willingly", so M. steps up and corrects him, telling the story of the violent deportation from there in 1948. A few days later she was called to the Ministry of Education supervisory office and severely reprimanded, even threatened with termination of her work, again because she dared speak the truth in front of students...

Another thing - I did my thesis dissertation in geography and urban planning at the Bedouin town of Rahat near Beersheba. When I told other students that I'm going to do interviews there with the residents, they got scared, and told me that it is "dangerous" and one even said that I should "bring a gun along". Of course this is quite a safe place - it does have crime, as any impoverished working class city has under capitalism - and it sometimes has violent feuds between rival extended families, but the place is perfectly safe and hospitable for guests and visitors. But for the average ignorant and racist Israeli student, this place sounds scary.

On a different note - my ex-fiancee, had a Jewish mother and a non-Jewish British father. She got bullied for years at school because her father wasn't Jewish and was a "goy" (gentile).

(And now to sexism - my ex-fiancee learned how to defend herself around the fourth grade, and would beat up bullies quite effectively. But the teachers, who were quick to dismiss the average male bully's bullying as "boys being boys", used to punish my ex-fiancee for defending herself, after all they (sexist teachers) thought that girls should be meek...)

Also about my ex-fiancee - she was unemployed for long and once applied to a job in sales regarding credit cards issued by a supermarket chain. She was not accepted to the job and the prospective boss told her that "he was looking only for blonde women". And this is in the case of a woman who is as white as one can be, but with brown hair... Racists sometimes are extra-picky.

Another matter. A recent well-publicized even in Israeli media was that a particularly bad-mannered Israeli woman behaved in the worst possible way aboard an Arkiah [Israeli airline] flight to Varna. The steward was busy selling duty-free goods to the passenger in front of her, but this woman wanted to buy chocolate, and buy it NOW, and could not wait for him to finish with the other passenger, so one of her equally horrible-mannered friends yelled at the steward - "SELL HER ALREADY! WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE IS, AN ARAB?!"

In Yavne, the town where my current girlfriend lives, several parents got SCARED because, lo and behold, their kids went to an after-school program... in a place surrounding by construction sites, where Palestinian workers from the West Bank work. OF COURSE these racist parents immediately thought that these workers, who sweat to build their apartment buildings, are ALL terrorists...

These are just the day-to-day stuff in addition to murderous bombings of Gaza, settler violent and murderous attacks in the West Bank and so on...

[Quail]

On NYE I went out and this guy called me a lezzer and gave me evils all night. I don't know what I did to incur his wrath. Either a) he tried to hit on me and I had the audacity to turn him down, b) he's an insecure, jealous douchebag who saw me talking to or dancing with his girlfriend, or c) he's an everyday homophobe. Either way, I remember vaguely having a go at him.

[cyu]

Unrequited love ;)

OB-seriousness: ...or at least what passes for love in their limited relationship experience...

[reviscom1]

A female colleague of mine earnestly discussing the Pistorius case and declaring that she thought he definitely did it then adding:

"I don't know why he did it, but he definitely did......."

As if abusers have to have a genuine reason for carrying out their abuse. As if anything justifies killing your girlfriend.

[Quail]

It bothers me that when I say "partner" people hear "boyfriend."
It bothers me more that I don't always correct them (in a professional setting, anyway).

[Rudolf]

So i was at a mate's last night and i was planning on coming out to him that i'm trans. My plan was to say just before i left. A friend of his was there but i thought he'd leave before me. Anyway, through the night my mate who works as a receptionist at a hotel said an anecdote from at work where he threw out this guy and "a tranny hooker" (his words obv, chances are she was merely guilty of being a visible trans woman) at which point they both start laughing at the guy she was with for being with her... I froze. All i could think about was that it was shit like this that made me spend most of my life repressing myself. If it weren't for my partner i fear i'd have gone straight back to that. I expected better tbh but i suppose at least now i know so that i an cut them out of my life.

[Quail]

So i was at a mate's last night and i was planning on coming out to him that i'm trans. My plan was to say just before i left. A friend of his was there but i thought he'd leave before me. Anyway, through the night my mate who works as a receptionist at a hotel said an anecdote from at work where he threw out this guy and "a tranny hooker" (his words obv, chances are she was merely guilty of being a visible trans woman) at which point they both start laughing at the guy she was with for being with her... I froze. All i could think about was that it was shit like this that made me spend most of my life repressing myself. If it weren't for my partner i fear i'd have gone straight back to that. I expected better tbh but i suppose at least now i know so that i an cut them out of my life.

That really sucks to hear, but I guess at least they outed themselves as transphobes before you said anything that could have put you in danger. I hope you have some better friends to hang out with.

[Rudolf]

That really sucks to hear, but I guess at least they outed themselves as transphobes before you said anything that could have put you in danger. I hope you have some better friends to hang out with.

Yeah i do... Atleast for now anyway lol. It's alright though i've had to build new social circles before i know i can do it again.

[Thirsty Crow]

The same M. once chaperoned a school trip of the school she teaches in to the north of the country. This is a Jewish school - yes, we have segregation here for the most part - so they had a tour guide who was spewing all sorts of government propaganda during the trip. They reached a ruined Palestinian village, named al-Shajra which was destroyed by Israeli forces in the 1948 War (al-Nakba). Now that tour guide was giving the government line about it, mostly about the original villagers "fleeing willingly", so M. steps up and corrects him, telling the story of the violent deportation from there in 1948. A few days later she was called to the Ministry of Education supervisory office and severely reprimanded, even threatened with termination of her work, again because she dared speak the truth in front of students...

This story reminded me of a piece of news I read about the MoE in Israel banning a book that was, I think, put on an obligatory reading list for some school. Not banning from distribtion but from school reading lists, and it just so happens that a major plot element is a romantic relationship between a Palestinian person and a Hebrew person. The explanation given was that the book offends notions of cultural autonomy and purity or something to that effect.

[Ceallach_the_Witch]

my mum was reading the sunday times yesterday (no, i dont know why even a socially conservative old-labourite reads that fucking rag) and came to one of the jeremy clarkson 'opinion' columns. Usually one of her few redeeming qualities is a blanket disgust reserved for everything he does, but this week she said 'you know, for once I actually agree with some of what he's saying.'

the article in question was so virulently transphobic that the Times actually pulled it from their website and apologised. It's bad enough for me knowing that i will never be accepted by my family when i come out, but what makes me feel even worse is knowing that she actually agrees with the content of the article and she is in a position of power over several hundred children as the head-teacher of a primary school.

[Rudolf]

my mum was reading the sunday times yesterday (no, i dont know why even a socially conservative old-labourite reads that fucking rag) and came to one of the jeremy clarkson 'opinion' columns. Usually one of her few redeeming qualities is a blanket disgust reserved for everything he does, but this week she said 'you know, for once I actually agree with some of what he's saying.'

the article in question was so virulently transphobic that the Times actually pulled it from their website and apologised. It's bad enough for me knowing that i will never be accepted by my family when i come out, but what makes me feel even worse is knowing that she actually agrees with the content of the article and she is in a position of power over several hundred children as the head-teacher of a primary school.

Please make sure you have a safe house to stay at when you do.

[Bea Arthur]

I told a friend to stop referring to our postal employee as a "mailman," especially considering the mail carrier was a she.

On a more serious note, I got high for the first time tonight. Ended up "shotgunning" with a guy, and I feel like I've consumed about thirty cups of coffee.

Thanks, you know who

[Remus Bleys]

my mom regularly calls me a tranny freak and her response to anything i do is "thats not what a real gay would do"

[CalifornianMutualist]

I'm not sure if this is discrimination at all, or if I'm just making this a racial matter for no reason whatsoever, but whatever, here it goes.

So, I came back from Band Camp, and I was tired as hell. It was also my 2nd day of Band Camp, so I wasn't used to it. I was limp walking and I was walking over to my bus stop. Anyways, when I was on the bus, I fell asleep. When I woke up, I woke up far from the place I was intending to stop at. I didn't have a phone on me, so I asked the bus driver how to get back. Anyways, fast forward and I was being a beggar ( sorry I was desperate :lol: ). I got off in a specific part of the city (I was actually out of the city) where it was specifically Korean. Everything was written in Korean, and all the people were Korean. Most likely nobody around spoke English, seeing that it was full of older Korean people. I see one guy who was White, and I went up to him seeing if he had a phone I can borrow. However, I actually didn't even get the chance to ask him. I was sayin "Sir! Sir!", and he just shook his head saying "No. No.", and he got in his car and drove off. Keep in mind, I'm not White. I'm brown-skinned. So anyways, I dealt with it and got on the bus I needed to take to get back home. Throughout the bus ride, I was wondering why it was that the man ignored me. I feel like I'm just turning this into a racial thing, but whatever, I'll share this event. I wanna see what you guys think.

[Atsumari]

Maaaaan, you probably could have asked one of the Koreans, especially the younger ones for help. California Asians are pretty FOB, but not that FOB.

[Bala Perdida]

No. For the last time. I don't chew tobacco

[Communist Mutant From Outer Space]

No. For the last time. I don't chew tobacco

But do you feel lucky, punk?

On a more serious note I was a called a... well, I won't repeat it, but I was called something by a friend of mine actually (though in a non-joking way which was just really confusing and upsetting) based on the fact I had recently slept with someone of the same gender. Could I be more vague? Who knows.

[CalifornianMutualist]

I would have! However, I didn't see any young Korean people in sight.:(

[Quail]

I don't know if this even belongs here, but my anger is political, so here goes.

My ex taught my son the word "prag," supposedly because it's an american swear word so he can go round calling people that and because nobody knows what it means he won't get in trouble. I looked up the word and apparently it comes from "prison fag"! What kind of fucking arse teaches a 6 y/o child that it's okay to call someone a "prison fag"?? I told him off, of course, and said that my rule with my son is that if he knows what something means he can use it. So I don't mind stuff like crap, shit, piss... You know, stuff that isn't outright offensive. So anyway, this morning I had a chat with my son about it. I asked him what he thought it meant and he said "silly," so I explained that is means "someone in prison who everyone else bullies and abuses" and that "fag" is a word that has been used to hurt people like me and my partner and other same-sex couples for a long time. He seemed to get why he shouldn't say it, but I hope that wasn't just a show for me. I'm not having my kid thinking it's okay to call people words that are inherently homophobic and condone prison rape. FFS. And this came from a guy who identifies as gay. The mind boggles.

[TomLeftist]

I think that what we should do is save our energies for the real war, a revenge war against the upper classes and the oppressive layers of the middle classes. There is a lot of bullying, evil jokes against people. Bullying against people with over weight problems. I think all that hatred is really caused by inferiority complex, by people with repressed goals, because the capitalist system is so oligarchical plutocratic that only a few are able to reach full self-realization. While the majority lives a life devoid of any meaning. (because the majority are banned from activities that produce great motivational pleasures like studying in a college, learning how to play guitar etc.





I was at the store earlier and there was a child rhyming Tigger with 'N***r' :crying:
Her parents were encouraging it and laughing about it...
I feel so pissed and depressed over this right now, fuck people.

[TomLeftist]

I know that this question is not about skin color discrimination, discrimination against gays and lesbians, but I would like to know your thoughts wether there is a hatred in the roads, exercised by middle class people, middle class white-collar professionals driving nicer newer more expensive cars, against lower-class poor people driving older cheaper cars.

Because I drive an older car (Dodge Neon 1999). And I've been harassed, bullied by drivers who drive new cars (2010-2016).


I think that there is a lof of harassment behaviour in the roads in America. I think that many people in USA who are very narcissists, anti-socials, angry, bored, exercise a sort of bullying against other drivers. By getting too close to them when they are in the back of the car they are trying to harass, in the same lane


Because the other day I went to Walmart to buy something and when I was in the road driving my car, a guy in a newer more expensiver than mine, got real close to, like tailgating me. And then when we both got to the parking lot I invited him to fight with me. But he got scared and ran away.


And I would like to know the cause of this behaviour in the roads of U.S of the hatred exercised by the middle class drivers against people who own cheaper older cars



Quail created this thread: "Everyday sexism" thread I thought it would be a good idea to have one encompassing all other prejudices and discrimination.

Every single time my dad sees our two male cats playing around at home he calls them "fag" or "queer" because its two male cats playing around and his homophobic mind sees it as wrong for two male cats to be interacting.

[RainbowRevolution]

One that irks me a lot, and which unfortunately I hear a lot of with transgender people:
"Oh, they used to be a man/woman" or "They used to be [deadname]" or "They're a [insert gender] now."

All of these are irksome in that they ignore the reality that transgender people never become a different gender. They've always been their gender, and they've never been any of the things they were before. That's what makes them transgender...they were never in alignment with their sex assigned at birth. Transwomen were never men. Transmen were never women. Non-binary people were never either.

Its a position that comes from ignorance about how gender identity works, and this works to promote the view that there's an element of choice in transitioning, when in most cases it is an absolutely necessary medical process.

[Raul Castro]

attack helicopter prejudice

[John Nada]

attack helicopter prejudiceFuck you, transphobic shithead.

[RainbowRevolution]

attack helicopter prejudice
A case in point of transphobic everyday discrimination.
Thank you for providing an excellent example of social discrimination against transgender people. ;)