Narcissism and the Nuclear Family

[LeftyBastard]

One thing I've been thinking about lately is how being a radical in relationship to one's family of origin is simliar to being gay. Leaving or long term seperation may be necessary. There are rather treacherous, sublte adn sneaky things one's family can do to sabatoge someone, who is not fulfililng their wishes. It is often said that radicals have a problem "with their father" but a think that is a scarecrow argument. Problems b/t radicals and their families go much deeper than that and in my experience there can be more lasting peace and stability if you see them less and understand narcissistic abuse.

Here are some good books on the subject:

Emotional Incest by Patricia Love
Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward
Toxic parents by susan forward

[bcbm]

moved to non political.

to the topic, i think it depends on the family. my parents were never happy, per se, with my politics but they would talk with me about them in a non judgmental way to understand where i was coming from and offer criticisms, etc. i generally avoid politics with them these days but we can talk about them if they do come up and we have a good relationship generally.

[Leftsolidarity]

I don't know if I'd really compare it to being gay. I have always been openly a radical to my family and most other radicals I know are as well. I'm not openly queer to them nor are many other queer people I know. Being a radical is something that can ebb and flow over time and even if it doesn't you can tell your family you no longer hold such positions. Your queerness on the other hand doesn't quite work that way and if your family doesn't accept you, that's it. I understand the point you are trying to make but I feel that it kind of undermines the justifiable fears and the hardships that many queer youth face.

But yes, I agree that if there is a lot of anger and misunderstanding between family members a lot of times the best solution is distance and time. My problem was usually not so much my radical politics directly but the attitude it made me have and combine that with the utter insanity of my mother and many other things, you have an issue. Once I moved out, though, our relationship became much better and we get along fine today. Same thing with my father and step-mother. Once I moved out we started getting along much better.