help me make a big decision revleft

[ed miliband]

(i'd be mad to follow your advice, but i find it useful writing things up when i need to consider them further..)

i've posted quite a bit about how i'm in a sort of malaise atm, and have been for the past year or so; got very little interest in anything, very few passions, veer in and out of baaad anxiety and depression, no structure to my life, shite with money, etc. take last week for example: i had two essays to write, three seminars and seven lectures to attend, a doctor's appointment and a meeting with some admin person in my faculty. didn't do any of that; tuesday, wednesday, and thursday all followed a similar pattern: bed 'til midday, friend's house, bar/pub in the evening, back home and online 'til the wee hours, sleep until midday, repeat. and yet, i managed to achieve things, i played a dj set and recorded a radio show, for example, but when it comes to academic life? nope.

so it came as little surprise to recieve an email saying i needed to make an emergency appointment with an attendance tutor, which i was sorta glad to hear tbh. we had a long discussion and came to the conclusion that it might be beneficial for me to take some time out and return to studies in september 2013.

now this intially sounds really appealing to me -- i see it as an opportunity to "sort my life out", get back on track and so on. but the reality is i've had so many opportunities to do that, and none of them have worked. i'll probably end up doing nothing between now and next september and feel exactly the same when i return, only for the cycle to repeat (with me being pushed out, instead of jumping this time).

but at this point i'm so behind on the course, with so little motivation to actually pick myself back up and get back to work, that i really can't see any other option.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

[Yuppie Grinder]

I have the exact same problem as you and need to buckle down and stop acting like such a burn out when I could be doing a lot better in school before I fuck up big time.
Also like you, I have no idea whatsoever what to do with myself.
So... solidarity? I guess?

[Os Cangaceiros]

I did this and never went back to school. That was four years ago. If you do take a vacation, make sure it doesn't become a permanent one.

Of course the degree I was working towards probably isn't worth shit in this economy, but that's a whole other story...

[Ostrinski]

I have problems with motivation as well. My my mom and I were discussing it today actually. She suggested I take the next semester off, to figure out what I want to do or to try to get my shit together. Perhaps if you are not motivated to do your schoolwork it might mean you are not really passionate about it. If that's the case then you should have a serious conversation with yourself and ask if what you are pursing is what you really want, or you might find that you don't at the moment know what you want, in which case you could work toward figuring that out.

If you have a support base of people who you trust that can lend a friendly ear, who know you enough to be able to throw around ideas with you, or who love you enough that can potentially give you some support financially, then that would be ideal and you could make good use of that.

Perhaps you could just try really hard to prevail this semester, and at the end if you feel like you need it you could take a break next semester to sort your shit out.

[ed miliband]

I have problems with motivation as well. My my mom and I were discussing it today actually. She suggested I take the next semester off, to figure out what I want to do or to try to get my shit together. Perhaps if you are not motivated to do your schoolwork it might mean you are not really passionate about it. If that's the case then you should have a serious conversation with yourself and ask if what you are pursing is what you really want, or you might find that you don't at the moment know what you want, in which case you could work toward figuring that out.

yeah, "passion" was a word thrown about a lot in the meeting; the thing is i have very little passion for anything at all at the moment, music perhaps being the biggest exception. initially i was very excited at the beginning of this semester, but every time i try to apply myself now my mind wanders off elsewhere, and so i've given up even attempting.

that's part of the reason i think time off could be good: time to make a concerted effort with things i once enjoyed, things i know i still enjoy and that i am passionate about, but that have been obscured for numerous different reasons.


If you have a support base of people who you trust that can lend a friendly ear, who know you enough to be able to throw around ideas with you, or who love you enough that can potentially give you some support financially, then that would be ideal and you could make good use of that. yeah man, this is all true. i do have all that, but i also think that my friends are all sorta ambitious and focused and don't really understand what i'm feeling. it was really comforting yesterday when a friend called me up and said they recognised a lot of themself in me, and tried to give me objective advice on those lines.

[Igor]

I'm kinda in a similar place, but it's overall more to do with that I have the gnawing feeling of not fitting into university at all. It's not as if I went and tried to make it too easy with choosing a foreign uni but i don't think that's the problem because socially I love it here and have pretty much no language problems. Uni as a whole just stresses the hell out of me, I never really feel like I'm having free time. Of course, that's what I've had more than enough because I've failed to motivate myself to keep myself up with my course but just the idea that I should be doing something, right now, is pretty gnawing. I used to work full-time before coming to uni, and honestly I found that a lot more pleasant and enjoyable than studying and it actually paid me well, the concept of 9-5 job is somehow a lot more fitting for me than what you get in uni, where you can basically work anytime you want or, quite more than often, not at all.

So, right now, I'm in a place where I realize I'm getting ridiculously tiny amounts of money for living, feel constantly stressed about doing something I don't particularly enjoy, doesn't lead me to any particular career path and am so far behind my studies that it's pretty difficult to try to motivate myself to actually go and do uni work. I really have no fucking clue at this point what I'm doing here, going to uni just felt somehow natural after getting pretty good grades throughout my earlier stages of education and considering the subject I'm studying interesting. Which it still is, uni just somehow manages to kill it for me.

[PC LOAD LETTER]

Took me four and a half years to go back to school after I left the first time. Now I'm back, but taking it slowly ... I work a lot and can't afford to go to school full time.


So, uh, be careful, bro.

[Zeus the Moose]

I ultimately took a semester off twice during my college career (along with two additional semesters thus finishing college in 6 years rather than 4.) The first time I took off I didn't really do much, and while it was nice to have a break I didn't really learn anything. I was just putting off everything else in life, really. The second time I did learn a bit more and was generally more productive, partially because I started off that time off with putting myself in the hospital for fear that I might kill myself, so it felt much more like rebuilding from a crisis point. Ultimately, taking time off was a good decision for me, but it took me a little while to figure that out, even in retrospect.

So, echoing what other folks have said, be careful about it. Having some idea of what you at least hope to do while not in school (working, writing, or whatever) definitely helps keep a temporary thing from becoming more permanent, but even if it does that's not necessarily the worst thing. So go for it, but go for it with both eyes open.

[Sperm-Doll Setsuna]

I stopped going to school in 2006. I can't feel like anything has changed since. I'm still not motivated to do anything at all. Sit here and rot uselessly. There were a number of study subjects I sort of wanted to do initially, but as all required tedious additional ones (maths, sod off) it was just as well that I forget about the lot, and frankly I can't remember the last time attending school at any level taught me anything at all (admittedly I did not qualify for University due to my refusal to participate in most subjects...). Once the social spending cuts get around to trying to reign in my disability benefits I'll probably kill myself if I can work up the courage.

Well, guess this sort of is off the point of the thread. But I'm not sure what exactly sorting ones life out means, I know they always tend to say this, but it strikes me as a pointless proclamation. It's just misery in the end anyway.

[thriller]

Don't waste time, money, and effort on something you don't like. I did that for my first year and a half in college and have regretted it. I am currently in college and quite motivated now. What helped me to become motivated was the fact that I almost lost my financial aid because of a situation similar to yours. Find what you like, don't waste time on shit you don't. Maybe give the next week 100% effort and see how you feel after that. If education is what you want, try to remind yourself why. That's my two cents.

[Quail]

Is there anything proactive you can do to sort yourself out during your time off? If you're actually seeing a therapist or actively doing something else to sort yourself out, then it might be helpful to take some time off. I took a semester out last year, and I just got really depressed because I was doing nothing with my life other than looking after my son full time. I think taking time out can be useful, but only if you use it properly.

[Workers-Control-Over-Prod]

I have problems with motivation as well. My my mom and I were discussing it today actually. She suggested I take the next semester off, to figure out what I want to do or to try to get my shit together. Perhaps if you are not motivated to do your schoolwork it might mean you are not really passionate about it. If that's the case then you should have a serious conversation with yourself and ask if what you are pursing is what you really want, or you might find that you don't at the moment know what you want, in which case you could work toward figuring that out.

If you have a support base of people who you trust that can lend a friendly ear, who know you enough to be able to throw around ideas with you, or who love you enough that can potentially give you some support financially, then that would be ideal and you could make good use of that.

Perhaps you could just try really hard to prevail this semester, and at the end if you feel like you need it you could take a break next semester to sort your shit out.

I have the same thing. I personally don't take myself so seriously and think it's just the age. I actually have been thinking about getting a gun license, joining a party and forming a militia to counter the fascists here and partly to stop this melancholic, bored mood I have faced myself with as well.

[Devrim]

I have problems with motivation as well. My my mom and I were discussing it today actually. She suggested I take the next semester off, to figure out what I want to do or to try to get my shit together. Perhaps if you are not motivated to do your schoolwork it might mean you are not really passionate about it. If that's the case then you should have a serious conversation with yourself and ask if what you are pursing is what you really want, or you might find that you don't at the moment know what you want, in which case you could work toward figuring that out.

I am going to sound like a grumpy old bastard, but I think that there is an illusion that although prevalent in society is particularly strong amongst the young that you will end up doing something that you enjoy or are passionate about.

The vast majority of people don't. In my life I think I have known three people who have enjoyed their jobs*. Most people don't. The idea that you are going to be passionate about your work is a complete myth. I think the same thing applies to university courses. While I imagine that there are a higher number of people who love what they are studying than who love their jobs, I don't imagine it is anything near a majority. I don't think a love of their discipline is what motivates most students.

I wouldn't expect you to be in love with what you are studying, or to be enthusiastic about it, just as I don't jump out of bed when the alarm goes off at half past six in the morning thinking "goody goody another day at work". I go their because I need to to pay the rent and put food on the table. If I stop going, they will stop paying me pretty quickly. I don't really have a choice.

Your case is different. If you don't go to school nothing immediately happens. However, if you don't get a university degree, it is far more likely that for the rest of your life when the alarm clock goes, you will wake up feeling much worse about the job you have to go to, as if you don't get a university degree chances are that you will end up doing a much worse job**.

To young people the short time it takes to complete university can seen like eternity. After all it is is massive portion of their adult lives. The last time I had this conversation with a young friend, I was saying three years is nothing and he was saying that it seemed like ages. However, it feels at the time, it is not as long as the rest of your life.

Ultimately nowadays you need a university degree. What I would advise you to do is to do whatever is best to succeed in getting it. Make a realistic assessment of your position. If you can catch up now do it. If you can't take 'some time out'.

Don't expect to enjoy it, but force yourself to get up in the morning and do some work, just like the rest of the working class do.

Good luck,

Devrim

*A professional footballer, a primary school teacher, and a child cardiologist if anyone is interested.
** I don't have a university degree, and often have wished I had one.

[Os Cangaceiros]

I like my job. Sometimes.

[The Idler]

Have you considered going part-time with your studies?
Have you considered distance learning?

Once the social spending cuts get around to trying to reign in my disability benefits I'll probably kill myself if I can work up the courage.
Please don't kill yourself.

[ed miliband]

some good advice, thanks guys.

i'd already come to the decision not to take time out by the time i read this thread, but had i not y'all would have convinced me otherwise.

[Vladimir Innit Lenin]

bro you considered switching courses?

I reckon taking time out is a bit self-defeating. If you're in a malaise you need to have the inner spirit and determination to sort yourself out.

I look at it like this: life's fucking great compared to death for us privileged westerners, it really is, and we only get one of it, and we could die tomorrow or next year, but people of our age we'll definitely not have more than a few decades. So we may as well enjoy it while it lasts, and to enjoy it on any more than a superficial level I think we need some inner peace.

Sounds trippy and like bogus 'karma' crap but it's true - careers, money and the amount of drugs you do might superficially make you happy, but you've gotta really be happy about where you're at and where you're going in life, otherwise the material crap really doesn't matter (as much).