Improving Libido

[Yet_Another_Boring_Marxist]

I'm pretty sure this belongs in health, if it belongs in non-political that's fine.

I have to go to class soon so I'll give you the short version, later I'll give you the long version later when I get back


I went out on a date with a girl I meet at my work the other day and she mentioned that she's studying neuroscience with a focus on sex and she made it very clear that she was very "interested" in her subject matter so to speak. Now I really like her but as some of you know I haven't had a functioning libido since I was 16. So if possible do any of you know any ways of improving your libido or at least any ways of faking through the act? thanks

[Alan OldStudent]

I'm pretty sure this belongs in health, if it belongs in non-political that's fine.

I have to go to class soon so I'll give you the short version, later I'll give you the long version later when I get back


I went out on a date with a girl I meet at my work the other day and she mentioned that she's studying neuroscience with a focus on sex and she made it very clear that she was very "interested" in her subject matter so to speak. Now I really like her but as some of you know I haven't had a functioning libido since I was 16. So if possible do any of you know any ways of improving your libido or at least any ways of faking through the act? thanks

Oh my, Comrade,

Whatever you do, don't fake anything. I have some ideas, but before I come up with any, can you give me an idea of your age range? Also, are you male or female? I won't ask if you're straight or gay, because whatever advice I give applies equally.

To tell you a bit about myself, I'm an old guy in his 70s, have been around, and have been celibate for a good many years. My wife died 2-1/2 years ago, and she was ill for several years before that. I am still interested in sex physically, but emotionally I'm still healing from my loss. When you answer my questions, I might have something useful to contribute.

But the main thing I'd say is don't fake it. You won't have to if you approach this right, I promise.

Regards,

Alan OldStudent
The unexamined life is not worth living--Socrates

[Sperm-Doll Setsuna]

Don't do it.

[argeiphontes]

OP, you need to figure out why your libido is blocked. There could be very good reasons, like subconsciously not being attracted to someone. Or depression.

[slum]

from one 'asexual-ish' person to another, don't fake stuff. don't even go there, trust me. makes for hurt feelings all around.

be honest with one another. if she's interested in sex and neuroscience it's probable she'd be interested in various sex acts anyway (by which i mean beyond just foreplay --> PIV as the 'only' way of having sex). if you're open and honest with each other you can find activities that are enjoyable for both of you, even if you lack libido or sensation. or trade off on activities that work for each of you.

[Yet_Another_Boring_Marxist]

I'm sorry, I typed this thread out in a really bad state of mind and I was getting close to having an emotional break down just a few minutes ago.This really isn't the question I should be asking here. I'm sorry for spamming the forum with all of my garbage, a moderator can come by and trash this thread, I'll make a post about it in pour out your heart or what's on your mind or whatever. Sorry for disappointing you, I really should hold myself to higher standards on here

[Red Economist]

I'm sorry, I typed this thread out in a really bad state of mind and I was getting close to having an emotional break down just a few minutes ago.

In our angst-ridden culture, this also known as having a sex life.

Don't feel guilty about it; I'm bisexual and I have been coming out over the past few years, so I can promise you there are no quick fixes. I am a virgin, but I have stopped caring and just figured that if I get the chance with someone I care about I will take it. so given my own problems take what I say with a pinch of salt, but I'd imagine faking it means your lying to yourself as well as the person your involved in. be honest with yourself and if you really want it, the rest will follow.

this approach has worked as I now feel more comfortable with sex, but it does take time. It is worth the effort as from personal experience, I can promise you Freud was spot on when he said everything is about sex. I start seeing the unconscious associations all the time now and I've gone from being anxious to just laughing about it.


Now I really like her but as some of you know I haven't had a functioning libido since I was 16.

Society places a huge amount of emphasis on having the 'right' sex life; it used to be about conformist heterosexuality focused on procreation, but now it's become various compulsions on physical performance, body image, dating etc. there is also a lot of anxiety over not having sex because of STD's but if you use a protection, it won't be a problem. but what this anxiety is really about is the fact that people like sex and society places all the restrictions on it. it turns something that we have an inbuilt desire to do (evolution has to give us and every other living thing a reason to do it!) into something we feel really apprehensive about.

here's the politics and take it or leave it if you will: our society forces people into a monogamous relationship which is supposed to be 'until death do us part'. this is dressed up as religion, morality and science as well. the reason so many people are anxious about sex is because it becomes psychological repression and acts on an emotional level. this is not natural and causes problems all over the place as people try to fit their sexual desires in a very tight space. in truth a healthy sexuality will form monogamous attachments without having a 'moral-legal' compulsion to do so, as the sex is that good.

consider that the emphasis on your lack of sexual history/asexuality is a self-fulling prophesy; it's something I realized myself, but if you assume because you haven't had sex you won't be any good at it and then say I shouldn't have sex; you don't get any. And that sucks...


I went out on a date with a girl I meet at my work the other day and she mentioned that she's studying neuroscience with a focus on sex and she made it very clear that she was very "interested" in her subject matter so to speak. Now I really like her but as some of you know I haven't had a functioning libido since I was 16.

she's interested, so are you. just be open about how you feel and see how it goes. crack a joke about it being a "research project" or something to break the tension (or else just give yourself an hour or so before just to think of all the worst pick up lines you can and by the end of it you'll have laughed so much, the anxiety will be gone and you'll stop caring about what could go wrong).

If you're still not sure, it might be your picking up something intuitively; I fell for a typical "bad boy" many years ago and passed up the opportunity to sleep with him. Whilst I still think it would have been great to sleep with him and fantasize about him a lot, I realize the chances that he would have treated me the way I wanted to be treated were slim and he would have thrown me out the morning after because he had problems about his own sexuality. even though I miss him greatly, ultimately it is his loss that he couldn't see that I loved him and could have made him happy both inside and outside the bedroom. if this turns out to be the case, you'll hate it but deep down you'll know you won't want to get hurt like that.

There is no 'right' answer and thinking there is, IS most of the problem. the best I can do is say that basically, if it feels like it will make you happy (or more than that :grin:), keep it simple and just do it. and if not, give yourself some time, let go of the anxiety and you'll realize someone else will catch your eye sooner or later.

[Alan OldStudent]

I'm sorry, I typed this thread out in a really bad state of mind and I was getting close to having an emotional break down just a few minutes ago.This really isn't the question I should be asking here. I'm sorry for spamming the forum with all of my garbage, a moderator can come by and trash this thread, I'll make a post about it in pour out your heart or what's on your mind or whatever. Sorry for disappointing you, I really should hold myself to higher standards on here

Hey Comrade,

As Red Economist said, don't be so hard on yourself.

I asked the questions I put to you earlier because if you're young and you don't feel much of a sex drive, it may be a health-related issue, or it may be normal for you. Do you compare yourself to others? Comparing yourself, your size, etc, can be a real turn-off to yourself. Can you pleasure yourself alone? If you think there may be a medical problem, have you seen a doctor to rule out things like diabetes (can interfere with the nervous system if uncontrolled)?

It sounds like you want to make a good impression on this woman, which is why I suggested not faking anything. You want to be friends, right? You can't build a friendship on faking stuff. Don't try to be something you're not with her. Let her like you for who you are, not a fantasy. The hurt you feel when you can't keep up an act is worse than the disappointment you feel if she decides she's not interested in the real you.

Just approach this in a spirit of good-natured, loving play. All you have to do is have fun in a way she'll have fun too. I'd say go for romance, you know, music, dinner, gentleness. Don't be in a hurry and don't worry about it if you don't have an orgasm or if you can't raise an erection if you're a guy. She might find it refreshing if you don't always get an erection and you're not uptight about it, if it does not stop you from having a good time. You also don't have to have an orgasm. Sex can be wonderful even with no orgasm. You don't need to apologize. You probably won't believe this, but she's not as perfect as you think, because she is human, just like you. But she's probably pretty desirable, and I'm sure you are too. You don't have to be a world-class lover, just human, down-to-earth, and considerate.

Touching, stroking, and pleasuring does not have to be a madly-passionate activity all the time. If you just take it slowly, you might be surprised how things work out. Don't be too hard on yourself or too goal oriented.

Oh, and another thing: Do be careful and practice safe sex if you are going to exchange bodily fluids. I've seen too much of hepatitis and AIDS in my day, and I've lost too many dear friends to AIDS.

Hang in there. This is not a contest or a goal. It's just having fun, two people who like each other and enjoy pleasuring each other, maybe in ways that are sensual, maybe leading to sensuous.

Relax! We're all pulling for you and your friend. Friendship and shared gentle pleasure are beautiful.

Regards,

Alan OldStudent
The unexamined life is not worth living--Socrates

[UFO137]

Try a sexual supplement/medication. When you're at full salute, send in the troops. There won't be any faking

[F9]

I'm sorry, I typed this thread out in a really bad state of mind and I was getting close to having an emotional break down just a few minutes ago.This really isn't the question I should be asking here. I'm sorry for spamming the forum with all of my garbage, a moderator can come by and trash this thread, I'll make a post about it in pour out your heart or what's on your mind or whatever. Sorry for disappointing you, I really should hold myself to higher standards on here

There is 0 shame on this, there is no reason for you to be embarassed, as the mod here i can tell you that this thread is completely fine!!You didnt disappoint anyone.
But since this is a personal issue, and you still want this closed, there is nothing we can do than to respect your wish.If you want me to close or trash this thread PM me, but be certain once again, this is not garbage, this is not spam, and you didnt disappoint anyone.