Quail
24th March 2013, 22:05
I've seen the idea that rape is a "life sentence" thrown around quite a lot recently, and I've written down some thoughts about it. This is only a first draft so sorry if it's not written brilliantly, but I was interested in your thoughts.
If you have been paying attention to news lately, you will probably have heard of the rape case and trial in Steubenville, where two young men on a high-school American football team were found guilty of raping an unconscious young woman (“Jane Doe”) at a party. You may have also noticed that media emphasis tended to be on how much the guilty verdict had ruined the lives of the defendants, without a mention of the victim. Understandably many people objected to the way the media had reported the verdict and pointed out that these young men had ruined Jane Doe's life, and ironically it was she who would be serving a life sentence. I don't want to discuss the Steubenville case here, but instead think about the the idea of rape being a “life sentence” for the victim. First of all, is rape a life sentence? And if it is, what makes it a life sentence?
One of the first points to make is that people respond differently to traumatic incidents. Some people have better coping skills than others, and some people may be affected more by a traumatic incident than others despite generally having good coping skills. People have varying access to support, whether that is support from professionals such as counsellors or simply a good network of friends. However no matter the situation of an individual victim, I think the constant propagation of the idea that if someone rapes you, your life will be ruined forever is damaging. It's like being told over and over again that something bad has happened, and you will never, ever recover from it. When you have any emotional or mental health problem, one of the most important (and incidentally one of the most difficult) things about recovery is believing that you can and will get better. I can't see how it can possibly be helpful to rape victims to be told that their lives have been ruined and that they're “serving a life sentence,” whether they actually feel that their life has been ruined or not.
So what is it that makes rape such a difficult thing to get through? Obviously I can't speak for everyone who has experienced rape, but a few things spring to mind. There's the traumatic experience itself: the loss of control where someone else dominated you and violated your personal boundaries. There's the casual victim-blaming when other people discuss rape and sexual violence – most noticeably when the victim is female, and her clothing, use of alcohol and drugs and past sexual behaviour are called into question. This makes you wonder if you were to blame for your assault, or what you could have done differently that might have prevented it. There are the reminders, which may be little things like someone talking about a film you watched shortly before your assault, or bigger things like a new sexual partner doing something that reminds you of the assault. There are the statistics that say 1 in 5 women over the age of 16 has experienced sexual violence (from rapecrisis.org.uk), and the friends that admit to you that they too have been raped. There are the high-profile cases in the media, like the Steubenville case that prompted me to write this article, where the details of the rape are described in graphic detail, and there seems to be more sympathy for the rapists than for the victims. There's the fact that rape keeps happening to people, and nobody seems to be challenging the attitudes that excuse rapists and allow it to keep happening.
It takes time to get over any traumatic incident, especially if you develop symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. But I can't help but feel that rape is especially difficult for anyone to get over because of the culture around rape. The way that rape is dealt with in the media is insensitive at best. Young people aren't taught about consent, and our patriarchal society teaches young men to see their female peers as sex objects rather than human beings. There is a general sentiment that, in certain circumstances, women are asking to be raped. Honestly, as human beings we should be better than that. We should know that if someone is drunk or vulnerable, they need to be supported not exploited. When we hear that someone has been assaulted, instead of lamenting how their life has been destroyed, we should be providing a supportive atmosphere to help them deal with and overcome what has happened. We should be promoting the idea that nobody is ever to blame for a rape but the rapist and trying to create a world in which being a victim of rape isn't a life sentence. That means teaching our children good consent, understanding that rape victims are never to blame (even if they were flirting with the perpetrator before passing out naked and drunk) and calling out media outlets on their bullshit. But it also means treating victims with dignity, as strong individuals who might need varying amounts of time to recover, but who can recover nonetheless.
If you have been paying attention to news lately, you will probably have heard of the rape case and trial in Steubenville, where two young men on a high-school American football team were found guilty of raping an unconscious young woman (“Jane Doe”) at a party. You may have also noticed that media emphasis tended to be on how much the guilty verdict had ruined the lives of the defendants, without a mention of the victim. Understandably many people objected to the way the media had reported the verdict and pointed out that these young men had ruined Jane Doe's life, and ironically it was she who would be serving a life sentence. I don't want to discuss the Steubenville case here, but instead think about the the idea of rape being a “life sentence” for the victim. First of all, is rape a life sentence? And if it is, what makes it a life sentence?
One of the first points to make is that people respond differently to traumatic incidents. Some people have better coping skills than others, and some people may be affected more by a traumatic incident than others despite generally having good coping skills. People have varying access to support, whether that is support from professionals such as counsellors or simply a good network of friends. However no matter the situation of an individual victim, I think the constant propagation of the idea that if someone rapes you, your life will be ruined forever is damaging. It's like being told over and over again that something bad has happened, and you will never, ever recover from it. When you have any emotional or mental health problem, one of the most important (and incidentally one of the most difficult) things about recovery is believing that you can and will get better. I can't see how it can possibly be helpful to rape victims to be told that their lives have been ruined and that they're “serving a life sentence,” whether they actually feel that their life has been ruined or not.
So what is it that makes rape such a difficult thing to get through? Obviously I can't speak for everyone who has experienced rape, but a few things spring to mind. There's the traumatic experience itself: the loss of control where someone else dominated you and violated your personal boundaries. There's the casual victim-blaming when other people discuss rape and sexual violence – most noticeably when the victim is female, and her clothing, use of alcohol and drugs and past sexual behaviour are called into question. This makes you wonder if you were to blame for your assault, or what you could have done differently that might have prevented it. There are the reminders, which may be little things like someone talking about a film you watched shortly before your assault, or bigger things like a new sexual partner doing something that reminds you of the assault. There are the statistics that say 1 in 5 women over the age of 16 has experienced sexual violence (from rapecrisis.org.uk), and the friends that admit to you that they too have been raped. There are the high-profile cases in the media, like the Steubenville case that prompted me to write this article, where the details of the rape are described in graphic detail, and there seems to be more sympathy for the rapists than for the victims. There's the fact that rape keeps happening to people, and nobody seems to be challenging the attitudes that excuse rapists and allow it to keep happening.
It takes time to get over any traumatic incident, especially if you develop symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. But I can't help but feel that rape is especially difficult for anyone to get over because of the culture around rape. The way that rape is dealt with in the media is insensitive at best. Young people aren't taught about consent, and our patriarchal society teaches young men to see their female peers as sex objects rather than human beings. There is a general sentiment that, in certain circumstances, women are asking to be raped. Honestly, as human beings we should be better than that. We should know that if someone is drunk or vulnerable, they need to be supported not exploited. When we hear that someone has been assaulted, instead of lamenting how their life has been destroyed, we should be providing a supportive atmosphere to help them deal with and overcome what has happened. We should be promoting the idea that nobody is ever to blame for a rape but the rapist and trying to create a world in which being a victim of rape isn't a life sentence. That means teaching our children good consent, understanding that rape victims are never to blame (even if they were flirting with the perpetrator before passing out naked and drunk) and calling out media outlets on their bullshit. But it also means treating victims with dignity, as strong individuals who might need varying amounts of time to recover, but who can recover nonetheless.