2014 making my life more liveable

[Ele'ill]

maybe this is a bad or repetitive idea and theme but whatever don't care that much it'll be the first thread like this for the year and brainstorming/encouragement/advice can always be used by someone else if not by myself

I'm poor, currently homeless, I have mental health stuff to deal with, I have nothing planned in my life, beginning to run into legal stuff again and none of this I want to become entrenched in again and it feels like that's where everything is heading at the moment. There are a handful of things I enjoy, I enjoy reading, I enjoy going places to read, I enjoy discussing things especially stuff that comes up on this site just as an example, if not reading then thinking about stuff while too much energy to sit down and read, etc.. the only thing I don't particularly enjoy is math and that could probably change if I put what's left of my mind to it.

I am aware that I woke up with the last bit of depression wearing off, in the middle of the night, with positive thoughts of being elsewhere, and I know that is a warning that everything is going to become a bit unrealistic and it's all gonna be a sprint maybe for an hour or two maybe for a day(s)/weeks so I figure maybe make the most of it at least directionally, get moving in a general direction instead of all over the place kind of what this message is doing right now lol don't want that to happen. and I apologize for the form of this post I just don't feel like putting much thought into organizing it in some decent more readable format despite the irony of it being about putting my life into a more decent and readable/approachable/manageable format.

When I woke up aside from making a mopey post in pyho I was looking at pictures and wiki entries of people's lives who I don't know intimately but people who I am drawn to who I respect and their twitter feeds and really cheesy lame shit like that but it made me aware that life is short but life is also kind of long, longer than I give it credit for being and maybe a new chapter fueled by crazy time is a good idea right now. I am drawn to academic stuff right now as it is, not saying i'm super smart but I think I have strong areas and I want to go to school I think, and financial aid/grants can pay for living expenses too to facilitate school as tons of folks do. I haven't done this for like about a decade. I despise the idea of having to call up get transcripts from all the places I've been a student at to get records forwarded through and I don't know where i'd go to school probably a community college. Should I supplement or start out by taking some online courses offered assuming all this goes well? Is this going to give me a decent direction?

It's just at the point where I miss being able to leave an apartment space that feels like home, put on a different jacket/shirt and maybe go grab a coffee and feel good about myself / have something I have to focus on other than a shit job / indulge in vanity for an hour. Small things. I don't know why I am afraid to go back to school I guess because I'm in my late 20's? I think this gives me a lot of advantages too though but I'm not jaded or anything.


What does everyone think about this? School not as some awesome job gateway or anything but from where i'm at it might give some sort of direction, an end to a lot of boredom, help with living expenses, give me some platform to avoid a lot of bad stuff that I can see (as of right now this morning at least) on the horizon. I'd be doing this in a state where I'm a resident rather than waiting and inevitably ending up somewhere else and having to wait/residency again and then so on and so forth. i'm in a city that I know pretty well, I know all the public transit routes, all the taverns, schools, cafes, and my current job albeit bad and shitty work and low pay offers set hours for full time and weekends off.


oh also going for me is I quit smoking/tobacco never will go back to it ever got nicotine gum

[Quail]

Personally I find that studying is really good for my mental health, and being at university gives me enough structure not to just say "fuck it" when I have a bad day (well, most of the time). It gives me a place that I can socialise and talk to people who I wouldn't otherwise meet because being a young mum can be really isolating. If you apply for a course, it might be worthwhile having a look at online stuff just to kind of refresh your memory and get back into a learning headspace. I don't think being in your late 20's is a particularly bad time to go back to learning either, and you definitely won't be the only one. Sorry if this post is also poorly structured. What I'm trying to say is, if you want to do it and you can get the funding, go for it.

[Ethics Gradient, Traitor For All Ages]

Yeah I don't think going back to school in your late 20s is anything to worry about, you certainly won't be the oldest. People completely switch gears later in life all the time, one of the new guys at work owned his own store for a decade before it folded and he went back to school in his 30s to get into IT.

It's really easy to talk yourself out of things by assuming the worst before you even begin. If you choose to do nothing new this year and just do a repeat of the last, will you be in a more vulnerable position than you are already in? It sounds like you would be. It's hard enough to be homeless and broke in your 20s, being homeless and broke in your 40s isn't something you want to experience if you can avoid it. If you have an out I would take it while you can, things can and probably will always get worse.

[Ele'ill]

*my biggest fear is actually going through all this, getting degrees and then being in the same spot i'm in now, that is my biggest fear on the list above simply going back in late 20's


but this will financially lift me out of where i'm at now

[The Garbage Disposal Unit]

Yeah, I still have vague plans of going to University when I run out of shit jobs and scams.

One thought: Maybe sooner than later is a good idea? Who knows when the government will stop offering student loans, or become "more discerning" (ie stop giving them to skids who want to avoid working for four years).

[Ethics Gradient, Traitor For All Ages]

*my biggest fear is actually going through all this, getting degrees and then being in the same spot i'm in now, that is my biggest fear on the list above simply going back in late 20's


but this will financially lift me out of where i'm at now

I was actually going to address this exact thing in my post but then didnt. Someone with a degree, even one that is unpopular at a given moment, is still more likely to not be homeless than someone with nothing. Better sooner than later is definitely the attitude to take imo. But yeah I'm always terrified that whatever path I take will be a total waste of time/money/end in disaster or whatever, but that logic can be applied to everything in life.

[Art Vandelay]

Do it up Mari3l. I don't know, it sounds like a fantastic idea to me. I don't have much to add, but you're cool and deserve to be happy and if you think that is something that will make you happy, you need to go for it. You're also quite intelligent (anyone who can understand some of the more nerdy leftist shite is) so I don't think you'd have much of an issue in that regard. I'm not sure what your GPA is sitting it, but if its lower than you like, you can always claim you were going through a period of mental health issues/instability and get certain grades wiped from your transcript, well at least in Canada you can. That's what I plan on doing when I go back to school, since I fucked my GPA my last year when my mental health was fucked. Also I know that we spoke about those legal issues before and it sounded like it wasn't going to be a big deal, sorry to hear that might not be the case now. Fuck those cops and wanna be business owners who screwed you that night. I don't think you should let anything get in your way though and you can do this. My mom went to school in her mid 20's and I'm pretty sure she never felt weird or anything about it, you shouldn't either.

[Lobotomy]

Plenty of people are in school in their late 20s and older.

[Ele'ill]

My gpa was messed up I appealed many years ago and got a deal worked out that let me go back, which let me fix it more (all a long time ago).

[human strike]

Yeah, I still have vague plans of going to University when I run out of shit jobs and scams.

One thought: Maybe sooner than later is a good idea? Who knows when the government will stop offering student loans, or become "more discerning" (ie stop giving them to skids who want to avoid working for four years).

I fuckin' loved those four years.

[Os Cangaceiros]

Yeah there was a woman in one of my last classes who was in her late 30's. A woman in another one of my classes who was older than that. I'm in my mid-20's. Who cares.

I like school just because it gives my non-work life some structure. I need some structure to my days, otherwise I'll just do nothing and eventually I'll go crazy. :lol:

[Decolonize The Left]

My uncle is in his 50s and he just got his college diploma. He was very, very happy and proud and said only that he wished he had done it earlier and not put it off so long.

Do it. Bring meaning and value back into your life - not solely through school and some form of social structure but through being healthy and happy. I think going back to school is a great step and I'm willing to help however I can.

[Ele'ill]

I don't know what to focus my intensity on. I can't see myself in a career that clearly. Is it gonna be at an entry level job driving out to some solar array to do maintenance or something? Maybe. Is it gonna be doing entry level admin/maintenance stuff on University computer systems? Maybe. If I study English, then what? I def. don't want to teach, in any formal setting anyways. I like art, I like words and making things. I like organizing things creatively.

Law?

[Decolonize The Left]

I don't know what to focus my intensity on. I can't see myself in a career that clearly. Is it gonna be at an entry level job driving out to some solar array to do maintenance or something? Maybe. Is it gonna be doing entry level admin/maintenance stuff on University computer systems? Maybe. If I study English, then what? I def. don't want to teach, in any formal setting anyways. I like art, I like words and making things. I like organizing things creatively.

Law?

In all honesty, I think you're looking at things backwards. Instead of looking at what you like to do and trying to fit employment into your desires, perhaps you could look at organizations/businesses that you like and approach them instead? So, for example, if there was some bookstore that you really like and frequent, why not ask them if they're hiring? If not now, then perhaps they know of another place with similar style which may have an opening?

You're definitely smart and capable enough to work most jobs. I think an inverse approach might lead you to more results as the way you're looking at it now can be daunting due to the fact that it's highly open-ended.