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the Left™
12th December 2012, 02:58
Hi.

So I don't post here that frequently because I tend to find it inaccessible and polarizing. I work 40 to 50 hours a week every week and I have NO paid time off because my employer scheduled all my PTO to fall on a weird date like 9 months into my employment there. My life feels like a huge machine grind with no redeeming qualities or future

I'm extremely disillusioned with the Left and my life. I am a card carrying member of the IWW and i visited the Boston chapter a few weeks ago. It was decent some of my friends in Boston that are wobbs were nice but I didn't feel like I was in the right place politically. I think I'm moving more into M-L or something more party-based, its hard to say really I just feel like the IWW has super limitations and doesnt feel "complete" to address the crisis that we are experiencing and the theoretical and programmatic challenges of creating a revolutionary leftist movement and party. Whatever, its just hard to be involved in activism and leftist practice when I have a full time job of manual labor( its very taxing physically).

A girl I hooked up with apparently had an abusive ex boyfriend. She has seizures, night terrors and bipolar disorder. She says that she wants to be with me but can't because I'm a militant atheist and she needs to be with someone who is a Muslim like her. That, and she has a hard time being close to people after her ex really did a number on her psychologically and physically.

It really sucks because we have a lot in common and really connected and it felt authentic.

I just go through the motions. I dont have many friends. Work is generic and insanely boring( recycling plant). Im saving money for grad school but I feel like I might not do well enough in grad school to become a professor or something close to my interests career wise(educator, activist).

I almost got arrested for possession of marijuana(the cop was a fucking dick), so I am sans pipe.

No cannabis, a bipolar woman who was too good to be true, a dead-end bullshit job, apathetic politically etc etc

My life is meh. It really has taken a toll on me. I feel permanently depressed.

/rant

GoddessCleoLover
12th December 2012, 03:05
Sorry that things aren't going as you had hoped. Seems that there are serious, perhaps insurmountable barriers to building a relationship with that young woman. Any chance you could get a loan so that you could start your graduate studies? Getting on with your education might be the change you need to become happier.

the Left™
12th December 2012, 03:07
Sorry that things aren't going as you had hoped. Seems that there are serious, perhaps insurmountable barriers to building a relationship with that young woman. Any chance you could get a loan so that you could start your graduate studies? Getting on with your education might be the change you need to become happier.

Maybe. I had it planned so I worked off all undergraduate debt and then took GRE's and went from there

GoddessCleoLover
12th December 2012, 03:12
Maybe. I had it planned so I worked off all undergraduate debt and then took GRE's and went from there

That was a good plan but given your current unhappiness it might be necessary to reconsider your plan.

the Left™
12th December 2012, 03:16
Well its not a good idea to jump into grad school and be indecisive about field of study. Its hard for me to decide on anything at the moment im just sort of raw apathetic entropy moving from thing to thing

Prof. Oblivion
12th December 2012, 03:23
Maybe this will cheer you up. (http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html)

GoddessCleoLover
12th December 2012, 03:25
Well its not a good idea to jump into grad school and be indecisive about field of study. Its hard for me to decide on anything at the moment im just sort of raw apathetic entropy moving from thing to thing

You are absolutely correct. It would be better to wait until you have decided what you want to do before going to grad school.

the Left™
12th December 2012, 03:58
maybe this will cheer you up. (http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html)

lol haha

hetz
12th December 2012, 19:03
Welcome to the club.
Next steps: therapy and/or meds.

GoddessCleoLover
12th December 2012, 19:07
Welcome to the club.
Next steps: therapy and/or meds.

Could be although his symptoms seem situational.

Sperm-Doll Setsuna
12th December 2012, 19:11
Could be although his symptoms seem situational.

Many times these are the reasons. Many situations cannot be remedied. The heavy weight of capitalist society upon ones shoulder, ah~ Ceaseless horror. Into the wall and to the psychiatric ward. Medication just to bear getting out of bed in the morning. Relentless situational despair.

The Douche
12th December 2012, 19:31
I don't really have any good advice for you man, life really sucks sometimes, and things are just fucked up. But you're not alone.

MarxSchmarx
15th December 2012, 07:19
well there's always booze.

the Left™
15th December 2012, 22:10
well there's always booze.

theres just not enough days of the week to get drunk it seems

MarxSchmarx
16th December 2012, 07:52
theres just not enough days of the week to get drunk it seems
Excuses.

BTW, as to your gf, look into Sufism and their approach to Islam. It's always felt to me athiestic the way a lot of Buddhism can be, and I believe there have been some scholars who've written on the connection between Sufism and modern science. Maybe you can go through the motions and cultivate a reading of being a Sufist so that you can be logically consistent on both fronts. If she presses,just tell her you've made your peace with god, it's a really private spiritual matter between you and the big guy, crap like that.

Ostrinski
16th December 2012, 07:57
^I would have to really love someone to compromise myself like that.