Dementia

[red flag over teeside]

Had bad news on Thursday my wife who is only 58 has been diagnosed with dementia.

[Alan OldStudent]

Had bad news on Thursday my wife who is only 58 has been diagnosed with dementia.

Oh my, comrade, that's terrible news. You certainly have my sympathy.

My wife was quite ill for the last 3 years of her life and required my nearly full-time attention. There were times when her medications clouded her mind and she did not recognize me. But she was always a great human. She also was from the UK.

Please accept my emotional hand of solidarity across the pond.

Regards,

Alan OldStudent
The unexamined life is not worth living--Socrates

[red flag over teeside]

Thanks Alan OldStudent for your kind words and support. One of my greatest worries is that as the dementia progresses the level of support will be inadequate. My mother in law also died from Alzheimers and by the end she needed quite intensive care. Like your wife by the end she also found it quite difficult to remember her children. It's a cruel, if an illness can be cruel, illness and needs a high level of funding to provide care which the present government and in fact the Labour government refuses to provide the appropiate levels of care.

Just talking about this helps to break the isolation.

[Alan OldStudent]

Thanks Alan OldStudent for your kind words and support. One of my greatest worries is that as the dementia progresses the level of support will be inadequate. My mother in law also died from Alzheimers and by the end she needed quite intensive care. Like your wife by the end she also found it quite difficult to remember her children. It's a cruel, if an illness can be cruel, illness and needs a high level of funding to provide care which the present government and in fact the Labour government refuses to provide the appropiate levels of care.

Just talking about this helps to break the isolation.

Oh my, Comrade, I hope you're wrong about the level of care as she becomes more ill. It's times like this that I wished I believed in the power of prayer.

You'll do what you can, I'm sure, to help her. Maybe you can get a bit of respite occasionally. One of the bad side effects of Alzheimer's is that it can change the personality. I'm so grateful my Margaret maintained her basic personality to the end, even when she didn't always know who I am. Towards the end, she became quite clear. She didn't have Alzheimer's, and her cognitive problems were much more caused by her drugs than anything else.

Hang in there, brother man. I know how tough this is on you.

Regards,

Alan OldStudent
The unexamined life is not worth living--Socrates

[Sasha]

Wow, that sucks man, my deepest sympathies, not much else to say I guess.
Only thing I can encourage you is to have on time a talk with your wive, while she is still fully concious, on how far she is willing to suffer this. Consider (if remotely possible) to move to a country with decent "you know what" laws like the Netherlands or even better Belgium.

[BIXX]

I'm sorry... Much of my family has had Alzheimer's or dementia... I think you should know we are all here for you.

My only advice is to make every moment with her the best you possibly can. I know it seems obvious, but it can be so easy to forget.

I wish you the very best.

[red flag over teeside]

Thanks Comrades for all of your kind words and support we really do appreciate it. Since the diagnosis we have been on a bit of a helter skelter one moment thinking that it has been a dreadful mistake then realising of course it hasn't been and feeling quite numb.

If anything this news has drawn us much closer and I'm doing what I can and agree that I do need to listen to my Wife, Moe's fears such as loosing not only her sense of who she is but also not recognising loved ones. Her mum went this way and was and is heartbreaking.

Of course the problem is not knowing how long before what is silly things such as leaving food beneath the grill for days because she forgot she cooked it, I also forgot oops to more serious things such as leaving gas cookers on.

Well thanks Comrades for listening it does help. Solidarity Comrades.

[Alan OldStudent]

If anything this news has drawn us much closer and I'm doing what I can and agree that I do need to listen to my Wife, Moe's fears such as loosing not only her sense of who she is but also not recognising loved ones. Her mum went this way and was and is heartbreaking.

Oh yes, comrade. I agree. The most important thing is listening to her.

I know you love her dearly. I can feel it in your words. Even when it is impossible to take care of her any longer, you will still love her. Please know I continue to feel for you, and I occasionally shed a tear for both of you on those occasions that I find myself weeping for my wife. Fortunately, those moments are coming less and less frequently.

Dying is automatic, albeit not always so pleasant. So, in a sense, we don't have to worry about dying, because the universe guarantees our nonexistence after a short life, and then we waltz off into the eternity of nothingness.

But at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity
(Andrew Marvell)
But even though death is certain, it's living that's the challenge. I think if we can leave this world a little better place than it was when we came here, we weren't a waste of real estate, fresh air, and resources.

If our finite lives have any meaning at all, it's that we have done something worthwhile for the human race, for our children and grandchildren, even if it's a small contribution. It's tiny drops of rain that add up to being the mighty ocean.

And while you're being kind to her, don't forget to be kind to yourself. You're doing the best you can under difficult circumstances, and my hat's of to you for your bravery and loyalty.

Comradely regards,
Alan OldStudent
The unexamined life is not worth living--Socrates

[brigadista]

Red flag I am very sorry to hear your news - i send all my best to you and your wife -i had a fight to get care for my parents when they needed it so look after yourself :):)

[red flag over teeside]

More bad news my wife has now been diagnosed with Diabeties2. Just as we were getting used to the fact that she has dementia now we are having to take this on board.

[Soomie]

Sorry to hear about your wife, comrade. I'm a caregiver for an elderly woman who suffers from late stage dementia, so I know how difficult it can be. Try to take it one day at a time, and know that there are people here for you should you need anything.

[red flag over teeside]

After everything thats happened during the last couple of weeks my wife and I have decided to visit family living in Bristol. My wife, Moe, has a daughter and two year old grand daughter and we are looking forward to spending some quality time with them. Hopefully the weather will be OK and we can take time out to relax.

Moe also has received her letter from the consultant and a care package is being set up. The initial shock is wearing off and we are trying to get on with our lives as well as we are able to.

[blake 3:17]

I'm very sorry to hear that.

We were very grateful when a fire happened at my in laws and there was absolutely no way my mother in law could've caused it.

An old comrade's husband developed dementia in his late 40s. It took a lot out of her. Feel free to PM me if you want to vent. It can be helpful when you're in a tricky spot.

[The Garbage Disposal Unit]

Dementia has occurred on both sides of my family. From the perspective of a younger family member, all I can say is that, while we might be scared, confused, or seem distant, keep up (non-guilting) invites to spend time, and let us know concrete ways we can provide support.

In any case, I'm sorry to hear about what must be a tremendously difficult situation, and I wish you strength and the best.

[Devrim]

I am very sorry for your troubles.
Devrim

[red flag over teeside]

Just a quick update regarding my wife's dementia. She is having a visit from a CPN tomorrow so heres hoping that some sort of support will be offered. I don't now if there will be but I'm hoping that even with the austerity attacks some sort of support group will exist in County Durham. Thanks Comrades

[Devrim]

I hope, it goes well for you both. I think we have met (once in London and once at a meeting with Jock in Durham). Like most people I know how terrible dementia can be from relatives, and it must be really terrible when it happens to your wife.

Of course there is very little I can say to help, but I wish you all the best.

Devrim

[red flag over teeside]

Thanks for your kind words Devrim. The CPN has been out but it looks as if there is very little support that can be offered for My wife Moe to cope with her dementia. We have been told that they can monitor her and maybe bring in an Occupational Therapist to do a risk assesment in our home ie check that she doesn't leave gas cooker on, make sure that the door is locked when she goes out etc. Apart from that nothing at this time maybe when the dementia progresses then they could then re asses her.

I'm not sure that we have met it could have been in Durham. Hope that your keeping well.

[red flag over teeside]

One thing that i've learned or am learning from my wife's dementia is that there is more to dementia than simply memory loss. There's the falling, sleepless nights, poor co ordination, confusion then memory loss.