My experience with homosexual rape and rape culture

[Tolstoy]

I know this isnt something commonly discussed and the stereotype is that all rape is man on woman, but as a victim I feel like opening discussion.

One year ago I was out with a man whom I agreed to perform oral with and nothing more. However he pressured me and eventually forced me to anal with him on the floor of his basement. I mean its not like he had a gun or beat me or anything. I specificaally told him "no" but he did anyways and I was too scared of violence on his part

Following the act, the weirdest thing was my horrible self disgust, my depression and the disassociation I experienced with my body, like I was floating out of it. I have finally begun opening up to my closest friends about the experience and they are generally sympathetic, even though my *****y ex girlfriend didnt (haha)

Now this pertains to the struggle for women, because it was with this moment and the years of hearing borderline rapist-y statements of other men that I understood the extent of rape culture in this country. It isnt a solely white, straight male thing, it affects us all. There is no notion of consent amongst men and I now realize how terrifying the sexual world can be for women especially. If were ever going to try and mount political change, we need to eliminate the mentality of oppression, selfishness and rape if we think were going to effect any real political change.

Rape apologism has to stop too and is one of societies greatest crimes. the notion that if she/he doesent say "no" makes it not rape is a wrong one. Its the belief in rape apologism that had me convinced for 6 months that what happened was my fault and I fucked up.

[blake 3:17]

Peace and respect. I was sexually assaulted by another man many years ago. Took me 3 years to even talk about it & not when I would have wished.

It's up to us guys, with feminist allies to end the violence. Only reason I put it on feminists is that too many guys are sooo screwed up they don't even see it as an issue. Women (usually) get it. Let's help end it.

What I found so fucked up about getting some supports was that so many were only in place for violent offenders. Tried to get into one therapy group but it was only open to rapists. I understand the need to prioritize but WTF it's not at all OK.

[Tolstoy]

Peace and respect. I was sexually assaulted by another man many years ago. Took me 3 years to even talk about it & not when I would have wished.

It's up to us guys, with feminist allies to end the violence. Only reason I put it on feminists is that too many guys are sooo screwed up they don't even see it as an issue. Women (usually) get it. Let's help end it.

What I found so fucked up about getting some supports was that so many were only in place for violent offenders. Tried to get into one therapy group but it was only open to rapists. I understand the need to prioritize but WTF it's not at all OK.

Im so sorry that happened to you. Just remember that in the end everything will be allright. Never blame yourself for what happened, or else he wins.
Yeah dude, I dont know what its going to take to teach some empathy and general respect for humanity to everyone in our society. Certain aspects of rape culture are ingrained in the mindsets of everyone. I think rape culture is part of a consumer based hyper sexualisation of culture and a result of an oppressive mindset that has held the minds of the people forever but became highly intensified under capitalism.

Ive never actually attempted to see a support group or anything, the only other people who know about it are my closest friends and now people on Revleft. Its an extraordinary difficult thing to talk about, even if theres nothing to be ashamed of.

[ind_com]

I am sorry for both of you, comrades. Be strong and carry on the struggle.

[The Feral Underclass]

How do you guys feel about organising self-help groups amongst male comrades who have been victims of sexual abuse? As a place to talk about what happened and try and work through things.

I had the idea of organising one, but when I spoke to a few other guys I know who have been victims, we felt that it was probably going to be a really intense experience that could open up a lot of issues that people who aren't trained might not be able to deal with. I kind of think you need someone who has some training to deal with what might come up.

Any suggestions, thoughts from you guys would be great.

[Tolstoy]

How do you guys feel about organising self-help groups amongst male comrades who have been victims of sexual abuse? As a place to talk about what happened and try and work through things.

I had the idea of organising one, but when I spoke to a few other guys I know who have been victims, we felt that it was probably going to be a really intense experience that could open up a lot of issues that people who aren't trained might not be able to deal with. I kind of think you need someone who has some training to deal with what might come up.

Any suggestions, thoughts from you guys would be great.

I think that that is an awesome idea, though I think women should be welcomed too. I feel this could be a major step in the right direction for Revleft.

[The Feral Underclass]

I wasn't really suggesting it should be on RevLeft. I think that would be a bit awkward. I'm not necessarily against the idea, but I was kind of meaning amongst friends or comrades. How would you envision something like that happening on line?

I'm also not sure whether having cis-women involved is a good idea. Female rape victims might not want to be in the same room as a man when they are talking about being raped. I'm also not sure whether women and men experience the same things as victims of rape.

[Tolstoy]

I wasn't really suggesting it should be on RevLeft. I think that would be a bit awkward. I'm not necessarily against the idea, but I was kind of meaning amongst friends or comrades. How would you envision something like that happening on line?

I'm also not sure whether having cis-women involved is a good idea. Female rape victims might not want to be in the same room as a man when they are talking about being raped. I'm also not sure whether women and men experience the same things as victims of rape.


Yeah, your right. I may have to start a group like that in my town.