Skyhilist
20th May 2013, 03:35
This is just a short critique I developed as a high school kid of one of the relationships I deal with everyday between my parents. Feel free to call me out if I've said anything false. This was inspired by one of the endless conflicts between me and my family which seems to occur quite frequently now. I attempted to start an honest discussion about whether sending my little brother to bed crying as a form of punishment really solved anything. As a result I was met with anger and threats, including from my mom who almost immediately told me I needed to "shut the fuck up." Oh well; at least she avoided calling me a failure or a disgrace this time like she has in the past. I honestly can't wait to go off to college. Anyways, sorry for rambling; here's the assessment that was inspired in light of this. If it's lacking in some aspect please criticize me although know that I'm only well-intentioned so I'm not trying to stir up any bad blood or anything like that. Also note that I'm mainly referring to modern day, liberal, hypocritical parents in my critique below. I know that there are many wonderful mothers and fathers on this site, whom I'm sure little or none of this applies to. My criticism isn't directed at you.
Anyways, here's my assessment of some the failures of modern day parent-kid relationships:
The relationships between parents and their kids in modern society os one that I feel is not touched on frequently enough. It is one deserving of the utmost criticism and in many cases holds a somewhat outdated function as a relationship, which needs desperately to be reassessed. Why do I have such an utter disdain for most parent-kid relationships? Is that for some reason they're supposed to be the one exception where authority should for some reason go unquestioned. It's quite ironic actually when you think about it. Consider the way government gives concessions to families such as public services. These services, in the eyes of any rational parents, do not warrant absolute silence about government on their point. It doesn't make government infallible, it doesn't mean it can't be questioned, it doesn't mean their voices are less legitimate because they aren't in the position of governmental authority. Yet, when we look at the remarkably analogous relationship between parents and children we see an absolute failure to apply these same principles. Principles that parents (looking at you especially liberals) teach their children through their actions, yet punish them for when they attempt them themselves through perfectly earnest and reasonable critiques of their parents as similar authority figures. For some reason, this is a special situation. A rare situation in which we are taught is the one time where the authority figure is infallible. Where we are taught never to question the relationships in front of us. One of the rare times where we might expect honest and sincere criticisms to be meant with clenched fists and anger, rather than well-reasoned discussion.
It is of even of greater a crime to point this out. Point out the discrepancies in which authority figures it is ok to question as a child, and you receive a wide array of bitter and hostile retorts. "This is the way it was when I was a kid." "You receive so much... You have it easy!" "You just want to push buttons... to cause tension." These are the kinds of statements that are to be expected from attempted to bring about any honest critique on the decisions of parents as authority figures. The latter of these three quotes is often untrue, although it of course occasionally accurate. the problem with this retort though lies in the fact that it is directed so unevenly at the child alone. After all, is there really a single person out there who has never used argumentative or provocative strategies to get back at someone by whom they've been annoyed? The former two quotes on the other hand may indeed be true, which is probably why they are so widely used and so uncommonly called into question. Unfortunately, the fact that these are quite simply red herrings goes to often unnoticed, or is dismissed as "an attempt to turn parenting into some type of philosophical debate"; an accusation that can be made for any attempt to use common logic when it goes against the actions taken by the parent.
Finally, a third, and arguably most severe issue commonly found within even the most well-intentioned parent-child relationships is the ability of parents, as already established "infallible" authority figures to so easily shift most of the blame onto the child in an effort to lift it's burden off of themselves. Lets take for example, the purely hypothetical example of a young adult and his mother who get into an argument. The kid attempts to offer up an honest observation that calls into question the behavior of parents. Naturally, it is met with clenched fists and anger as the mother might soon even become borderline verbally abusive. Clearly this is a situation involving two parties. Not so when the conflict is addressed by the parents shortly thereafter who will harshly condemn any attempts at critique made by the kid, while ignoring the borderline verbal abusiveness of the other in an attempt to shift the blame, similarly to how rape victims wearing provocative clothing are often blamed for the actions of their rapists. The child is told "you can't change your mother; we're not talking about her. You're the one who needs to stop inciting this nonsense." Not only does this place all blame squarely on the kid, but it absolves the parents, or authority figures of any guilt that they may have otherwise had.
Of course, any attempts to point out the mechanisms underlying these relationships are always met with one liners meant to divert attention away from the issue, which the kid has brought up. "That's not the issue we're talking about", "this is not a philosophical discussion", and "next time you talk back you will lose x, y, and z" tend to be popular retorts, amongst others which point out that teachers, coaches, and other personal authority figures are also not to be called into question, once again failing to question the underlying mechanisms behind which these relationships function in order to restore authority in the face of observations or critiques that are seen as threats.
For these reasons, it seems clear that parent-child relationships need to be reconsidered. Is there a time when all 8-year olds need to be told to go to bed? Yes. Is there a time when children lacking full cognitive potential need to be given direction? Yes. But is there ever a time where an honest critique of an authority that is never infallible should be met with clenched fists and borderline abusive language? Absolutely not, and the fact that many parents are granted this right unquestionably shows an underlying flaw within this relationship. At a certain point individuals become ready to be autonomous agents who can act on their own. This point is not uniform and certainly not the same for everyone. It can not be accurately defined by a single number such as "18".
Anyways, here's my assessment of some the failures of modern day parent-kid relationships:
The relationships between parents and their kids in modern society os one that I feel is not touched on frequently enough. It is one deserving of the utmost criticism and in many cases holds a somewhat outdated function as a relationship, which needs desperately to be reassessed. Why do I have such an utter disdain for most parent-kid relationships? Is that for some reason they're supposed to be the one exception where authority should for some reason go unquestioned. It's quite ironic actually when you think about it. Consider the way government gives concessions to families such as public services. These services, in the eyes of any rational parents, do not warrant absolute silence about government on their point. It doesn't make government infallible, it doesn't mean it can't be questioned, it doesn't mean their voices are less legitimate because they aren't in the position of governmental authority. Yet, when we look at the remarkably analogous relationship between parents and children we see an absolute failure to apply these same principles. Principles that parents (looking at you especially liberals) teach their children through their actions, yet punish them for when they attempt them themselves through perfectly earnest and reasonable critiques of their parents as similar authority figures. For some reason, this is a special situation. A rare situation in which we are taught is the one time where the authority figure is infallible. Where we are taught never to question the relationships in front of us. One of the rare times where we might expect honest and sincere criticisms to be meant with clenched fists and anger, rather than well-reasoned discussion.
It is of even of greater a crime to point this out. Point out the discrepancies in which authority figures it is ok to question as a child, and you receive a wide array of bitter and hostile retorts. "This is the way it was when I was a kid." "You receive so much... You have it easy!" "You just want to push buttons... to cause tension." These are the kinds of statements that are to be expected from attempted to bring about any honest critique on the decisions of parents as authority figures. The latter of these three quotes is often untrue, although it of course occasionally accurate. the problem with this retort though lies in the fact that it is directed so unevenly at the child alone. After all, is there really a single person out there who has never used argumentative or provocative strategies to get back at someone by whom they've been annoyed? The former two quotes on the other hand may indeed be true, which is probably why they are so widely used and so uncommonly called into question. Unfortunately, the fact that these are quite simply red herrings goes to often unnoticed, or is dismissed as "an attempt to turn parenting into some type of philosophical debate"; an accusation that can be made for any attempt to use common logic when it goes against the actions taken by the parent.
Finally, a third, and arguably most severe issue commonly found within even the most well-intentioned parent-child relationships is the ability of parents, as already established "infallible" authority figures to so easily shift most of the blame onto the child in an effort to lift it's burden off of themselves. Lets take for example, the purely hypothetical example of a young adult and his mother who get into an argument. The kid attempts to offer up an honest observation that calls into question the behavior of parents. Naturally, it is met with clenched fists and anger as the mother might soon even become borderline verbally abusive. Clearly this is a situation involving two parties. Not so when the conflict is addressed by the parents shortly thereafter who will harshly condemn any attempts at critique made by the kid, while ignoring the borderline verbal abusiveness of the other in an attempt to shift the blame, similarly to how rape victims wearing provocative clothing are often blamed for the actions of their rapists. The child is told "you can't change your mother; we're not talking about her. You're the one who needs to stop inciting this nonsense." Not only does this place all blame squarely on the kid, but it absolves the parents, or authority figures of any guilt that they may have otherwise had.
Of course, any attempts to point out the mechanisms underlying these relationships are always met with one liners meant to divert attention away from the issue, which the kid has brought up. "That's not the issue we're talking about", "this is not a philosophical discussion", and "next time you talk back you will lose x, y, and z" tend to be popular retorts, amongst others which point out that teachers, coaches, and other personal authority figures are also not to be called into question, once again failing to question the underlying mechanisms behind which these relationships function in order to restore authority in the face of observations or critiques that are seen as threats.
For these reasons, it seems clear that parent-child relationships need to be reconsidered. Is there a time when all 8-year olds need to be told to go to bed? Yes. Is there a time when children lacking full cognitive potential need to be given direction? Yes. But is there ever a time where an honest critique of an authority that is never infallible should be met with clenched fists and borderline abusive language? Absolutely not, and the fact that many parents are granted this right unquestionably shows an underlying flaw within this relationship. At a certain point individuals become ready to be autonomous agents who can act on their own. This point is not uniform and certainly not the same for everyone. It can not be accurately defined by a single number such as "18".