Jesus - hippie communist

[Eniac]

Disclaimer: the following is mostly a joke, don't ban me or curse me or my offspring. This has occurred to me in a wild drunken / high, who knows what, state of mind, some time ago, had quite a bit of fun about it with some of my hardcore Christian friends. Anyway here comes...


First, let us consider possible drug abuse. Jesus lived very fucking long ago, before science, and western medicine. It is widely known that people have been smoking weed, drinking booze, since like day 1. Also, if I may add here, there is a certain kind of seeds called Datura, that make you hallucinate rather vividly and talk with people who aren't there, for example a friend on the other side of the planet, late uncle, I dunno, God?
Now what if Jesus and the apostles had no idea that wine, weed and various seeds were making them high, and they consumed them because it was perfectly normal.
Dig this - story of doubting Thomas, after the Romans crucified J, all of the apostles were sad and shit, and few days later they see Jesus, "holy fuck ",they must be thinking and before you know it there's a party and they're chilling with Jesus, then comes Thomas, sober and sane and says "y'all niggas be trippin', J - dog's dead, got fucking nailed to a fucking cross and shit "... But then, he joined the party, smoked some of that dank stuff and as the drugs kicked in - puff, there's Jesus himself.

So based on appearance (long hair, beard, dresses, etc.), drug abuse, and general message of love he stood for I declare Jesus a hippie!

Now let's talk about this message of love of his - did he not always said stuff like "love everyone; share (on one occasion he fed a whole crowd of hungry folks, with fish and bread, and this other time he gave away his last piece of bread and cup of wine) ; peace and love ;etc. " borderline everything Communists say and do, which also goes along with the hippie bit, cause you know, hippies and commies always went hand to hand, therefore I declare Jesus - Communist, aswell.

oh and one more thing - there's an article by Marx that actually compares early Christian communities (before ruined by Pope and greed) with communism and sees quite a resemblance, so yeah..

Think about it :)

[Brutus]

http://www.marxists.org/archive/marx/works/1844/10/15.htm

[Richard Roth]

Jesus was a Libertarian.

[ВАЛТЕР]

Jesus as described in the Bible, in all likelihood never even existed. Since the evidence supporting his existence is basically nonexistent outside of religious texts. So yeah...

[Sinister Cultural Marxist]

Jesus as described in the Bible, in all likelihood never even existed. Since the evidence supporting his existence is basically nonexistent outside of religious texts. So yeah...

That's not a very good argument for his nonexistence. The general themes of the bible are historically plausible even if people find the miracles hard to believe/improbable/impossible.

[ВАЛТЕР]

That's not a very good argument for his nonexistence.

Pretty good considering the lack of documentation by the Romans who kept good records of things, and would certanly have mentioned a crazy long-haired guy going on about being the son of god and causing a big ruckus in the Eastern part of their empire. Also, not only the Romans, but he is not mentioned anywhere up until he is mentioned in the Bible, the parts in which he is written about which we now know was written at the earliest 60 or so years after his supposed crucifixion.

I just don't buy that this dude is anything more than a made-up story.

[Brutus]

He wasn't mentioned at any time in the first century by Greek or Romans

[Sinister Cultural Marxist]

Pretty good considering the lack of documentation by the Romans who kept good records of things, and would certanly have mentioned a crazy long-haired guy going on about being the son of god and causing a big ruckus in the Eastern part of their empire. Also, not only the Romans, but he is not mentioned anywhere up until he is mentioned in the Bible, the parts in which he is written about which we now know was written at the earliest 60 or so years after his supposed crucifixion.

I just don't buy that this dude is anything more than a made-up story.

Some of the Jewish historians mentioned him. There were also a number of different Gospels which arose somewhat independently of one another, all talking about the same figure. The Romans did keep records, but it's not like all of them survived, and Jesus was hardly the only Jew running around at the time claiming to be the Messiah. He may have well seemed like another unremarkable run of the mill Jewish mystic at the time. There were plenty of people like that, and it's not like we have historical documentation of every person crucified by Rome.

[Igor]

Jesus lived very fucking long ago, before science, and western medicine.

i get what you try to say but in fact "science" had been a thing for thousands of years at that point and western medicine for hundreds. both were also very flourishing at that time in the larger empire jesus lived in

also, one of the most certain things we can know about the historical jesus is that if he lived he in fact didn't have long hair. i think paul outright says in one of the letters that it's 'shameful' for a man to grow his hair long

[Klaatu]

Wait a minute... didn't you know that Jesus was a Republican? ;) :lol:

Republican Jesus™
http://www.addictinginfo.org/2013/06/16/republican-jesus/

[Fourth Internationalist]

Here's a great article on the subject: http://acatheunderground.wordpress.com/2013/07/06/why-all-christians-should-be-communist/

[Brutus]

Here's a great article on the subject: http://acatheunderground.wordpress.com/2013/07/06/why-all-christians-should-be-communist/

Shameless self promotion, eh? :)
I second Aang.

[Eniac]

Wait a minute... didn't you know that Jesus was a Republican? ;) :lol:

Yeah, I've heard he was a Mormon and in fact lived in America, and vote mitt romney

[Eniac]

i get what you try to say but in fact "science" had been a thing for thousands of years at that point and western medicine for hundreds. both were also very flourishing at that time in the larger empire jesus lived in

also, one of the most certain things we can know about the historical jesus is that if he lived he in fact didn't have long hair. i think paul outright says in one of the letters that it's 'shameful' for a man to grow his hair long

yeah science was a thing but what would a middle eastern carpenter (I think he was a carpenter) know about psychodelics, all he did was trippin his balls off, and talk to this imaginary friend of his.

[ÑóẊîöʼn]

My understanding is that Jesus didn't want to found a new religion, instead he was a country type who wanted to simplify Judaism and was suspicious of urban clergy (Pharisees?) and their Greek influences.

[Richard Roth]

I remember watching a sermon with a priest who tried to illustrate the parable that its easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than to enter heaven. He illustrated it by getting a massive camel and trying to thread it with a needle. It wasn't just difficult, it was impossible. Jesus wasn't saying its a challenge but do able, he was saying it was completely impossible, which is very radical indeed.

Coupled with the only time Jesus was violent was when turning over the tables of the money lenders I interpret the new testament as unequivocally radical.

I think the sin of pride and wealth is worse than other sins such as lust, homosexuality etc because it is easier to repent of those but pride and wealth are intoxicating and infect your whole being. Its strange how rich American protestants spout hatred at homosexuals for being sinners when if Jesus was around today I suspect he would be most angry about Wall Street and its apologists rather than homosexuals because it is at least easy for homosexuals and other sinners to repent whereas bankers and their apologists in the media represent the staunchest spiritual force of refusing to accept what they have done is wrong because they believe they are creating wealth that "trickles down" and benefits society but Jesus turned that whole notion on its head.

Its not Marxism and Communists which are heretical and "satanic", the people most like "satan" are the Gordon Gekko's and Ayn Rands who are not only rich and greedy but are violently blaspheming the holy spirit by promoting the intellectual idea of not only having no remorse or distress over what they are doing, but also actively promoting greed and pride as "good."

[Comrade Jacob]

I didn't know imaginations could have political views.

[ÑóẊîöʼn]

I didn't know imaginations could have political views.

No, but imaginary characters can have political views.

Look, even if one doesn't accept the historicity of Jesus (a position I'm hardly unsympathetic to), one can still examine the views of the character of Jesus as portrayed in the Bible.

[Igor]

i think leftists like to overplay fictionality of jesus quite purely for political reasons: his focal status in christianity kind of causes this knee-jerk reaction to the idea

it's true that if historical jesus existed there's pretty much nothing we know of him besides that he somehow, either directly or indirectly, kickstarted a reform movement within judaism. we know this movement existed and had existed for a while when the gospels, which really is basically all we got, were written.

these ideas came from somewhere and they had a popular following in the mid-1st century judeah, so it's hardly a stretch to imagine they came from 'the historical jesus', regardless of if he really was a carpenter called yeshua.

[Igor]

also gospels in general shouldn't be completely written off just because they're religious, as they have enough consistencies and describe events that were still very recent history in the region when they were written. (mark was 30 years or so after when jesus allegedly died)

early christian stuff is inreliable as fuck but we often forget that basically all historical narrative from that era is, yet we somehow accept them a lot more willingly. shit like tacitus is often second hand information as well, has lots of very obvious mistakes and has the point of view of the roman senator class all over it, which is why still the emperors most loathed by the roman upper classes are regarded as the bad or insane emperors, eg. caligula and nero (just imagine if all we knew about obama was the republican narrative)

[Sinister Cultural Marxist]

(just imagine if all we knew about obama was the republican narrative)

Yeah people might have thought he was an actual socialist :lol: