Pour Your Heart Out XVII

[Leftsolidarity]

Continue

[Quail]

I feel unacceptably fat and want to go on a diet, but I don't know if I'm capable of dieting without getting to the ridiculous stage where I count calories in chewing gum and diet drinks, and worry about weird shit like inhaling calories or absorbing them through my skin. I never want to go back to the "just eat one shreddie every hour to keep your energy up" kind of insanity that comes with anorexia, but I'm worried that I'm just going to gain weight exponentially now that I'm eating properly. I don't know whether when I tell myself it's okay to eat something, it's because it's okay to eat it or if I'm just deluding myself that it's okay to overeat all the time. Is that just one of anorexia's tricks? I don't know. :(

[Decolonize The Left]

I feel unacceptably fat and want to go on a diet, but I don't know if I'm capable of dieting without getting to the ridiculous stage where I count calories in chewing gum and diet drinks, and worry about weird shit like inhaling calories or absorbing them through my skin. I never want to go back to the "just eat one shreddie every hour to keep your energy up" kind of insanity that comes with anorexia, but I'm worried that I'm just going to gain weight exponentially now that I'm eating properly. I don't know whether when I tell myself it's okay to eat something, it's because it's okay to eat it or if I'm just deluding myself that it's okay to overeat all the time. Is that just one of anorexia's tricks? I don't know. :(

Exercise. Continue to eat "properly" but couple it with a good exercise regime. This way you can lose weight, or maintain your weight, and still enjoy the benefits of a healthy diet.

[Quail]

At the moment I'm doing 2 hours of Judo twice a week, and I'm quite active in my day to day life walking around and stuff. I've just calculated my BMI as 19.3 so maybe it wouldn't actually be all that healthy to try and lose weight anyway. For some reason I was expecting it to be higher than that. I think I've probably gained some muscle mass from Judo, but I just look and feel really big around the stomach and hips. Perhaps I also need to get some clothes in a bigger size, but I feel really weird about buying things that aren't in the smallest size. It's terrible reducing my self-worth to a number on the label of my clothing, but I still seem to do it. I'm wearing my size X trousers today and I feel bad that these used to be unflatteringly too big for me, but now they fit fine. Maybe I just don't even know what a healthy body is supposed to look like anymore so it's impossible to judge how I look. I also remember what my body looked like when I was too thin, and I think of protruding hip bones and ribs as "normal" because they were to me, and then there are all these unrealistic body shapes promoted on tv, in films, etc., and it's hard to know what really is normal. Just rambling, sorry.

[thriller]

Fuck. Thanks everyone for always canceling on me. Thanks everyone for excluding me from hanging out because couples night is more important than the bond we've shared before you ever even got laid. Thanks everyone for having me listen to your problems for hours on end that so consume your soul just to have yourself turn around the next day and do the same horrible shit again. Thanks everyone for ignoring me because I'm not trendy enough or have enough money as you. I'm glad my compassion helped you in your time of need and taught you how to take advantage of my genuine love and understanding for you. Glad to know I can be easily used, let's me know my place and status in my relationships.
NOTE: Obviously this is directed at no one here, just two-faced fucks IRL.

[Brutus]

Fuck. Thanks everyone for always canceling on me. Thanks everyone for excluding me from hanging out because couples night is more important than the bond we've shared before you ever even got laid. Thanks everyone for having me listen to your problems for hours on end that so consume your soul just to have yourself turn around the next day and do the same horrible shit again. Thanks everyone for ignoring me because I'm not trendy enough or have enough money as you. I'm glad my compassion helped you in your time of need and taught you how to take advantage of my genuine love and understanding for you. Glad to know I can be easily used, let's me know my place and status in my relationships.
NOTE: Obviously this is directed at no one here, just two-faced fucks IRL.

Women corrupt comrade. Love is a worse drug than heroin.

[Os Cangaceiros]

I just found out yesterday that the strange symptoms I've been experiencing over the past couple months might be the result of a serious medical condition. I have to go back to the doctor's today to do some more bloodwork...not cool.

[Brutus]

I just found out yesterday that the strange symptoms I've been experiencing over the past couple months might be the result of a serious medical condition. I have to go back to the doctor's today to do some more bloodwork...not cool.
How serious?

[Os Cangaceiros]

It has to do with my blood glucose. Which is pretty unexpected since I'm not overweight at all, nor is there really any history of that in my family.

I don't know how bad it is, though. I've been having some really bizarre physical symptoms and I looked them up online, and that's basically what it said was indicative of. I'm usually not one to give myself a diagnosis over the internet but the symptoms were EXACTLY what I'd been experiencing, so I went to the doctor to get a test.

I got the feeling when I was in the clinic that they thought I was delusional or something, since I'm physically fit and young and all that, but the doctor called me later on that day and said that my test results were "abnormal" and that I'd need to come back in for more blood tests and to get some medication. I don't really want to go on medication but I guess that's the hand I've been dealt.

But like I said, I don't really know much at this point. I'm going back in today and hopefully I'll know more then.

[A Revolutionary Tool]

I feel like I'm becoming an alcoholic, like my life revolves around getting drunk and I'm not even 21 yet. Like I'm starting to get irritated when I don't have it even though a lot of the times when I drink it just makes me more depressed about shit(thank god I haven't broken down crying in front of friends or anything though). Everytime I get drunk I inevitably start to think about my alcoholic dad and the last time he was in jail. He'd been drinking heavily as usual which was a violation of his probation so he was arrested. For those of you who have, visiting someone in jail/prison is probably one of the most depressing things one could do, especially to see your father in it. My sister and I go to visit him and at this point he's just going cold turkey obviously and it's really fucking with him. He's all beat up and bruised from the guards, he's super skinny when the last I saw him he was built, and he was hallucinating. We're talking to him and he thanks me for being in there with him. Being in there with him, I'm not in jail. He tells me that I was, that every night I sneak into his cell and chat with him about life and God. He tells me in the most serious voice with the craziest look in his eyes that it's the only thing that keeps him sane in there.

That memory haunts me when I drink, I just remember the look on my fathers bruised and battered face as he goes insane and can't tell the difference between reality and a world that his mind creates. I don't want to become that man but it's like I'm becoming more like him every day.

[Landsharks eat metal]

so tired of my body. I feel like I'll never be seen as a man. I have rather feminine features, a huge chest, and am only 5'2". There have been a few times that people glanced at me quickly and thought I was a little boy, but that's just about it. I feel like every trans guy in the world except me can pass. I guess it could be my mannerisms, too, since I'm lacking in self confidence, but I don't see that changing any sooner than my body.

Lately I've been wishing I could just stop eating because I hate myself so much. probably the dumbest thing I've ever thought.

[TheRedAnarchist23]

I just found out my body mass index is 17,3. That is incredibly low!
I am 1.70 meters tall, and I weigh 50 kilos, or as my father would say "as much as a bag of potatoes".

Does this mean I have anorexia and I never knew about it?

[Quail]

I just found out my body mass index is 17,3. That is incredibly low!
I am 1.70 meters tall, and I weigh 50 kilos, or as my father would say "as much as a bag of potatoes".

Does this mean I have anorexia and I never knew about it?
You'd know if you had anorexia. See "just eat one shreddie every hour to keep your energy up" in my previous post. Oh, and hiding food up my sleeves and puking all the time. BMI isn't always the best measure of how healthy your weight is, but 17.3 is pretty low (part of me is jealous). Maybe you should have a look at your diet and the energy you're expending and see if maybe you need to eat more.

[TheRedAnarchist23]

You'd know if you had anorexia. See "just eat one shreddie every hour to keep your energy up" in my previous post. Oh, and hiding food up my sleeves and puking all the time. BMI isn't always the best measure of how healthy your weight is, but 17.3 is pretty low (part of me is jealous). Maybe you should have a look at your diet and the energy you're expending and see if maybe you need to eat more.

Well. I don't have strange eating habits, nor anorexia or bulimia. I am not in a diet, I rarely exercise, and I spend most of my day sitting down, either at the computer or at school. Don't be jealous, you can see every bone in my body.
I don't see what the problem is. I eat normaly, but my weight never seems to go above 50 kilos!
This is so ridiculous that I have come to say that loosing weight is easy, you just have not to eat, but gaining weight is hard, you have to be constantly eating.
I just can't eat constantly. I have been told several times I need to eat more, but it doesn't work.
Maybe it is because I only have lunch and dinner, and a few little things in the middle.

What do you sugest?

[Quail]

I usually find having breakfast actually makes me hungrier at lunch. You could also try having nuts and dried fruit around just to snack on kind of mindlessly as you're doing other stuff. It took me a long time to find a balance but I try to eat healthy high-calorie stuff like peanut butter and nuts more often to up my calorie intake. Some people just have a naturally high metabolism though.

[Leftsolidarity]

I just realized why I love watching The Office so much. It's cuz at least Michael is more pathetic than me so out of the other people I'm mostly likely to be Jim and he's cool. Sometimes I worry I might be Dwight, though.

[Os Cangaceiros]

welp, my worst fears have been realized. I have to give myself injections now. :rolleyes: Life lately seems like a waking nightmare.

[Art Vandelay]

welp, my worst fears have been realized. I have to give myself injections now. :rolleyes: Life lately seems like a waking nightmare.

I'm sorry to hear that man, I'm hoping its nothing too serious and that these injections are the extent of what you need to stay healthy. Regardless, I wish you all the best!

[Art Vandelay]

I just told my girlfriend that I've attempted to commit suicide twice. The good part of me knows, that she deserved to know and the other part of me just feels guilty cause now she feels like a shitty girlfriend since she can't make me happy (which is so ridiculous cause if anyone is lucky in this relationship its me, she's going to school to become a doctor, is gorgeous and responsible; I drink and smoke too much, suffer from depression and am about to drop out of school). It seems like a fucking lose-lose to me, on the one hand I make her upset and feel bad, on the other I keep something from my significant other that she deserves to know. Waiting for a response as we speak.

[Os Cangaceiros]

I'm sorry to hear that man, I'm hoping its nothing too serious and that these injections are the extent of what you need to stay healthy. Regardless, I wish you all the best!

Well hopefully in a week to ten days they'll get all my work back and then hopefully I won't have to shoot myself up anymore, and I can move on to pills. It's weird because my blood sugar is insanely high yet I don't feel particularly bad at all. :confused: I've never gone into a coma or anything from drinking a ton of soda and eating candy, not even when I've got the symptoms within the last couple months. But I guess these are the cards I've been dealt so I gotta play them.

[Os Cangaceiros]

I guess I'm pretty shell shocked about the whole thing regardless, though

[Lobotomy]

Boyfriend broke up with me, life is shit, nothing's new.

[Brutus]

Never had a partner. Life is average. Nothing new.

[Art Vandelay]

Boyfriend broke up with me, life is shit, nothing's new.

I'm sorry to hear that L. Things may also end up working out between you two, you never know and if not it wasn't meant to be and there are plenty of guys out there. But I know the feeling, rejection sucks.

[Skyhilist]

This is problem a really trivial issue but it doesn't seem like it right now so I'm going to go ahead and talk about it anyways.

I've played baseball from the time I was 4 years old (I'm a junior in high school now). This year I've quit and am playing tennis instead. Here's why: the JV coach was absolutely horrible on my team last year. He used me as a relief pitcher and would only put me in after our team was down by 5 runs or something like that. Even then, I one game had 5 no-hit innings when I came on in relief, and ended up with the lowest ERA of everyone on the team. But he didn't give a shit, he still almost never played me. My job almost the whole year was "fill out this score card of the game as it plays out". Fucking boring. Since like 10-11 people who played varsity last year are still in high school playing this year, I'd have pretty much no chance in making it there, especially since the varsity coach thinks I'm terrible because I was sick during the tryouts last year. So pretty much I'd be stuck on JV with the same shitty coach, just like last year. It only made matters worse that I was having a much worse than usual season batting, asked for help from my coaches, and never got any. So I was already discouraged from playing this year.

To make things even more discouraging, after my subpar tryouts last year due to my sickness at the time, my coach pulled me aside. He basically said "you probably won't make the team next year." Of course I'm not one to tell him I was sick because I don't usually like making excuses for my failures. Anyways, now I have even less incentive to play. It's a lose-lose scenario for me. If I try out and make it, I won't have fun because the JV coach is horribly and inept at decision making (literally no players like him). If I didn't make the team, my father would be extremely dossapointed and I'd feel like I let him down. There's already enough of a rift between us.

So I decided I wouldn't tryout this year, despite baseball still being one of my passions. Instead I decided I'd play tennis. The high school tennis team is extremely uncompetitive. Everyone who tries out makes the team. Plus I know and am friends with a few kids on the team, unlike my baseball team where almost everyone was a complete fucking idiot. Of course when I told my dad I was going to play tennis this year, he was extremely dossapointed and I felt like I had let him down. He told me that he wasn't angry, but since them he got subtly passive aggressive towards me, and I could tell that he was mad at me and that I had only increased the rift between us. (NOTE: He also tries to pressure me into hunting. I really don't want to anymore, but I don't know how to tell him because I know that'll make him even more dossapointed and might send our whole relationship entirely to hell. So I really don't know what to do there). Anyways he reluctantly accepted that I wasn't going to baseball despite trying to talk down to me about my decision on occasion and urging me in a dejected tone to "reconsider".

My father decided that if I was going to play tennis, I should get an evaluation of my skills. I actually talked to the tennis coach about this before. She explained that I'd do fine despite never having played on a tennis team before. Despite this, I still went in for an evaluation.

Of course, my evalutation went terrible due to me never having played on a tennis team before. I got done with it and the guy who was giving me the evaluation goes up to my dad, and you know what he says? "Your son is a good baseball player." Fuck my life. Now tonight my dad has gone on and on about this and I feel even more pressured by him and even more uncertain about playing tennis. My dad told me that my tennis matches are probably going to be embarrassing. He's probably right. But goddamnit I don't know what to do anymore. I'm already half committed to tennis and already have blown my chance to play baseball this spring (which wouldn't have been fun undertakes coach anyways), but now I'm really uncertain of whether I made the right decision to play tennis. I feel like all I did was make my dad upset and that now I'm going to do horrible and have a horrible time. But I don't know what else I could've done. This whole thing has really been a lose-lose situation for me. I really don't even know what to do anymore. Again I'm really sorry if this is petty, but does anyone have any advise? I'm not allowed to not play any sports in the spring so it seems like my only options are fail, create a bigger rift between my dad and I, or play on a team where I'll be an outcast and won't have any fun.

[Hermes]

I would really suggest sticking to your course and taking tennis (though my own experiences in decision-making aren't great reassurances of my authority). Your tennis coach sounds like she's on board. A skill test will definitely show you're shit at tennis, because you've never played tennis. Unless you were a child prodigy, it was bound to happen.

Do you know anyone else on the team, by the way?

[Skyhilist]

Yeah, I'm friends with a few kids on the team. I just feel like I'm going to end up doing horrible the whole year though and I'll feel terrible about it and make my father feel embarrassed about my failures. My coach is the least of my worries though, she seems really cool. I only wish my baseball coach could've been more like her.

[Leftsolidarity]

Just broke up with my girlfriend. I really like her a whole hell of a lot too. Time to drink til I don't feel emotions.

[Art Vandelay]

Just broke up with my girlfriend. I really like her a whole hell of a lot too. Time to drink til I don't feel emotions.

I will see you in the drunk thread in a bit comrade. :thumbup1:

[La Guaneña]

The thought of getting out of this backwards shithole gets me happy, but the idea of leaving my girlfriend behind while doing that scares the shit out of me. I really like her.

[Lobotomy]

I'm sorry to hear that L. Things may also end up working out between you two, you never know and if not it wasn't meant to be and there are plenty of guys out there. But I know the feeling, rejection sucks.

thanks man.. it's possible. He broke up with me because he's been depressed and is withdrawing from everything and everyone, he's been distant from me lately and he says he just doesn't have the energy to maintain a relationship. I kind of understand but I wish I could be of help to him instead of being a burden. :( I love him and he says he loves me and we've never really even had a fight. it's hard for me to come to terms with the fact that that isn't good enough in itself.

[Futility Personified]

Ordinary people frustrate, liars frustrate, people trying to get me to like things I don't like annoys. I have poor judgement, but some of my friends consider the answer to that is treating me like a child and patronising me. Which angers me even more, because it makes my reasons for doing what I do seem nonsensical and unfounded, when if they were, I wouldn't fucking do them. Also, man hugs are good sometimes, not all the time. I am not, never have been, never will be a hugger. On occasion, I will break the masculine wall down, but otherwise I will feel uncomfortable. People do not seem to interpret my body language correctly in this regard! I need a girlfriend but can't find someone single who I like enough who I could be close to on that level. What's worse is that some people feel that means that to compensate I should be more open, but I already am! I'm sick of standing around awkwardly all the time, I'm certain i'm going to fail university, and returning to end up on the dole is a bleak thing to consider. I'm trying to alleviate my position, but every now and then a curve ball appears from nowhere and fucks me. I just wish I could go somewhere, practice music there until I'm good enough to earn a crust then just do that.. But realistically, if I had a woman to give me emotionally what I need, maybe i'd be ok. But even then, i've got such a bad choice in women, I don't know anymore. I'm gonna get mashed on stuff later tonight on what i'm assured is someone elses wallet, but even then i'm not sure. I just need to meet someone, the question is where. And that's a rhetorical question, which makes it worse.

[NoOneIsIllegal]

I miss you a lot.
Then I remember how much of a selfish asshole you are.

[Art Vandelay]

thanks man.. it's possible. He broke up with me because he's been depressed and is withdrawing from everything and everyone, he's been distant from me lately and he says he just doesn't have the energy to maintain a relationship. I kind of understand but I wish I could be of help to him instead of being a burden. :( I love him and he says he loves me and we've never really even had a fight. it's hard for me to come to terms with the fact that that isn't good enough in itself.

As someone who suffers from mental illness and has a partner who can't quite understand it, let me say this; I always feel guilty the way my depression effects my girlfriend, and although I may alienate her and not be all that forth coming, I find whatever I tell her she loves me regardless. That being said, I haven't always told her everything right away. So I would suggest (if you want to get back together with him or her) to just let them know that no matter what they are going through, it won't effect how you seem them; even if they haven't felt comfortable telling you in the past.

[Let's Get Free]

Never had a partner. Life is average. Nothing new.

We're bachelors baby

[Let's Get Free]

I wonder what reason I have to live, and desperately I have searched for a meaning. Perhaps it is now time for me to let go of the world

[Art Vandelay]

I wonder what reason I have to live, and desperately I have searched for a meaning. Perhaps it is now time for me to let go of the world

There is no meaning to life, but there is also no meaning in death either; so you might as well try to create as much meaning that is possible in life:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absurdism

[Pelarys]

I am so going to fail this year, I can see it coming from miles away, the worse thing being that I am too much of a piece of shit to do anything about it apparently.

[DasFapital]

In more upbeat news the I chatted more with that girl I mentioned earlier and we seem to get along pretty well. We both come from annoying religious families and hate the status quo. Plus she has some pretty sweet tattoos.

[Brutus]

We're bachelors baby

Nope. I'm just a borderline misanthrope

[Decolonize The Left]

Yeah, I'm friends with a few kids on the team. I just feel like I'm going to end up doing horrible the whole year though and I'll feel terrible about it and make my father feel embarrassed about my failures. My coach is the least of my worries though, she seems really cool. I only wish my baseball coach could've been more like her.

Fuck that. If you wanna play baseball then you should play baseball. Don't let some know-nothing asshole of a JV coach step in your way. If you honestly think that you can play varsity then walk right up to the varsity coach and say:
"Listen coach, I know I blew it in tryouts last year. I know you don't think I can play and I know the JV coach doesn't think that I can play. But I can play. I had the lowest ERA on the team last year. I threw X innings of no-hit ball last season. I'm a damn good relief pitcher and I would make this team better if you'd give me a chance."
Then tryout if you can, or ask for an audition and get some batters to step up and mow them down.

I've played a lot of sports in my day at all levels of the system and I can honestly say that good coaches want good players but, often more importantly, they want players who want to be good. If you think you're good enough for varsity then don't let some douche stand in your way. Fuck it, play tennis and baseball. What's stopping you?

[TheRedAnarchist23]

Never had a partner. Life is average. Nothing new.

Exactly!


I wonder what reason I have to live, and desperately I have searched for a meaning. Perhaps it is now time for me to let go of the world

You should do it like me. My reason to live is anarchism. You cannot let go of the world, because you would be failing the movement.


Nope. I'm just a borderline misanthrope

I used to be like that, but I gradualy became more social. Now I am actualy socialy normal.

[Landsharks eat metal]

I am worthless.

[Decolonize The Left]

I am worthless.

False.

[Landsharks eat metal]

False.

All I do is get in the way of people who can actually do things.

[Kalinin's Facial Hair]

I am so going to fail this year, I can see it coming from miles away, the worse thing being that I am too much of a piece of shit to do anything about it apparently.

This. Fucking this. I'm sure going to fail this semester and it has not even started.

Also probably falling in love again. Shit!

[Decolonize The Left]

All I do is get in the way of people who can actually do things.

There are so many logical problems with this that I'm not even going to begin. What I will say is that there are ample people on this forum who would say that you are quite worthwhile, and many (most?) of us have not even met you. Just think about what that says of your character and ability as a person - people who've never met you personally like you a ton and find you very worthwhile and helpful and smart.

SO, as for all those people "who can actually do things", fuck them. What matters is how you feel about yourself and you and I both know that when you're down and out you always feel like you're getting in the way. Whenever your self-esteem is battered you feel worthless and a burden. But if you could only see things from the other side you'd know that you aren't in the way - often times you're needed and wanted. And you sure as shit aren't a burden.

We all carry our burdens, but that doesn't make us one.

[LOLseph Stalin]

I am worthless.

I feel the same way about myself. Even much of my family thinks I'm a loser who'll never accomplish anything. I can't even get a job at fucking McDonald's despite applying there multiple times!

[Skyhilist]

Fuck that. If you wanna play baseball then you should play baseball. Don't let some know-nothing asshole of a JV coach step in your way. If you honestly think that you can play varsity then walk right up to the varsity coach and say:
"Listen coach, I know I blew it in tryouts last year. I know you don't think I can play and I know the JV coach doesn't think that I can play. But I can play. I had the lowest ERA on the team last year. I threw X innings of no-hit ball last season. I'm a damn good relief pitcher and I would make this team better if you'd give me a chance."
Then tryout if you can, or ask for an audition and get some batters to step up and mow them down.

I've played a lot of sports in my day at all levels of the system and I can honestly say that good coaches want good players but, often more importantly, they want players who want to be good. If you think you're good enough for varsity then don't let some douche stand in your way. Fuck it, play tennis and baseball. What's stopping you?

Trouble is, last year almost everyone on the varsity team was not a senior and therefore is still playing on varsity again this year, so the team is essentially full and I'd be stuck with JV. I think I'm just going to play tennis though and see how it goes (since a lot of other new players on the team are about as bad as I am at that sport). If I like it, I'll play again next year and if not I'll try to play baseball next year. Being in high school I can recognize that what sport I play isn't in and of itself all that important; I'm just really more worried about creating a bigger rift between my father and I based on what I choose to play and whether or not I can see. He tries to act like he's not judgmental, but he's passive aggressive as hell when I do something in sports or in life that disappoints him.

[Decolonize The Left]

Trouble is, last year almost everyone on the varsity team was not a senior and therefore is still playing on varsity again this year, so the team is essentially full and I'd be stuck with JV. I think I'm just going to play tennis though and see how it goes (since a lot of other new players on the team are about as bad as I am at that sport). If I like it, I'll play again next year and if not I'll try to play baseball next year. Being in high school I can recognize that what sport I play isn't in and of itself all that important; I'm just really more worried about creating a bigger rift between my father and I based on what I choose to play and whether or not I can see. He tries to act like he's not judgmental, but he's passive aggressive as hell when I do something in sports or in life that disappoints him.

Well the varsity team is either full or it ain't, and if you're better than one of the players then they should be dropped for you. At least, that's probably how a coach will look at it.

As for tennis, I'm glad you can get pumped about it, it's actually quite fun. Oh, and here:
MB2f6-U72Zk
;)

[human strike]

I'm all over the fucking place at the moment. So up and down I'm struggling to keep up with myself. Me and my ex are still driving each other insane, incapable of coping with or without each other, but at least she's out of town for a few days now so maybe I won't have anymore thoughts about hurting myself while she's gone. Being around her makes me hate myself.

This girl I'm really into just out of the blue asked me on a date - at least that's what I think it is; she has a boyfriend and I'm too scared to ask what's actually going on. This could either turn into a welcome distraction or a complete shitstorm, which is the last thing I need.

Besides that my life is a mess; really disorganised and barely managing to even look after myself. Spent all of today in bed hungover. Somehow I've been getting good grades at uni - though my main concern is just getting assignments in at all - but that can't last because I've got too much to do in too short a time. I should probably see a doctor about my mental health - I wish I were saying that because I want help, but really I think the main reason I'd do that would be to see if I can't get an extension on my dissertation.

Fuck knows what I'll do when I graduate (if I graduate). I won't be able to claim housing benefit because the minimum age for that is going up to 25 very soon. My landlord is a thieving racist conman. I've a contract til December but fuck knows how I'll pay rent come the summer. I just wanna find a squat or fuck off on some activist tourism someplace. I probably should have looked into doing a masters but always assumed until recently that that would be a pointless endeavour.

Been doing a lot of organising, some actions, a lot of meetings... Hasn't actually been that bad, though I did feel guilty about how lazy I was being at times - ignoring quite a lot of phone calls. I've started doing all this now when I have no time for doing it which is pretty stupid...

And now I'm making self-indulgent posts about the banality of my life on an internet forum... It does make me feel better though, so fuck it.

[Leftsolidarity]

Im confused as to what I'm doing with myself.

[Brutus]

This. Fucking this. I'm sure going to fail this semester and it has not even started.

Also probably falling in love again. Shit!

I think the same thing. Shit. I have feelings for someone. This is going to lead me to do irrational things and put them above me.
I so should have kept that chocolate bar when she was hungry. Still had my coffee. No one gets ma coffee

[Quail]

I wish I hadn't been ill on Thursday. I'm going to be fighting in my university's varsity Judo (Uni of Sheffield vs Sheffield Hallam) and I wanted to practise some techniques that I want to use to make sure they're good and sharp, but although I went along to training I had to sit out of the fighting because I started to feel dizzy. Now I'm really nervous.

[Landsharks eat metal]

So fucking angry at the world just want to slash my wrists as the ultimate expression of that

[Brutus]

So fucking angry at the world just want to slash my wrists as the ultimate expression of that

I'm failing to see your logic. Go brick a bank if you're pissed at the world.

[Landsharks eat metal]

I'm failing to see your logic. Go brick a bank if you're pissed at the world.

i;m stuck here and i'm too helpless to do anything

[Brutus]

i;m stuck here and i'm too helpless to do anything

Well, don't self harm. Stuck where?
Oh how cliche

[Ele'ill]

I went over a month without alcohol (and other stuff) and I am trying to drink in moderation again to see what happens.

[Art Vandelay]

I think the same thing. Shit. I have feelings for someone. This is going to lead me to do irrational things and put them above me.
I so should have kept that chocolate bar when she was hungry. Still had my coffee. No one gets ma coffee

Word.

[Art Vandelay]

I went over a month without alcohol (and other stuff) and I am trying to drink in moderation again to see what happens.

That is honestly quite the accomplishment, you should be proud of yourself. Good luck. :thumbup1:

[Le Socialiste]

I'm lonely (and not in the "I lack friends/a social life" way). My last serious relationship was over a year and a half ago, going on 2 years - that includes the last time I was ever 'intimate' with anyone, too (tmi?). This feeling comes and goes, but when it comes it's like getting hit with a wall of bricks. It almost always fills me with this sense of worthlessness, and it gets worse the longer I've been without a 'significant other'. Sometimes it's not even the lack of a relationship so much as it is the absence of actual physical contact (I trust y'all know what I mean). It doesn't help that my confidence level with women is virtually zero (unless I know them, in which case I'm a lot better), and that it takes a while for me to feel comfortable around new people. At this point I don't know what to do. I keep telling myself it's all temporary, but none of it's enough to shake the feeling of inadequacy on my part.

Oh well, it's not like I'm the first one to voice similar frustrations on here. ;)1

[A Revolutionary Tool]

I'm lonely (and not in the "I lack friends/a social life" way). My last serious relationship was over a year and a half ago, going on 2 years - that includes the last time I was ever 'intimate' with anyone, too (tmi?). This feeling comes and goes, but when it comes it's like getting hit with a wall of bricks. It almost always fills me with this sense of worthlessness, and it gets worse the longer I've been without a 'significant other'. Sometimes it's not even the lack of a relationship so much as it is the absence of actual physical contact (I trust y'all know what I mean). It doesn't help that my confidence level with women is virtually zero (unless I know them, in which case I'm a lot better), and that it takes a while for me to feel comfortable around new people. At this point I don't know what to do. I keep telling myself it's all temporary, but none of it's enough to shake the feeling of inadequacy on my part.

Oh well, it's not like I'm the first one to voice similar frustrations on here. ;)1
I feel you man, it's been almost two years since I've been in a serious relationship(A couple one night stand type things though which usually just make me feel like shit more). I seem to have no problem making friends with girls but when it comes to the relationship being on an intimate level I really suck at it now, completely forgot how to do it.

[LOLseph Stalin]

I'm just not sure what to do anymore. There's this guy I used to actually consider a friend...until he got diagnosed as bipolar. Since being diagnosed and even a bit before he has been lashing out at me and others about completely ridiculous things. I have given him numerous chances before, being the forgiving person I am and realizing he is bipolar. However, I just can't put up with it anymore. It's just creating stress now so I feel like I need to cut him off from my life completely.

[Le Socialiste]

I feel you man, it's been almost two years since I've been in a serious relationship(A couple one night stand type things though which usually just make me feel like shit more). I seem to have no problem making friends with girls but when it comes to the relationship being on an intimate level I really suck at it now, completely forgot how to do it.

Yup, that's exactly the place I'm in (minus the one night stands). I used to be fairly good at navigating through all that, but since my last relationship ended it's like I've completely forgotten how.

[Let's Get Free]

I have simply stopped caring about girls/dating/relationships.

[Brutus]

I have simply stopped caring about girls/dating/relationships.

My thoughts exactly.

[A Revolutionary Tool]

But I feel so good when I'm in a relationship. Being able to talk to someone about shit you don't want to tell your friends, her touch, her warmth, spooning, her body up against mine, sex, being loved on a whole different level. These are things that are just so beautiful in life that there's an emptiness when you don't have it; a void that needs to be filled.

[Landsharks eat metal]

Well, don't self harm. Stuck where?
Oh how cliche

at home with parents who don't support anything of who i am and what i want, and who don't want me to ever go anywhere.

I don't really appreciate having my words called cliche when I already hate myself and think I"m worthless

[Brutus]

at home with parents who don't support anything of who i am and what i want, and who don't want me to ever go anywhere.

I don't really appreciate having my words called cliche when I already hate myself and think I"m worthless

I was calling my words of 'don't do it' cliche. Apologies LEM

[Landsharks eat metal]

sorry. i'm way too sensitive :/

[thriller]

at home with parents who don't support anything of who i am and what i want, and who don't want me to ever go anywhere.

I don't really appreciate having my words called cliche when I already hate myself and think I"m worthless

You WILL get out of there one day. Keep that hope alive.


I have simply stopped caring about girls/dating/relationships.

Yeah I hear ya, relationships can be bogus. But chasing girls makes me feel "new" in a sense. On a side note, glad to see you post, I was worried the past week or so.

To all the people down on your luck, maybe a line from the Bouncing Souls will help you out
"When nothing turns out right, feels like we loose the fight, until we learn how to dance, to life's song."

[Romanophile]

Do the people here dislike me? I have received some considerably hostile responses on this forum. It makes me think that I am unwanted…

I’m probably just generalizing, but my depression distorts my perception of the world.

[Art Vandelay]

You WILL get out of there one day. Keep that hope alive.

Agreed, I really believe that clinging onto hope (however far fetched it may seem at times) is important for people going through a tough time or mental illness. Its something that has been helping me at times lately, although I still lose hope as well. I hate faith, I stand with Nietzsche on the matter, however hope is something entirely different.

[Art Vandelay]

Do the people here dislike me? I have received some considerably hostile responses on this forum. It makes me think that I am unwanted…

I’m probably just generalizing, but my depression distorts my perception of the world.

I haven't had any interactions with you, or really seen any posts of yours (minus your good guess, in the guess something about the poster above thread) but that is probably because I haven't been posting much lately outside of the mod forum and non-political.

Revleft can be a extremely hostile place, so I wouldn't worry about it, its nothing personal. I know what its like to have depression affect your perception of things, but this is probably stemmed from pompous and arrogant leftists (which I myself am guilty of as well).

[Landsharks eat metal]

Do the people here dislike me? I have received some considerably hostile responses on this forum. It makes me think that I am unwanted…

I’m probably just generalizing, but my depression distorts my perception of the world.

This is really stupid, but your avatar annoys the shit out of me and at first made me not like you.

[Art Vandelay]

This is really stupid, but your avatar annoys the shit out of me and at first made me not like you.

Don't worry about that though Romanophile. LEM didn't like me at first either, but now we get along well enough. He'll warm up to you in due time.

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

Do the people here dislike me? I have received some considerably hostile responses on this forum. It makes me think that I am unwanted…

I’m probably just generalizing, but my depression distorts my perception of the world.

I don't dislike you. When i first voor here i said some things i meant well, but got some people mad at me. You'll learn and get liked.

I kinda have to agree with LEM on your avatar though. I don't hate it, but i do think it's weird. Just haven't figured out yet if it's weird in a good or a bad way.

[thriller]

Do the people here dislike me? I have received some considerably hostile responses on this forum. It makes me think that I am unwanted…

I’m probably just generalizing, but my depression distorts my perception of the world.

I don't! Hostile in the political topics or non-political topics? I get railed on sometimes in the political topics, but we are all true believers in a sense. I'm sorry if I have glossed over your posts in the past, sometimes I skim :/

[LOLseph Stalin]

Do the people here dislike me? I have received some considerably hostile responses on this forum. It makes me think that I am unwanted…

I’m probably just generalizing, but my depression distorts my perception of the world.

Due to the nature of this forum some things are bound to turn into hostilities. I don't think it's you personally, but people who get too carried away in defending their own accepted worldview.

Don't worry about it, some hostilities are bound to occur when a bunch of opinionated young minds gather in one place :lol:.

[Romanophile]

I haven't had any interactions with you, or really seen any posts of yours (minus your good guess, in the guess something about the poster above thread) but that is probably because I haven't been posting much lately outside of the mod forum and non-political.

Revleft can be a extremely hostile place, so I wouldn't worry about it, its nothing personal. I know what its like to have depression affect your perception of things, but this is probably stemmed from pompous and arrogant leftists (which I myself am guilty of as well).

You saw me post in Opposing Ideologies.

Why exactly is Revleft hostile ? Is somebody afraid of being incorrect ?


This is really stupid, but your avatar annoys the shit out of me and at first made me not like you.

Lulz. Yeah, I should change it. It doesn’t suit me all that well.


Don't worry about that though Romanophile. LEM didn't like me at first either, but now we get along well enough. He'll warm up to you in due time.

What occurred between you two ?


I don't dislike you. When i first voor here i said some things i meant well, but got some people mad at me. You'll learn and get liked.

I kinda have to agree with LEM on your avatar though. I don't hate it, but i do think it's weird. Just haven't figured out yet if it's weird in a good or a bad way.

Yeah, it seems to be pretty natural to make horrible mistakes at first. My concern is that the mistakes will forever taint people’s perceptions of me.

I’ll find a new avatar.


I don't! Hostile in the political topics or non-political topics? I get railed on sometimes in the political topics, but we are all true believers in a sense. I'm sorry if I have glossed over your posts in the past, sometimes I skim :/

It is no big deal ; I personally have troubles maintaining attention.

It’s kind of both subjects. Now, I dun think that anybody is out to hurt me, but the negative attitudes make me disappointed in myself. My perception of myself is, illogically, what I feel others perceive me as.


Due to the nature of this forum some things are bound to turn into hostilities. I don't think it's you personally, but people who get too carried away in defending their own accepted worldview.

Don't worry about it, some hostilities are bound to occur when a bunch of opinionated young minds gather in one place :lol:.

Right. I am not very used to being in the middle of controversy. Hopefully I’ll be desensitised here !

[Art Vandelay]

You saw me post in Opposing Ideologies.

It probably just slipped my mind.


Why exactly is Revleft hostile ? Is somebody afraid of being incorrect ?

Just alot of prolier than thou nonsense and leftists are known for their sectarianism.


What occurred between you two ?

Nothing really, I can be arrogant at times and used to fly off the handle before being modded; probably just rubbed him the wrong way, as it does many people.

[Lobotomy]

Should I call him? I probably shouldn't call him. Oh god, I'm probably going to call him. God damn it.

[Pelarys]

Hum I am not sure what just happened but I apparently am in trouble somehow.

[Art Vandelay]

Hum I am not sure what just happened but I apparently am in trouble somehow.

Join the club, I know the feeling.

[Le Socialiste]

I've resolved to get over my insecurities and put myself 'out there' more. It's not like I don't do so already, just that I'm not doing it enough. I'm done feeling inadequate - fuck that.

[Romanophile]

I've resolved to get over my insecurities and put myself 'out there' more. It's not like I don't do so already, just that I'm not doing it enough. I'm done feeling inadequate - fuck that.

Sounds nice, but where do you start ? Therapy ? Self‐imposed desensitisation ?

[The Cheshire Cat]

My concern is that the mistakes will forever taint people’s perceptions of me.

Now, I dun think that anybody is out to hurt me, but the negative attitudes make me disappointed in myself. My perception of myself is, illogically, what I feel others perceive me as.


I have exactly the same! As soon as people start to disagree with me and thus react in a negative way, I will get dissapointed in myself and get just sad. So I just gave up on posting in the political part, unless I really can't resist it. I mostly post in the non-political part now, and even then I often remove posts I made earlier, just because I'm afraid people will think it is a stupid or redundant thing to say.

This is very bad though, and we really should not care that much about what some random people on the internet think of us. If you can, it would probably be better to keep getting in discussion and get, as you said, desensitized.

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

I'm surprised to hear that RevLeft has such a reputation for hostility - most of the debates I have participated in were at least respectful, even if the participants could be sarcastic at times. Except the usual Stalin-Trotsky-Mao rubbish, but I'm desensitised.

[Le Socialiste]

Sounds nice, but where do you start ? Therapy ? Self‐imposed desensitisation ?

Well for one, I need to quit buying into the idea that I'm of no worth to the people around me. This lack of confidence is a more recent phenomenon; prior to this I used to be pretty sure of myself in what I did and how I interacted with others. I just have to work to regain that, however I can. And it means rebuilding my confidence in areas where I usually tend to be uncomfortable. I'm tired of feeling this way, and I want a change.

[Brutus]

I appear to neither grow not shrink in belly fat no matter how much I eat/exercise/eat crap. I'm rather pissed off actually. It's just taunting me. The bastard should at least grow or shrink.

[The Cheshire Cat]

Schoolwork never stops. NEVER!! The past 7 weeks I have constantly thought: 'Well, I have been working real hard all year now, and the amount of schoolwork should diminish now.' BUT IT DOESN'T!!!!!!!! Just fucking FUCK! I WANT A FUCKING BREAKKKK!!!!!!!!!! I just want to put shit on fire right now and watch it burn while listening to some suiting songs of the Doors. LIGHT MY FIRE GODAMMIT!!!!

I also should not be posting here as I have tons of stuff to do and my grades aren't that well...

[Brutus]

Schoolwork never stops. NEVER!! The past 7 weeks I have constantly thought: 'Well, I have been working real hard all year now, and the amount of schoolwork should diminish now.' BUT IT DOESN'T!!!!!!!! Just fucking FUCK! I WANT A FUCKING BREAKKKK!!!!!!!!!! I just want to put shit on fire right now and watch it burn while listening to some suiting songs of the Doors. LIGHT MY FIRE GODAMMIT!!!!

I also should not be posting here as I have tons of stuff to do and my grades aren't that well...

I could always offer you my modest services, cat.

[The Cheshire Cat]

Unless you can implement the knowledge hidden in 70 pages of biology in my brains for tomorrow and about 10 pages of French for thursday, or write an 6-page essay about Portugal's economy in Dutch, I am afraid you are currently no use to me :(

But thanks anyway!

[The Cheshire Cat]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!G!H!!GHGAHHRH! One moment I feel dead and another moment I want to make total destroy

[Art Vandelay]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!G!H!!GHGAHHRH! One moment I feel dead and another moment I want to make total destroy

Make total destroy!!

[The Cheshire Cat]

Make total destroy!!

I WANT to now but if I don't start learning NOW I will fail this year :crying: :cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing: BWAAAARGH!

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

Unless you can implement the knowledge hidden in 70 pages of biology in my brains for tomorrow and about 10 pages of French for thursday, or write an 6-page essay about Portugal's economy in Dutch, I am afraid you are currently no use to me :(

But thanks anyway!

Just plug in to the Matrix, man! Sounds like fun though: The Revolutionairy Homework Service. We make your homework so you can partake in the revolution!

[The Cheshire Cat]

Just plug in to the Matrix, man! Sounds like fun though: The Revolutionairy Homework Service. We make your homework so you can partake in the revolution!

Actually read this: http://www.nu.nl/wetenschap/3355549/overdracht-gedachten-bij-ratten-gelukt.html

School will be redundant in only a matter of time now! But it will be too late for me :(

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

Actually read this: http://www.nu.nl/wetenschap/3355549/overdracht-gedachten-bij-ratten-gelukt.html

School will be redundant in only a matter of time now! But it will be too late for me :(

Holy crap...they finally done it, didn't they? Dumbasses. I like to know everything, but as long as i can't put an image to it it won't hold. They can implement all they want, i'll just forget anyway!

Oh, and who tells me i won't be bugged or mallwared by the government? Hell no!

[The Cheshire Cat]

http://i.qkme.me/3rxu87.jpg

[The Cheshire Cat]

Weird enough, I get happier when I know I am in trouble. Makes me feel more challenged, and alive. Don't really know why. It is why I would choose a life crawling through the mud above a life where I would wake up in my mansion everyday, next to the same woman, greet the same kids, jump in the same car, drive to the same good paying job, come home to the same mansion, etc. I'd rather be a hobo in southern Europe or something.

Now, I am going to close my eyes and hope that my school is burned down when I wake up in 6 hours. Goodnight, revleft!

[Quail]

This probably sounds really lame, but oh well.

I feel ill and I know that regardless of how I feel tomorrow I can either a) take my son to nursery in the morning and have like an hour's rest or b) not bother taking him to nursery, in which case I'll have to look after him all day. Both options suck so fucking much in that they mean I won't get any fucking rest. I need some fucking rest :( Now let's contrast this to my partner. When he's ill, he gets to stay in fucking bed all fucking day, with no obligations at all. As well as taking my mson to nursery I have to make sure he's eating okay and I feel that I should make an evening meal too. This just feels so unfair. I don't think my partner realises or appreciates how great it is that he can just lie in all day when he's ill and not give a shit about anything. I fucking wish I could do the same. I'm a bit tipsy, just been crying about this for a while. I just dread getting up tomorrow. I want to spend the day recovering from my illness, but as I said above, that just isn't going to fucking happen.

[Art Vandelay]

This probably sounds really lame, but oh well.

I feel ill and I know that regardless of how I feel tomorrow I can either a) take my son to nursery in the morning and have like an hour's rest or b) not bother taking him to nursery, in which case I'll have to look after him all day. Both options suck so fucking much in that they mean I won't get any fucking rest. I need some fucking rest :( Now let's contrast this to my partner. When he's ill, he gets to stay in fucking bed all fucking day, with no obligations at all. As well as taking my mson to nursery I have to make sure he's eating okay and I feel that I should make an evening meal too. This just feels so unfair. I don't think my partner realises or appreciates how great it is that he can just lie in all day when he's ill and not give a shit about anything. I fucking wish I could do the same. I'm a bit tipsy, just been crying about this for a while. I just dread getting up tomorrow. I want to spend the day recovering from my illness, but as I said above, that just isn't going to fucking happen.

That sucks Quail, I'm sorry to hear that. Don't worry about anything sounding lame, this is PYHO, non-judgmental. I honestly love this thread so much, its like a mini dysfunctional family and we all help each other through shit. Its a support group. That really does suck and does seem a bit unfair. Can your partner not take your son to nursery tmro so that you can stay in bed and recover? Seems normal to me that he would do the same for you, as you do when he is sick. Don't worry about crying, I do all the time, sometimes even for no reason; its normal. Plus other times things can just be building up and up and then something small can just set it all off and you break down, nothing wrong with that. Maybe you can ask your partner if he could take your son for you. It sounds like your a good partner and I'm sure he appreciates you, but maybe just doesn't show it enough. You could try talking about that with him too.

Regardless, you've always been extremely nice to me, if you need to talk, I'm here.

[Quail]

The problem is that he rides a bike to work, so there's no way he could take my son to nursery on his way. I drunkenly mentioned this when I got in, but my partner seems to think it's no big deal. I'm guessing that because whenever he's been ill andhe's never had to make the hour round-trip to take my son to nursery and another hour round-trip to pick him up in the afternoon, he doesn't realise how much that impacts getting a good day's rest.. He just gets to spend the whole day relaxing, which just never happens for me. I think part of it might be that I'm I suppose conditioned to just get on with whatever shit I have to do because I'm a woman. I think that women are far more likely to just accept they have bullshit and deal with it. It just seems so fucking unfair that in all likelihood I'll be too ill for uni tomorrow, and yet I'll probably keep my son at home and do a full fucking shift as a mum instead, which isn't going to help me to rest or get better at all.

[Art Vandelay]

The problem is that he rides a bike to work, so there's no way he could take my son to nursery on his way. I drunkenly mentioned this when I got in, but my partner seems to think it's no big deal. I'm guessing that because whenever he's been ill andhe's never had to make the hour round-trip to take my son to nursery and another hour round-trip to pick him up in the afternoon, he doesn't realise how much that impacts getting a good day's rest.. He just gets to spend the whole day relaxing, which just never happens for me. I think part of it might be that I'm I suppose conditioned to just get on with whatever shit I have to do because I'm a woman. I think that women are far more likely to just accept they have bullshit and deal with it. It just seems so fucking unfair that in all likelihood I'll be too ill for uni tomorrow, and yet I'll probably keep my son at home and do a full fucking shift as a mum instead, which isn't going to help me to rest or get better at all.

I'm assuming that you have a vehicle then? Or do you take public transportation to drop your son off at nursery? If you have a vehicle maybe he could just borrow it for the day; seems like a win win, he doesn't have to bike to work and you don't have to drop off your son. It does strike me as this being somewhat of a side effect of a patriarchal world, the task of raising the kid falls predominantly to the woman with things like this. I know that your partner is not your son's father, but that shouldn't stop him from taking an active role in helping raise your child. I was raised by my mother and my step dad and he was just as active in raising me as my mother or my biological father. Not sure where the biological father of your son lives, but maybe you could call him up and ask him for a hand? I remember you saying you two are on good terms so maybe that would work, although I could understand if you didn't really want to call him.

[Quail]

I use public transport unfortunately, so there's no vehicle to lend. For the most part my partner does help, it's just that I feel ill right now and it's just pissed me off thinking about how stupidly unequal the situation is for illness. There doesn't even seem to be anything I can do, other than acknowledge and resent the crappiness of the situation. I don't know, I'm in Sheffield and my son's father is in Manchester (if that means anything to you). Perhaps I could ask him to come over tomorrow, but it's a bit late now and if I call tomorrow it'll be too late for sure.

It's just shit though. Man is ill: rests and does fuck all til he's better. Woman is ill: continues to look after child and cook a decent meal every night and rests when she can. It is really just not fucking fair.

[Art Vandelay]

I use public transport unfortunately, so there's no vehicle to lend. For the most part my partner does help, it's just that I feel ill right now and it's just pissed me off thinking about how stupidly unequal the situation is for illness. There doesn't even seem to be anything I can do, other than acknowledge and resent the crappiness of the situation. I don't know, I'm in Sheffield and my son's father is in Manchester (if that means anything to you). Perhaps I could ask him to come over tomorrow, but it's a bit late now and if I call tomorrow it'll be too late for sure.

It's just shit though. Man is ill: rests and does fuck all til he's better. Woman is ill: continues to look after child and cook a decent meal every night and rests when she can. It is really just not fucking fair.

It is an unequal situation. The names of the cities don't really mean anything to me ha, I'm a Canadian. I would say to give your son's father a call, you can apologize for being last minute, but its at least worth a shot, no? At the very least your partner should take over cooking supper and watching your son tmro night, that way if things don't work out and you can't get rest during the day, you'll be able to have a relaxing night.

[Quail]

I've given him a text because it's late. Still though, I may as well just struggle through my normal day because it's probably the easiest option. If my partner could be in my shoes, maybe he'd realise what a fucking pain it is to be ill, unlike for him where he just gets to laze around in bed and fucking rest. Where's my fucking rest. Oh, women don't get to rest, sorry.

[Jesus Saves Gretzky Scores]

I like political debates, but I always get really anxious and nervous when I wait for a reply, or if I get a long reply. Or just in general.

[Art Vandelay]

I've given him a text because it's late. Still though, I may as well just struggle through my normal day because it's probably the easiest option. If my partner could be in my shoes, maybe he'd realise what a fucking pain it is to be ill, unlike for him where he just gets to laze around in bed and fucking rest. Where's my fucking rest. Oh, women don't get to rest, sorry.

Just take a look at that little man tmro and despite the fact that he's causing you to have to struggle through a day when in a better world you'd be allowed to stay in bed and relax and think of all the joy he's brought into your life. You sound like a great mom quail, who puts her child ahead of yourself. It sucks we live in a world that, mothers like yourself aren't rewarded properly or given the help they deserve.

[Art Vandelay]

I like political debates, but I always get really anxious and nervous when I wait for a reply, or if I get a long reply. Or just in general.

Meh that'll change as you become more and more knowledgeable and begin to have more confidence in your ability to back up the convictions you feel are right. I can remember getting so upset arguing with my step dad when I was younger cause I knew there were answers to the issues he was raising, I just didn't know them and it was frustrating.

[Quail]

I'll probably just keep him home tomorrow and curl up on the sofa with him while we watch a film he likes (probably Toy Story) and then I'll get a bit of a rest at least. I don't think people often appreciate what mothers do. Having a child is a 24 hr job with no pay and no holidays, but it's probably one of the least appreciated jobs ever, despite the fact that mothers are raising the next generation. Raising kids is an important job but completely taken for granted.

[Quail]

I like political debates, but I always get really anxious and nervous when I wait for a reply, or if I get a long reply. Or just in general.
I used to get anxious but now the more I've argued, the stronger my convictions so I don't get anxious anymore.

[Art Vandelay]

I'll probably just keep him home tomorrow and curl up on the sofa with him while we watch a film he likes (probably Toy Story) and then I'll get a bit of a rest at least. I don't think people often appreciate what mothers do. Having a child is a 24 hr job with no pay and no holidays, but it's probably one of the least appreciated jobs ever, despite the fact that mothers are raising the next generation. Raising kids is an important job but completely taken for granted.

He's got good taste, that was my favorite film growing up.

[Quail]

Try watching it on a daily basis. It'll soon fall out of favour :tt2:

[Yet_Another_Boring_Marxist]

Do the people here dislike me? I have received some considerably hostile responses on this forum. It makes me think that I am unwanted…

I’m probably just generalizing, but my depression distorts my perception of the world.

I like you if that means anything. Though I admit that I disagree with the "moralism" that I've seen you display on times.

Some people here tend to lash out at political differences. To be honest there are alot of people here that don't share my theoretical views that I still consider my comrades. However I find it difficult to consider these people who are so disrespectful as my comrades. If anyone criticizes you it should be because they genuinely want to improve your grasp of theory and your ability to practice it. Anyone who just makes one liners and trash talks for the sake of getting rep points on here and earning the respect of certain circles on this forum isn't a communist, because a communist cares more about his comrades than stroking his ego.

[Quail]

Well, my son's dad can't help so it looks like tomorrow will be a day of DVDs and curling up on the sofa together.

[Art Vandelay]

Good luck distracting him the best you can, so you can get some rest!

[Leftsolidarity]

Moral problems. I don't even know if it should be a problem. I'm confused. I like things to be simple.

[Don't Swallow The Cap]

Ill be making a 5 hour trip in the morning to see my mother. Turns out her kidney failed and liquid has started to flood her lungs. As well I've stopped going to college and have decided to return to music school. This choice was made after getting beat by a serious bout of depression where I pretty much ruined any chance of making it to grad school. I'm currently in state of apathy and I don't so much mind. I'd rather feel nothing than feel like shit.

[Romanophile]

Is this avatar better ?

[Art Vandelay]

Is this avatar better ?

I could care less about you avatar comrade; you're cool.

[Quail]

I feel a bit better today, just going to have an ill day with my son because he doesn't seem too well either :( I don't know why I felt so upset about it last night. The unequal-ness just sucks and I'd had a couple of drinks I guess.

[Os Cangaceiros]

I'm posting here because I can't sleep. I got really bad news today about my health, so bad that I've sunk into pretty bad depression. For one of the first times ending my own life seems like something that's not too unappealing. The more I read about my condition the more terrified I am...I'll probably never be healthy ever again. It's been a while since I've cried but today when I was out taking my dog for a walk I just fucking broke down, right in the street. Luckily it was dark outside and no one was around. Why this is happening to me is something I don't understand at all. It feels like a bad dream that I'll eventually wake up from, but there's just no hope. The thought of going through life with this black cloud over me is unbearable.

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

I'm posting here because I can't sleep. I got really bad news today about my health, so bad that I've sunk into pretty bad depression. For one of the first times ending my own life seems like something that's not too unappealing. The more I read about my condition the more terrified I am...I'll probably never be healthy ever again. It's been a while since I've cried but today when I was out taking my dog for a walk I just fucking broke down, right in the street. Luckily it was dark outside and no one was around. Why this is happening to me is something I don't understand at all. It feels like a bad dream that I'll eventually wake up from, but there's just no hope. The thought of going through life with this black cloud over me is unbearable.

Wish i could be near you now. It sounds like you could need a hug, really really bad! Stay strong and hold on.

I don't even know what to say really...sorry :blushing:

[Bright Banana Beard]

Just having two jobs is just too much, but at least I am making good money.

[Art Vandelay]

I'm posting here because I can't sleep. I got really bad news today about my health, so bad that I've sunk into pretty bad depression. For one of the first times ending my own life seems like something that's not too unappealing. The more I read about my condition the more terrified I am...I'll probably never be healthy ever again. It's been a while since I've cried but today when I was out taking my dog for a walk I just fucking broke down, right in the street. Luckily it was dark outside and no one was around. Why this is happening to me is something I don't understand at all. It feels like a bad dream that I'll eventually wake up from, but there's just no hope. The thought of going through life with this black cloud over me is unbearable.

No worries about the suicidal thoughts comrade, many here have had them myself included, the point is just not to act on them. I'm not sure what your condition is, but regardless of what it is and what you have to do to stay healthy, you can still live a fulfilling life. The idea of having to live with something sucks, I know. I've often been scared since dysthmic depression isn't something you can get rid of, its something you can learn to live with; so I know what its like to have to think about never being 'normal,' or better. Tears are a normal reaction to life at times; I broke down the other day in the grocery store for some reason, not even sure why. Just know you're not alone and you have people here who care and will listen.

[Art Vandelay]

I feel a bit better today, just going to have an ill day with my son because he doesn't seem too well either :( I don't know why I felt so upset about it last night. The unequal-ness just sucks and I'd had a couple of drinks I guess.

I'm glad to hear your feeling a bit better, but sorry to hear about your little guy. And yeah drinking doesn't normally help negative thoughts, something its taken me a long time to learn and yet still can't seem to change. Its a depressant, its like drinking depression. Regardless, I hope you and your son have a good day together and both feel better.

[human strike]

I'm fucking up my uni work again. This has happened before and always seems to happen at the busiest time of the year; I've met a girl and instead of doing the things I need to do I'm hanging out with her, spending all day in bed, drinking all night (though last time it was weed), and spending all the other days hungover. Last time I failed the year, though it actually worked out really well in the end - no second chances this time though. I'd hope I've grown up a bit since then, but I've an essay due tomorrow that I haven't started and if I don't start like right now it isn't gonna get done... I'm still in bed, I just can't be arsed. :/


I've resolved to get over my insecurities and put myself 'out there' more. It's not like I don't do so already, just that I'm not doing it enough. I'm done feeling inadequate - fuck that.

Good things come to those who take the initiative. Be active, do things, meet people, but try not to stress about romantic or sexual relationships. The best way of meeting people is to improve the general quality of your life; being active leads to confidence and happiness, both of which are intensely attractive things. Let people notice you.


Do the people here dislike me? I have received some considerably hostile responses on this forum. It makes me think that I am unwanted…

I’m probably just generalizing, but my depression distorts my perception of the world.

I'll be honest; your posts frustrate me. Not because of the political content but because you don't seem to have any confidence in what you're saying and almost automatically resign yourself to the fact nobody will agree with you or like you - neither of which are true. I know I've disagreed with some of your posts here, but it's not a personal thing and I actually kinda like you (not that anyone here has had the time to form a proper opinion yet!), you remind me of other people I know and like. :)

Revleft is a great space for gaining a confidence in your own ideas - a lot easier than IRL - but you have to just go for it and fuck the haters (if indeed there even are any).

[The Cheshire Cat]

Today was a shitty day. Totally fucked up my biology test, I am too tired to learn French oral exam for tomorrow, and when I got home my parents told me they had bad news. I was like: ' Oh fuck, one of the teachers called home to tell I am going to fail this year!' but it was worse. Apparently my mother accidentally cut of my cat's tail when she closed the door behind her to do groceries :crying: Luckily it is only a couple of centimeters, but still :(

Initially it was like 2 cm, but when my mother brought the cat to the vet, the vet could easily peel some cm's of skin off the tail and exposed a part of the tailbones. Today they are going to amputate some damaged tailbones and I will only see my cat tomorrow. I feel horrible about that, and I hope she does not suffer too much. She must hate being there overnight, as she is scared of the vet already.

[Futility Personified]

Started doing the 2 essays I need to do before the week late period ends where they can't be for tomorrow. Not going too bad. Check the uni website, turns out we had a group presentation due in tomorrow. Don't even have a group as far as I know. Not certain i'm gonna fail, but kinda getting a little fatalist now. Fantasising about travelling everyday now, if the worst happens I think that's my only option. And being hooked up on a girl to the point where you start acting as pathetic as she does on a regular basis isn't cool. Need a way to remove myself from her shittiness, but she's always in the back of my mind for some reason. Might just have some fucked up night of hedonism and see if i can meet someone better.

[Art Vandelay]

So I didn't get a call for that job, which is extremely depressing; I know I made it to the final two, but I guess they went with the other candidate. I feel so fucking pathetic. My plan was to get this job, get my first paycheck and move out into a small apartment, where I was eventually going to kill myself. I just wanted to prove I could make it on my own first, tie up some loose ends, finish my novella, etc..and leave this world in a place my parents or little brother wouldn't have to find me. I could still do it, I have enough money for a month's rent, food, gas, etc..but I don't know if that would leave me enough time to get everything in place. I just wish I would get hit by a fucking bus or something so my family and girlfriend wouldn't have to deal with the stigmatization of my eventual suicide. Its not a matter of if, but when; maybe soon, maybe a decade, maybe when I'm in my 50's. Regardless my life will end on my own terms and by my own hand, I have no doubt about that.

I just got back from grocery shopping and there is something about that place that makes me so sad. Last time I was there I broke down walking down one of the aisles. I ended up being able to pull myself together, but really broke down in my truck on the way home. There is something about a grocery store that just drives in the reality of existence to me. We are all so isolated and alienated and were just kinda meandering our way through this existence (that is so incomprehensible to us), meanwhile convincing ourselves that we know what we are doing with our lives. No one has a fucking clue.

Anyways my girlfriend is coming over and I should probably stop typing this and get tidying up my basement. I know she's been worrying about me since I told her about my 2 suicide attempts and she called me out on the burn mark on my wrist of being self harm. She was right.

[Brutus]

Give me 5 years comrade and we shall make a leftist suicide pact together. Or we could do it soon if you can come to England.
On a related note, my dad saw my cuts. There's just a buzz one gets from seeing the skin split. I don't even know why I do it, but it kills time, so can't be too bad.

[Futility Personified]

So I didn't get a call for that job, which is extremely depressing; I know I made it to the final two, but I guess they went with the other candidate. I feel so fucking pathetic. My plan was to get this job, get my first paycheck and move out into a small apartment, where I was eventually going to kill myself. I just wanted to prove I could make it on my own first, tie up some loose ends, finish my novella, etc..and leave this world in a place my parents or little brother wouldn't have to find me. I could still do it, I have enough money for a month's rent, food, gas, etc..but I don't know if that would leave me enough time to get everything in place. I just wish I would get hit by a fucking bus or something so my family and girlfriend wouldn't have to deal with the stigmatization of my eventual suicide. Its not a matter of if, but when; maybe soon, maybe a decade, maybe when I'm in my 50's. Regardless my life will end on my own terms and by my own hand, I have no doubt about that.

I just got back from grocery shopping and there is something about that place that makes me so sad. Last time I was there I broke down walking down one of the aisles. I ended up being able to pull myself together, but really broke down in my truck on the way home. There is something about a grocery store that just drives in the reality of existence to me. We are all so isolated and alienated and were just kinda meandering our way through this existence (that is so incomprehensible to us), meanwhile convincing ourselves that we know what we are doing with our lives. No one has a fucking clue.

Anyways my girlfriend is coming over and I should probably stop typing this and get tidying up my basement. I know she's been worrying about me since I told her about my 2 suicide attempts and she called me out on the burn mark on my wrist of being self harm. She was right.

Each day as it comes man, each day as it comes.... I understand letting things end on your terms, but while there is still youth and fight in you (although I don't know much about how youthful you are you seem to have vinegar in stock!) shouldn't let "them" win. "Them" can be whoever you want to be, i've always felt the ignorant and the hateful the bourgeois are an adequete yardstick to snap in two by surviving. Keep it up, least you have a GF who cares! Last time my right hand spoke to me s/he/it made some very cruel observations about my habits.

[melvin]

I'm glad to hear your feeling a bit better, but sorry to hear about your little guy. And yeah drinking doesn't normally help negative thoughts, something its taken me a long time to learn and yet still can't seem to change. Its a depressant, its like drinking depression. Regardless, I hope you and your son have a good day together and both feel better.Depressant does not mean it makes you depressed, it means it depresses your central nervous system. People often make that mistake.

My depression is getting much worse after a period of it getting better. So it is hard to maintain hope of my mental state making any serious changes for a sustained amount of time. It is becoming harder to function in every day life, maintain emotional independence, and be able to do well at work.

[TheRedAnarchist23]

Today was a shitty day. Totally fucked up my biology test, I am too tired to learn French oral exam for tomorrow,

I have told you several times that staying awake to study is not good because you will not remember anything for the next day!


and when I got home my parents told me they had bad news. I was like: ' Oh fuck, one of the teachers called home to tell I am going to fail this year!' but it was worse.

They do that in the Netherlands?


Apparently my mother accidentally cut of my cat's tail when she closed the door behind her to do groceries :crying: Luckily it is only a couple of centimeters, but still :(

How did that happen!? If that happened to one of my cats I would be like that too!


Initially it was like 2 cm, but when my mother brought the cat to the vet, the vet could easily peel some cm's of skin off the tail and exposed a part of the tailbones. Today they are going to amputate some damaged tailbones and I will only see my cat tomorrow. I feel horrible about that, and I hope she does not suffer too much. She must hate being there overnight, as she is scared of the vet already.

I know the feeling, I was like that too when one of my cats went to be sterilized just recently. Your cat is the agressive type, so she is probably fearfull too. Don't worry, she will soon be running around and hunting small objects.

[Art Vandelay]

Give me 5 years comrade and we shall make a leftist suicide pact together. Or we could do it soon if you can come to England.
On a related note, my dad saw my cuts. There's just a buzz one gets from seeing the skin split. I don't even know why I do it, but it kills time, so can't be too bad.

I know what you mean, but trust me man, cutting leads no where good.

[The Cheshire Cat]

I have told you several times that staying awake to study is not good because you will not remember anything for the next day!

It is impossible to learn at day and it is impossible to remember things I learn at night, so I am doomed anyway..



They do that in the Netherlands?

Yep, if you are absent too many times or your grades are too low they will call your parents. Only happened to me once, but I have friends who suffered from this many times. It really sucks.





I know the feeling, I was like that too when one of my cats went to be sterilized just recently. Your cat is the agressive type, so she is probably fearfull too. Don't worry, she will soon be running around and hunting small objects.


My cat was sterilized too, but then they get pain killers. Now her tail was just brutally chopped off. And she never runs around, she is a lazy fat cat who sits around all day. She only moves when I do, as I am the only person she likes.

[Art Vandelay]

Depressant does not mean it makes you depressed, it means it depresses your central nervous system. People often make that mistake.

I stand corrected. Does it in any way negatively effect your mood? Or have I just been getting fed bullshit.

On a unrelated note I just got the call and turns out I did get that job, so I'm in a bit better of a mood now.

[TheRedAnarchist23]

It is impossible to learn at day and it is impossible to remember things I learn at night, so I am doomed anyway..

Studying only works if you do it often. That is how I turned my 5 (out of 20) into a 10.


Yep, if you are absent too many times or your grades are too low they will call your parents. Only happened to me once, but I have friends who suffered from this many times. It really sucks.

Because of a law aproved by the PSD the teachers have to send letters to the parents for them to appear at school if you miss too many classes. They can even fine your parents if they do not appear.
They do nothing if you are about to fail the year though.


My cat was sterilized too, but then they get pain killers. Now her tail was just brutally chopped off.

One of my cats, when she was little (the grey one), was bitten in the spine by a bigger cat. Now she cannot sense her tail, and can only move it up or down. I showed that cat what happens if it appears here again, threw a rock in her direction, almost hit it, but it ran.


And she never runs around, she is a lazy fat cat who sits around all day. She only moves when I do, as I am the only person she likes.

My cats do that too, but they also run arround after each other, and destroy any cardboard box they can find.

[Quail]

Alcohol definitely can have a negative impact on your mood, both while you're drinking it and while you're recovering from drinking it.

[Brutus]

I know what you mean, but trust me man, cutting leads no where good.

Nor does most shit I do. In other news, I punched a fascist and made him cry in front of my whole year.

[Landsharks eat metal]

wish i could tell my classmates that every time they say shit to me or treat me like I'm 5 years old they are bringing me one step closer to killing myself but all that would do is get me in the hospital or something.

The first anniversary of my suicide attempt is coming up and I can't stop thinking about it. and the hospital
i want to attempt suicide and fuck up on purpose and maybe someone will care then.

[Brutus]

wish i could tell my classmates that every time they say shit to me or treat me like I'm 5 years old they are bringing me one step closer to killing myself but all that would do is get me in the hospital or something.

The first anniversary of my suicide attempt is coming up and I can't stop thinking about it. and the hospital
i want to attempt suicide and fuck up on purpose and maybe someone will care then.

According to sod's law, that will go very, very wrong

[The Cheshire Cat]

Studying only works if you do it often. That is how I turned my 5 (out of 20) into a 10.

But they throw so much shit at me I don't have the time to study often! And even if I do have the chance, I lack the motivation anyway :(




Because of a law aproved by the PSD the teachers have to send letters to the parents for them to appear at school if you miss too many classes. They can even fine your parents if they do not appear.
They do nothing if you are about to fail the year though.

Here you get a call first, then a government official will visit you to see why you are absent so often. After that, your parents get a huge fine.


One of my cats, when she was little (the grey one), was bitten in the spine by a bigger cat. Now she cannot sense her tail, and can only move it up or down. I showed that cat what happens if it appears here again, threw a rock in her direction, almost hit it, but it ran.

What a horrible cat! And that is a terrible for your cat.


My cats do that too, but they also run arround after each other, and destroy any cardboard box they can find.

My cat will sit in any cardboard box. She also likes to sit on plates, laptops and homework.

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

OMG, as soon as you guys are starting to show cat-pictures, i'm gone!

[The Cheshire Cat]

OMG, as soon as you guys are starting to show cat-pictures, i'm gone!

Are you saying you dislike cats, the most revolutionary of all animals!?!?! Lenin had cats! Saying you hate cats is like saying you are a fascist counterrevolutionary! We should have your reactionary ass purged for only even insinuating you have a dislike of cats...

[Brutus]

Kolchak hated cats. Lenin was like: "nah bro, you can go to France or some other place you bourgeois like. We're cool, it's all water under the bridge"
" comrade Lenin! We have more intel on kolchak- he hates cats"
"Execute him..."

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

Are you saying you dislike cats, the most revolutionary of all animals!?!?! Lenin had cats! Saying you hate cats is like saying you are a fascist counterrevolutionary! We should have your reactionary ass purged for only even insinuating you have a dislike of cats...

Well, it looks like i'm a fascist...nah, just kidding. I love cats, when prepared the right way. Chinese do a great job at that!

I'm not a big fan of animals outside of food. I like Guinee-pigs a little (or refrigarator-alarms like mine was), they're cool. People eat them too though.

[melvin]

I stand corrected. Does it in any way negatively effect your mood? Or have I just been getting fed bullshit.Yeah, it can. I was just correcting you on what the word depressant means, not saying that alcohol can't negatively affect your mood or state of mind. It definitely can.

[LOLseph Stalin]

Are you saying you dislike cats, the most revolutionary of all animals!?!?! Lenin had cats! Saying you hate cats is like saying you are a fascist counterrevolutionary! We should have your reactionary ass purged for only even insinuating you have a dislike of cats...

Lenin liked cats, Hitler liked dogs. Your call.

[Futility Personified]

Other people have way bigger problems, so I apologise if I come across as a whiney arsehole. It's because I am!

But it appears I have a chest infection now. Last night, had a headache, felt hot and cold, felt like shit, just thought it was heating. Now i'm coughing up chunks of green deliciousness, I ache everywhere, my chest is burning, coughing fucking canes, AND! And andy wandy dandy, all the work i've done today, has gone. I don't know why, if I forgot to save, or what, but it's gone. I have 11 hours to write 2100 words, 700 of which will now be the third time. I reached the end of my tether yesterday. Now i'm out of the paddock, bothering the lifestock, eating the farmer's face off, alternating between tiredness and moderate awakeness, determination and near tears. I am so fucked. Only hope is that I can get a doctor's note by the end today which is not impossible for the purpose of concessions and redemptions.

[Leftsolidarity]

Has anyone here ever been in an "open relationship" or been in a situation where you're technically single but are "seeing" someone steadily and then started having someone on the side as well?

I'm in a bit of a situation and I don't know the best way to go about what I'm doing. (I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing, though, honestly)

[Art Vandelay]

Has anyone here ever been in an "open relationship" or been in a situation where you're technically single but are "seeing" someone steadily and then started having someone on the side as well?

I'm in a bit of a situation and I don't know the best way to go about what I'm doing. (I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing, though, honestly)

If you aren't dating, then there isn't anything wrong with it; but no I have no personal experience, I've been with the same girl for 4 years now and we met when I was in grade 11. As long as you two haven't committed to being exclusive I don't think you are doing anything wrong.

[Leftsolidarity]

If you aren't dating, then there isn't anything wrong with it; but no I have no personal experience, I've been with the same girl for 4 years now and we met when I was in grade 11. As long as you two haven't committed to being exclusive I don't think you are doing anything wrong.

Since I guess I kinda brought it up and I haven't really posted about it yet I guess I should lay out my situation.

I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 months but we're still together. We are still hanging out, fucking, talking all the time, being cute, etc. and hope to start officially dating again within a few months once the situation changes a bit. We had to break up cuz we could almost never see each other and that was causing a lot of bullshit. She might move in with me or somewhere close in about 2 months and we would then probably start dating again.

So yeah, I'm "single" but still with the girl I was just dating and will hopefully be dating again. We talked about stuff last night and went over that we can still see other people but we want to know that it's happening. She's not too pleased with that but accepts it and understands.

Now there's this new girl who is a feminist that finds communists hot and since I'm apparently the posterboy of communism in my area that makes me awesome. She's a really cool person and attractive. I would definitely like to have a fling or something with her. I could also see myself dating her if I didn't have feelings for my ex.

So I don't know how (or if I want) to tell this new girl, "Hey, I think you're awesome and want to have sex with you but you're my side-girl so don't think we're going to date or anything."

Both of them are coming to the show I'm playing on Sunday, too.

Fuck.

[Art Vandelay]

Since I guess I kinda brought it up and I haven't really posted about it yet I guess I should lay out my situation.

I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 months but we're still together. We are still hanging out, fucking, talking all the time, being cute, etc. and hope to start officially dating again within a few months once the situation changes a bit. We had to break up cuz we could almost never see each other and that was causing a lot of bullshit. She might move in with me or somewhere close in about 2 months and we would then probably start dating again.

So yeah, I'm "single" but still with the girl I was just dating and will hopefully be dating again. We talked about stuff last night and went over that we can still see other people but we want to know that it's happening. She's not too pleased with that but accepts it and understands.

Now there's this new girl who is a feminist that finds communists hot and since I'm apparently the posterboy of communism in my area that makes me awesome. She's a really cool person and attractive. I would definitely like to have a fling or something with her. I could also see myself dating her if I didn't have feelings for my ex.

So I don't know how (or if I want) to tell this new girl, "Hey, I think you're awesome and want to have sex with you but you're my side-girl so don't think we're going to date or anything."

Both of them are coming to the show I'm playing on Sunday, too.

Fuck.

Hmm that indeed is a sticky situation, but regardless I'm jealous I can't be at your show. Since your ex accepts the idea that you two can be with other people and you haven't made any commitment to this new girl, I would say that you should use this grey period to further find out about your feelings for both.

Having said all that, this new chick sounds cool and from what I remember your ex said some mean things about you; but I digress, I'm wading into waters that I have no business commenting on. And in all honesty I'm probably just displaying my shit morals.

[DasFapital]

The chick at my work still keeps flirting with me but I am still to much of a socialphobe to ask her out. I know I keep saying this but if she's there on Friday I am totally going for it...and I really mean it this time! Oh I pray to nonexistent God in the name of Marx, Bordiga and Bakunin that she will be there!:(

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

The chick at my work still keeps flirting with me but I am still to much of a socialphobe to ask her out. I know I keep saying this but if she's there on Friday I am totally going for it...and I really mean it this time! Oh I pray to nonexistent God in the name of Marx, Bordiga and Bakunin that she will be there!:(

Hope she's there. Go for it!

[Brutus]

The chick at my work still keeps flirting with me but I am still to much of a socialphobe to ask her out. I know I keep saying this but if she's there on Friday I am totally going for it...and I really mean it this time! Oh I pray to nonexistent God in the name of Marx, Bordiga and Bakunin that she will be there!:(

Tell me if it goes down. ;)

[LOLseph Stalin]

The chick at my work still keeps flirting with me but I am still to much of a socialphobe to ask her out. I know I keep saying this but if she's there on Friday I am totally going for it...and I really mean it this time! Oh I pray to nonexistent God in the name of Marx, Bordiga and Bakunin that she will be there!:(

I'd say go for it. And it seems you have a similar problem to me...except I'm so socially retarded on top of it that I wouldn't even recognize flirting if it hit me in the face.

[Os Cangaceiros]

No worries about the suicidal thoughts comrade, many here have had them myself included, the point is just not to act on them. I'm not sure what your condition is, but regardless of what it is and what you have to do to stay healthy, you can still live a fulfilling life.

My pancreas is shot.

Thanks for the kind words, though. I guess there's still some hope...I mean diabetes research has advanced a lot over the decades, at least I don't have to stab myself with the giant syringes that they used to have. Perhaps they'll find even more effecient, less invasive ways of treating it in the future, or maybe even find someway to develop a cure. who knows. You're right, though, a lot of people are also chained to some sort of medicinal regime or health problem...the person I live with is a severe asthmatic, who'd die without his inhaler (as he reminds me whenever I complain about my problems)...still tough though

[Brutus]

Shit happens comrade. My condolences.

[Os Cangaceiros]

Shit happens comrade. My condolences.

Yeah it's the shit hand I've been dealt but I guess I gotta play it.

I feel a lot better today than yesterday. Yesterday I was in a very dark place...although my good mood could be attributed to the couple lines of Adderall that were offered to me at a friend's house today (and which I accepted). :blushing:

[Brutus]

I had to google that. Sounds good. I need coffee. My fathers house has a near embargo on coffee.

[The Cheshire Cat]

Today was a shitty day. Totally fucked up my biology test, I am too tired to learn French oral exam for tomorrow, and when I got home my parents told me they had bad news. I was like: ' Oh fuck, one of the teachers called home to tell I am going to fail this year!' but it was worse. Apparently my mother accidentally cut of my cat's tail when she closed the door behind her to do groceries :crying: Luckily it is only a couple of centimeters, but still :(

Initially it was like 2 cm, but when my mother brought the cat to the vet, the vet could easily peel some cm's of skin off the tail and exposed a part of the tailbones. Today they are going to amputate some damaged tailbones and I will only see my cat tomorrow. I feel horrible about that, and I hope she does not suffer too much. She must hate being there overnight, as she is scared of the vet already.

My cat is back! The vet shaved her tail though, which makes her look like a giant rat. She is still dizzy from the meds she got but she should be alright soon. She does have to wear one of those stupid plastic things around their head so she can't bit in her tail to get the stitches out. She looks ridiculous now. :grin:

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

My cat is back! The vet shaved her tail though, which makes her look like a giant rat. She is still dizzy from the meds she got but she should be alright soon. She does have to wear one of those stupid plastic things around their head so she can't bit in her tail to get the stitches out. She looks ridiculous now. :grin:

Cat, Rat, don't you get it? ;)1

[The Cheshire Cat]

Cat, Rat, don't you get it? ;)1

A04o3oNGOSs ?
Otherwise I have no idea what you're up to...

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

A04o3oNGOSs ?
Otherwise I have no idea what you're up to...

Okay, now I have lost YOU. :confused:

*Whispering* They are the same, only one has a fluffy tail!

[The Cheshire Cat]

Okay, now I have lost YOU. :confused:

*Whispering* They are the same, only one has a fluffy tail!

I think we found each other again! I was thinking too complicated, as usual...

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

I think we found each other again! I was thinking too complicated, as usual...

All the time, aren't we? :D

[human strike]

Since I guess I kinda brought it up and I haven't really posted about it yet I guess I should lay out my situation.

I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 months but we're still together. We are still hanging out, fucking, talking all the time, being cute, etc. and hope to start officially dating again within a few months once the situation changes a bit. We had to break up cuz we could almost never see each other and that was causing a lot of bullshit. She might move in with me or somewhere close in about 2 months and we would then probably start dating again.

So yeah, I'm "single" but still with the girl I was just dating and will hopefully be dating again. We talked about stuff last night and went over that we can still see other people but we want to know that it's happening. She's not too pleased with that but accepts it and understands.

Now there's this new girl who is a feminist that finds communists hot and since I'm apparently the posterboy of communism in my area that makes me awesome. She's a really cool person and attractive. I would definitely like to have a fling or something with her. I could also see myself dating her if I didn't have feelings for my ex.

So I don't know how (or if I want) to tell this new girl, "Hey, I think you're awesome and want to have sex with you but you're my side-girl so don't think we're going to date or anything."

Both of them are coming to the show I'm playing on Sunday, too.

Fuck.

Similarities with a situation I was in until recently. Me and my ex technically broken up for months but still seeing a lot of each other and still in a lot of ways like we were together. We talked about getting back together properly but also seeing other people and yeah there was another girl I was into and she was into me. Difference is me and my ex broke up because we did used to live together and it caused us to pretty much hate each other. So unsurprisingly the proposal of getting back together with my ex fell through because it just wouldn't work. On the plus side things have been awesome (and importantly, casual and stress free) with this new girl and I'm happier than I've been since... well, in a very long time.

I guess my advice to you is to very seriously consider ever moving in with anyone. Oh, and to talk to the new girl and actually find out what she wants - what you want might be exactly what she's looking for too.

[TheRedAnarchist23]

My cat is back!The vet shaved her tail though, which makes her look like a giant rat.

Does she still have most of her tail?


She is still dizzy from the meds she got but she should be alright soon.

Yeah, my cat was like that too when she came home. She kept falling over.


She does have to wear one of those stupid plastic things around their head so she can't bit in her tail to get the stitches out. She looks ridiculous now. :grin:

My cat had to use some orange piece of cloth around her. Poor cat.
I bet that is bothering her a lot.

[Leftsolidarity]

Moved off-topic posts to WOYM thread.

Friendly reminder to everyone to think more about which thread you want to post in.

[The Cheshire Cat]

Does she still have most of her tail?



Yeah, my cat was like that too when she came home. She kept falling over.



My cat had to use some orange piece of cloth around her. Poor cat.
I bet that is bothering her a lot.

I will continue our conversation on your wall.

[Romanophile]

Whilst I may still be depressed, I am enjoying my life again. I have been improving public dictionaries, socializing on‐line, learning & practising foreign languages, learning about the world in general, and of course playing computer games ; just having fun. It may not be up to the standards of élitists who worship ‘hard work,’ but I do not see how their opinions are important to me.

I am quite ergophobic ; I have not had a real job yet. I tried to apply for Burger King, and tried to become a dishwasher for Cracker Barrel. Neither of them called back. I could replace my weekly volunteer work at the library for a real job there, which’s a better bet since they like me, but right now there is not a major urgency for me to acquire currency since my father finally acquired a job. Obtaining a full‐time job would easily delete my liberal ‘anything goes’ lifestyle.

[human strike]

Whilst I may still be depressed, I am enjoying my life again. I have been improving public dictionaries, socializing on‐line, learning & practising foreign languages, learning about the world in general, and of course playing computer games ; just having fun. It may not be up to the standards of élitists who worship ‘hard work,’ but I do not see how their opinions are important to me.

I am quite ergophobic ; I have not had a real job yet. I tried to apply for Burger King, and tried to become a dishwasher for Cracker Barrel. Neither of them called back. I could replace my weekly volunteer work at the library for a real job there, which’s a better bet since they like me, but right now there is not a major urgency for me to acquire currency since my father finally acquired a job. Obtaining a full‐time job would easily delete my liberal ‘anything goes’ lifestyle.

"Ergophobia" is simply an expression of humanity in an intensely anti-human society. Don't let the priests of work poison your mind as they have poisoned their own. Demand the right to be lazy. :)

"Refusal to do, in a world based on the conversion of doing into work, can be seen as an effective form of resistance." - John Holloway

[The Cheshire Cat]

Ignore

[Brutus]

I have been having an awful day. When I woke up this morning my first thought was: 'Well life has been a fucking disappointment so far, no? Life is highly overrated' and I don't even know where that thought came from. Then I started to think of saddening things, like my lifelong love, who is in a relationship with one of my best friends and who will never love me, that I have failed at nearly everything and, well you know, just the usual depressing stuff. After having a really bad feeling all day, I just checked to see if my teacher finally graded my tests, and I just got a 1 and a 3.7 (out of 10) back, which means I will probably fail this year. If that happens I am not even sure if I want to live anymore. And I hate saying this because it sounds like whining because I really don't have that many problems, compared to some people here, but I am just getting more depressed every day.

I also go through moods of 'fuck this, why me, death will be much easier".
But cat- enjoy the little things. And remember- we can set up a commune in Europe somewhere in a few years time.

[Landsharks eat metal]

Last night my chest dysphoria got really fucking bad. Like the worst it's been ever. I had been distracted all evening watching an exciting hockey game, but after it was over I saw my shadow when walking upstairs and immediately started freaking out. I ended up hyperventilating face-down in a pile of blankets thrashing around to find a position I could lie in where I could forget my chest is there because my body is just another layer of me being trapped.

[Le Socialiste]

Just found out a good friend of mine got in an accident a couple of days ago. She spent the entire day yesterday in surgery, and is currently in induced coma. Her car is totaled...

I'm just in shock.

[Leftsolidarity]

I really don't know why but I saw this on facebook and it made me cry a little. Pretty lame, I know.

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/s480x480/576238_519362561435777_686684187_n.png

[Anglo-Saxon Philistine]

Those things only make me hate society and individuals that make someone's orientation something that needs to be hidden. So who knows, maybe our still unrestricted social democrats and Tolstoyans are right, and I indeed have a blood fetish. Or maybe I just, as an old friend once said, act like a jinn when enraged, and I'm rarely not enraged.

Eh, fuck this. I need a cigarette, but I'm afraid to seriously start smoking.

[Art Vandelay]

I really don't know why but I saw this on facebook and it made me cry a little. Pretty lame, I know.

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/s480x480/576238_519362561435777_686684187_n.png

That's the nicest thing I've ever seen. If only we had more parents like that.

[Leftsolidarity]

I just found out that the other girl I've been talking to doesn't smoke/drink/anything. I kind of feel less attracted to her now. I like hanging out and getting a little (sometimes a lot) fucked up. I don't know if I can relate very well to someone who doesn't participate in some of my major activities. In fact, I kind of feel a little distrustful of people who don't do anything. It's like "Why are you so perfect and boring? Have issues and get fucked up with me."

Stupid and probably shallow of me.

[Let's Get Free]

But I feel so good when I'm in a relationship. Being able to talk to someone about shit you don't want to tell your friends, her touch, her warmth, spooning, her body up against mine, sex, being loved on a whole different level. These are things that are just so beautiful in life that there's an emptiness when you don't have it; a void that needs to be filled.

I'm afraid that if your happiness is reliant on others you will be disappointed. You can only trust yourself, I know it sounds selfish but the truth is everybody leaves. It does not matter how you look or what you think. Eventually all that matters is what you want for yourself and how can you be at peace with who you are.

[Os Cangaceiros]

I just found out that the other girl I've been talking to doesn't smoke/drink/anything. I kind of feel less attracted to her now. I like hanging out and getting a little (sometimes a lot) fucked up. I don't know if I can relate very well to someone who doesn't participate in some of my major activities. In fact, I kind of feel a little distrustful of people who don't do anything. It's like "Why are you so perfect and boring? Have issues and get fucked up with me."

Stupid and probably shallow of me.

It is strange when you realize that some of your entire friendships are based largely on substance use. I can't really drink hard anymore owing to my medical state but I never really enjoyed doing that anyway, so it's not a huge loss. I still smoke weed on occassion, though, and I don't know if I entirely trust people who are totally straight edge. ;)

[Leftsolidarity]

It is strange when you realize that some of your entire friendships are based largely on substance use. I can't really drink hard anymore owing to my medical state but I never really enjoyed doing that anyway, so it's not a huge loss. I still smoke weed on occassion, though, and I don't know if I entirely trust people who are totally straight edge. ;)

I don't drink much anymore because my body has, for some reason, started not being able to stomach too much alcohol lately and I really got sick of the whole "I'm gonna wake up, drink a 40, find some whiskey, drink beer all day, find more liquor, pass out, repeat." bullshit. I'd much rather just be smoking pot throughout my entire day and not be a unproductive alcoholic piece of shit. I just don't really understand other kids my age who have absolutely no reason to not drink or smoke or anything but still don't (especially when all their friends do). I guess it's a good thing but I find it weird. Live it up a little god damn.

[Lobotomy]

I've had 4 people hit on me and give me their numbers in the last 4 days but I don't even really care. I just miss my ex. :( he was playing a show tonight, probably right now actually.. I hope it's going well

[Landsharks eat metal]

I'm an atheist... why the fuck do I have to go to church every Sunday??? My dad said it's to get me out of the house and talking to people, and I said I would go places if he'd let me but he says I wouldn't talk to anybody. But if he'd have let me join the goddamn IWW I'd get out of the house and talk to people but obviously those aren't the kind of people he wants me talking to. Goddammit I'm 19 but my parents refuse to accept that and everyone else I tell about them thinks they're absolutely insane like how my dad wouldn't let me buy a Kindle with my own money or how he bought me a laptop as a gift and took it back when I switched schools because it was for college even though I was still in college just at home. fuck this i can't be strong when i'm facing all this bullshit. i'm not your fucking daughter you dick. and i wish i weren't your son.

[human strike]

I went to a party at my ex's house. It's her birthday and it was really important to me that we could still be friends since her friendship meant a fucking lot to me. I made sure before going that it was ok that I went. She was very drunk. Aside from physically assaulting me a couple of times, she said the most outrageous, hurtful things as well as saying deeply personal things about me to a room full of people, including things about my sex life. At one point - in front of others, some of whom I don't even know - she even mentioned how I'd self-harmed and bearing in mind she's the only person I've ever told about that (and she knows it), that's pretty fucking serious. I was just stunned and unable to leave. I hate how I always go back despite how much she makes me despise myself. I felt like such a fool for going there and utterly humiliated for even giving her the time of day. I know she's hurt, but good people don't do shit like that. I've always made excuses for her behaviour in the past and internalised everything, thinking it must be my fault, but maybe I was very wrong to do this. I feel betrayed. There's no way I deserved that - I can't explain this away as being my fault this time, I can't feel guilty for this. She blames me for everything and I've always listened to her, believed her. In a way it's sort of relieving, that I can finally move on from all this pain, but even if we weren't together anymore she was still really important to me. I'm scared of her trying to contact me, I don't want anything to do with her anymore; I've deleted her number from my phone and blocked her on facebook. If she wants to talk to me then she knows where I live - she can come to me for once - but I'm quite sure she won't. I fucking hope she doesn't, I just don't trust myself to stay away from her. God, I hate that she lives so close by and with one of my best friends. I hate that even after this I still don't truly hate her. What the fuck is wrong with me?! Fuck! I wanna talk to this new girl so badly right now, but I don't want our relationship to become one where we emotionally support each other, I don't want things to get serious with her - I want them to remain pure and fun - and I definitely don't want to fall in love again. Or no time soon anyway. I would fucking love for somebody to look after me right now though, but I've really got to learn to look after myself. I feel kind of shocked. I'm scared I'll feel worse before I feel better.

[Art Vandelay]

I went to a party at my ex's house. It's her birthday and it was really important to me that we could still be friends since her friendship meant a fucking lot to me. I made sure before going that it was ok that I went. She was very drunk. Aside from physically assaulting me a couple of times, she said the most outrageous, hurtful things as well as saying deeply personal things about me to a room full of people, including things about my sex life. At one point - in front of others, some of whom I don't even know - she even mentioned how I'd self-harmed and bearing in mind she's the only person I've ever told about that (and she knows it), that's pretty fucking serious. I was just stunned and unable to leave. I hate how I always go back despite how much she makes me despise myself. I felt like such a fool for going there and utterly humiliated for even giving her the time of day. I know she's hurt, but good people don't do shit like that. I've always made excuses for her behaviour in the past and internalised everything, thinking it must be my fault, but maybe I was very wrong to do this. I feel betrayed. There's no way I deserved that - I can't explain this away as being my fault this time, I can't feel guilty for this. She blames me for everything and I've always listened to her, believed her. In a way it's sort of relieving, that I can finally move on from all this pain, but even if we weren't together anymore she was still really important to me. I'm scared of her trying to contact me, I don't want anything to do with her anymore; I've deleted her number from my phone and blocked her on facebook. If she wants to talk to me then she knows where I live - she can come to me for once - but I'm quite sure she won't. I fucking hope she doesn't, I just don't trust myself to stay away from her. God, I hate that she lives so close by and with one of my best friends. I hate that even after this I still don't truly hate her. What the fuck is wrong with me?! Fuck! I wanna talk to this new girl so badly right now, but I don't want our relationship to become one where we emotionally support each other, I don't want things to get serious with her - I want them to remain pure and fun - and I definitely don't want to fall in love again. Or no time soon anyway. I would fucking love for somebody to look after me right now though, but I've really got to learn to look after myself. I feel kind of shocked. I'm scared I'll feel worse before I feel better.

Holy shit man, that's uncalled for no matter what the fuck happened between you. If someone did that to me, I probably would have just got up and left. That's fucking bullshit and crosses a line. I'm just really sorry to hear that, I don't even know what to say.

[Brutus]

I'm an atheist... why the fuck do I have to go to church every Sunday??? My dad said it's to get me out of the house and talking to people, and I said I would go places if he'd let me but he says I wouldn't talk to anybody. But if he'd have let me join the goddamn IWW I'd get out of the house and talk to people but obviously those aren't the kind of people he wants me talking to. Goddammit I'm 19 but my parents refuse to accept that and everyone else I tell about them thinks they're absolutely insane like how my dad wouldn't let me buy a Kindle with my own money or how he bought me a laptop as a gift and took it back when I switched schools because it was for college even though I was still in college just at home. fuck this i can't be strong when i'm facing all this bullshit. i'm not your fucking daughter you dick. and i wish i weren't your son.
The second time I went to church (forced) I put alkaseltzers in my pockets and put them in my mouth with the biscuit thingy and wine. Froth came from my mouth (because of the alkaseltzers) and I dropped to the floor writhing and saying some incomprehensible babbling.
That scared some Catholics, and my step mum has never tried to get me to go to church again

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

The second time I went to church (forced) I put alkaseltzers in my pockets and put them in my mouth with the biscuit thingy and wine. Froth came from my mouth (because of the alkaseltzers) and I dropped to the floor writhing and saying some incomprehensible babbling.
That scared some Catholics, and my step mum has never tried to get me to go to church again

That's fucking genius! Evil as hell though.

In my most anti-christian period i tried worshiping the devil and even when forced to church i 'god' and 'jesus' and shit with 'devil' and 'satan'. I quite of course. At some time i managed to negotiate my way out. I only had to go once a year, at christmas.

But, and that's probably weird, i kinda liked the stories. Take away god and jesus, all the religious factors and the inequality-shit, you end up with a book full of pretty decent morals. Most of 'em anyway.

[Brutus]

Looking for morals is like looking for sweet corn in shit. Sure, there's a little there, but was it really worth it?

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

Looking for morals is like looking for sweet corn in shit. Sure, there's a little there, but was it really worth it?

Haha, i probably laughed to hard at this.
Sounds a bit like a lyric from a Bloodhound Gang-song: "So what if i'm not the smartest peanut in the turd"

[Brutus]

Because drowning the earth bar a family because the earth disobeyed you is a good sense of morals

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

Because drowning the earth bar a family because the earth disobeyed you is a good sense of morals

Okay, you got me there. Still on that topic, do you know about the real reason for the flood? Ever heard of the Nephilim? They were supposed to be fallen angels who married women of earth (strange thing since angels also are supposed to be neither man nor woman). From those relations came giants. Those giants roamed the earth and bore distruction wherever they went.
And so god pulled the plug.

Now what the weirdest thing is about the Nephilim? According to the tales they are the ones that tought us how to read/write, make weapons, forge metals, make jewelry and so on. Till not even so long ago, writing is seen as an honourable task for clergymen and the likes.


Yes i have a weak for the occult (and therefore have taken a big liking in Lovecraft's writings)

[human strike]

Because drowning the earth bar a family because the earth disobeyed you is a good sense of morals

2 Kings 2:23

23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

2 Kings 2:23

23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

Damn, i need to try that with my boss!

[Starship Stormtrooper]

The second time I went to church (forced) I put alkaseltzers in my pockets and put them in my mouth with the biscuit thingy and wine. Froth came from my mouth (because of the alkaseltzers) and I dropped to the floor writhing and saying some incomprehensible babbling.
That scared some Catholics, and my step mum has never tried to get me to go to church again

Wow, I wish I had thought of something like that. The best that I could do was minor disruptions during Sunday school and later during my confirmation classes. Unfortunately they often were severe enough to get me grounded, but not severe enough to interfere with my church attendance. Some events I remember include bringing up Jews when it was asserted that god will always protect his people forcing the instructor to go off on a disgusting twenty minute tangent about how god was only testing their faith. I also remember bringing up the dilemma of Epicurus when it was asserted that the existence of god was the only logical framework with which to understand the universe. I was promptly kicked out of church for the remaining 2 hours of class:) (bonus: the library was 4 blocks away :laugh:).

[Brutus]

The librarians always give me odd looks as i am always ordering in leftist books

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

Wow, I wish I had thought of something like that. The best that I could do was minor disruptions during Sunday school and later during my confirmation classes. Unfortunately they often were severe enough to get me grounded, but not severe enough to interfere with my church attendance. Some events I remember include bringing up Jews when it was asserted that god will always protect his people forcing the instructor to go off on a disgusting twenty minute tangent about how god was only testing their faith. I also remember bringing up the dilemma of Epicurus when it was asserted that the existence of god was the only logical framework with which to understand the universe. I was promptly kicked out of church for the remaining 2 hours of class:) (bonus: the library was 4 blocks away :laugh:).

Most fucked up thing in the bible is the stroy of Cain and Abel. They were the two sons of Adam and Eve. One (can't remember which) slaid the other and ran to another country (wtf?) and married a woman...What fucking woman? Where the hell did she came from?

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

Also, if Eve was made of Adam's rib, is that incest or masturbation?

[Brutus]

It was Cain. And Eve was from Adam's rib, so had the same DNA, so the same chromosomes. So we're all decended from 2 incest clone-brothers who had sex.

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

It was Cain. And Eve was from Adam's rib, so had the same DNA, so the same chromosomes. So we're all decended from 2 incest clone-brothers who had sex.

And that's why the whole world acts retarded now...

[Landsharks eat metal]

I'm so lonely. I wish I had someone irl willing to try to understand me even though I know I can be difficult to deal with sometimes.
I'm so tired of being angry. I want something to do with it instead of just holding it in and letting little bits leak out and getting me in trouble.

[Quail]

I'm so tired of being angry. I want something to do with it instead of just holding it in and letting little bits leak out and getting me in trouble.
Try creative writing perhaps. I write when I have the time and I often end up working issues I'm having and stuff I'm thinking about into the story so it works as quite a good outlet for my feelings.

Edit: Also, I really hate being hungover. I get really anxious and I just keep going over and over the night before in my mind overanalysing everything and worrying that now people have seen me drunk they're not going to want to talk to me again. I didn't do anything embarrassing or say anything too bad that I can recall (the worst thing I did was "losing" my ticket for the cloakroom and having to wait until the end to get my coat back - this morning I remembered that I'd put it in my wallet - and some silly dancing too I guess), but still with the paranoia.

[ComradeGrant]

Being trans is sometimes just super lame. I'm proud of who I am and whatnot, but god the dysphoria and having to explain to people and my parents not really getting it. They're not mad or hateful, they just don't really understand.

[Le Socialiste]

I think a friend of mine might have feelings for me. Those of you who have read my previous posts in here will know that, normally, this would be fantastic for me. The unfortunate part - the feeling isn't mutual. She's cool and all, but the heart wants what the heart wants, and it's not her.

Same thing happened with another friend last spring, too. FML. :(

[Brutus]

I think a friend of mine might have feelings for me. Those of you who have read my previous posts in here will know that, normally, this would be fantastic for me. The unfortunate part - the feeling isn't mutual. She's cool and all, but the heart wants what the heart wants, and it's not her.

Same thing happened with another friend last spring, too. FML. :(

Are you going to tell her?

[Quail]

I have literally no confidence in anything I do and I feel like it's a self-fulfilling prophecy dooming me to failure. Everything, from my uni work to my social life to small things like judo fights, I always assume the worst about myself. I have a kind of mental block so when I try to do something, I never really believe I can actually pull it off. I don't believe I'm good enough to do well at uni and I don't believe I'm capable of doing a phd so I'll probably never apply for more study even if I do get good enough marks. I can't shake the idea that people don't really like me and only hang out with me because they feel sorry for me or don't want to tell me to go away. I fought in a judo competition at the weekend and I lost both my fights. The second one I just got smashed by someone who was pretty good, but the first one I fought pretty well until I lost, but I know that I didn't commit to my attacks properly because there was part of me that "knew" I was going to lose, so it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don't want to fail at everything in life because I have no confidence, but how do you go about completely changing the way you see yourself?

[Landsharks eat metal]

no matter what i say people get angry. like today I said that I only knew one of the symptoms of cat scratch disease and all of a sudden people were telling me not to be rude and getting all pissed and they were accusing me of saying things under my breath when i don't remember doing that at all and I was thinking last night and this morning about how I'd rather die than ever go back to school again and I feel the same way but I just don't know how to hurt myself enough but I feel like if I don't I'll do something really awful and get myself into a lot of trouble but if i even tell anybody my feelings i'll probably get in trouble anyway

i just wish i had a fucking gun

[Quail]

Can't seem to escape from the discussion of rape everywhere today. I had some intrusive memories last night triggered by reading about the Steubenville case and today my newsfeed on facebook is just full of articles about it. I reposted some of them and I do think it's good that people are criticising the shitty journalism around it and the culture that facilitates that kind of thing happening. But it can be a bit triggering and intrusive memories are horrible and I'm sick of having dreams so I kind of just want to avoid anything discussing sexual assault at the moment.

[Le Socialiste]

Are you going to tell her?

Not if I can avoid it. I know that's a shitty way to approach it, but I'm terrible with this kind of stuff. Unless things get to a certain point I'm just going to say nothing.

I'm a coward when it comes to this, if you haven't noticed. :(

[Brutus]

Not if I can avoid it. I know that's a shitty way to approach it, but I'm terrible with this kind of stuff. Unless things get to a certain point I'm just going to say nothing.

I'm a coward when it comes to this, if you haven't noticed. :(

I can't blame you comrade.

[Leftsolidarity]

And that's why the whole world acts retarded now...

Verbal warning for prejudiced language

"Retard" is not an acceptable word.

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

Verbal warning for prejudiced language

"Retard" is not an acceptable word.

Sorry, won't happen again!

[Lobotomy]

I hate how I have to keep myself busy all the time in order to be happy. I wish I could just spend an evening by myself with my own thoughts without getting horribly depressed.

[Art Vandelay]

I hate how I have to keep myself busy all the time in order to be happy. I wish I could just spend an evening by myself with my own thoughts without getting horribly depressed.

Join the club, as soon as I'm left alone with my thoughts, I'm depressed.

[Brutus]

Join the club, as soon as I'm left alone with my thoughts, I'm depressed.

Anarchists were created solely to divert 9mm's thoughts.

[Quail]

I can't really talk to anyone IRL about this so I'm just going to leave it here in spoilers with a trigger warning that should be visible from the moon.
I had some weird flashbacky shit the other night with almost a physical quality to it, if that makes sense. It doesn't usually happen that vividly so that was pretty horrible. Today I feel a little better but I've still got images in my head that won't stop playing. Usually when it gets like this I end up doing something dangerous to make it stop, but so far I'm doing okay just trying to keep myself as distracted as I can. I don't know how much longer I can keep doing that though. I'm tempted to neck all my sleeping pills and just knock myself out in the hope that I'll feel better when I wake up but objectively that's a terrible idea for many reasons.

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

I can't really talk to anyone IRL about this so I'm just going to leave it here in spoilers with a trigger warning that should be visible from the moon.
I had some weird flashbacky shit the other night with almost a physical quality to it, if that makes sense. It doesn't usually happen that vividly so that was pretty horrible. Today I feel a little better but I've still got images in my head that won't stop playing. Usually when it gets like this I end up doing something dangerous to make it stop, but so far I'm doing okay just trying to keep myself as distracted as I can. I don't know how much longer I can keep doing that though. I'm tempted to neck all my sleeping pills and just knock myself out in the hope that I'll feel better when I wake up but objectively that's a terrible idea for many reasons.

I know what you mean. I'll explain, but i will put it in a spoiler so it won't effect the ones who don't want to read. It's kind of specific.

I once had a dream where i was jumping time-space. The final jump i made i ended up in a room with a man strangling a child. The place was surrounded by cops and i couldn't do anything. I just froze. Bear in mind i have two little kids. It was so vivid and so terrifying. I wanted to do anything to make him stop. I'd even kill him if necessary.

Then i woke up, crying my eyes out and shaking. Still can't believe i dind't wake my wife. I just couldn't get the image out of my mind. Even going to sleep determent to take control didn't work. It just made it worse as the child died.

I didn't get much sleep the next week.Only as i wrote a story about my nightmare and changed the end to a happy one, did the image go away. Just thinking about it makes me sad again. Anyway, after writing that story (which was rated great online btw) i never had the nightmare again.

So, my advise: maybe you can write a story about it. End it happy perhaps. Writing mostly clears my mind.
Hope you can clear yours.

[Charles Marxley]

Every morning when I wake up I remember that the people I love that I dream about aren't actually alive anymore.

[Brutus]

Every morning when I wake up I remember that the people I love that I dream about aren't actually alive anymore.

Family? Or friends? Or leftists? Either way, I know how you feel.

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

Family? Or friends? Or leftists? Either way, I know how you feel.

I don't. So far the only person close to me who died has been my grandfather (the only one i've know anyway, since my other grandpa died when my parents were not even engaged and his wife, my grandmom, when i was 5).

But my grandmom is about 85 and my dad is 66. I am genuinly afraid about the near future.

[Charles Marxley]

Family.

[Quail]

I know what you mean. I'll explain, but i will put it in a spoiler so it won't effect the ones who don't want to read. It's kind of specific.

I once had a dream where i was jumping time-space. The final jump i made i ended up in a room with a man strangling a child. The place was surrounded by cops and i couldn't do anything. I just froze. Bear in mind i have two little kids. It was so vivid and so terrifying. I wanted to do anything to make him stop. I'd even kill him if necessary.

Then i woke up, crying my eyes out and shaking. Still can't believe i dind't wake my wife. I just couldn't get the image out of my mind. Even going to sleep determent to take control didn't work. It just made it worse as the child died.

I didn't get much sleep the next week.Only as i wrote a story about my nightmare and changed the end to a happy one, did the image go away. Just thinking about it makes me sad again. Anyway, after writing that story (which was rated great online btw) i never had the nightmare again.

So, my advise: maybe you can write a story about it. End it happy perhaps. Writing mostly clears my mind.
Hope you can clear yours.
I'm writing a story atm which involves a similar situation to mine although I haven't worked on it for a while. It's just hard, and I want to drink and drink until I can't feel this shit anymore.

[human strike]

Last night I saw a post from someone on facebook who I hadn't seen IRL or post anywhere in a very long time. Seeing this person - even just their online presence - really shook me up in a way I wouldn't have expected. I don't really know what to say about this, I don't want to get into the details, but it all relates to a specific event last year involving this person. This event seems to have effected me in a way I hadn't anticipated, like my feelings towards it have changed over time. I think I may have experienced a kind of emotional trauma, but it's very complicated and I'm finding it very confusing to think about and consider what aspect of it exactly was traumatic. Immediately after it I felt intense guilt and blamed myself for what happened and the consequences completely. But since, that guilt has turned into anger towards this other person and I understand what happened differently, I feel like I was used, exploited and betrayed. But the damage that was done can't be undone, I just wish I had thought more clearly at the time and not blamed myself like I always do. I spoke to a counselor about this a week or two after it happened last year but, like I said, I felt very differently about it then, though I remember being very confused about why it had happened despite feeling intensely guilty. I'm glad that I understand these things and myself better now but at the same time I feel more vulnerable - I could speak to this person even afterwards last year, but now it freaks me out to even see them make some stupid comment on a facebook group. I just wish I could employ some serious violence against this person. Anyway, I've blocked them properly on facebook so hopefully nothing like that will happen again.

I should almost definitely talk to somebody about these things. I ended up mentioning it to the girl I'm seeing - which I regretted instantly. I don't want her to support me emotionally, for once I want a relationship uncomplicated by my being fucked up; my problems aren't hers and they don't need to be and they shouldn't be. She seems to want me to let her help me though. I tried to explain why I don't want that but I'm not sure she understood. I'm so poor at communicating with anyone I'm in any kind of sexual or romantic relationship in (or anyone at all, really). She explained to me today that I've been being a little too affectionate (fair comment) and that we've been seeing too much of each other (9 days in a row is indeed too much), and I absolutely agree - I've been thinking the same. And yet, this still really bothered me. On the one hand, rationally, I agree and don't want things to be so intense so soon, but on the other hand I think maybe I'm shit terrified of rejection and being alone. I'm always looking for validation and complete acceptance, even the slightest, i dunno, not even rejection, just slowing things down upsets me even though I agree with it! FFS!

Basically, I really need to find a way to get over my guilt complex and fear of rejection.

Sorry, for yet another long ranting self-indulgent post. I hope nobody minds, I just find it helpful for organising my thoughts.

[slum]

The librarians always give me odd looks as i am always ordering in leftist books

this is my life

i kind of want to ask them what their problem is, seeing as libraries are a bit socialist in themselves.

[Art Vandelay]

It's insane how quickly my mood changes, wish it wasn't like that and I hate myself (more ammo for you to collect; be my guest) and wish I was dead.

Edit: I just need to not let little things set me off so much and need to start focusing on all the good things I've got going for me at the moment. Its just hard sometimes.

[Brutus]

It's insane how quickly my mood changes, wish it wasn't like that and I hate myself (more ammo for you to collect; be my guest) and wish I was dead.

Why do you hate yourself?

[NoOneIsIllegal]

I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I don't do anything particularly good, and even the things I do enjoy doing I'm not very good at.
I'm bound to work service/retail jobs the rest of my life. I don't mind it; I've been doing it for 4-5 years. Do I want to do it my whole life? Hell no. But the standstill I'm at right now is beyond irritating.

I at least wish I lived in a house again so I could play my drumset and get better at that. I just wish a band/music project worked for once and I could go on tour and live the DIY dream at least once.

[Landsharks eat metal]

First anniversary of my suicide attempt is today.
Not in the greatest place emotionally...

fuck everything. seriously

[DasFapital]

So I found out the reason why I haven't seen that chick that was flirting with me at work is because she quit her job.:(

[Brutus]

So I found out the reason why I haven't seen that chick that was flirting with me at work is because she quit her job.:(

Shit man.

[Art Vandelay]

First anniversary of my suicide attempt is today.
Not in the greatest place emotionally...

fuck everything. seriously

Hope everything went alright LEM.

[Landsharks eat metal]

Hope everything went alright LEM.

It did eventually. It was really rough at one point, but I got through.

[Art Vandelay]

It did eventually. It was really rough at one point, but I got through.

Good for you :) Way to stay strong!

[LOLseph Stalin]

Well tomorrow is my birthday and somehow it seems so lackluster. Firstly, I can't even do anything special to celebrate except for the same shit I do every weekend. Small towns suck with their lack of things to do and I'm so sick of the only club in town and their shitty music.

Secondly, this will just mark me going into a sixth year of doing nothing but sitting on my ass in a basement. Fuck you capitalism for putting me in that position in the first place! I'll make sure you suffer until your dying breath at the hands of the proletariat!

[The Cheshire Cat]

Does anyone know how to get rid of 'love'?

(serious question, not a rhetorical question)

[Comrade Nasser]

so tired of my body. I feel like I'll never be seen as a man. I have rather feminine features, a huge chest, and am only 5'2". There have been a few times that people glanced at me quickly and thought I was a little boy, but that's just about it. I feel like every trans guy in the world except me can pass. I guess it could be my mannerisms, too, since I'm lacking in self confidence, but I don't see that changing any sooner than my body.

Lately I've been wishing I could just stop eating because I hate myself so much. probably the dumbest thing I've ever thought.

Nah dude, you're a man in my book. And a comrade above all! Don't be so down, you're among good company. Who cares what other people think? Fuck em! Besides looking "manly" isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm 6'4 and 240 lbs. (been working out trying to get buff) and women are kind of afraid of me (I have a gf now so it doesn't matter) and I'm brown and look really middle-eastern people see me and usually walk the other way. Keep your head up BRAH. Most people are dumb. That's why you gotta sort through em and find the few good ones :D

[Futility Personified]

Woke up at 7, started drinking at 8. Going into uni tomorrow, but until then the stock i've taken of my life is poor. At home the people i'd talk to about shit, well, we're more distant now, less common experience. At uni, the few people I would talk to are absent at the moment, which translates into drinking on my own, playing CoD and playing music very loudly. The next 3 months will be living away, then the time after that with 2 alcoholics and praying I find work. Writing, music, whatever I can do to alleviate misery, that's my new perogative.

[TheRedAnarchist23]

Does anyone know how to get rid of 'love'?

(serious question, not a rhetorical question)

It is like getting rid of anxiety, you have to forget it is there. Both are extremely hard to forget.

[LOLseph Stalin]

Does anyone know how to get rid of 'love'?

(serious question, not a rhetorical question)

Kill that bastard :laugh:.

Oh, you wanted a serious answer. Umm...ok...I don't know. Love is a complicated emotion.

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

Does anyone know how to get rid of 'love'?

(serious question, not a rhetorical question)


Kill that bastard :laugh:.

Oh, you wanted a serious answer. Umm...ok...I don't know. Love is a complicated emotion.


No it's worse! It's chemical warfare!

[Brutus]

It is. Coffee helps

[Lobotomy]

Does anyone know how to get rid of 'love'?

(serious question, not a rhetorical question)

Let me know when you figure it out >_<

in the meantime nyquil will do

[NoOneIsIllegal]

You are every ounce of horror, every reminding second of a completely terrible life.

[Domela Nieuwenhuis]

I just read about the newly proposed law from Arizona, which prohibits transgenders to use the 'wrong' toilet.

That and the upcoming anti-gay law from russia is actually more worrying than the economic crisis.

I mean...what the fuck is happening? Are the conservative- and fascist-movements becoming so strong that we are going back to the freaking middle ages?

I hate what the world is becoming. Im ready. Lets fight for our rights!